Castle in the Sky
by DynamicDuo 911
Summary: New to the Throne, Arthur starts pushing Merlin away to help keep his friend safe. As Merlin seeks for a way to fill the emptiness of winter, new spells and connections burst into his life. Especially, Aithusa. As the two begin to heal together, forming a bond unseen between man and dragon for years, Arthur and the Knights make a mistake they will never forget.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Characters might be a little OOC! This story is finished, so I should update fairly regularly. The time line is after Arthur becomes King, but I am leaving it slightly ambiguous as to when and what events have taken place.

 _Warnings:_ none

 **CHAPTER ONE**

 _The drumming of blood echoed through his ears as a wave of nausea slammed him. Vertigo followed. He blinked twice, a slow controlled motion, to clear his vision as it blurred around him. He could make out a voice, but as if it spoke to him underwater. He swayed a few times, grasping something to help him stand still. Moments later, he found himself gazing into the eyes of Arthur._

"— _kay? Merlin?"_

" _A-Arth-ur?"_

" _What happened? Did it work?"_

" _If this hurts him princess, I swear I—"_

" _It WILL help, Gwaine. Enough. Give the curse time to leave him."_

" _Is it gone? Merlin?"_

 _Curse? The curse? Oh._

Then, awareness returned. Memories ebbed forward.

* * *

Merlin never considered dependency on Arthur and the Knights. When he stayed with his mother, he helped care for her and worked in the village. During the winter, the whole village depended on one another to make it through the cold season. It was something they had to do to survive.

In Camelot, things worked differently.

In the big city, the citizens mostly relied on themselves to make it through the winter, canning and storing goods for the cold season. Each household fended for themselves. In serious situations, the castle would distribute grain to the people as needed.

Not much changed for Merlin when he moved. As it was in Ealdor, Gaius and Merlin depended on one another to keep the house warm, prepare hot meals, and survive the dreary days that kept them inside the walls of the citadel. For Merlin, the nights by the fire with his mentor were enough to starve off the winter blues or anxiety that plagued the people of Camelot confined indoors for most of the winter season. In the later years of his time in Camelot, he could further count on visits from Gwaine or the knights to chase away the long hours and especially Arthur, who tried to find quests or any measure of entertainment and always kept Merlin around throughout the days.

But this winter was not the same as the others.

A sickness swept through one of the settlements in Arthur's lands owned a man of nobility. An honorary member of the court and a good friend to Gaius, he sent a messenger to Gaius directly asking for the aide of the only physician he knew and trusted. With the promise from Merlin that he would keep out of trouble and send for Gaius immediately should he need help for any reason, Gaius gave the messenger his word he would aid the noble and his people. Gaining Arthur's permission, he rode out in a covered wagon sent by the noble carrying as many concoctions and herbs he believed would be need to aide his friend and his people. Merlin stayed behind, knowing Arthur would need him if things went amiss.

Arthur's new reign as King brought a flurry of excitement from neighboring kingdoms and nobles. To pay homage to the King, an entourage of Nobles, Princesses, Knights and Princes filled the citadel for the winter. They presented glittering jewels and works of fine stone and metal to celebrate his reign of peace. Knights came bearing signs of their valiant deeds, presenting the heads of magical beasts and swearing loyalty to the crown. Prince Philip, the oldest of five brothers, received personal favor from the King as they had once played together when both men were young. Several years younger than the Pendragon King, Philip looked up to his friend greatly and Arthur savored the connection to one of the few people left from his time with his Father.

As the days grew colder, the round table knights kept busy training the new recruits and tending to the visiting knights who traveled with Prince Philip, his sisters and the other nobles. Gwen found herself surrounded by the visiting women and the grand excitement of the princesses who had come to honor the King and Queen at almost all times. Arthur seemed more than happy for entertainment in what would have probably been a very boring winter. Even Merlin was swamped with work from the extra guests in the citadel and the increased demand Arthur placed on him.

When he felt the beginnings of winter blues sink their teeth into his mind, he tried to starve it off with his and Arthur's usual banter. What he had not counted on was the new attitude Arthur started to show him. Different from before, Merlin had a hard time brushing off the harshly given orders and swift rebuts Arthur barked out about his lack of performance and unacceptable treatment of his King. He blamed it on the company, Arthur's displeasure at being stuck in the citadel for most of the winter and did his best to ignore his friend's new found grumpiness.

Unfortunately, Prince Philip picked up on how Arthur made Merlin work a little harder than the other servants. He also picked up the constant insults that passed between the two. Although Merlin felt the Prince failed to notice the friendship between Arthur and Merlin, even if it appeared to be stretched thin the past week or two, how Merlin could tease Arthur when no one was around or put laundry water in his glass to get back at him for making fun of him with the visiting knights even if it landed him in the stocks for an hour.

Most Kings would have executed him.

Prince Philip idolized Arthur. Everything Arthur did, he tried to imitate. When the Prince started to insult Merlin, making fun and adding more work to the overworked servant, Arthur encourage it. Prince Philip's band of Knights picked up on their Prince's game and joined. In a way, it started to feel like Arthur reverted back to when Merlin had first met him, although he told himself the King must be under pressure from having so many visiting nobles and royals, more than Uther ever had in his royal halls for years.

After all, to the visitors, he remained only a servant.

The thought failed to chase away the bitterness the young warlock did his best to ignore, preferring to pretend nothing changed between him and his closest friend. Arthur was constantly surrounded by glittering women and regally dressed men eager to entertain one another, chasing away the dreary winter days. The many parties and dance songs filled the halls late as deer roasted over a large fire with crackling spices. There was little room for Merlin in the peace filled days that followed.

Merlin did not hate Prince Philip.

It was probably good that Arthur kept good relations with the Altantia's next heir. Hell, the man was not trying to take over Camelot or murder Arthur so he should be thankful enough for that. For the first time in years, everyone in the halls truly had come in peace. He did not hate the knights that came with the Prince either or all the glittering princesses and nobles even if being shoved into the dirt or stables became more regular than he would have liked. After all, they were all really only carrying on what Arthur had started.

That was what Merlin really hated. That all the visiting Knights had been kind to him, respectful even, until they noticed Arthur's treatment of him. His thoughts of befriending the Knights vanished the second they turned from friendly to devious at the drop of a sword, shoving him into the stables or drenching him with the buckets he was carrying back from the well in the cold winter air.

He could definitely get by without the daily ridicule too.

What he hated more than all of the ridicule was the way Arthur started to send him away every time he was with Prince Philip or one of the visiting nobles. Arthur never dismissed him before he became King, even for important council meetings he kept the servant at his side. But now, even during meetings with the round table knights, he found the door slammed in his face. The mornings, Arthur spent dinning with the visiting royals. In the evenings, he dismissed Merlin early to spend time with Gwen whether he ended up seeing her or not.

Merlin relied on magic more and more to finish the insane list of tasks that grew each day. Most of the time, he slowed time so he could finish everything and catch a few hours of sleep. To make matters worse, the townsfolk self-appointed him as the temporary palace physician now that Gaius was gone. Before he even rose to wake the King, people would knock on the door in the dark calling for help with ailments or sicknesses. There would almost always be someone waiting outside the door for Merlin when he returned from the castle after Arthur dismissed him. He would have sent them away, but where could they go?

Although doubt for his skills plagued him, and he made mistakes more than he knew he should, he discovered he had learned more from Gaius than he realized. When presented with a difficult case, he tried asking Kilgharrah for help. Although the dragon had not advised him, he encouraged the young warlock to succeed which did more than enough to fuel Merlin's good spirits. In the days that followed, Merlin started a small habit of speaking to Kilgharrah through the link they shared, almost desperate for some kind of company in the fury of lonely days. Although he mostly told Merlin to leave him alone and focus on Arthur, every now and then he would humor the boy with slight conversation. It helped, but the loneliness that crept on him like a disease did not go away.

When the loneliness grew sharp enough to keep Merlin awake at night even after long hours at work, he started practicing spells and learning more about magic from the confines of Gaius's quarters, shoving a table in front of the door for good measure. He had promised Gaius he would be careful after all.

In the new days of solitude, though he saw many of his friends daily, most of his thoughts drifted to magic and learning spells. Once he memorized almost every page from his spell book, he lifted the key to the magic vaults when Arthur drifted to a heavy sleep, drunk from the feast one of the Princesses insisted on having that night. He crushed down the guilt creeping up his throat as he unlocked the doors to the vaults and slipped inside. Arthur always reverted to his old self when he was drinking, treating Merlin much more like a younger brother than a Servant. It made the guilt harder to ignore as he stole from his friend, even if the items in the magic vault did not truly belong to the King anyway.

He pushed it down and focused on the task at hand. He remembered a book Gaius described once that would tell him more of his ability as a Dragonlord if only Uther had not locked it away. _If he knew I was sneaking into the vaults to find it, he would scold me for days._ He shut the door behind him and restarted time before gazing around the room with a shudder. The power from the room overwhelmed him. The pulsing magic surged through his veins like ecstasy. Other than the magic caves, being surrounded by so much magical energy was an unfamiliar and beautiful feeling. Overwhelmed, he basked in the sensation before traveling down a large corridor. With a jolt, he shook his head back and forth as if trying to chase out the humming the magic sung to him and focused on his task.

He cringed when he felt dark power radiated from the wooden boxes surrounding him. He focused on the books lining the walls on large ornate shelves, ignoring the presence of the dark artifacts in the room. A blue orb of light bobbed up and down to light the dark room. The vaults were a lot bigger than he imagined. Corridors branched off into rooms and halls which housed more items sealed with pulsing magic. By the looks of it, no one had been in the vaults for many years. The wood looked old and warn, but only the first room was coated in a thick layer of dust.

 _Any chance you could tell me a spell for locating a specific book?_

He thought to Kilgharrah as he looked around the third room in wonder, suppressing the chill of dread the artifacts created in his spine.

 _What mischief are you getting into now young warlock?_

 _Nothing! I just thought it would be useful! In case I ever need to find something…in a large cave or room or something. And if you knew an easy way then maybe…_

 _And what would you do with this book if you found it?_

 _Learn more about the Dragonlords and about how they lived before magic was outlawed. Perhaps there is a way to help Aithusa with his injuries somewhere? …A new spell book would help me protect Arthur too._

He added almost as an afterthought.

 _Many of those books in Camelot have been destroyed, little more than children's stories and legends are likely locked away now. Do not go searching for something so frivolous compared to endangering your destiny._

 _Too late?_

 _MERLIN!_

The dragon scolded loudly in his mind. He jumped as an image of a large bush being cast into flames jumped into his mind then tried to suppress a gleeful laugh. Had Kilgharrah just send him an image of a burning bush somehow? Clearly, the dragon was not happy with this line of conversation. But unlike Arthur, he knew there was no malice in his anger.

 _Would you rather I bug you for tales and stories every night? I could find a way to ease Aithusa's pain. He might return to you then instead of Morgana. And I need a new spell book. I have the one Gaius gave me memorized already…I think._

 _It is not worth the risk. Should you need a spell, you need only ask and I will teach it to you. Do not do something so reckless._

 _I am already here._

He thought dismissively as he moved further down the corridor, glancing over various titles lining a dusty bookshelf. M _ost of them sound like something that belongs locked away_ , he thought as he skimmed over a title on human sacrifice and blood incantations.

 _Does Taming of Wild Beasts sound useful to you?_

He snorted when Kilgharrah ignored his jib. Nevertheless, he considered the book questionable before moving on. It would take more than a book to get him to understand Kilgharrah's quirks.

His nerves played on his conscious, making him feel as if someone would rush through the closed doors to take him down to the dungeons at any moment. He stepped carefully to a closed cabinet and opened it to reveal shelves of finely used books. Most of them sounded dark and foreboding, but one stood out as useful, so he pulled it off the shelf and placed it into his bag. He jumped when Kilgharrah's voice boomed in his head.

 _Touch nothing that is in chains. And do not open any books that appear to be corrupted. Many of the artifacts in those vaults were locked away long before Uther came to power. They were once kept safe by the court sorcerer whose duty included the removal of evil artifacts from the lands. It is dangerous for a warlock to be in those vaults alone, especially one who is not aged with wisdom and restraint._

 _I thought this was where Uther placed all the magic artifacts he failed to destroy or wanted kept?_

 _Those were kept in the front room and were few to none. You likely passed through the door. To you and the King it is a corridor, but to others it would appear to only be a large mirror._

He looked around surprised and back to the corridor he had passed through.

 _There are many spaces in the citadel that have not been touched since before Uther's reign. If you will not leave, then be cautious Merlin. Do not pass through the mirror._

Not knowing what to say, he looked around warningly. _I can come back?_ He thought as he hurried out of the corridor and back to the first room. The hum of magic left him as he entered. He looked behind at the corridor and caught what he had missed before, the golden frame surrounding the hallway, thick and covered in runes. His eyes flashed gold to reveal his own reflection staring back at him in the mirror. He looked down at his hands. _Everything feels normal_ , he thought. He looked at the books on the shelf again, some of which were in the old religion. After searching through a few crates, he found one of red leather with the Camelot crest leafed in gold on the cover. He flipped it open and glanced at the contents as a grin spread across his face.

Although it appeared to be an illustrated child's book, stories of the old Dragonlords and their companion's adventuress sprawled across the pages. The art was beautiful, leafed in gold like the cover. He slipped the book into his herb bag. Freezing time, He snuck away into the night, locking the door to the vaults and replacing the key in Arthur's room. He let out a large sign of relief as he started the journey to his room. _I will return these when I finish them._ He though distractedly, glancing at the floor. _I can make this my own personal library as long as Arthur never finds out. It will only keep him safer the more I know of magic. I need something to stop me from going mad anyway._

Too absorbed in his thoughts, he slammed into something warm and soft.

"AH!" He heard a girl cry in surprise from the impact.

Was it a visiting noble?

He was done for.

"Forgive me my Lady! I was not—I beg you to ac—"

"Ow! Merlin, it's ok. It's only me. Since when did you get so formal?"

He looked up in surprise to see Gwen smiling at him sympathetically and smoothing her dress. He breathed a sigh of relief and nodded to his friend nervously—when did Gwen make him nervous just because she was a Queen?—unsure what to do. The book weighed heavy in his bag as his mind flicked through scenes of her discovering him practicing sorcery and stealing magic books in the dead of night.

"Are you just now going home for the night?" She asked.

"Er….Yes?" Merlin said hesitantly.

He felt bad for lying, but it could not be helped. He could not tell Gwen he broke into the magic vaults to retrieve a spell book to help a dragon and a story book to satisfy his own curiosity. If only she could listen without the threat of death handing over him, and most of all over her if she choose to accept him as a warlock. He tried to shake the feeling of sorrow off, knowing he was just foolishly feeling sorry for himself as he lied to her. When did he become such a brood? An angry look crossed his friend's face. She shook her head.

"That's horrible Merlin. I'm going to have a talk with Arthur! He cannot keep treating you like this."

Merlin shook his head in protest.

"I'm only doing what is required as service to the crown. He is always more of a Clotpole when there are visitors in the kingdom. " He spoke with a wince as the phrase _service to the crown_ passed his lips. Maybe he took Arthur's scolding to heart more than he thought.

"That's ridiculous! You are not the only servant in this palace. Many of the visiting nobles brought their own servants to care for them. Merlin, the only reason Arthur forces you to work so much is his stupid insecurities and who knows what else goes on in that pig head of his! You should at least be able to get some sleep at night!"

One of his lips quirked upward.

"That's okay. I'm not sure I would even if you did speak to him."

He blushed. _I did not mean to say that._ Gwen's face creased with worry.

"I just mean that as a new Queen, a new royal, I know your hands are full right now. You know I can handle that Prat no matter how grumpy he acts. Why do you think he has kept me around so long? He would need a new servant every other week otherwise." He flashed his signature smile before changing the subject. "What are you doing wandering around so late anyway?"

She started to wring her hands a little, a nervous habit from her early years. "Thinking I suppose. I'm just…you know the girls talk a lot and well not that I don't enjoy their company but…with everyone from a noble background and everything…and all the nobles and the prince and not that I'm complaining but I feel—"

A gentle smile ghosted across his face.

"None of them come close to you when it comes to kindness to your kingdom. You are a great queen Gwenevire. Your background means nothing. Arthur chose you for a reason."

"I know. I know. But hearing how they grew up—I know it doesn't matter—but for some reason sometimes it bothers me. Not that I have anything against my upbringing. I would never change it, but for Arthur. If I could have been someone more for him…maybe then…"

"Then you wouldn't be as fair, nor as kind or perhaps loyal. And you probably would have never even considered speaking to me all those years ago when I arrived in Camelot. I'm not sure what I would have done without you. And you might be out of a friend."

She smiled.

"Nor I you. Thank you Merlin. I am so grateful we met all those years ago. Arthur tries his best, but sometimes he doesn't understand."

Merlin nodded and stepped to the side, planning to return to his rooms as he graced her with a bow.

"Goodnight My Lady."

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and listened as his steps echoed on the stone past her. His shoulders hunched forward as if a great weight rested on them.

"Merlin, please get some rest. I will speak to Arthur tomorrow. I really do not care what he thinks. He had been too hard on you for no reason. I haven't forgotten you; please know this. "

Merlin nodded. It had been maybe days, weeks since he had spoken with Gwen. He missed his friends. _Are we really that different that they felt the need to avoid me when visitors come?_ The ache in his chest flared, but he did his best to beat it down. _I am only a servant to the visitors. It is just until they leave. Then my friends will return to normal._

He frowned at his own reasoning.

 _Why does it have to wait until they leave? Are we not friends? Is it that hard for the Knights and Arthur to-_ He pushed it down, swallowing the chunk of bitterness rising from his heart. _I should not be thinking this way. It's selfish._

When he reached the door to Gaius's chambers, he noticed a young boy with a note clenched in his hands and an older man, hat in his hands, waiting outside his door. Weariness sunk into his bones. He stayed out of view for a few moments to rest. A large gush of cold air entered his lungs. He exhaled slowly. Putting what he hoped was an amiable expression on his face, he crossed the corridor to inquire about his newest patients. As he came into view, the two men rushed towards him; their plead for help struck him. He would never turn anyone away who needed help, even if half the time he hardly knew what he was doing without Gaius's help.

He could always do just enough to get them by.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

His pillow sunk underneath the weight of his head as the moon hung low in the western sky. _Great. I wasted so much time in the vaults for a children's book and spell book. Now it's nearly morning! Way to go Merlin._

He set the book on his side table.

 _What harm is a book of legends and healing spells anyway? Why lock it up at all?_

He closed his eyes.

 _Am I really going to sleep for only few hours? Chances are I will sleep past Arthur's breakfast._

His eyes snapped open as another scene of Arthur coldly berating him flashed through his mind. He lit a candle with a spell, sat up in bed and pulled the leather bound story book to rest in his lap. Tales of magic and dragons filled the pages: Dragonlord Mithrel and his dragon Earl defending Camelot from mythical beasts, Journeys of a Pendragon King hunting with his sorcerer to retrieve a stolen egg. He flipped the pages eagerly, unable to stop the images of him and Arthur taking the place of the heroes in the tales.

A knock on his door jolted him from the images playing in his mind. He stumbled out of bed, gently shut the book and placed it under his pillow. With a glance to the dim glow of the embers in the hearth, he added a few logs to feed the fire with his magic. Once it roared to warm the chilly room, he opened the door to great his patients.

* * *

To his surprise, when he entered Arthur's room, he was already awake.

"Merlin! There you are!"

"Wow! Is this is a special occasion? You're actually awake!"

He chirped with false cheerfulness. The last thing he wanted to deal with was the King scolding him for something trivial again.

"I don't need you to wake me up every day. I am capable of getting up without you, you know. Never mind that, Gwen was up my throat all morning bec-"

Merlin grinned, sensing the normal Arthur had returned for a moment. "So Gwen woke you up! Aw. That makes more sense now!"

Arthur chucked the nearest item at Merlin, which just happened to be a boot. To his despair, his body refused to register what happened and it hit him in the side.

"Ow! Well that's a GREAT way for the KING of CAMELOT to act. Great job sire." He said as the boot bounced off his side to the floor. "Let's throw things at the over worked servant. That will get him to work faster. Especially if he is injured."

Arthur froze for a moment, staring at the boot as if he could not understand how it had managed to hit Merlin. He let go of the cup in his left hand, which he had been about to hurtle at his friend. It dropped to the floor with a clatter at his feet.

"You did put Gwen up to this! I knew it!" Arthur explained with exasperation, kicking the cup to the side. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Arthur! Do you really think I could convince Gwen to do anything?" He gave the King an incredulous eye raise.

"No. I suppose not. She must be angry with me for something. I can't imagine why she would say you're overworked. Your one of the laziest servants I know!"

Merlin rolled his eyes again and ignored the rant creeping up his throat. Their banter seemed to only annoy him lately. He wished he could go back to normal.

"What do you think it is?" Arthur looked at Merlin expectantly as he gathered Arthur's clothes and started to help dress him for breakfast.

"I think" He muttered as he finished fixing his friend's shirt. "That you should talk to Gwen about it." He looked at Arthur smugly and started gathering his laundry to set aside for after breakfast. Arthur almost threw a pillow at his servant. Merlin watched as the King seemed to battle with himself before placing the pillow back on the bed and ignoring his servant's gibe. When his King was ready, he entered behind him in the dining hall and joined the other servants to serve Arthur.

* * *

Although Arthur complained Gwen scolded him for nothing, Merlin noticed he had a little less chores, and the insults during the day from Arthur and the visiting Knights were few. If he had been watching closer, he might have noticed the worried glances Arthur sent his way every now and then. How his gaze lingered a few seconds longer than it should.

Instead, he let his mind wonder to the tales of the dragons, dragonlords and their Kings as he worked. The tales swam in his head with his own encounters as a Dragonlord: meeting Kilgharrah, calling Aithusa from the egg, witnessing Kilgharrah destroying Camelot and how he could not harm him despite the damage he caused, finding Aithusa damaged and afraid only to send him away. His relationship with the dragons were less than ideal.

He was sharpening the swords in the armory carefully while the knights trained in the field. Gwaine caught his eye and waved enthusiastically. He nodded back.

 _Where they really that busy that if they didn't' go hunting together a wave was all the acknowledgement they gave him? Where they really that busy that—STOP._

He pushed the feeling down.

 _Am I really that busy that I only just started to look for a way to help Aithusa now? Has it not been a year of peace now since Gwen became Queen? But what have I done to help my kin?_

 _Nothing._

A weary sigh escaped his lips as he looked up to the sky. Winter blues? Merlin hardly knew what to call it.

He shivered in the cold.

 _I've waited long enough then. Haven't I? Perhaps, it is time to try something new. Arthur does not need me right now. So maybe, I can help Aithusa with the free time I have until something happens._

* * *

Arthur let him off early again. When he arrived back at his chambers, no patients loitered around the door or in the corridor.

 _Perhaps if I just call Aithusa?_

Merlin glanced out the window to the sky.

 _Would he answer the call? I suppose he has too._

The sun just started to slip under the horizon when Merlin slipped on his jacket and headed for the lower towns. He slipped his herb bag over his shoulder. The guards nodded to him as he passed.

"Careful! The ground iced from the cold these past few days when you get to the outlying roads." Sir Charles called out to him.

He raised his left hand in a wave. "Why does everyone always tell me to be careful?"

The knight gave a deep laugh. "Maybe you bring trouble wherever you go!"

Merlin rolled his eyes amiably and trudged up a fine groove in the woods away from the path, wondering what the knight meant. He slowed time a bit as he walked— _one day someone is going to catch me doing that—_ and traveled deep into the woods. He stopped when he came to a clearing with a small cave carved into the side of the mountain. He felt foolish for traveling into the woods so far with no concrete plan, but now that he stood in the open air an inner force propelled him forward. He tossed his head back and roared.

"O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!"

Silence followed his call to Aithusa.

Undeterred, he gathered a small bundle of firewood in the now darkened woods and lite a fire at the mouth of the cave. He pulled some dried apples out of his bag, the new spell book and started to munch while he read. His head inched closer and closer to his shoulder as he read. Before Merlin knew it, he had fallen asleep in the open clearing

Merlin awoke with a start from the sound of wings from above and looked around wildly. He scrambled to his feet and watched as Aithusa descended into the clearing before him. The dragon growled at him as it's body slammed to the ground. Aithusa let out an angry roar, blowing hot breath through Merlin's hair and over his skin. Without even looking at his Dragonlord, he kicked off from the ground and flew off into the night.

He ran his hands through his hair, trying to straighten the skewed locks and laughed slightly. _Well that went well._ He trudge through the woods back to the city, images of Aithusa running through his head.

* * *

That night, he dreamed of Aithusa flying off into the night. But instead of just Aithusa, Merlin was with him. The wind blew through his hair and heat rose from the dragon's scales to warm him. They flew for hours, running from the prison they left behind.

They never looked back.

* * *

For several nights he continued to travel into the woods when he finished his duties—earlier now thanks to Gwen—and summoned Aithusa. The dragon answered the call much quicker each time. Always, Aithusa soared through the air to roar harshly at his Master and fly away into the night.

Merlin's chores started to increase again, Arthur's mood only became worse and the sick of Camelot never stopped lining the wooden door to Gaius's quarters.

Still.

He persistent in traveling into the frost lined woods to call Aithusa one night after the next. The dragon never stayed longer than five minutes, but Merlin always called to him before he allowed himself to sleep. He kept searching through spell books and theories. The resources below the vault were remarkable. Caverns and passageways stretched on for miles, lined with books and artifacts of all shapes, sizes and colors. It took him a while to gain a knack for blocking the dark waves of magic from books and boxes tempting him to open their tainted pages. After several trips down to the vaults the temptation vanished, and he could focus more effectively on his task.

Several times Kilgharrah yelled through their bond for him to stop his foolishness that he started, but he was determined to rekindle his bond with the young dragon. Perhaps, if Aithusa at least returned to Kilgharrah during the day, he would not call him again until he had some way to help the damage that scared the white dragon's body. Then, he could make amends for allowing anyone to harm the small dragon he hatched.

Despite the frequent trips to the vaults, with his magic, no one ever caught him. The real problem started when Aithusa started really responding to his call.

A little over a week after he called the young dragon to him, something changed.

Aithusa landed before him, resting his four talons on the stone before Merlin. He circled around him like a wolf eyeing his prey. The intensity of the dragon's attention captivated Merlin. He held his breath, frozen.

Aithusa roared wet, hot breath into his face once again. Anger seeped from the dragon's roar and pain.

 _It's different this time._

Merlin thought as Aithusa's wings stretched up into the air before settling down neatly on his back.

 _It sounds different_.

A warm tingling sensation spread through his chest as a roar burst from his throat.

They gazed at one another. Magic curled around them in golden spirals, lighting up the night air. Merlin felt his eyes shine gold with magic, cutting through the dark night. Aithusa broke eye contact and shook his white scales before circling around Merlin again. He watched the dragon, uncertain as Aithusa moved closer to him. Mystified, Merlin suppressed a gasp as Aithusa curled around him and stretched his wings. Aithusa gave a snort and nudged Merlin's legs with the smooth edge of his tail. A small tear dropped down Merlin's check as he tentatively settled on the ground in the center of the scaly ring the dragon created.

He leaned his back against the dragon's side, groaning as warmth suddenly sprang from the white scales that warmed the chill that had settled into his body. Aithusa's tail wrapped around him to warm him further, pulling him closer against the dragon's body.

 _Everything is definitely different._

He jolted when a scaly head nuzzled into his lap. A soft sound like a strangled cry issued from Aithusa's throat. Merlin placed his shaking hands on the dragon's smooth forehead, overwhelmed by the sudden clinging tenderness the dragon showed him. He let his fingers spray across the dragon's neck, gently caressing places where the cage left a lasting impact on the young dragon, leaving flesh exposed. Guilt flashed in his mind hard.

He could still sense magic coursing through the air around them, feel it leaving his body as another tear escaped his golden glowing eyes.

"I am so so sorry."

Another soft cry gurgled from Aithusa's throat. And Merlin started to sob from the noise.

It was so many things: the sorrow and pain he felt from Aithusa, anger at himself for allowing injury to happen to his dragon even though he knew Arthur had to be put first, the frustration at being pushed aside so easily during the long cold winter season once Arthur became King and having to put up with the insults and mockery to keep him safe and fulfill his destiny, exhaustion from all the work while never quite being able to sleep or rest even if he was let off early, but most of all the loneliness he failed to extinguish.

He could not push that down.

It bubbled up from his heart like an exploding stream. Never fading or ceasing since the winter began when Gaius left. Something wet and rough touched his face as Aithusa's long tongue licked the tears from his face. A strangled laugh left him as he ran his hands down his dragon's scales, picking away some mud stuck in-between unnaturally positioned scales. Aithusa nuzzled into his arms again and soon soft snores from the dragon started to lure him to sleep. Never allowing himself to fully sleep, he awoke often, afraid he strayed into a dream. He had to wonder if his Father had ever slept with a dragon before or his grandfather. Thoughts of them flying through the air together with dragons, sleeping in the dens, maybe even raising hatchlings rushed through his mind.

His grandfather and father in a time of dragons.

What would that have been like?

He tried to stay awake but before he knew, the gently rocking from the dragon's breath pulled him to sleep.

* * *

 _The wind was coursing through his hair as he flew higher and higher into the sky._

 _The dragon's powerful wings propelled them up as the trees grew smaller with each stroke. They burst above the clouds and all around them, a white cloud as vast as the sea rippled through the tips of his dragon's talons. Magic coursed around him and his dragon as they unleash their magic together upon the night air._

 _Thunder flashed around them as the clouds darkened to their command, rumbling the sky. They swooped back under the clouds. He stood up and jumped from the dragon's back._

 _Before he could fall far, the dragon breathed golden breath on him, and he was flying. Great scaled wings beat around him as they weaved in and out of the lightning like a game, racing to the end of the clouds._

* * *

He awoke suddenly and looked around dazed.

Trees?

Grass?

 _What?_

He heard a roar and looked to the left to see Aithusa perched on a rock with his wings outstretched. He nodded his head to Merlin before kicking off with one mighty stroke of his wings. He disappeared from sight as the first colors of dawn broke through the dark sky. In a panic, Merlin scrambled from the rocky ground, running frantically to the castle.

If he was late to work again, Arthur was going to kill him. He groaned and cursed his luck.

As it turned out, he was very late. And for the next day, and the next. Most of the time the patients waiting for Gaius kept him behind, and he rushed to the castle later than he should.

It was a cold morning. He and Aithusa wasted half the night wrestling in the dirt instead of sleeping so he skipped stopping by his rooms in he morning and rushed up the stone steps to the castle, not bothered to change out of his clothes from the day before even though some of the dirt stained his clothes.

 _Arthur is so going to kill me_!

Abruptly, he skidded to a stop. The Knights of Atlantia and Prince Philip blocked most of the hallway, leaning against the window and walls as if waiting. Dread seeped into his stomach. He probably should have been using the servant's halls to reach Arthur's rooms, but it was so much quicker to use the main hall.

No one had ever minded before.

The prince pushed off from the wall and smiled at him mischievously.

"Just the girl we were looking for! King Arthur's favorite servant! Late again I take it?"

He looked from one Knight to the other, weighing the trouble he would be in if he turned around and walked back into the woods.

 _Just one day without this. Just one_. _Is that so horrible to ask?_

He could see one of Camelot's knights down the hall. Although not one of the round table knights, he was sure they would step in if Prince Philip and his knights tried to get to…physical. As a knight to Arthur, tormenting the servants had become something lesser than a knight to do, even if it still remained the same in other kingdoms.

Most of the time.

"Did you need something, Sire?"

Prince Philip's smile grew even wider, and he turned to his smirking knights. One of them grinned, holding back laughter.

"The King is busy today and as you were late I believe some other servant had to be called to serve the King this morning. Do you really not know what happens to servants who do not know how to do their job?"

Merlin suppressed a groan. He could see where this was going. But irritation sparked inside him, and he could not stop his mouth from creating trouble. He was never one to respect authority too much, especially if the person in charge was a royal prat.

"I think that is for Arthur to decide, don't you?"

A chorus of oh's rang out from the knights as they laughed at him.

 _Had he said something funny?_

"Oh that's for _Arthur_ to decide, is it?"

"Sorry, didn't hear me?" He took a step closer to the Prince who stepped closer to Merlin in return, eyes locked. "Should I say it again or would you like me to get a towel to clean out those ears of yours…Sire? Might be more effective in the long run really."

That really got the knights laughing as Prince Philip joined in with them. Merlin rolled his eyes and turned to walk away when Philip shouted over his shoulder.

"Guards!"

A pair of Camelot's knights gripped his shoulders, and Merlin shut his eyes at his own stupidity. Great. Just what he needed.

"I think this Servant needs to spend some time in the stocks today for insubordination." He flashed a glare at the Prince and waved his hands mockingly as Camelot's knights started to lead him away

"Oh no! Not the Stocks!" He cried sarcastically.

"Don't let him out until I release him! And that's King Arthur to you Servant! I bet after ten minutes today you will be begging to be let out!"

"My bet is on an hour."

"How about all day!" Merlin cried after them, rolling his eyes as he was shoved forward, knights following behind him. He could hear the knights continue to argue among themselves as the guards locked him into his wooden prison for the next few hours. He scanned the city streets. A small girl in rags selling something from her basket looked up from her task. Her chocolate eyes locked with his baby blue ones. Her face lite up with excitement as she rushed through the busy streets to stand next to him, level with his face as he hunched over.

"Merlin!"

"Hello Gretta! Lovely day isn't it?" He said looking up through his hairline at the sky. She giggled and flipped her long black hair over her shoulders with a thin forearm.

"What are you doing here again Merls. It's been the fourth time this week!"

He gasped at her in fake shock and grinned.

"Why, to see you again Milady! Have you kept track of my visits so diligently?"

She gave out a high pitched squeal, the one that only little girls can do, and hid her face in her hands. The edge of her eyes poking out from her fingertips betraying her mirth.

"No you're not silly. Did you make fun of the King again?"

He gasped at her again in mock offense.

"Why Gretta! Never our most glorious King!"

She grinned at him as she plucked a string of holly from her basket and spent some time with nimble fingers weaving it into his hair. He noticed a group of young boys talking to the knights and prince of Atlantia in the alley on the other side of the courtyard and frowned. He recognized the boys, often the first in line to pelt him with rotten vegetables. Was Prince Philip up to even more mischief? He looked back at Gretta who was busy creating what he knew was a crown of holly on his head.

"Has your Mother returned from Briar yet?"

"No. Not yet. But I've saved up a lot for us when she comes back! She is going to be proud!"

He knew the girl's mother probably would not return, but hope often kept the abandoned children alive. Leaving children behind was less common now that Arthur was King. The land prospered under his rule, but it still happened. Although he could not help them all, he could help Greta.

"Yes she will be. Look in my pocket, I have something for you! But you have to promise to only use it for yourself, okay?"

She stopped her job of crafting a crown of flowers on his head and beamed at him.

"Really? I promise. I promise! Is it a new ribbon?"

"Okay you got me. It's not a new ribbon, but it's just as good. Go on! Take a look! It's in the left pocket."

She scurried around behind the wooden stocks and tentatively placed a hand in his pocket after a little more coasting from Merlin to pull out several Gold coins. She squealed with delight and draped an awkward hug around the restrained servant.

"Oh Merlin! Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." He watched as the young boys looked at him from across the town square and started too bound over to the bucket of vegetables ignored by the other busy townsfolk. The Knights and Prince lingered close behind them, cloaks pulled over their heads.

"Better go before you get caught in the crossfire Gretta. Unless you want your pretty dress ruined." She gave him a kiss on the check before rushing off to watch as the first tomato sailed towards the stocks. Giving away the coins might stretch the next few meals, but Gretta needed it more than he did. If she managed it right, it would last her for a week or two.

"Is that the best you've got?" He called to one of the boys, Jeremy, who had sent an old squash sailing right over his head.

"Come on! Surely at least YOUR aim has gotten better after all this time, Henry!"

A grim broke out on the young boys faces at the familiar banter Merlin gave them, and they started to hurdle more vegetables as he hurdled encouragement and edged them on. One of the boys threw something small, and a sharp pain flared on his left brow. He winced as another nicked his hand.

 _Are they throwing rocks?_

He felt a shape pain below his eye and closed them tightly to protect them from getting injured. Though the noise of the crowd. He heard the familiar sound of Prince Philip and his knights laughing. The excitement in the tier rose.

"Put your back into it Kids!" The knights roared with laughter again and Merlin clenched his teeth angrily as another rock nicked his lip painfully. He focused on preventing the magic bubbling underneath his skin from blasting the rocks into the sound of the Princes laughter. The Knights roared again as some of the townsfolk where coaxed into the excitement.

"Gwaine!"

He heard one of the knight's call. He wanted to risk opening his eyes to try and find his friend but decided not to risk further injury as a rock hit his closed eye.

"Come watch the show! We have the King's favorite all tied up. My bets are on the taller kid getting in the most hits, so far I'm winning ha he did it again! The kid has a good strong arm, be even better if the learned to use it more properly. You might consider taking on a young squire."

Gwaine laughed good naturally and made his way towards the cloaked knights and prince in the crowd. He noticed someone in the stocks and shook his head.

"Wasting your time watching serven— "

He stopped as he took in the scene in front of him, instantly recognizing his friend. The words of the knights sunk in. _the king's favorite all tied up…_

Several strings of holly hung loosely from Merlin's hair with a good amount of rotting vegetables including a cabbage leaf caught in the left side of his hair. He might have laughed, but he could see a clear line of blood dripping from his friend's forehead and down his left eye as if a red ribbon had been draped over his face. He saw the boys and the town's people throwing something, saw the rocks pilling up around the stocks and rage exploded in his eyes.

"YOU THERE! DON'T MOVE!" He roared at the young boys and several peasants throwing the rocks who froze. The few townsfolk who had joined quickly rushed away before Gwaine made it to the boys who stood petrified.

"Whoa Gwaine, call down there, they were on—"

He shoved the Knights out of the way and rushed at the boys, ripping the stones from their hands as they started at him wide eyed and terrified. If they had been any older, he swore he would be whipping the street with their bodies. In fact, when he finished dealing with them, he would hunt down the swine that dared stone his friend and run from a knight of Camelot.

"WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS?"

Merlin chanced opening one eye to see Gwaine shaking a rock furiously at the boys. Philip's Knights rushed up behind him.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Don't terrorize the young kids for having a bit of fun!"

"You would call this fun! They were going to stone Merlin!"

At this the boy's lips trembled slightly as they looked at Merlin and then at the ground.

"We didn't mean to hurt him." One of them wailed miserably. Merlin's heart softened at the boy's words. So they had been put up to it after all, he thought. The gruff voice of Sir Earl covered the child's wail.

"Hey kid, buck up. You helped us teach the prisoner a lesson."

One of the younger ones started to cry.

"You promised it wouldn't hurt Merls!" The boy cried accusingly at the Knights. Gwaine whipped around to face the knights.

"You put them up to this!"

He gave Gwaine a funny look as if he was behaving out of character and nodded.

"Of course we did. The bastard sta—"

With a sharp crack, Gwaine punched Earl in the nose. Blood gushed down his face. Merlin blinked a few times, trying to clear the blood from own eyes to watch the fight.

"THE HELL GWAINE." Sir Earl cried angrily, holding a hand to his nose.

The kids scrambled away from the fight and ran away down the alley. Gwaine did not wait for them to leave before throwing another punch at Sir Earl. The knight fell backwards and Sir Edward, one of the other knights, flew a fist at Gwaine. Soon the other knights and the Camelot guards were involved trying to break up the fight that had exploded in the courtyard.

"ENOUGH! IS THIS ANYWAY FOR KNIGHTS TO BEHAVE!"

Leon roared through the courtyard from his horse, having rushed when hearing there was a fight broken out in the town. Arthur dismounted his horse and eyed the still knights angrily. Every Knight stood at attention for the King but Gwaine who struggled under the three knights that held him. He could see Prince Philip off to the side, but neither Leon nor Arthur noticed Merlin in the crowd formed around the knights.

"Report to the throne room immediately. ALL OF YOU!"

He made a point to make eye contact with Prince Philip who paled under the King's thunderous gaze before turning back to the throne room. Philip and his knights followed wordlessly after him. They knew they had gone too far in making a public spectacle this time, and Arthur would not overlook it. Merlin watched as they left and dragged Gwaine up to the citadel who bellowed words of freedom to him.

 _Hopefully that will be the worst of it._

Merlin thought against the throbbing pain in his forehead. He kept his eyes closed, partially from the blood and also at the humiliation of causing a spectacle and not being able to do anything about it.

He shuffled his bare feet back and forth slightly and placed one over the other in an attempt to warm them. _It just had to be cold out._ He grumbled. Leave it to Arthur to leave him in the stocks after Gwaine came to rescue him. He really wanted to escape to the woods for the day now. When was he supposed to be let out?

" _Don't let him out until I release him! And that's King Arthur to you Servant! I bet after ten minutes today you will be begging to be let out!"_

Merlin groaned when he recalled the visiting Princes words.

It was going to be a long day, he though as he flicked several flies off his hand. They buzzed around him before landing again near his face and hands.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _To the Guest who asked if their will be protectiveness in the future, yes, but more Merlin Whump to come first! To the Guest who thought Arthur would usually be more protective, I actually agree but hopefully his reasoning will be more clear. Most of all, T_ _hank you all the reviews, alerts and favorites!_

 _Forgot the warning last chapter also! Sorry!  
_

 **Warning:** _minor graphic descriptions  
_

 **CHAPTER THREE**

Arthur and Leon stood waiting for the men as they filled into the room, all kneeling in respect except for Prince Philip who stood beside his knights.

"Forgive me Arthur. We did not think how this would reflect on you." Head bowed. Philip spoke before Arthur could yell for their actions. He wanted his friend to know he regretted his actions instantly.

"We have shown you dishonor. We ask your forgiveness." Sir Earl muttered remorsefully.

"Why don't you start by telling me why one of my knight's and all of you were fighting IN THE CENTER OF TOWN. Most importantly, Prince Philip, why you did not see fit to stop them as their commander?"

"It all happened at once and I—"

"Things happen fast in a battle. You need to make decisions quickly if you want to keep your men alive. Rash behavior from your knights causes disorder. Disorder leads to failure and more lives lost. Do you understand Philip?"

"Yes, My Lord."

"Surly you have learned better by now than to watch your knights duel in the streets. Would you have your own people injured in a duel?"

"I… Forgive me. I did not think of the people Sire."

"A King must always think of his people Prince Philip. If you learn nothing else, you need to understand this. Everything a King does, must be for the good of his peo—"

The doors burst open as Gwaine was thrown into the throne room by the knights who carried him. He sprang up as if to run back out the door when Arthur's voice bellowed through the halls.

"Gwaine stand down! What is the meaning of this?"

When he realized he could not get past the knights without being thrown into the dungeons, he pointed a finger at the other knights.

"Those bastards tried to STONE MERLIN!"

Arthur's heart dropped. A silence descended on the court and Arthur made no move to order Gwaine to stand down when the knight's hand gripped the hilt of his sword. He closed his eyes. Images of Merlin injured flashed through his mind. He had to think of the kingdom. He could see blood dripping from his friend's face. One of his eyes had been gorged. The Kingdom. He jolted, realizing his hand curled around the hilt of his sword hanging at his side. With great effort, he pealed his hand away. There had to be rules. He was King.

"Do you have evidence to back up that claim?"

"I heard it from their own mouth! They influenced the children to stone him after placing him in the stocks!"

He looked to Philip who now had a guilty expression cross his face. _Had he misunderstood Arthur and Merlin's relationship? He thought the King could not stand the servant? But the more he thought about it, why did Arthur not just fire Merlin and hire a new servant?_ He was starting to feel more and more like he did when his mother caught him picking on his younger sister when he was little.

"Prince Philip is this true? Did you and your knight decide to stone one of my people?"

Frustration coursed through him suddenly. Arthur just drenched the servant in laundry water the other day when he did a bad job. The servant nearly sailed down the stone steps to the washroom as a result. What made what he did so different?

"It was only Merlin!"

Hot steam covered Arthur's vision, and he had to stop himself from following the growing urge to strike the young Prince down. Leon moved to grip Gwaine's forearm to prevent him from attacking the knights and prince. Gwen had been telling him for nights that the young Prince did not understand his relationship with Merlin—which made him pleased, he wanted to keep it hidden from the visiting nobles—but now he could finally see why it had bothered her.

It was clear the Young Prince thought Arthur would be pleased or impressed.

" _He is only picking on Merlin because he sees you do it! I don't know what you're trying to do by pushing Merlin away but this is taking it too far. Go easier on him okay?"_ He heard Gwen scold in the back of his mind, angry with himself for behaving like a fool. Perhaps his behavior had been okay as the crown prince, but as King? He had hoped to create distance between himself and Merlin until the visiting nobles and royals left. If one of them had negative intentions, Gwen would be safe but protecting Merlin was difficult.

As a servant, any of the visiting nobles or royals could notice their relationship and capture or kill the servant to get back at Arthur. He hated to think that way, but over the years he found he needed too. There had been too many betrayals. He never worried about the servant before, but did not becoming King change so many things? When had it all gotten so complicated. It had seemed better to make him invisible for the time being.

An image of Merlin battered and bleeding flashed through his mind again and the red, hot anger boiled up his throat.

"Is Merlin not one of my servants and therefor under your protection as visiting knights to these lands? It is not your duty to torment my people."

Sir Earl shook his head. "Forgive me, but he was far from innocent. Not only was he late to his duty, dishonored you in speech, but he also showed insubordination to our prince Sire!"

Of course.

If there was one thing Merlin could not do, it was to shut up. Even if he was clearly being told off by Arthur or one of the Knight, he would never back down. He could hear Leon and Gwaine arguing quietly in the background. Prince Philip stayed quiet, reflecting. He thought back to when Merlin tripped on the stairs. He had kept walking to the armory, but Arthur stayed behind. Could it be possible he had been making sure the servant was not injured?

"He is MY MANSERVANT Sir Edward and I will deal with him WHEN and IF I see fit! If you have a problem with Merlin you come to me! Regardless who he is, Prince Philip, your father did not send you here so you could torment the servants. What do you think he will say when I tell him about this?"

The young prince paled.

"You're going to write Father about this?"

He should. The boy's Father would be furious that he had caused trouble for Arthur. But, even if he was angry with Philip, he wanted to know that his friend could become a better person and change. There was a time when he was younger that he might have found what happened to Merlin a minimal prank, but now he knew better. He had changed over the years too. Had not Merlin been the one to bring about that change? Perhaps his friend could also see the difference it made. He had to put aside his instincts screaming at him to throw whoever harmed Merlin this harshly into the dungeons. He had to act like a King.

"Not if you fix your behavior and do not act this way. I will not overlook something like this again. Merlin would not have disrespected you without reason. He may be an idiot servant, but he has my complete trust AND protection."

"Yes Sire."

"Now where is Merlin anyway?" He looked to the door as if expecting the servant to burst through at any minute. The Knights of Atlantia gaped in shock as Arthur made no move to discipline Gwaine for starting a fight and still treating them with open hostility. Arthur glanced at his guards, completely unaware of his slip. He flicked his eyes to admire the obviously broken nose on Sir Earl's face.

"Still in the stocks my Lord."

He turned to one of the guards that stood by the door.

"And you didn't think to let him out?"

The anger dripped from his voice as he accentuated each vowel. The guard shifted nervously.

"Prince Philip instructed not to release him until ordered Sire."

Arthur gritted his teeth and rushed past the guard out of the throne room leaving four surprised knights and a shamed prince. Prince Philip watched him leave with amazement. Maybe he was finally starting to understand who Merlin really was to Arthur and why the King kept him around. And if King Arthur, the ruler of Camelot who had fought so many evils could be friends with a servant, then Philip sure as hell could apologize to one.

It took him less than five minutes to ride his horse down to the stocks and dismount. The stocks were surrounded by a small crowd of young boys no older than nine. Arthur wondered if they were the same ones who had tormented his servant earlier. He stopped a few feet away from the boys when his servant's voice broke through the chaos of young voices filling up the square.

"Eh Eh! That's enough! Don't talk about my friend that way! He wasn't down here throwing stones now was he?"

A chorus of cries and apologies broke out from the boys.

"Really now that's enough. Theo, come now don't cry! What happened to being your own man from now on?"

Arthur shook his head. Sometimes he wondered if Merlin knew every child in the entire castle. He took another step forward.

"I just *sniff* wish King Prat would have *sniff* let you out because then I wouldn't feel so bad!"

He could hear Merlin try to muffle a laugh at the child's confession and decided to step in to take care of his manservant.

"King Prat, Merlin? Teaching the children of Camelot bad manners already?"

The children gasped and stepped aside to make room for the King, heads bowed slightly. He took in their shaggy appearance and the bloody rag one of them had dropped to his feet which he guessed might have been from Merlin.

"Don't let me catch you throwing rocks like that at anyone again. You are lucky I don't have the knight's hunt down your parents. Now be gone."

The children bowed and scampered off quickly. Merlin glanced up at him sheepishly.

"You certainly have a way with the children, Sire. You know they are all orphans right?"

"Am I to understand this is why I never got woken up this morning Merlin? Or were you just running late again." Arthur demanded as he searched Merlin's face for injury's, ignoring the jib. The boys had tied a makeshift bandage around his head that covered one eye. His finger's itched to remove the bandage and look at Merlin's eye. His face and hands were dusted with small cuts, and a large gash still bubbled blood from lower lip. They were puffed and swollen.

It looked painful.

He should have let Gwaine destroy them.

"Let me get this straight. The first thing you want to know is why your royal backside didn't roll out of bed on time. Not, oh I don't know. Everything okay Merlin? Did they hurt your eye Merlin? Want me to help you out of there Merlin? "

"MERLIN!" Arthur yelled angrily as his servant rolled his eyes.

"What are you going to do? Oh wait, let me guess. Put me in the stocks?"

It might have been the angry tone Merlin was using, as if it was Arthur's fault he had been thrown in the stocks, but not even seeing his friend injured stopped him from lashing out. How could Merlin get himself hurt so much without even leaving the city?

"This is exactly why you got into this mess in the first place! Prince Philip said you talked back to him this morning. For once in you stupid life Merlin, can't you just hold your tongue! He is a Prince from a foreign kingdom! You can't speak to him that way! Had we been in his kingdom visiting his father, he would have you hang!""

Merlin gritted his teeth at the hundredth reminder of status he received that week, unfamiliar anger flickering beneath his eyes. Arthur narrowed his eyes at his servant as he caught traces of it flash across his friend's face. It unsettled him. Merlin never got mad.

 _Was there a point to telling Arthur that the Prince planned this from the start? Had been waiting for him to start something? Probably not._ Merlin thought. He would never believe him anyway. Annoyance bubbled under his skin, but most of all despair at being left alone for so long. Why should Arthur come to help him now?

"I prefer not to speak to him at all thanks." He hissed back at Arthur who took a step back at the unfamiliar noise scratched from Merlin's throat. Somehow, it only made him angrier to see his friend like this. So uncharacteristically angry. What right did he have to change?

"This isn't a joke Merlin! I should leave you there for the rest of the day! Maybe then you would finally learn your lesson! He is a Prince. You are a Servant."

To Merlin, It was no longer about Prince Philip and him anymore. It was him and Arthur. His friend, without even the blink of an eye, was casting him aside.

"I don't care who he is, if he was the ruler of all five kingdoms or every kingdom across the sea! The only thing I see when he speaks to me is the biggest ass in Camelot next to you. Or, are you trying to win a competition because he is starting to give you a run for first. You might need to step it up if you don't want some prince to outshine your spot as Camelot's biggest asshole."

Arthur growled at his servant, noticed the people who had stopped to watch the strange exchange with the king and pinched his nose.

"Let's see you talk like that again after you spend all night in the stocks."

"Great! Go on then! I'm sure you have much better things to do than berate stupid servants and remind everyone how much beneath you we all are. Forgive me, SIRE!"

"FINE!"

Arthur started to storm out of the courtyard, but tripped slightly on a small pile of stones. He stared down at a bloody rag dropped to the side that he knew was filled with his friend's blood. _Why couldn't he have just held his tongue for once?_ He angrily stormed back over to the stocks avoiding eye contact with Merlin and set his friend lose. Merlin stood up slowly, stretching his back. He felt a pop and winced.

"Just, get out of my sight Merlin. I don't want to see you until tomorrow morning when you're back to work."

Arthur watched Merlin snatch his shoes and rush down the streets, head down. A sprig of holly fell to the ground from his hair where he disappeared into the crowd. He sighed and ran a hand over his face. He picked up the branch of holly and twirled it in-between his fingers.

 _Why did he have to be so…irritating!_ Most of all, Merlin never talked to him that way. Although it was similar to their usual banter, Merlin meant everything he said. Arthur knew it. Nothing he said was meant to tease Arthur. It was as if Merlin purposefully tried to make him angry. Avoiding Merlin was starting to become a dangerous game. Could he ever loose the servant's loyalty?

He hoped giving him the day off would make up for not stopping Philip and the Knights sooner. How could he be so blind! He glanced at the blood that still covered the stocks, the small stones surrounding the clean cobblestones and suppressed a shudder. His talk with Philip was far from over, he decided as he trudged back to the castle. For now, He knew Merlin could take care of himself. He had an arrogant Prince to deal with.

* * *

Every night Merlin returned to the rocky gorge even if the rain covered him in ice by the time he reached the cave. Every night Aithusa would be waiting for him. The rocks of the cave emitted warmth as if Aithusa knew he would be frozen to the bone when he arrived.

Every night they would curl up together. He would talk to Aithusa before they slept. The dragon would gaze into his eyes as he talked. Never blinking and never looking away until he settled into rambles and light chatter. Sometimes he would sing which Aithusa really loved. Then Aithusa would settle his head close to Merlin, curl around him and sleep. Merlin's magic stirred within him the moment he approached his dragon. His eyes glowed softly the whole time they were together, although he cast no spell.

He was supposed to stop coming. Aithusa started returning to Kilgharrah during the day which left Merlin with no reason to continue to meet him every night in the woods.

But he did.

He craved it.

Especially today.

He was early—he never came during the day- so he sent a cry to Aithusa through their bond to let the dragon know of his arrival in case he wanted to meet him early. Not expecting Aithusa to arrive until nightfall, he leaned over a small stream near the cave and strained to see his reflection in the rippling waters. He splashed icy water on his face to sooth the ache he felt as his face swelled.

He kept busy cleaning the blood from his face when something jolted him forward from behind. He went hurtling head first to the stream, about to slam into the water, before something warm wrapped around his midriff and stopped him from plunging into the icy water.

"AITHUSA!"

He cried as he caught the reflection of the dragon in the water who chirped mischievously. He felt its warm tongue scrape across his face. Normally he would have scolded the dragon, but instead he spun around in his grip and grinned.

"Guess who got off early today!"

The breath was knocked out of him as Aithusa pounced on his shoulders sending him back first onto the riverbank. Two large talons broke earth next to them, and he felt Aithusa's hot breath tingle on his skin.

"Oh no." Merlin muttered as the pain in his hands and face vanished completely. Aithusa jumped off Merlin and sat across from him, chest puffed and clearly very proud of the Magic he performed. Merlin laughed at the childlike reaction from the dragon.

"Someone is proud of himself."

The dragon raced around Merlin again before setting back up in the same proud poise. Merlin laughed again. He had a feeling Aithusa was purposefully behaving silly to make him laugh, but it worked.

"Ok ok. That was pretty impressive."

Aithusa chirped in the affirmative and nuzzled his head under Merlin's right arm. His hand stroked the scales under the dragon's cheekbones. He could feel his eyes buzzing with magic and basked in the sensation of power coursing through him. Every time it started, he never got use to how good it felt to use his magic so openly.

"You will never guess what I had to deal with today."

Aithusa nudged him as if telling him to continue. His hand stilled as he thought of Arthur sending him away and let out a dragon-like growl.

"Of course it was my fault that some random nobles decided it would be funny to have kids play target practice. It had nothing to do with the fact that they are complete pricks! Oh and think it's funny to torment people! But no no of course Arthur took Prince Philip's side because he is a prince. Never mind that I've known him for I don't know, how many years? Ignore the fact that I have saved his backside more than I can even count, won back his kingdom from Morgana and helped him become King! No no! Because the day Arthur takes the word of a servant over a noble will be the day hell freezes over. Can't have servants talking to nobles! The balance of the world would be ruined! Oh no!"

He waved his hands in mock panic, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Aithusa nudge him again in question, clearly confused by his random outburst.

"Ugh Nothing. Sorry. It's just Arthur being a prat again. But more of an ass really. Actually just everything awful combined. So much for his great equality!"

Aithusa flicked his tail sympathetically, and Merlin tried to ignore the rage bubbling inside him. It unsettled him.

A thought suddenly occurred to Merlin.

"You don't think Gwaine will come looking for me in the woods do you?"

The dragon snorted in disagreement and walked to the cave, blowing fire on the rocks to warm them. Merlin watched curiously from where he sat as his friend worked, imagining Gwaine rushing through the trees to find him in the cave with Aithusa. He could definitely do without a second rescue, but he would have to find a way to make it up to Gwaine later. Perhaps he could buy him a drink. He groaned and dropped his head in his hands. The day he offered to take Gwaine to a bar was the day he knew desperation reached a peak. He jumped to his feet and rushed into the warm cave to Aithusa.

"Hey it's early! What do you say you and I explore the cave?"

Aithusa's eyes sparkled with mirth as he bounded into the cave faster than Merlin could follow, out of view.

"Hey! Not so fast!"

He heard the sound of stones being moved. A crash echoed through the cave, and Aithusa's head poked through the gloom of falling rocks with a cheerful chirp. Merlin grinned and rushed after the dragon as its tail disappeared into the dark of the cave. He conjured a blue orb of light and let it lazily float in front of him as he followed his friend. The cave turned pitch black almost the first few steps in. He stopped for a minute, letting his eyes adjust to the light.

 _Something is different again._

He blinked a few times and glanced around the cave away from the orb. He could see everything. Every small drop of water and crack in the stone. He let the blue orb vanish to be sure. A grim spread on his face at the discovery of his new found ability, and he rushed after the trail the Dragon left behind. He could tell Aithusa was leading him as the dragon periodically stopped to see if he followed, taking specific turns as he went.

 _I guess he beat me to exploring._ He thought.

"Aithusa! I can see in the dark!" He cried excitedly.

He stopped to catch his breath after a while of chasing after his kin and started to consider telling Aithusa to turn back, feet sore from slipping on the stone when he noticed the dragon was nowhere to be seen.

"Aithusa?"

He called nervously. He knew Aithusa would never leave him behind, but that did not mean the Dragon might never get hurt. He started to hear the low roar of rushing water as he traveled through the narrow rock. Stumbling carefully through an opening that looked just big enough for the dragon to crawl through, he gasped in shock at the sight that greeted him.

The Cavern was more than twice the size of the cave Kilgharrah had been kept prisoner. From the center of the cavern's ceiling, a large waterfall cascaded down into a steaming pool of water. He spotted Aithusa rolling lazily through the steam before noticing Merlin and flying up to where he stood mesmerized by the cave. Any anger he held onto vanished into the steam rising like dragon's breath from the water.

"It's beautiful." He whispered gently to Aithusa who nudged under his chin and licked away a single tear that had fallen traitorously from his eye. He shook his head, filled with glee.

"How did you even find this?"

He started down to the pool as the eager young dragon gave him encouraging nudges from behind. He reached the water's edge and placed his hand over it, letting the steam gather on his hand and fall in drops to the water below creating ripples. He felt a drop of water splash on the back of his neck, and looked up to see millions of white tipped stalagmites reaching towards him from the ceiling.

Aithusa nudged him towards the water hard enough that Merlin sent a wave of magic to catch himself before he fell in, suspended above the rising mist. He sent a gust of wind at the dragon who let out a hiss and jumped into the water, speckling Merlin's clothes with water drops that splashed up around him.

A grin slid onto Merlin's his face as he stripped and suspended his clothes in the air to the dry entrance of the large cave. He inhaled sharply before kicking off from the warm stone and landing with a splash into the steaming pool.

He cut through the water after Aithusa in a lazy circle as they swam around the waterfall before resting on a rock, halfway in the water near the falls. Aithusa moved closer and let the falls cascade down his back. The tension rolled out of Merlin's shoulders as the hot water soothed his nerves. If this was what taking a hot bath felt like, Merlin could understand why Arthur raged about his bathwater.

He closed his eyes, focused on the steam rolling down his face, the small droplets gathering on this face dripping down from his wet black locks, his magic flowing from his heart to his dragon keeping them more connected than they ever could be when separated.

Somehow, he knew Aithusa needed the connection to be strong when they were together, and Merlin needed it too even if he did not understand why. He focused on the golden threads, trying to understand the spell flowing between them. It felt like summer and honey, a soft warmth that healed the chill that settled deep in his chest since the start of winter.

His concentration snapped as a blast of water sprayed into his mouth and nostrils. He sputtered a cough and whipped his head up to see Aithusa with water dripping from his mouth making a funny noise he understood as laughing.

"Oh, you are going to regret that."

He declared with a smirk, raising one brow. A wave of water rose from the left, startling the young dragon who let out a squeak when the wave rushed over the top of his head.

Merlin let out a barking laugh, cut short by a scaly tail wrapping around his ankle and pulling him underwater. He resurfaced with a gasp, chasing Aithusa across the steam filled cave.

The sun had set long ago when the pair reached the entrance to the cave. Aithusa blew more fire on the rocky nest that had become their bed and curled into the dying embers as Merlin slipped on his clothes. He covered his mouth as a large yawn escaped.

Once Aithusa motioned him over, he settled against the dragon's side and stretched so his head rested next to Aithusa's warm one. Closing his eyes with a smile, he fell asleep to the quiet hum of the dragon snoring, tail loosely wrapped around his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** _Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! I'm glad everyone is enjoying Aithusa! Here is a slightly shorter chapter than normal._ **  
**

 _Warnings:_ _None (further communication issues?)_

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

Waking up Arthur the next day made history as one of the most awkward mornings in the Prince's service. Although his face was no longer injured, he kept a bandage around his temple where he knew the injury had been most serious. He tried to force his normal cheery smile, but the walk back from the woods tired him already and the thought of his day before in the stocks had made him bitter, even if tried his best to bury the feeling. His normal smile might have resembled more of a grimace. He had never been one to hold a grudge, but was it really that hard for Arthur to understand what really happened for once?

He snatched Arthur a shirt and trousers and tossed them over the privacy screen as he gathered the king's pajamas, eyeing the sheets suspiciously. He sniffed them cautiously before tossing Arthur's clothes and sheets into one big bundle.

"Merlin! Did you go color blind! These definitely don't go together!"

He growled as he turned around to protest that yes in fact they did match—he picked them out himself—and stifled a laugh. Somehow he managed to dress Arthur in all white, making it look like Arthur wore a one piece tunic. He tried to school a serious expression on his face as he nodded sarcastically.

"Yes yes. This will definitely be the new fashion of the kingdom, my Lord."

Arthur ripped his shirt off and threw it at Merlin's head who caught it effortlessly with his left hand.

"If you don't do your job properly, I'm going to be late again!" He snapped at Merlin.

"Should I just call George then? I'm sure he would love the honor of dressing the King in the morning. " He asked with a grin, although more sarcastic than normal, as he pulled out a nice light blue shirt approvingly.

"NO!"

A smirk light up his face, but never really reached his eyes.

"Are you sure? Wouldn't rather have someone who can shut up for once?" And there it was. Harsh against even his own ears, the bitterness bubbling to the front of his throat laced into his words effortlessly.

"Merlin! You know as well as I do that George NEVER shuts up."

Arthur glared from behind the screen as he pulled a shirt over his head. He popped out from behind the screen, fixing the sleeves. Arthur watched his friend for a moment as he finished gathering the bed sheets and placed them by the door to pick up after he finished serving breakfast for washing. Merlin's face healed remarkably overnight, Arthur thought. Except for the large gash he guessed Merlin hid behind the cloth neatly tied around his head. The day off obviously did his friend some good. Arthur internally praised himself for giving it to his servant. Although he noticed the smiles Merlin gave him stretched thin, there was little he could do for his friend without neglecting his duties to the visiting nobles or making Merlin into an easy target.

 _Winter will be over soon_. Arthur thought. _Then I will make sure everything returns to normal._

"Did you have someone look at your face?" Arthur asked, voice staining to hide his concern. Merlin blinked owlishly at him. When it became clear Arthur expected an answer, his gaze still roaming over Merlin's face, he nodded. Then, shook his head. Arthur rolled his eyes. Never a straight answer.

"Never mind. Just, don't talk. I don't need any more instances this week."

Merlin felt a burst of anger rush through him at Arthur's comment, but he shoved it down again. Arthur was under pressure. He was still a good King, even if he made for a poor friend at the moment. Merlin thought, as he followed Arthur down the halls to the dining room.

He did his best to bury the nervous feeling in his gut as he served the nobles in the morning, especially Prince Philip. He noticed Gwen trying to catch his eye, but avoided her gaze. She must have heard what happened in the stocks; he wouldn't be surprised if she had tried to find him yesterday after he left the city.

Halfway through the noble's breakfast, the stolen glances and boring eyes of Prince Philip started to irritate him. The royal never watched him unless something bad was about to happen to him. He swallowed nervously as he filled Arthur's goblet with fresh water and picked up an empty platter to carry out of the room.

His eyes met the noble's. Arthur had asked him to hold his tongue, but Merlin never promised anything. If Prince Philip wanted to start trouble today, he would meet him head on. He glanced at Arthur, sure that the King was focused on his wife and guests before flashing a rare glare at the Prince. To his surprise, the young noble flushed scarlet and glanced down at his plate, pushing a sausage to the side. He could almost hear the scrape of the fork against the plate as he shoved it left to right, back and forth.

He was pulled out of his trance of watching the young prince push his food around when Gwen coughed lightly to his left. Eyes wide, his brows scrunched questioningly when she motioned for him to come towards her. He could feel Arthur's eyes boring holes in the back of his head as Gwen grasped his forearm and leaned up to whisper in his ear in a position that seemed far too intimate for a Queen and servant. Arthur itched to say something to his wife, but it would only make the situation worse.

"Merlin, I know this might not be my place to ask but, when was the last time you had something to eat?"

A gasp escaped his lips as his face turned bright scarlet, earning a few curious looks from the noble. What had the queen said to cause the servant to blush?

"I know Gaius would cook a lot and well, you are eating enough, aren't you Merlin?"

He jerked his ear away from her lips and tried to think of something to say to appease his friend when his stomach decided to send a pang of hunger through him. He gapping at her wordlessly. She pulled on his arm so he would lean in closer to her again so none of the surrounding royals could hear them, although unknown to the two of them they had gathered the attention of the entire table. He followed her queues obediently, knowing it was best not to argue with her, especially not with so many people around.

"Go to the kitchen right now and get something to eat before doing anything else. I don't care what Arthur needs. Just go."

"But Gw—"

"No Merlin! I know that look! I don't know what's going on, but I know that look. Please take better care of yourself. I'm worried about you."

A warm feeling spread through him. He responded with a slight dip of his head. Ignoring Arthur and the rest of the guests, he hurried away to the kitchens to win the growing battle his stomach started to fight against him. He would have to be more mindful of when he ate in the future. Somehow, it slipped his mind to bring food when he came to the cave.

It was easier than he though to convince the cook that the Queen granted him access to the kitchens than he thought. A bowl of hot soup in hand with a large piece of bread, he sat on a large pot near the fire and cradled the bowl in his lap as he started to eat.

He finished the meal and started up the stairs back to Arthur's room to take care of laundry. He rounded a corner and froze. Prince Philip stood near Arthur's room, waiting. Just as he was turning around to leave, he heard the man call out to him.

"Merlin! Wait."

The prince's steps echoed on the stone floors as Merlin turned to face him.

"Was there something you needed, Sire?" He hoped he did not sound too sarcastic. But then, he hoped he did.

The noble studied him for a moment before holding out a small pouch to the servant. Merlin looked at Philip suspiciously and back to the pouch.

"Please just take it! This is not a joke. I swear it."

Merlin held his hand out, bemused at the change in attitude from the arrogant man. The pouch clanged as Philip dropped it into Merlin's hand who frowned when he recognized the sound of coins clanging. He shook his head and tried to drop the pouch back in the noble's hand, but he moved it away.

"I don't want your money. What do you want Philip?"

He could tell the lack of titles aggravated the Prince, but for some reason unknown to him the Prince held his tongue.

"I'm not trying to cause any more trouble. I just came to apologize."

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline, a fine imitation of Gaius.

"Apologize?"

The noble nodded.

"I was bored and used you when you are someone who is close to the King. It won't happen again."

"So if the King hated me or did not know me, what you did would have been okay?" Merlin asked incredulously. A small blushed worked its way onto the Prince's face. Clearly, he was not used to being questioned. "And you think a few coins is going to make up for it. If you worked up the townspeople, they could have killed me!"

The prince scowled at him. "What? You want more money?'

"I don't want your money at all." Merlin snapped at the prince as he tossed the sack back at the prince's chest. "I want you to apologize because you feel bad for doing what you did because it was THE WRONG THING TO DO. Not because you think I have some kind of relationship with Arthur that would make it beneficial for you to get on my good side or something stupid like that. When you are ready to do that, feel free to come distract me from work all you want. Otherwise I have way too much to do. Or should I make my way to the stocks again for telling you how a real prince should act. "

The prince shook his head slowly at Merlin, as if he expected him to reveal some kind of crazy secret. Although Merlin tried to anger him, the prince's irritation vanished.

"Who are you really?" He asked bemused.

Merlin rolled his eyes. He really needed to start his chores.

"You've been tormenting me for the past month and you don't even know who I am? You really do amaze me."

"NO! That's not what I…look I really am sorry. I just wanted to impress the King. I thought it would make him laugh! I did think it was funny at the time, but not anymore. "

"If you would wrong another man simple to impress another, no matter how great he is, than you have a lot of growing up to do before you should sit on the throne and rule any land."

"Don't you think I know that? I don't even know what I'm doing half the time! I don't need some servant telling me what I've been hearing from my Father since I could walk!"

Merlin's heart softened a bit as the prince gasped in horror at what he had just admitted. Somehow, he always had a way with coaxing people to reveal their heart, even if he did not want to hear it. In some ways, Philip reminded him of Arthur when he was younger. Perhaps that was why he got along with the King so well. Maybe, it would be good for both of them. As he was musing, the Prince started to leave, but Merlin grasped his forearm to stop him

"How dare you lay a hand on me?"

Philip cried as he snapped his arm away from Merlin's grip, but something in the Prince's eyes told Merlin he did not really mean it.

"And how dare you try to make me out as less of a man than you just because of your birthright. Being a Prince is about more than just titles, Prince Philip. What makes Arthur such a good King is that he understands that. He also knows that being a King is about doing what is best for your people, not just the crown or yourself. A lesson you have been ignoring."

"Why are you so loyal to him?"

"He is my King. Of course, I would give everything to serve him. Just as your people will, if you treat them with the same respect he gives to his people."

They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment. Merlin stared unwavering. He remained unsure what, but he felt he had gotten through to the arrogant prince somehow. Unlike with Arthur, they had reached an understanding. As if realizing the connection, the prince turned around and started to leave wordlessly. He stopped suddenly and called to Merlin tossing the sack filled with coins which Merlin caught instinctively. He was about to protest when the Prince interrupted him.

"I really did mean it when I apologized. I don't…I really don't normally act that way. Well I do but, it's different here from my Kingdom. Servants are executed left and right if they act like you do. You should be careful. And I know you said you didn't want my money but give it to those kids like you did earlier if you really don't want it. I don't need it anyway."

He gave a small wave before rushing off down the hall as Merlin watched the prince in wonder. Really. Royalty was going to be the death of him. He planned to do just that with the coins as he shoved them in his left pocket before heading into Arthur's room to gather the laundry.

From the side corner, Arthur and Gwen dropped their hands from each other's mouth once they were sure the two men had left. Gwen looked to Arthur with a smug expression on her face.

"I told you Merlin would handle him."

"How did you know?" Arthur asked.

Gwen gave him a quick kiss and smiled. "Because Merlin had to train you for the past several years into the man you are now. I don't think Philip is anywhere near how you were at his age."

Arthur glared at his wife, who laughed.

"You should have let me talk to him." Arthur said. Gwen raised an eyebrow at her.

"You have been trying to teach him that since he arrived. What you couldn't do, Merlin managed in one conversation."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I am proud of Philip. He really is changing for the better."

Gwen smiled softly and took his hand.

"I know. It is good for both of you. Come, the others are waiting for us in the courtyard. We promised to ride with the Lady Vivian, remember?"

Arthur looked longingly at the door Merlin had disappeared behind moments before as Gwen tugged him in the opposite direction, down to the open air. He knew the nobles would be less tolerant of a servant coming with to ride, so he followed his wife down to the courtyard and tried to ignore the pang in his chest as he got further away from his friend.

* * *

About an hour after the nobles started to make their way to the roads leading to a lush field, Gwaine and the other knights stepped out from the stables and shut the door.

"Come now Leon. It had to be done." Gwaine said, clapping him on the back in encouragement. "We warned them not to lay another hand on him. We gave them a fair warning. It would have been dishonorable to not follow up on our word." He winked to the older knight and wiggled his eyebrows.

Leon sighed and covered his guilty eyes with his palm before placing it back to his side. He examined the blood staining his knuckles and tried to stop a small laugh creeping up. He looked to Gwaine and smiled.

"You know, for all the warning we gave them, those boys never saw it coming."

The knights looked at each other, took in the bloodied hands, the small Knicks decorating their clothing and face. Without warning, they burst into uncontrollable laughter. Gwaine laughed so hard he held his side and slide to the floor. When the final bursts of chuckles died down, Percival helped Gwaine to his feet.

"I think we might want to move on. If we stay around long enough, someone is going to find them. I don't think they will rat on us, but if someone finds out what happened we are going to have trouble."

The knights nodded to one another, and trailed after Gwaine as bounded through the streets to the tavern. They passed their the large wooden door and filed around a table hidden from view in the back. They took a moment to clean the blood from their knuckles in a water bowl a maid brought over on Gwaine's request. Perhaps they had gone too far, but each of them wanted to make sure no one ever touched Merlin again. When Gwaine mentioned cornering the Knights of Atlantia in the stables, no one needed convincing. The last time the Knights tossed Merlin into the tables they warned them, if they ever touched Merlin again they would regret it.

They each ordered a tankard of mead, sipping slowly. They studied the grain of the wood table. Although they laughed initially, the gravity of the situation raced back to meet them. The knights of Atlantia had become good friends to each knight over the winter. But over the years before they knew the knights, Merlin had become like a little brother to them. Somehow in all the chaos of the winter, he became overlooked. Sure they checked in on him time to time, but only from a distance. If they saw him working and healthy, that satisfied them. Apparently, that was not enough.

At end of the day where Merlin had been locked in the stocks by Philip, everyone in the city knew the conversation that took place between the servant and the King, including the knights. It took a lot to make Merlin angry, especially at Arthur. Which meant not only was Merlin angry with Arthur, he was probably angry at them too. Gwaine drained his glass and slammed in down on the table. The other Knights looked up.

"We need to kidnap Merlin for a day. With all these stupid politics and the nobles that I haven't had a good talk with him all winter. I think it's time we blew off a day or two."

Leon looked wary, but nodded. The other knights chorused in agreement. A grin spread across Percival's face.

Leon looked around the bar and then leaned into the other Knights. "If you do it towards the end of the week, Arthur will be busy with official meetings. It is unlikely you would be disturbed."

Elyan raised an eyebrow at Leon. "Planning to skip out? You might as well come. You already beat the Knights over it. Or is that too much divergent behavior for you."

The other knights grinned, and Leon ground his teeth.

"What sort of message would that send the new recruits to see their head of guard skip duty?"

Gwaine leaned back in his chair and grinned at him.

"If the head of guard plays it right, an even bigger message that no one had a right to hassle Merlin."

Leon raised a brow, interested. The knights leaned into the table, talking in quiet whispers as they planned a day for their friend. If they played in right, maybe even Arthur would take the message.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone for your reviews/follows/favorites.  
_

 _Warnings: none_

 **CHAPTER FIVE**

Perhaps dragons needed a Dragonlord. Not for people's protection, but to care for the magical creatures, much like the keeper of the unicorns. Merlin had been musing on this thought all day as he moved about his daily tasks, scrubbing a stain out of Arthur's shirt where the king tipped wine on it the night before.

 _What do you think Aithusa? Do you think Dragonlords could be like Anhora one day? Well maybe if there was ever anyone than just me, you and Kilgharrah._

A rush of emotion burst into him, mainly disinterest, but also some agreement. Overall, he could tell the dragon did not really understand what he was talking about.

 _Anhora just kind of watches out for unicorns, keeps them safe somewhat? But maybe not quite like that because he also allowed one to get killed when Arthur was being an idiot so…_

He could feel the dragon's disapproval and shrugged.

"Alright maybe not like Anhora. How about we just stick to…" He trailed off as one of the women by the water hole coughed loudly and gave him a funny look. Realizing he had spoken out loud, he ducked his head closer to his work to hide the pink blush on his cheeks. Aithusa's mirth raced through him. A traitorous giggle escaped his mouth as the dragon's feelings overwhelmed his own. He took a deep breath to control himself, before bursting out laughing. He almost dropped the King's clothes completely in the cold water as tears leaked from his eyes. It felt so good to laugh with someone again.

Although Aithusa still could not speak to him, Merlin managed to talk to his friend who sent emotions and feelings through their bond. It felt a little different than when he would speak to Kilgharrah or the druids, but not much. He first tried speaking to the dragon mentally when they were together. Excited at the new link in their connection, Aithusa tackled him to the ground in glee. Since then, he spent most of his days talking to Aithusa as he went about his daily tasks. The days became less monotonous. The more they connected, he could feel the spring returning to his steps as he hustled around the castle.

Satisfied with his work and more composed, he started to hang the King's clothes on a Line with his linens. He felt what could only be described as a mental nudge from the dragon. His signature grin sprayed across his face.

 _Something you want me to feel? Ha HA! Cuz normally it would be to tell me but because you cant speak._

He chuckled at himself, ignoring the dragon's annoyance. He gasped in surprise when an image of Kilgharrah filled his mind over the laundry room. The dragon was stretched out in a grassy field rolled over on his back, head stretched out sleeping. His tongue hung loosely from the side. The image faded. Somehow, he knew he had just looked through Aithusa's eyes for a moment. Excitement rushed in his veins at the new development of their connection. Aithusa never managed to send him visions before, only Kilgharrah.

 _Was that Kilgharrah? Sleeping in the middle day? Wow so much for staying vigilant._

He joked as he hurried to gather Arthur's and Prince Philip's Armor to shine. He could tell that Aithusa wanted to see what his Dragonlord did during the day, but he could not risk the display of magic. Sending mental messages he could do without his eyes glowing, but images might not work the same way.

He traveled through the day half in Camelot and half in the clouds and woods. Images of small herds of cattle as small as ants flashed around his mind, and small birds swirling over his head in the air. Aithusa clearly enjoyed the new found ability to communicate better with his Dragonlord as much as Merlin, who could not be more pleased as he filled in the long day with his normal chatter and a smile on his face.

He felt as if he could finally start returning to normal. At least with Aithusa, the two could never truly be separated or become too busy for one another. It was hard to image the dragon suddenly wanting to sever their bond as strong as it felt. Unless they had a major fight which would probably resolve in a few hours, his worry about his friend leaving was nonexistent.

For a moment, he wondered why he longed after his old friends. Was it even worth the thought or pain? He winced and guilt struck his heart at his lack of faith in their friendship. When had they become old friends? They were still friends right?

 _Yes, yes we are._ He thought to himself, trying to ignore the pathetic musings before starting a long rant to Aithusa about the nature of human friends compared to dragon companionship.

He set aside Arthur's armor and pulled Philip's towards him when the door to the armory barged open and another vision of flying filled his head with cotton clouds close enough to touch. The voice of Gwaine perked his interest, distracting him from his long ramble to Aithusa.

"I swear I saw him go in here!" Gwaine muttered, clearly distraught. _Huh, Gwaine is looking for someone. Looks like Percival and Elyan are searching with him._ Merlin started to clear the scuffs from the day of practice from the Prince's armor, focusing on the blemishes in-between the glimpses of sky. He sent a rush of pleasure to the dragon almost every time.

 _What do the clouds feel like?_

In response, Aithusa burst through several white puffs which covered his vision like fog.

"He could be back in the citadel?" Percival suggested.

 _Maybe we can convince Kilgharrah to take me flying again with you one day?_

"Wait isn't that him? Hey Merlin!" Merlin paused and looked up from his work, head turned to Elyan expectantly. A burst of excitement from the baby Dragon coursed through him at the idea. He worked to stop the large grin the dragon's excitement plastered on his face.

"Yes sire?" He asked distractedly. No one had entered the armory since he started working, so he knew their search would carry them out of the room.

The knights gave him a funny look and bounded over to him. Gwaine leaned down to scrutinize him, a little too close for the servant's comfort; Merlin leaned away from the knight ever so slightly, catching Percival's eye with a raised brow. The knight gave him a nod.

"Have a minute there, Merlin?" Gwaine asked.

He could feel a mental nudge from Aithusa as the dragon urged him to respond to its excitement. Instead he distractedly flashed an image of the scene of the knights looking down at him from his spot on the floor to the dragon. _Oops._ He did not mean to try that now.

"No-erh-yees?"

 _Did you just get that image?_

The burst of excitment rushing through Merlin told him he had. Thankfully, Gwaine or the knights did not act differently so Merlin guessed it did not cause his eyes to glow. At another nudge from Aithusa, he answered the small dragon.

 _I'm not sure if Kilgharrah would allow it, and I'm not about to order him. Maybe you should see how he feels about the idea before I ask him…he is usually pretty annoyed when I talk to him about something other than my destiny or something related to that._ _That was Gwaine, by the way._

He could almost see the dragon rolling its eyes with a flip of the tail. Gwaine's eyebrows raised at the dismissal that had slipped from Merlin's mouth before his friend corrected it and frowned.

"Good! Because we have something very important that we need your help with!"

Merlin furrowed his brow as Gwaine's eyes started to twinkle. There was no way he was letting the knights throw more work at him. If he kept up with his work today, he might be able to reach the cave right after sundown. The idea to convince Kilgharrah to take him and Aithusa flying cemented in his mind as another vision of the dragon spiraling through the air distracted him from Gwaine until he made himself focus on the knight. Aithusa was tempting him purposefully now.

"I didn't see anyone enter the armory, and I don't have time to help you find them either. Trust me, I have more than enough to do from Arthur."

"No need. We were looking for you, mate. So what do you say?"

He eyed the knight distrustfully as another image of Aithusa grazing the tops of trees came into his vision. He felt a rush of different emotions, but couldn't make out what the dragon meant. A frown spread down his face. Sometimes that happened when Aithusa tried to communicate in a more complex way. It was always a little disheartening, but at least in person the dragon could somewhat act things out to where he understood better.

"Come on Merlin. Don't you trust me?"

"No." He muttered instantly, eyes narrowed at the man before him.

 _Sorry Aithusa. I'm not sure…were you trying to come up with a plan to convince Kilgharrah?_

The other knights roared with laughter as Merlin set the armor to the side and stood up. Frustration surged through him, but he knew it was Aithusa's emotion and not his own. For the first few days to started speaking to Aithusa, the emotional backlash overwhelmed him. Now, he was almost used to it.

"Ouch! You really know how to knock a man down friend." Gwaine rubbed his heart in mock disappointment. Merlin sighed distractedly and lifted his hands in surrender, almost ignoring the knights with generic responses. He wanted to stop the frustration that would soon turn to sorrow in the dragon if he let this go.

 _No um…completely unrelated then huh._

"Alright. What do you need?" He regretted the words instantly and hoped it didn't show too much on his face while he tried to hold back a wince. A current of sadness from his dragon came though him, and he sent what he hoped was warmth through the bond before trying to separate the two conversations. He really did not want to add more work to his plate. More than ever, each day became a blur as he waited to leave for the woods. It was hard not to broad when his job kept him busy most of the day, and he mostly spoke to people who were too sick to hold much of a conversation other than their symptoms or to clarify orders. It was not home anymore without Gaius and his friends, especially with how cold Arthur acted. It felt too isolated even though he was surrounded by people for most of the day. How could he feel more at home with Dragons than with his own kind?

 _Any chance you could swoop in and rescue me here? I think Gwaine is about to get me in trouble or give me something impossible to do._ He asked, trying to change Aithusa's focus. He flashed an image of the knights to the dragon.

He felt the dragon's chirp of excitement and quickly amended his speech.

 _No no! Don't do that. I'm sorry. It was a joke! I wasn't serious!_

Disappointment rushed his senses. He tried to ignore the pouting Dragon through his bond. That went well, he thought.

Meanwhile, the Knights exchanged worried glances at Merlin's tone. Much of his usually warmth, although not gone completely, was subdued. As far as Gwaine was concerned, it did not take a genius to know Merlin was angry with them, even if the servant did not know it yet. They had, after all, not spoken in the longest time since they had known one another. They watched as Merlin seemed to be fighting certain emotions or sometimes would look off as if not really seeing them. His eyes widened in surprise before a panicked look settled on his face. When was the last time their friend had taken a break?

"Actually, the three of us are in dire need of an escort to the tavern. You see, we can't recall where it is after so long! Probably need someone to help us finish a glass or two of ale."

Whatever he had been expecting Gwaine to say, that certainly was not it. A grin crept up the corner of him mouth before he beat it down and tried to focus on cheering up Aithusa, but from the sparkle in Gwaine's eye he knew his friend had caught it. It was getting hard to know which conversation to focus on.

"So what do you say, Merls?"

Gwaine asked as he put a hand on the servant's shoulders. Merlin gazed at the knight, checking his friend's face for sincerity as the dragon continued to pout in his mind.

"Who else is going with you?" He asked and flashed the scene and Gwaine's response to the dragon.

"Just the three of us. Although the other knights may meet up with us later if it is okay with you, but I think everyone will finally get along now after that talk I had with them. What do you say? "

It was hard to stop the grin now, and he sent a thrill of excitement to the bond, completely ignoring the skulking still happening from his friend.

 _What do you think Aithusa? Should I go with the knights to the tavern?_

He felt a rush of anxiety shoot through him from the dragon, and he bit his bottom lip.

 _I guess the other knights of Atlantia may be there. They really might just need someone to keep track of things. Depending on the tavern, we might ride to get there. Or they might need someone to blame if they are skipping duty today. Or need something to do once they are roaring drunk…_

A small seed of annoyance came through the bond from the dragon. He focused on the trees getting closer and closer in the vision Aithusa sent him, thinking of the knight's proposal.

"For all I know, they have some trick planned… Do you think the Knights of Atlantia would be coming otherwise?"

Gwaine shook his head.

"Oh my honor, they would come with good intentions."

Merlin looked at Gwaine doubtfully. Aithusa sent a wave of doubt or puzzlement to full Merlin's chest in response to the knight's promise. He looked to the side, musing.

"I don't see the knights of Atlantia changing just because they got in trouble with Arthur for causing a scene in the towns. Not to mention, all Arthur's knights are pretty friendly with the knights of Atlantia despite how many times they kicked me in the dirt. Because oh but that's hilarious Merlin! Look you're covered in mud, and it's freezing out! How do you not find that funny?"

He mocked in a fake impersonation of one of the knights, not realizing he was speaking out loud again. Gwaine winced and shot Percival a concerned glance, puzzled at his form of address, before looked back at Merlin who remained oblivious. He had turned away from the Knights slightly so they could only see half of his face. Gwaine looked up from his exchange with Percival to survey the area Merlin faced. Rows of shields and swords created rows. Could someone be working with Merlin behind them? They could tell his rant was far from finished so they sucked in a breath and waited for their friend to continue.

Aithusa, won over by Merlin's frustration, sent a bout of anger through the bond to express his displeasure at the knights. Merlin watched a blast of fire from the dragon's mouth consume a dead tree in seconds.

"Yeah, I know. But, they are only here for the winter so I can hang on till then. If it wasn't for all the stupid nobles and Arthur being all 'oh I'm a king now I need to make a good impression on the neighboring kingdoms' it really would not be so bad. The more I think about it, I'm almost positive this has nothing to do with them wanting to spend time together. I didn't tell you about this yet because I know it just makes you angry—you really need to work on your temper—but just two weeks ago Gwaine and Earl dragged me to the training field telling me I had to judge their fight. What they really wanted, was to use me for Arthur and Philip's stupid target practice because they had bets on who was the better shot with a bow—"

Gwaine twitched uncomfortably. It had been the one time he actually participated in one of the Knights pranks towards Merlin. He tried to interrupt Merlin, but the servant just plowed over his attempt and Elyan silenced his with a hand on his shoulder.

"—They all stood and laughed! I don't even need to tell you how bad Arthur is at shooting arrows! I'm pretty sure I would have been impaled if I didn't move a few out of the way! You would have fun relaying that story to Kilgharrah. Sorry, Merlin's destiny is over. He got killed by an arrow from the once and future King because Arthur is a terrible shot. I'm just lucky they both are such idiots, and no one noticed!"

He was sent another image of Aithusa burning a dead tree and tried to stop a laugh unsuccessfully.

"Merlin?" Elyan asked. Taking a step towards the servant and trying to see beyond the rows of armor that blocked his view.

"Give me a minute, Elyan. I'm trying to decided if I can work it in with everything else. –You know, I don't think we agree on how to handle people we don't like! I may be mad, but I don't think Arthur would let it go if I just started setting people aflame. Besides, you still haven't helped me figure out how to get around this and that fire better not get any bigger! If you start a forest fire all because I told you something that set you in a rage, I'll stop talking to you for the day."

He could feel Aithusa's disagreement course through him and rolled his eyes as another tree was set ablaze.

"Ok so maybe I would never actually stop talking to you, but you re—"

"MERLIN!?"

"I don't know Gwaine!"

He blurted out, annoyed at being pulled from his conversation.

"What if you just get me in trouble with Arthur? I swear, that prat has been waiting for me to make one little mistake recently and this might be it. Besides, won't you have more fun if you just go with Philip's knights? They are only going to be here until the spring starts anyway. Go with them."

He focused back on Aithusa, plopping back on the floor with his back to the knights to finish the armor.

"Ok and that third tree is clearly why you are not the one in charge here. The last thing I need to deal with is things randomly bursting into flames. And for the record, even if I am beyond dealing with their stupid tormenting, I'm not going to just blow people up! It doesn't work that way! Actually that almost goes against everything I believe in really. Unless, you know, someone is trying to hurt Arthur. Then it's probably okay. "

He could see a snort raise the edge of Aithusa's nose. He watched as the dragon blew smoke at the burnt tree again.

" We aren't going t—" Gwaine started to convince Merlin their offer was genuine when he was cut off again by Merlin throwing his hands up in a huff as a wave of displeasure rushed through him and the dragon blasted a large flame into the air.

"Okay! I get it! You think I should have told them to shove off now and never speak to them again. You can stop with the dramatics! But let's just agree that you sure as hell hold a grudge a lot longer than I ever could!"

"MERLIN! WHO the HELL are you talking too?"

"Ah!" Merlin gave a shout as Gwaine gripped his forearm and pulled him up. Elyan walked past the rows of armor, looking for another servant hidden away. He looked to Gwaine and shook his head.

"If anyone else is here, show yourself."

Merlin tried to stumble away from Gwaine who held his forearm firmly grasp in his strong hands. His concentration with Aithusa broke, although the dragon's pleasure at his understanding forced a crooked smile on his face despite the fear sending pulses of blood rushing up to his ears.

"Wha? What do you mean?" A panicked look crossed over his face as he realized he might have been talking out loud. When he really focused on a conversation, it became hard to tell the difference. He always thought he would distinguish his mental conversation from physical, but he had stayed up all night again working on spells with Aithusa. Did his lack of sleep blur the lines too much for him to tell? Or was it just the security he felt now. If anything happened to him, Aithusa would instantly come to his rescue. His hands gripped Gwaine's wrists to pull the Knight's hands from arm, but when he did not move them at the servants attempt, his hand laid loosely around Gwaine's elbow. "I…Um…Was I thinking out loud?"

"You call that thinking out loud? Who the hell thinks like that?"

"Um, yes? Myself? Imaginary friend…maybe? How…how much exactly did you hear?" He asked nervously. Gwaine shot a nervous glance at the other knights who looked more than uncomfortable. A tense look crossed between them.

It was hard to ignore. Either their friend definitely needed to rest, or someone had been on the other end of that conversation. Someone with magic. Neither of the options sounded good, but no one wanted to entertain the idea that Merlin had actually in conversation with a sorcerer.

 _I'll talk to you in a minute. I'm pretty sure I started talking out loud and I don't think it looks very good._ He felt Aithusa's concern and sent him a reassuring nudge, not daring to say more.

To the surprise of the other knights, Gwaine shook his head and clapped Merlin on the shoulder.

"Forget it Merlin. No more than I say to myself when I get really drunk, which can't happen if we sit around here all day. And you clearly need the break. You can talk to yourself all you want after a few glasses of ale. I won't even look at you funny, I swear. I'll be right there with you."

He glanced at the other Knights from the corner of his eye to gauge their reaction as his other hand rested above hilt of his sword. Although still tense, they seemed to accept his dismissal of the scene they just witnessed. He would have to keep a closer eye on how Merlin acted in case he got himself into more trouble before he discovered what was going on with Merlin.

Had Merlin somehow gotten in with the wrong crowd? He knew his friend was alone for the winter. Had he gone and done something stupid? Was he really conspiring with a sorcerer? Or were the winter months wearing him thinner than they thought. He never took Merlin for someone who would be mentally weak. His friend's bright vitality always surprised him. But, what could have caused that scene?

"Look…Gwaine, Elyan, Percival…I'm really sorry. Really, I am, but maybe I should just try to finish my work. I don't think I can really afford to skip. I must be more tired than I thought"

"No can do Merlin." Gwaine said with a frown. Merlin gaped at him.

"You can't force me to go with."

"Actually, after hearing you rant to yourself about how angry you are at all of us, I'm pretty sure I have a duty to drag you now and make up for it. I'm sorry for not being around so much. It's been a crazy few weeks, so let's forget it. We have a lot of catching up to do by the sounds of it, and I'm sure those weren't the only things you're angry at us about. You can tell us all about that too. And about blowing things up apparently? Setting things aflame?"

Merlin groaned.

"No, I didn't…I didn't mean that I just was ranting to myself. There was a new formula Gaius invented and I just…It was not supposed to be out loud! I'm not…arg… I'm…why does he keep_"

Another image of the sky popped into his head, and he desperately wished he was in it. Of course Aithusa would not stop sending him images even when he asked. It was still hard to focus with the clouds swirling in and out of his vision.

"What did you tell them anyway? The Knights of Atlanta? Why do they have to come?"

Merlin asked, desperate to change the conversation.

"That if they ever mess with you again, not even Arthur can protect them from us. And basically how we run things here. You are under special protection now. If anyone touches you again, they will have to answer to all of us. With or without Arthur's support."

"They did wrong by you, but they are good men. They followed their Prince blindly. Think you can forgive them?"

Elyan asked, trying to steer away from the uncomfortable atmosphere of the earlier conversation although it still bothered him. He wondered at telling Arthur, but felt there might be enough strain between the King and his friend. Would it put Merlin's life in danger if he told the King about the conversation? Or would the King's life be at risk if he did not. Was it possible someone had enchanted Merlin? Could Merlin be in danger? Perhaps he really had been thinking out loud.

Arthur and the Knights spoke to Merlin scarcely in the past month. With how close Merlin appeared to the King, could a sorcerer have targeted him and no one noticed? Merlin would never practice sorcery. Arthur trusted him completely. He thought as he looked at the servant. But that did not mean that he was not being targeted by a sorcerer. Could someone be enchanting him to not recognize sorcery when it was being used on him?

Merlin snorted, oblivious to the struggle within the Knights. He knew he was going to agree.

"I haven't gotten an apology yet." He muttered with a pout.

Gwaine started to laugh and Elyan joined him, ignoring his worry in the familiar laugh of his friend. He had missed the youngest member of their group. Although it would need to be addressed, he felt his fellow knights would speak about what happened with Merlin later. Percival, the only one containing himself, spoke.

"That's because Gwaine and Leon said if they go near you in the next few days that they were going to put them in the stocks and cut off their hands. Unless we see them apologize. But, we figured we would give you a few days to cool down and to talk to Arthur. Unless you are against it, they wanted to speak to you at the tavern later in the day."

"Leon said that?!"

"Hey, and me!"

"We haven't been around much, but that does not mean you're any less important to us." Elyan stated, looking straight into Merlin's baby blue eyes. The grin that took over Merlin's face was infectious. Elyan made a small promise to himself to make sure whatever was happening with Merlin would be solved.

"Gods I haven't had break in so long. Let's go before Arthur find out I'm not finishing his armor. Or anything else for that matter."

"That's the spirit! I haven't skipped out on duties in too long!"

Gwaine called out as he slung his arm around Merlin. Elyan shut the door tightly behind them as they trailed out of the armory. As they started the trek down the city streets, Gwaine started to recount all he knew of the Knights from Atlantia. Merlin listened to the stories, slightly bemused at the situation as he walked with the Knights as equals to the tavern.

Once they found a booth at the tavern, each with a mug of ale, Merlin settled into the familiar feeling of his friend's around him. The Knights took turns roaring through tales of adventure and the nobles' gossip. Mostly Gwaine's voice cycled through the air. Merlin did his best to avoid directly talking to Aithusa who called for his attention over the bond, sending the dragon images of Gwaine's tales and what kept the Knights busy since they last spoke. When Gwaine started bombarding him with questions, he abandoned talking to Aithusa entirely with a quick apology to fill the dragon in later that night.

The knights mainly wanted to know what he had been doing, how life was without Gaius, was Arthur driving him crazier than normal now that he was King? He kept his responses short, not wanting to talk too much in case he outstayed his welcome. Several ales later, the knights asked him all the same questions and received full Merlin worthy rants to follow, although he stuttered several times and seemed to lose focus on what he was saying more than once. The Knights did their best to ignore how ever so often he would seem to focus on something behind their shoulders or say something that didn't make sense with any conversation, strange expressions crossing over his face. They also did their best to ignore how he would sometimes start telling them a story only to trail off. Merlin never kept things from them before, had he? Why was he starting now? No one wanted to spoil the mood by calling him out, so they let it be and focused other subjects.

"Leon might not make it. You know how he is about missing work." Gwaine complained when Merlin asked about the other Knight.

"Who said I wasn't going to be here?"

The man in question roared as he slammed a mug of ale on the table and scrapped a chair across the wood floor of the tavern to sit next to Percival. Merlin looked up from his drink with a goofy grin plastered to his face.

"Leon!" He declared happily, leaning across the table as he spoke. "I missed you!" The other knights laughed.

"We might need to cut him off already if he is going to start talking like that!"

"Hey! Don't be jealous! I missed you guys a whole lot too!"

"Ha! You and me both mate!" Gwaine cried as he slammed an empty mug on the table and draped an arm around his friend. "Can I get another round for me and my men here? We're celebrating!"

"Is it someone's birthday?" Merlin asked confused.

"No it's a reunion! I paid of the doorman off, so when Arthur comes to look for us he doesn't spoil the fun!"

The knights roared with laughter, and Merlin was so elated he recounted the entire scene to Aithusa who sent him a jealous puff. He laughed harder and focused on the floating sensation he was feeling from the ale for a moment. As the day carried on, Merlin continued complaining of Arthur and how much more of a Prat the King was even if he was still proud of him.

And when he slipped up and started talking to Aithusa, none of the knights paid him any mind. The knights of Atlantia eventually showed up, but his anxiety at remeeting dissipated surrounded by his friends, Gwaine's arm still around him as he leaned closer to tell Merlin something for his ears only. He accepted the Knights apology easily and with the roar of the fire in the hall and the tales they spun of questing for monsters and beasts, The knights of Atlantia started to grow on him. For the first time all winter, he felt as if he could stay in the walls of the city for just a little while longer.

Night descended on the group. With the day of a hard training as punishment for slacking off starting to get heavy in their minds, the men finished their ale and started to pile out of the tavern as one large group. Merlin sandwiched between Gwaine and Eric as they argued who had angered either Prince or King the most. As they turned to move back up to the citadel, Merlin broke away from the crowd to head towards the gates of the city. The Knights of the Round Table stopped and roared again with laughter loudly through the streets as Merlin stumbled in the opposite direction of his home.

"Need a little help getting around there mate?" Gwaine chuckled as he went to help his friend. The Knights of Atlantia carried on through the city, hoping to return unnoticed by their prince and put off the tongue lashing they knew was in store until the morning, calling goodbyes to the servant and knights. Merlin shook his head and turned around with a dazed smile.

"Come on Merls, the citadel is this way!"

'Nu-uh. I'm going to sleep with Aithusa!"

"WHAT!? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME WE HAVE BEEN TALKING IN THEIR ALL THIS TIME AND YOU JUST NOW MENTION THAT YOU HAVE A DAME!"

He smiled guiltily and scratched the back of his head, realizing what had just happened.

"Er—maybe? Yes?"

"Ha! Merlin you dog! We leave you alone for a few weeks and you go and get yourself a woman! How in the Hell did you find time for that! No wonder you acted half mad! Driving you crazy is she?"

Face flushed scarlet, he shook his head a few times before stumbling away from the knights to run outside the castle gates. He could hear their hollered cheers in the distance and thought he heard Gwaine bellow encouragements for something obscene as he stumbled to the cave, freezing time as he went. When he finally reached Aithusa, he stumbled into the dragon. Without waiting for Aithusa to settle, he plopped onto the cave floor and drifted to sleep before his friend started to curl around his collapsed body.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** _This chapter took a little longer than normal because I kept changing things! Hopefully it turned out okay. I almost rewrote a whole scene but decided if I kept at it then it would be a month before I updated again so I just kept what I had and decided to post it._

 _Warnings: none_

* * *

His blue eyes snapped open to a pair of large golden eyes glaring down on him.

"Must you always be watched like a hatchling young warlock?"

"Kilgh'rah?" He mumbled sleepily against the pounding headache in his skull. His eyes narrowed to small slits attempting to block the light peeking out around the large dragon. "I think…"

He sprang up suddenly, stumbling away from the cave before his stomach pushed out its contents onto an unsuspecting bush nearby. A tingling of magic and golden mist surround him. The sickness left him instantly. Energy flooded through his veins pounding his mind bright and alert.

"Arthur searches for you! Go! Least you send him here to look for you."

Curiosity peaked in him but risking Kilgharrah's wrath did not seem a smart idea when the dragon was already angry. He brushed his fingers across Aithusa's scales in farewell and rushed to the castle.

The king was already seated for breakfast with the nobles surrounding him and Gwen at all sides. The knights stood at attention near the door, no doubt instructed to wait for Arthur before training and their punishment began. He stole looks at them as he passed them. They nodded to him respectfully and snickered at his lateness.

He snatched the pitcher of water from George's outstretched hands that had been about to pour water and filled Arthur's glass, giving a challenging glare to the other servant who gaped at Merlin before stepping to the side, unsure how to handle the situation without causing a scene in front of the King and nobles. Merlin raised his chin, as if defiant to serve his king, even though he was playing with him. George gaped for a moment before swiping up an empty platter from the table and rushing out the servants corridor. Merlin chuckled to himself at the exchange.

He felt Arthur's glare heavily on his back, but knew the King would not question his late appearance in front of the guests. Gwaine caught his eye and winked. A couple of the Knights of Atlantia noticed and a poorly concealed laugh slipped their lips.

 _Oh yes._ Merlin though _. The throne room is tense today._

Once breakfast finished he followed the King back to his chambers and got his own small tongue lashing as he fastened the King's armor. Another long list that Merlin termed whatever Arthur could think of to make the workload larger tumbled from the King's mouth amidst other insults to Merlin's intelligence that he ignored. Apparently the Knights skipped training because Merlin did not have enough to do and dragged all the knights to the tavern. Merlin never knew he held so much power over the knights of Camelot or Atlantia to manage such a feat. He spoke little as Arthur ranted at him, much to the annoyance of his King, content to bicker with Aithusa about the magical elements of hawthorn root Gaius would perhaps find interesting when he returned.

With Arthur punishing his knights after breakfast, Merlin started on the many tasks Arthur assigned him. He stole a break midday to collect another book from the vaults that detailed care of various magical creatures. The guilt he initially felt from breaking into the vaults dissipated completely compared to the first time he stole from the vast caverns. He borrowed almost carelessly, removing and returning books to the vaults. Most of them at least proved useful.

Now that he focused solely on magic, he found his ability to understand spells increased drastically. Unlike before where it took him hours or days to learn a spell, his magic rushed to his call without effort. He learned spells and enchantments with a new speed he never thought possible. He could start to feel not only a connection to Aithusa, but the very ground beneath him as he walked. Strands of magic flowing from one person to the next, some golden bright and some dull and muddled, to trees and birds circling the sky burst to life in front of him.

Before, he studied magic to keep Arthur alive. Always a purpose. Always a reason. Now, it became his passion. He still explored new ways to keep Arthur safe. New spells to protect. He hunted for new spells to help his dragon. Healing balms, enchantments, anything that might help. But in between the hunting, he savored each spell, each enchantment, each scrap of theory he could find.

The final call of the knights from training caught his ear, and he rushed down to meet his King who looked up as he arrived, the last of the knights casting their swords to the side with a clang.

"Merlin."

He stated in greeting. The Servant inclined his head and fell into step behind the King as he traveled through the castled up to his chambers. Out of all the magic the people emitted, Arthur's looked the brightest. Not in strength, but in clarity. Sometimes it would muddled over, but when it cleared it looked brighter. As if, out of all the people, he shown the brightest to Merlin. Could it be because Arthur was his other half of the coin?

Arthur coughed loudly, pulling Merlin out a trance of boring his eyes into his Master's chest.

An awkward tension snapped through the air, but Merlin ignored it. He heard Arthur clear his throat several times as if to speak. Finally, Arthur must have found the correct or suitable words.

"You were late again today. Is this going to remain a daily thing with you?"

Strangely, although sharp, the words held no bite. As if Arthur clamped down on his anger and held it inside his chest. He sounded almost tired, weary even. Merlin noticed this, but the words still stirred up the dirt to a large cloud residing in his chest whenever he thought of Arthur.

"I don't know. Are you planning on not being a prat anytime soon or is that too much to ask of a King?"

They both froze as the words tumbled out of Merlin's mouth before he could stop them. He could tell the King had been trying to offer some sort of olive branch from the morning, but it was not good enough. Only cutting out the anger and the insults failed to abate the bitterness dwelling within him.

Arthur inhaled sharply and turned to face Merlin. He found himself wondering when their bickering turned to arguing. _Probably around the time you decided to treat him like a ghost._ A small voice whispered in the back of his mind. He was a fool to think Merlin would just accept it. He was the one who always claimed Merlin acted more sensitive than most of the women he knew. What did he expect? Arthur's eyes swept over Merlin's defensive stance. His eyes trailed up to Merlin's eyes. He almost took a step back from the empty rage he saw there.

"Forgive me, Sire. For speaking out of turn." The sarcasm dripped from his words as he danced around Arthur. His face burned with frustration and embarrassment. He never could hold his tongue could he? How had he managed to keep so many secrets for so long? He hardly registered Arthur's voice speaking and then calling after him as he fled from the room to finish his chores and escape the tremors starting up his arms feeling like a steaming pot with a lid left on the fire too long.

 _Show me the sky Aithusa._

Bright blue burst into his vision and a smile touched his face.

 _I really don't know what I would do without you._

Warmth seeped into his chest. He knew Aithusa felt the same.

* * *

Knowing Kilgharrah waited for nightfall to speak to him, he debated asking the Great Dragon what he thought about his new idea on Dragonlords as he drew a bath for Arthur. Perhaps Kilgharrah knew more about Dragonlords that he could teach him. The King chatted from behind the dressing screen, but Merlin mainly ignored him. Arthur had started talking to him more over the past few days, rambling about the Court and the visiting nobles. Not expecting the King's attention on him to last, he hardly paid attention. He did not think he could bear it if the old Arthur returned and then left again. So he ignored the King's attempts at banter and real conversation, giving a yes or grunt when it seemed appropriate in-between talking with Aithusa, trying to do his best interpretation of some of the other palace servant he observed waiting on other nobles.

 _Do you think we should ask him?_

He received a non-committed feeling from the dragon.

 _Have you talked about it to him before? Your sometimes ahead of me on things like this._

No, Aithusa had not mentioned it before then.

 _He is waiting for me right? He didn't leave?_

A vision of Kilgharrah soaring through the air clouded his vision. A tremor of longing spiraled through him as he watched his wings beat against the wind.

He tested Arthur's water temperature with a single finger and used a spell to heat the water. Steam rose in swirls.

 _Maybe we could show him the cave tonight. I could use a steam bath._

The dragon chirped in agreement and he smiled as he imagined them crashing into the water. It was hard to imagine Kilgharrah splashing around in the water, but perhaps there was a side of the Great Dragon that he had not experienced yet.

Arthur stepped out of the screen and watched different expressions flutter across Merlin's face. His brows rose as a lazy smile stayed plastered on his manservant's lips. Of course. Here he was trying to breach a gap with the servant and the man ignored everything out of his mouth. Although he was not willing to give up the charade in front of the nobles, he had been making an effort the past few days to try and mend his relationship with Merlin. The unfamiliar anger in Merlin's voice started to become too familiar every time he spoke. The stones formed in the bottom of his stomach churned every time he glanced at his friend and received that angry expression.

Every passing day that went by without Merlin at his side, he started to doubt his decision to keep Merlin from the visitors. Perhaps it came down to his own fears, that he would not truly be able to protect his loved ones against the evils of the world driving him to such a rash decision, especially against magic. And like a moth to a flame, Merlin attracted trouble wherever he went. Or, had he simply allowed himself to fall prey to his own paranoia? A frown marred his face at the thought Gwen had planted in his mind. No. He could not allow himself to think that way. He always had to trust his own decisions to keep his family safe.

He glanced down to Merlin. Shocked for a moment at this own thoughts, then savored the peaceful feeling that came from Merlin's smile, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy. Not once was the smile directed at him anymore. The jealousy churned his anger more than he liked to admit, even if he was the cause of the current rift in their relationship. It had to be for the best.

"What are you smiling about?"

As if cold water dropped on Merlin, the smile vanished from his face. Arthur's eyes rolled in annoyance. How was everything he said this past week the wrong thing to say. It had never been hard to cheer up his manservant before. He would say one thing, one explanation and the servant would be beaming at him as if all his past transgressions never existed. Now, Merlin looked up at him, a neutral expression covering his face.

"Your bathwater is ready." He said as he stood up.

"My bathwater is ready." Arthur repeated back to him as Merlin's brows rose.

"Did you even listen to anything I was telling you? In fact, did you listen to anything that I tried to tell you this morning?"

Merlin's eyes flicked to the dressing screen and then back to Arthur. A nervousness settled over his manservant as he shuffled from one foot to the other. And yet, he had been smiling earlier. Over the past few days Arthur noticed a lightness settle over his friend again. Perhaps he worried for nothing. Unsure how to approach everything that happened-or everything that did not happen-with his friend, he shook his head and sunk into the steaming water waiting for him.

"Forget it Merlin."

"Whatever you say Sire." A little of his old cheek dusted the edges of Merlin's voice and Arthur found himself holding onto it. Perhaps, everything would work out. The nobles would leave. Merlin would not be at risk, and everything would return to normal.

* * *

Night fell before Merlin went to meet Aithusa. As promised the Great Dragon waited for him there. Curled up in the cave comfortably, the older dragon watched with amusement as the young dragon and warlock greeted each other with small roars, circling each other playfully before Aithusa pounced on Merlin knocking him down into the snow blanketing the ground in pure white.

The older dragon laughed and watched Merlin blast Aithusa into the air with magic. The two continued to spare, one in the air and one on the ground before Aithusa and Merlin insisted on dragging Kilgharrah down to their own oasis in the mountain. He followed the pair through the large cave before rolling into the hot spring with his younger kin and Dragon lord, feeling largely like he was looking after two hatch-lings. The steam licked at his scales, and he groaned in pleasure. He watched the two play in the water until Merlin swam to rest in the fold of his wing, still submerged comfortably in the steaming waters. Before long, Merlin fell asleep against his wings. Kilgharrah signaled to Aithusa to follow him out of the cave as he carried the sleeping Dragonlord on his back.

Merlin jolted awake when the cold stone touched his skin from the back floor of the cave while Kilgharrah and Aithusa settled for the night, heating up the rocks near the mouth of the cave. Once they finished, he trudged over to them, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He stumbled over Kilgharrah's limb and settled in the center of the two dragons who surrounded him in a circle. Thoughts stirring again, he decided to ask Kilgharrah about being a caretaker for dragons. To his surprise, the older dragon laughed.

"We have always had Dragonlords since I hatched from my own egg. I may not always agree with you, young one, but it warms my heart that this is still the case." His tone turned gentle as he turned his head slightly to catch Merlin's eye.

"Had your destiny been different, you might have stayed with Aithusa after you called him from his egg. Had you done this as things are now, Camelot would have fallen to ruin. His pain is not your doing."

Merlin nodded slowly, lost in thought as Kilgharrah dug up one of the wounds he tried to hide. He turned to look at the parts of Aithusa that had been disfigured. The funny way some of the scales stuck out from the rest and the hard scratches that marred his flesh. The way his back arched in the wrong places.

"I think I know. I want to help." He placed a hand to a particular ugly scar and signed.

He heard the older dragon's voice resonate in his head. " _You are already searching for a way to heal Aithusa's wound and scars. For now, this is enough."_

" _Do you know of a way?"_

" _If I did, it would have been given to you long before now. It is not wise to keep returning to these woods. He will keep returning here if you do, and we are too close to the city. You are lucky you have not been found as it is by Arthur or his knights. Nor should you return to the vaults. You have returned several times, have you not?"_

" _I know. But I can't stop now. He trusts me now, and I told him I am looking for a way to heal him. I've learned so much about Magic, and there is still so much more I can learn. He is counting on me to look after him."_

" _We are brother's Merlin. Kin. He would still trust you. And you would be safe to fulfill your destiny. Aithusa has returned his loyalty to you so you have no reason to fear. He must get further from Camelot, yet every night he returns to wait for you. Each time you risk getting caught. The king is not yet ready to know of your magic. It is not yet time for Aithusa to enter Camelot."_

" _I know. I'm sorry, Kilgharrah. But I'm not sure if I could stop if I wanted too. Aithusa calls me somehow, and I am drawn to answer. It is almost unbearable to stay in Camelot longer than I have too sometimes. It's hard to explain. I thought I was just upset at first, but now I'm not sure. His magic calls to me."_

" _You have reestablished the bond shared between Dragon and Dragonlord. This time it will run deep within you both. Dragonlords were never mean to be separated from their kin. This is why you feel this way. He will understand, and the yearning will lesson as time passes. You must stay among the people of Camelot."_

" _But you and I have some sort of a bond, don't we? Yet I have never felt this strongly when you leave my side. And is that why our magic keeps flowing each time we are together?"_

" _Your bond with Aithusa is different than mine because you are the Dragonlord to call him from his egg. As for your magic, I believe your magic is acting of its own accord to heal Aithusa. In part, it has done so with the trauma he has faced. I have not seen his scales sparkle so since his hatch-ling days. Aithusa reaches out for you and now that you have reconciled your magic responds. But you must stop this, Merlin. It cannot continue. You should never have created such a strong bond with him. "_

" _Why? What harm are we causing?"_

" _It will be much harder to separate if you do not put distance between you. The call will only grow stronger to stay among your kin. We must travel on and you cannot come with. You must stay to fulfill your destiny"_

" _What does it have to do with my destiny? I haven't abandoned Arthur by seeking out Aithusa. And I'm not hurting Arthur by helping Aithusa either. He gives me joy. Is that so wrong?"_

" _No, and it must stay that way. Each time you come, you risk the young King discovering your secret. "_

" _I'm careful."_

" _You can never be careful enough. You cannot risk failure of your destiny for this. I know your heavy heart brings you here as well as your call to Aithusa, but you must seek help from your friends now. Did not the knights reach out to you? You cannot continue to allow Aithusa to rely on you or you on him. "_

" _How_ _can i rely on anyone in Camelot when I cannot tell anyone about my magic! Besides, they have been busy with more important things, and I don't want to bother them. The days have been peaceful in Camelot. Until something happens, I am not needed right now."_

" _You are strong, young warlock. The long winter will pass. Spring will bring happier days."_

"' _I'm not so sure. Why should I listen to you? You're trying to separate me from one of the only good things in my life right now."_

" _I too, care for you, young warlock. I would not say these words, if I was not already concerned for your well being. The time for the peace of Albion has not yet come. Lay down your head, oh weary one. Sleep and heed my words. You must not continue to come here._ "

Disgruntled at the warning, he felt dread settle in his stomach and irritatingly wondered how he could sleep with a threat hanging over his head and the advice to face the rest of the winter alone. More and more he dreamed of flying in far off lands, magic crackling from his fingers to create a sparkling dust in the sky.

No more hiding.

No more expectations.

And especially no more visiting nobles.

He felt the soft rumbles of a laugh from Kilgharrah and a soft mist descended from the dragon's snot, calming him and settling his heart. He smiled gratefully and snuggled into the older dragon, trying to fight the exhaustion to lay awake and think. Completely surrounded by the pair, he settled into a deep sleep.

* * *

With Prince Philip currently distracted by one of the nobles Arthur leaned over to whisper in Gwen's ear.

"Have you noticed something different about Merlin recently?"

Gwen looked up from the glazed ham to her friend who hurried from the room to fetch another jug of wine. Guilt filled her a little. Attending to the women had been more of a handle than she imagined leaving her with little time to speak to Merlin than the time he caught her in the hallway and when she had pulled him aside during breakfast. She never gave it much thought until she realized Arthur's attitude towards Merlin when the nobles were around did not stop when they left. The pair argued about it often.

But instead of abandoning her duties to help her friend, something she knew the handmaiden Gwen would have done, she watched him sink into a depression with every day that passed by. Although she never admitted to herself before, she neglected her friend almost as much as Arthur. As if arguing with him somehow helped her friend at all.

She worried less when he gained a spring back to his step as he worked. Although she could tell her friend was still tired, he seemed more of the Merlin they were used too, like the gloom that settled when Gaius left lifted. Her worry increased again when she discovered he had picked up a strange habit of smiling or laughing to himself as if in conversation. His tendency to talk to actual people decreased. She overheard the servants on several occasions whispering to one another about his strange behavior. Had Arthur started to hear the rumors in the castle? Perhaps he would finally see reason and begin mending his friendship with Merlin again. Although he did his best to hide it, he missed his friend terribly. She caught each frustrated sign and longing glance he cast to his friend. The days without his best friend at his side weighed heavy on him. She did her best to ease the tension and stress from his position but she only saw him so many times during the day. Merlin had been there all the time.

She turned back to Arthur and whispered back.

"I have hardly had time to see him. He seems to be in a better mood these days, unless you believe the rumors. Why? What did you do now?"

Her brow creased with worry. Arthur's face turned into an attempt to mask emotion.

"Does he?" He asked hopefully. "And why should it have been something I did?"

She put her silverware down and glanced blankly across the table. She watched Merlin walk back in the room and start to fill the goblets of Prince Philip's sisters.

"Because he is your friend, and you really haven't been treating him like one. Neither have I." She whispered the last part quietly to herself.

"He is my manservant Gwen."

"Exactly. That just what I've been talking about. Your manservant who is one of the reasons you are on the thrown." One of the visiting princesses looked up as if to try and join Arthur and Gwen's secret conversation but she shook her head to the shy princess who nodded back politely and distracted her curious sister. Perhaps, it was time to make sure Arthur saw reason. "Just because you are King now, you or your knights can't be seen speaking to Merlin in public?"

"That is NOT true!"

Gwen shook her head, angered at his outburst and turned to the nobles residing at the table who looked up at yell. Unlike the others, Merlin did not even flinch or acknowledge the outburst of the king. She sighed.

"Forgive our impertinence, but I must speak with the King on a matter of the utmost importance that has just been brought to my attention. Our staff will see that you are cared for."

Arthur's face flushed in anger at the murmurs that rose from the people, but they filled out of the room quickly, servants following with their meals. Gwen could not help but notice how Merlin left the room with them without a second thought. _When did that start?_ She thought. The servant never use to leave the room when everyone else had been dismissed, always staying by Arthur's side to serve him.

"Gwen. Tell me you did not just throw out the entire court to talk about Merlin."

He growled as the door clicked shut.

"And I will do it again if you don't listen to me. I'm tired of this Arthur. And I'm tired of you not taking this seriously. Enough is enough."

"I don't treat him any different than before."

"You both are hurting Arthur. When was the last time you two actually just talked to one another? Not try to do any more petty pranks. You have stopped that haven't you?"

A rare guilty expression crossed Arthur's face and stayed there before turning annoyed as he recalled his behavior over the past month. Although he instigated the knights to mess with Merlin, he never intended it to get out of hand. The knights of Atlantia simply had other ideas of what crossed into too far. He had started to notice the way the knights seemed to push Merlin around a little harder than normal a little too late. His own knights had stepped in and put a stop to it as soon as they realized it was going too far, but only after Merlin had hurt his arm from the fall.

The blood was hard to laugh off.

What really forced Arthur to step in was when Prince Philip had decided it would be funny to stone his servant in the stocks. He might have never known if Gwaine had not caused a scuffle in the lower town and that bothered him. Although he knew Prince Philip had changed for the better since the incident, ever since he sent Merlin away that day he felt as if his friend became cold to him.

Throughout the day he could never seem to catch his eye. Even when things were busy in the past, they always seemed to be able to at least exchange a smile. That alone, always made the day more bearable. But Merlin never smiled at him anymore. Not a real smile that lite up his face. He thought he did the right thing by distancing himself from Merlin, but now again he was starting to doubt his judgment. He meant to protect Merlin by pulling away, so how had the Servant ended up in so many situations where he still got hurt? Instead of letting Gwen know he worried for his friend, he tried to brush her off.

"Merlin's not a child Gwen. He can look after himself."

"Not when you set the entire entourage of visiting knights and their prince on a quest to torment Merlin. What is he supposed to do? Slap the prince?"

"He never has a problem doing that to me."

"That's because you two are like brothers, Arthur. He does need you to look out for him every now and then. But more importantly, he needs to KNOW that you are looking out for him. I don't think Philip is going to try anything again and it actually looked like he was getting along with the other knights now, but this winter has been hard on him. Gaius isn't here either, remember? He's been all alone and I know how awful that can be during the winter. I don't think any of us have been there for him."

When Arthur did not argue, she knew that he was finally starting to see her side. Speaking to him about Merlin had become a sore spot over the past few weeks that usually ended up with Arthur irritated and Gwen angry.

"Merlin and I have gone days without really talking. It's nothing different than normal. "

"But not like this Arthur. And you may have gone days without talking to him, but Merlin has never gone days without talking to you, until now. You have been purposefully isolating him from you, and Merlin knows it. He must. I've just never seen him act so distant before. It's strange. He just keeps to himself, which I can understand because we have all been so busy, but apparently even the servants are talking about it because he stopped talking to them too. They say he keeps talking to himself while he works, a lot of which is apparently about you. The whole serving staff in Camelot thinks you two are having the fight of your lives and that Merlin is going half-crazy because of it!"

Arthur used one hand to massage his temples.

"And yes believe it or not, everyone already knows you two are friends so your whole King and Servant act isn't going to prove anything! If anything that scheme you pulled backfired. And when Merlin isn't doing things for you and our visitors, he is tending to our sick. Did you know he was looking after our people in Gaius's absence? I only wish I could help him more, but I never seem to catch him at the right time, he always tends to slip away and just shame on you Arthur Pendragon! For what you are doing! How could you push away your oldest, most dear friend?"

"I can't let people see how much he means to me Gwen. Think of the danger that would put him in! I can't have people protecting a servant day and night like I do you! And think of how the other kingdoms would act to know the king favors a servant! How they would talk! It's different now. "

"No, Arthur! You are making things different. No one thinks you are a weak King! And everyone already knows there is something going on between you two. Would a King run from the throne room to free a servant from the stocks? He isn't just a servant Arthur. This is Merlin! He might as well be your advisor as well as your servant! You need each other."

"It's not like I haven't tried the past week! I do listen to you sometimes…you might have…convinced me a little bit the last time we talked." He winced thinking of the last time Gwen had been angry with him over his dismissive attitude with Merlin "Other than knocking him about to help his moral, there isn't much time to say much with all the work going around. I'm still getting the hang of the whole King thing. It was on purpose at first, but now I don't know. I don't know how to even begin."

Gwen sighed.

"Arthur. Merlin isn't a knight. You knocking him around or whatever you want to call it probably only makes things worse. "

"Oh please Gwen, it's a man thing! Of course it does the job. I cannot believe we are even sitting here talking about Merlin's feelings right now."

Gwen rolled her eyes and ignored the comment she knew Arthur had no emotion to back up. "Arthur, Merlin isn't like most people. Besides, how is being left in the stocks all day supposed to cheer him up?"

"You know I had nothing to do with that Gwen."

"But does Merlin Know that Arthur? The way he has been looking at you, I don't think he does."

Arthur groaned because he knew Gwen was right. Decorum be damned. He was really starting not to care what any of the visiting nobles thought when it came to Merlin, or he needed to start not caring if it meant getting things back to normal between him and Merlin.

It was the quiet that bothered Arthur the most. His normally cheery friend acted withdrawn around him and the knights now. At first Arthur thought he was just imagining it because of how Merlin tried to act as a somewhat respectable servant around the visitors. But when his friend started to focus a little too much on his chores and keep to himself, he had started to grow concerned. Then the talking had started, quiet murmurs but it always seemed to be to himself or as if Merlin were speaking to someone. It rarely happened, but when it did, he couldn't stop the seed of worry for his friend.

In some ways, he had never been more confused. When he started the winter, he thought he wanted to push Merlin away. It would keep his friend safe, and he would look like a strong King to the visitors. He never thought Merlin would start to change because of the way he treated him. He thought, no matter what he did, Merlin would always be the same goofy idiot. Now, he knew he could never have been more wrong. Merlin did change. Everything seemed to change, and he almost started to wonder if the mental affliction his father once mentioned should have been taken more seriously. He winced at the though, almost as if he betrayed Merlin somehow for thinking it. But he felt like he had broken something, and did not know how to pick up the pieces.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**

 _Warnings: mild graphic descriptions_

* * *

Aithusa never stopped waiting for him, hiding under the shadows of the cave until Merlin arrived.

And he always did, returning every night despite the thickening of the snow and the ice that covered every tree and shrub with a tremendous weight causing the lowest tips of branches to disappear in the snow. The call to be near his kin penetrated his core, leaving him strained and weak every time his final medical rounds finished and the last patient passed through the open door of his chambers to return home.

If only Kilgharrah had been wrong.

The sun glimmered low in the sky when Arthur dismissed him early with the invitation to…stay and talk? He did little more than raise a brow and sweep out the door of the King's chambers. Merlin still did not understand what the King had been trying to do—nor had he wanted to stick around to find out—itching to return to the woods where his magic would run wildly free from his body and intertwine with the magic of his dragon. Final patients cared for, he set out before twilight. A story book or legends grasped in his hand that he had taken from the vaults to meet Aithusa and sleep for the night. The dragon waited for him as always and bounded over, pressing his nose to Merlin's and nuzzling him affectionately. He laughed as Aithusa tried to coax him to play, and shook his head.

"I'll be buried in the snow! And look at all the ice! You will have to melt me out of it. I'm already freezing." As if to prove a point, his body shivered, and his teeth chattered involuntary for a moment before stopping.

Pouting, Aithusa circled around him. He felt the dragon's tail wrap around his waist, letting out a sigh of relieve from the warmth of the touch, and then air ripped out of his lungs as Aithusa tossed him off feet and into the air. He let out a shout of surprise as Aithusa barrel rolled below him and caught him on his soft belly. Rolling over again so Merlin could slide gently down his scaly side, Aithusa wrapped around Merlin protectively with a grin.

"Leave me out of your tricks from now on."

He scolded, feeling slightly green. Blood pumping to his ears, feeling exhilarated at the speed the dragon managed to pull off, a smile dusted his face before falling. He let out a tired breath. A long wet tongue swiped arose his face, and he absentmindedly place a hand on the top of Aithusa's head. He stayed that way for a moment before trudging through the snow to the warm cave. Aithusa curled around him as he sat down, and he leaned against the warmth of his side. He closed his eyes and savored the feeling his and Aithusa's magic created. With the little amount of sleep he got, he often wondered if Aithusa's magic helped recharge him each night. Perhaps, even if he did not get enough sleep, the magic flowing between them was enough to satisfy him.

His eyes fluttered open, weary but unwilling to fall to sleep. Aithusa nudged his knee, until he started to stroke the dragon's scales softly, magic sparkling from his fingertips. Merlin pulled out his book and opened to the spot on healing arts he had been reading towards the back. Most of it was theory and stories, no spells, but he felt it might be useful in creating a new spell to help his friend. No book ever mentioned creating spells, yet he knew they had to come from somewhere. Aithusa nuzzled Merlin's throat a few times which he knew meant Aithusa wanted him to sing. He continued to stroke Aithusa's scales and began to sing softly. The wind carried his voice softly through the woods drawling the surrounding animals closer to the clearing.

Eyes glowing golden in dim light, dragon curled around him, he watched the thin clouds move across the bottom of the full moon as he sang. The words of the old religion came to him as they often did. Blessings of the land, the creatures and to his kin. He could feel the magic of the forest humming around him as the trees and animals stirred to get closer to the source of magic. On nights like these, he always felt the moon echoed back.

* * *

He had been looking for Merlin when one of the guards told him he had gone out for the night.

"What do you mean, he left for the night?"

The knights looked at him, uncertain, before placing a stoic look back on his face.

"Your manservant always leaves the castle for the night, Sire. I thought he might stay in one of the nearby farmhouses while the court physician is away?"

Shock Arthur failed to hide transformed his features as his mind strained to understand the implications of the knight's words. Did Gaius really kick Merlin out of the house while he was gone? Surely the old physical did not have that little trust in Merlin. Did he not treat Merlin like his own son? Why would he make him travel in the thick snow every day?

"Any idea where I can find him?"

The knight shrugged.

"I failed to ask, but I know he always goes that way up the hill. You can see the trail he takes just at the edge of the woods if you draw close to it."

Arthur frowned. There was nothing on that side of the woods but wilderness. What could Merlin be doing there?

"Thank you."

"Shall I send some men to search for him, Sire?"

"That won't be necessary, Sir Charles."

The knight looked like he wanted to disagree, but nodded respectfully and stood to his post. Hardly noticeably, he found the trail the Knight pointed towards. He walked carefully, mindful of the areas ice formed on the trail from the compact snow.

 _Stupid Merlin_ , he thought angrily. He had let him go home early with the intention of meeting him at Gaius's house to finally sort out the mess their relationship had become after his attempts at conversation failed and after a few more arguments with Gwen. He had not counted on Merlin doing something other than going home. Nor had he even imagined home might not be the physician's chambers. How could he keep something like this from him? Did he not realize he could have just stayed in the palace until Gaius returned if needed? But them, they were not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. He cursed his luck as a tree branch scraped him across his cheek. _Stupid._

The trail carried on longer than he expected. The moon now hovered at its highest point in the sky—how would Merlin possibly walk this trail every day and night and actually come to work on time! But he had been late almost every day. Perhaps, this was why. He sighed and used his gloved fingers to massage his temples as he stopped to catch his breath. From the corner of his eye, he caught the hind of a deer creeping forward. He froze, watching the tail flick to the left as it crept out of his line of sight. He tilted his ear to the side and heard it. Quieter than a whisper, the faint sound of singing brushing against his ears. He crept forward on the icy path, startling a few ravens in the trees above and a white fox that startled and scampered up the trail.

The voice filled him with a strange sense of longing that prompted him to move quickly over the ice covered ground, ignoring the strange abundance of animals that scattered across the snow, leaving small tracks and prints. The voice sounded clearer now, and he ducked under an ice covered long-needle pine that obscured the trail. His head shot up, and he took a step back, brushing against the fir tree from where he had straightened from his crouch.

There was a small rocky clearing. Some of the plants and small trees had been shoved back as if smashed and—even stranger—no snow lined the hard ground that surrounded a large cave carved into the ground. He scanned the clearing and then he saw him, nuzzled up against a white scaly beast with its head near his chest. Panic filled him and he placed his hand on the hilt of his sword ready to rush to Merlin's aide, but his friend was not struggling with the beast to get away.

In fact, after a moment of studying the scene, his manservant was the source of the singing.

The foreign tune drifted to his ears and although he did not want to believe it, he recognized the language as similar to the words of sorcerers. His eyes widened as he finally noticed the gold glow coming from his Servant's eyes. How had he overlooked that before?

Could it be? His manservant—Merlin—was a sorcerer? Horror overflowed his mind as he struggled to process the setting before him. His hand clutched the hilt of his sword with white tipped fingers as he watched Merlin continue to sing to the night sky. The words of the song were indecipherable, but the wind carried the sound to him. It mesmerized and horrified him all at once. The cold from the outside air spiraled down into his throat and spiraled around his heart leaving him breathless. The dragon egg? Had it hatched instead of being destroyed? If Merlin lied to him about the egg's destruction, could he be working for Morgana as well? He almost slapped himself at the thought. Merlin would never willingly betray him. Despite all the betrayals and the anger churning inside him, he knew his friend would always be at his side. _I'm happy to be your servant, till the day I die._ So how could he be a sorcerer? The confusion churned in his gut crippling him. _Merlin would never betray me_. Blared through his mind like a mantra in the chaos.

Teeth clenched as Merlin started a new song, he recognized it as a lullaby. His grip loosened on his sword as he stood frozen like the ice covered shrubs surrounding them. He let out one large steamy breath and drew his sword.

Regardless of Merlin's involvement, he could not let a dragon walk free to destroy his city again. Thoughts of what he would be expected to do to Merlin once the beast was slain flashed in his mind, but he tossed them aside. There had to be some reason for the madness in front of him. He would never see Merlin burned, but if his friend turned out to not be who he thought he was—if he truly was evil—he would have too. He had destroyed the Great Dragon. He would destroy the white dragon too. Then he would deal with Merlin.

He stepped forward carefully. Slowly so as to not startle the beast. It occurred to him that he should leave to rally his knights, but what if Merlin somehow had not realized he was in danger? What if he was enchanted? What if, when he returned from rallying his Knights, the only thing remaining at the foot of the cave were bits of flesh and charred bone from the Dragon's latest meal? The only thing remaining of his friend, a cracked sliver of his skull and shreds of clothing.

Almost a stone's throw away, he froze at the quiet that descended upon the clearing. The singing had stopped and four golden eyes fixed on him. The dragon blinked lazily at him and flicked its tail, viewing him as of little consequence. He focused on the dragon, refusing to look into the traitorous eyes of his manservant although he could still see the glowing light from the corner of his eyes.

"Ar-Arthur?"

So it really was him. He would know that voice anywhere. If only it had been some sick trick of the moonlight.

"Get away from the dragon Merlin. That's an order."

His servant's face distorted with horror. He thru his hands up as if to keep Arthur away from the dragon who turned his head to the side and watched Merlin curiously. Fury blinded him at seeing the gesture from Merlin. So he did know magic.

"DON'T RAISE YOUR HANDS AT ME! I WILL CUT THEM DOWN SORCERER AND YOU WILL NEVER CAST ANOTHER SPELL AGAIN!"

Merlin pulled his hands protectively to his chest as he jolted to his feet, stumbling as he came to a stand. Aithusa's head raised from the ground and with a stroke of his legs, sprung up to stand curled protectively around Merlin. His eyes watched Arthur unblinking as he leaned on his back legs.

Raw terror assaulted crashed over Merlin again as he imagined Arthur and Aithusa fighting to the death. Each wounded. Either one dead. His eyes flicked from Excalibur to the sharp rows of teeth at his side. He could hardly breathe as he called to Arthur to tell him something, anything to make sure the vision did not come to pass.

"ARTHUR! Arthur please! Let me explain! Aithusa will not harm you! I swear, let me—"

"MERLIN BACK DOWN NOW. AS YOUR KING I COMMAND YOU TO STEP AWAY! Or are you no longer loyal to your King."

Aithusa's head raised as his wings flapped out around Merlin to their full length. He let out a mighty roar into the sky and crouched low on his talons, leering down at Arthur. No one commanded his Dragonlord.

Merlin hardly registered how badly his body trembled as his mind raced to come up with some kind of explanation. He had to show Arthur that he was still loyal to him, still served him, but he could not allow them to hurt one another. Not when both of them still meant so much to him.

"You can't hurt him Arthur. I can't let you hurt him." Arthur caught the tremor in Merlin's body as he tried to walk away from Aithusa who started to follow him as he stepped to the side, eyes fixed on Arthur. He watch Merlin struggle to get away from the dragon, but each time he tried the dragon prevented his retreat.

"Aithusa, stop it! Don't make me command you. Listen to Arthur!"

The dragon refused to listen as Merlin tried once again to step away but was blocked by a large outstretched wing and a low growl rumbling in the dragon's throat. Rage almost blinded him as he watched his servant try to escape from the monster keeping him from obeying his King. He took a deep breath as he raised his sword and plunged forward. He would have to force the two apart then. The dragon jumped to his two back legs, jaw open to strike. He could see an opening right below the left wing and—

"ITHI Aithusa!" Merlin roared in dragon tongue as soon as he watched Arthur start to charge. The ground rumbled sending Arthur off balance from his attack. He stumbled several steps to the side and glanced at Merlin as if to decide if the unnatural bellow had really been ripped from his servant's throat. The Dragon screeched at Merlin loudly before beating its wings and taking off to the sky. With another roar, Merlin commanded Aithusa to return to Kilgharrah. The force of its wings rocked Arthur and Merlin to the ground. As Merlin watched his friend disappear into the night sky, he felt his eyes return to their normal blue hue and the loss of Aithusa's magic which no longer threaded through his veins. The weariness returned as if he had never stopped to rest. It had been too soon. Too soon to leave his dragon.

He was about to stand to look for Arthur, make sure his King was unharmed, when he felt a metal blade press against his throat. Arthur loomed over him with Excalibur.

"What. Was. That?"

"Arthur! I ca—"

"You have betrayed me? I know what you are now sorcerer, and if you do not answer my questions I swear on my Father's grave I will plunge this sword through your heart this night, right here."

Merlin's eyes widened and watched a tear fall from Arthur's eye. _This can't be happening. Not like this. Not when we are so so far apart._ He could hear Aithusa shrieking in his mind and tried to shut out all the rage, worry and jealousy coming from the dragon.

Why did everything always go so wrong? He could never kill Merlin, but he needed him to think he could. He needed the truth, if the servant could give it to him. He had watched Merlin's eyes fade from gold to blue as the dragon left and then a thought struck him, could he really be enchanted?

Merlin felt frozen.

"Ar-arthur please let me ex—"

"What were you doing with that dragon? Are there more of them?"

He willed himself to calm down and tried to hide his shaking hands behind his back as he used his elbows to prop himself up as much as Arthur's sword would allow. _Ready or not, Arthur has to accept this. He has to._ There was no other option. Although he was scared, he had to believe in Arthur and whatever friendship they use to have. But what could he tell him? What would he accept as truth? What even was the truth? A million lies sprang to the back of his tongue. Lies that he could spin to cover one thing or another, but nothing that would explain the golden glow in his eyes. Could he really tell the truth? His tongue flopped like wet cotton in his mouth.

"I asked you a question Merlin."

The familiar command laced with annoyance in Arthur's voice set off a switch in his mind. He could still feel Aithusa's anger from being ordered away from him, but now his own anger overtook the dragon's. The same tone from the King had seen the Knights of Atlantia torment him and blame him for every offense against him. It followed every retort as he failed in some form of his duty and was laced into every reminder from the King that he was a servant and not the friend of a King. It had walked beside him every day since the arrival of the visiting nobles and chased him from the room of every meeting and round table gathering leaving him to strain for information to keep Arthur safe. Most of all, it kicked him like a dog out of the life of his once and future King, his most dear friend, the one he was destined to protect. All the words he ever planned to say if he was caught by Arthur—for he always imagined new ways his magic might be exposed and how he could explain how good magic could be—vanished.

"And you never listen to me when I answer you or try to tell you something anyway, so why would now be any different?"

He snapped with the same ferocity he always did when the King berated him on days he had the energy to rise to the fight, ignoring the sword frozen before his throat. The sword had already plunged into his heart weeks ago. He had nothing to fear.

Arthur almost took a step back as Merlin's face morphed into the angry wall he had been trying so hard the past few days to break down. But, he held steady. He had to know more.

"This isn't a game Merlin, and I will not let this pass if you don't answer me. What were you doing with that beast and are there other dragons out there?"

A million answers hummed in his head, and he closed his eyes to grasp a handle on his emotions over the blood and the thought of _lie lie lie lie_ pounding in his ears. But none of them fit.

"Two. There are two dragon's left. The rest were slaughtered during the purge."

"Where is the other one?"

"The one that just left is called Aithusa. The other…He is not here, but…" He took a deep breath and Arthur waited. The truth. He had to start telling the truth. "Kilgharrah, the Great dragon, the one from underneath the castle, he is the other."

"Don't lie to me! I dealt that dragon a mortal blow."

"Who told you that you did, Arthur?"

Merlin watched as the pieces fell into place. His anger fading quickly to nervousness the more he tried to explain.

"After Balinor died, his powers as a Dragonlord passed to me. That's how we really defeated the great dragon. I banished him from Camelot after you passed out and forbid him from returning."

"You WHAT!"

"I could not let you kill him any more than I could ever allow you to harm Gwen. Dragons are not monsters. He was imprisoned for 30 years while your father committed genocide against his species. He wrongly sought revenge, but I swear to you he will never harm Camelot again. He seeks the protection of Camelot now."

"That creature killed thousands of my people and you just LET IT ROAM FREE? HOW DARE YOU!"

Arthur roared. Merlin's fury returned and as Arthur's sword edged closer to his throat. Blinded by it, he snatched the blade with his palm and pushed it away from his throat as he leaned up to get closer to Arthur's face. Startled, Arthur's hand jerked with Merlin's movements.

"I SHOWED HIM MERCY! Something that YOUR FATHER NEVER GAVE TO A SINGLE ONE OF OUR KIND!"

Arthur's eyes snapped open wide with shock and sick fear as he watched blood start to drip from Merlin's hand that tightly clenched the blade away from his throat. Similar emotions rushed through Merlin at his outburst, as if he could not understand what he had just said or done. But it was there, bubbling underneath the surface.

"Now all that remains is nothing but a glimmer of what they once were and there is no way to repair the damage he caused. You may have lost many of your people, but we lost EVERYTHING to Uther's bloodlust."

He closed his eyes to calm down but the rage swimming through his veins and focused on the dull throbbing from his palm. He had not come to argue about the sins of Arthur's father. Neither of them could change the lives that were lost, only move forward to peace. He knew that. But the unfamiliar anger crippled him. How could he let his emotions get so out of control?

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF MY FATHER THAT WAY. What are you trying to say Merlin? That those beasts, you are one of them?"

He spat as each word sounded traitorous to his ears. _Our kind?_ Merlin was not a monster. But here he was, comparing himself to a murdering beast. He could not wrap his head around the implications. Arthur watched the confusion dance over Merlin's face and tried to decide where it fit. He tried to swallow his own anger and focused on the blood that started to stain the end of Merlin's sleeve, slowing dripping down his arm. Somehow, it only made him angrier. Why had he not been more careful.

"They ARE NOT MONSTERS, Arthur. I seek nothing but protection for you and understanding. I don't, it's all so new to me I… I would never go against you. I am here to serve you. Magic is something I was born with Arthur. You do not really understand it. It is nothing like you think."

"So you are defending magic? And these beasts that would see the city in flames!"

"The dragons are my soul brothers. I could not change that and nor would I want too. Please understand. They are more like you and I than you realize, and they were made to roam the lands freely. I'm sorry you had to find out about my magic this way. I never wanted it to be like this. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I, I was too afraid. Afraid you would not understand and have me killed."

 _Which you still might._ He thought to himself. But he wanted to believe in Arthur. He had to believe that he could understand.

"And then you became King and then I thought to tell you then. Wanted to tell you then. I needed too. But you were so busy with everything and then I…well…I…you started to act like you hated me!"

Arthur drew back as if slapped.

"I've NEVER hated you Merlin."

"Didn't you!? How could I make you hate me more by telling you all of this? How could I? It would all sound like treason to you and I thought… Arthur you would have burned me. You would have burned me and never looked back and Albion would be lost."

He heard the King growl in disapproval but he carried on. Overcoming his anger, he remembered something that was bigger than him. Something greater. He had a destiny to fulfill and he could not do it by spitting out all his hurt and pain since the winter season like acid at the King.

"But whatever you feel about me, magic is a blessing Arthur. There is beauty in it. It is not something to be feared in the right hands, and mine works only for you to keep you safe. There are things I have done that have protected Camelot that would not have been possible without magic. Just last spring, when th—"

"How long have you been meeting this, this white monster?"

"He is no monster, Arthur. He is a dragon, and he is my kin."

With each drop of Merlin's blood that leaked from his sword more pieces started to click into place. The strange actions, rumors, his withdrawn behavior, the dragon and the glowing eyes that faded as soon as the beast left the clearing frightened by the shine of Excalibur.

"I asked you how long."

"Just at the start of winter. He was injured! Has been injured for too long and I had to he-."

"That's shortly after the nobles arrived. You were acting strange then. You said that you gained the ability when Balinor was killed? But you haven't been seeing a dragon before then have you?"

"No, I became a Dragonlord when he died, but magic has always been with me. I never choose to practice Magic, Arthur. It is a part of me. I had no choice, but I have only ever used it for you. To help you and Cam—"

"I'm assuming if what Sir Charles said was true, you have been coming to this cave ever since Gaius left? But, why would you meet a dragon every night?"

Everyone had a choice to study magic or not. Unless it was not that simple. Unless something had forced magic on Merlin. He had been alone for most of the winter, something Gwen constantly reminded him with each argument. Would anyone have noticed if Merlin had been enchanted? But to what end?

Merlin lowered his gaze from Arthur for a moment. Would he finally get a confession out of the servant? A breathy laugh escaped from the servants lips as he focused on something to the left of Arthur.

"You won't believe me Arthur."

"What. Where you doing. Meeting this beast."

"I…I…sleeping? Singing? Talking? " He sent Arthur a pitiful look, begging the man to believe him. Arthur's eyes flicked back to the blood still flowing from his servant's hand even as still as he held the blade to prevent the wound from getting worse. He itched to bind it when Merlin's words caught up to him. _Wait. Talk?_

"IT CAN TALK?"

"Not Aithusa." He muttered regretfully and glanced at the blood dripping from his hand, still not sure what caused him to be so foolish and grasp the sharp blade although it provided a welcomed distraction. "He is injured remember? He can't speak although he should be able to by now. He is old enough, but I don't know how to help him. Arthur, I have tried. I am trying. I just don't know how, but Arthur I want to help him."

Arthur searched the troubled expression on his face. The flickering emotions of despair and concern. With the anger vanished from Merlin's face, he looked exactly like the friend Arthur had been trying to recover and his heart ached. He sounded so genuine. As if he merely sought consolation for his failure to help from his friend and did not understand the great danger being surrounded by magic placed on him, the danger of corruption.

"You want me to believe, all you did was come here to sleep?"

"I know, I know it was stupid and foolish and really irresponsible and I'm not a kid anymore I should be able to sleep in that damn room all by myself with Gaius gone but I couldn't stop thinking about him once you were well busy doing King things and throwing me out of your life and everyone else did too really and then I called him once… just…just to see if I could form some kind of connection so I wouldn't be alone all winter because I finally had time to do it seeing as I wasn't really needed by you anymore and at first it was a disaster but then it was like he was calling me back too and I just, I couldn't just not come to him, you wouldn't understand I needed to be with him to help and I just-"

"MERLIN, Shut up!"

Arthur's mind was whirling as he tried to put all the pieces together. Merlin, magic, dragons? It made sense for the strange behavior, but what about before the dragon? If what Merlin said was true, should not this have started a long time ago? Unless the appearance of the beast had awoken something inside his friend, changing him. Something in Merlin's tone made him think he somehow truly believed he was powerless over the magic he witnessed. Like Merlin really had no choice but to have the magic course through his veins that drew him to the lair of the beast. Stronger than anything else, the one thought he knew to be true slammed into his mind, Merlin _would never betray me._

"Are you sure this curse was given to you at Balinor's death?"

"Being a DragonLord is not a curse Arthur. I would not be alive if they were not my kin and neither would you. The dragons are not evil and have remained our allies through many trials. Neither am I evil. Magic is not evil, Arthur. You're wrong about magic. You have to be strong enough to see that. "

The sword faltered slightly as the effect of what Merlin spoke hit him. He cursed under his breath as Merlin winced when the sword shook from his momentary weakness and a new line of blood started to drip onto his chest. He wanted to throw his sword to the side and take care of his hand more than anything. But he had to know how deep the enchantment went. Could he even trust him?

"You really believe that? That this Dragonlord thing is a gift? That this magic is not truly evil?"

The accusing tone and pain in Arthur's voice stung him. Pain that he caused. His chest burned painfully in response, but he did not forget the loneliness Arthur had caused him. He wanted him to accept magic, but a part of him also begged Arthur to acknowledge the pain he had put him through by pushing him to the side. Everything clashed into a mess of so many conversations they never had.

"Magic is a part of me Arthur. And Aithusa had been the only one by my side this winter. Without him, I would have been completely alone. You abandoned me right when you finally became King! I became nothing but a servant to you!"

The accusation stung Arthur almost more than the revelation of magic because he knew Merlin thought it the truth. But he could not focus on that right now.

"This is not about us Merlin! Don't! Not now. Magic is evil. It only corrupts. Only destroys! This is not a gift, you were cursed you stupid idiot, and you just decided to embrace it? Only an idiot like you would fall for something like this! What is that beast doing to you? You were the one who helped me see that Magic will always be evil after my Father died and now you speak treason? How do you know this Dragonlord did not corrupt your thoughts? Merlin, you're delusional! Can you even hear yourself! Were you anyone else I would have to burn you tomorrow! That THING is NOT YOUR FRIEND! I AM! THE KNIGHTS ARE! NOT THAT MONSTER! I was wrong to push you away! I WAS WRONG! Hell, I've been trying to make up for it. But that does not make ANY OF THIS OKAY! WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

A tortured look crossed Arthur's face as he held his gaze. Merlin opened his mouth to speak, to try to convince Arthur when he suddenly jerked the blade from Merlin's hand. A small cry escaped his lips, but before he could cradle his hand to his chest Arthur fell to his knees beside Merlin and grasp his wrist.

"Don't. Speak." Arthur's hands were trembling slightly from his anger as he dropped Excalibur to his side. Doe eyed and speechless, Merlin watched as Arthur yanked the neckerchief from his throat and used it to tie his weeping wound to stop the blood.

As Arthur worked, his mind raced back over every word spoken, and a thought crossed his mind. If the creature was magical, was it possible that Merlin had been talking to it all this time? Was that what the uncharacteristic whispers he had seen meant? Where the rumors had come from? Was it possible that the creature had somehow invaded his friend's mind?

"Ar—"

"Don't. So how long has it been communicating with you in your head?"

"Wha—I—how?"

"So it has been in your mind somehow!"

"I, that's not, it's not the same Arthur. Its just like talking. Like you and me right now. That's all, only without words. I just, its just like talking to Gwaine or or Gwen or—"

"Not another word Merlin. I don't want to hear another word unless I command you to speak."

Merlin heard Arthur swear under his breath as he looked away and then looked back to him. He seemed to be making some sort of decision about his fate, and Merlin kept quiet from the piercing gaze that bore into his own two eyes. All at once, Arthur did something Merlin least expected. He stood up, but kept a firm grasp on him wrist forcing him to stand with him, sword forgotten on the ground next to him. Merlin stumbled into him slightly, but Arthur's other hand grasped his arm to hold him steady. He glanced over Arthur's tortured expression, trying to decipher the thoughts behind the man.

"I'm so sorry Merlin. I should have realized sooner. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that. Maybe, that was part of the problem. Hell maybe it even created this mess. I left you vulnerable without even knowing it. You're such a clotpole, always getting yourself into trouble every time I blink. I can't even leave you alone for one season can I?"

Merlin almost choked on air as he glanced at Arthur incredulously who had let out a shaky laugh and ran a hand threw his hair in exasperation. And just as easily as Arthur's finger's grazed through his golden locks, Merlin's heart melted.

"Wh-wha,-you? I mean? That's my word!" He gaped indignantly. The familiar banter came easily as the apology acted like a medical balm on his seeping wounds.

A small smile feathered across Arthur's lips at the first sense of normalcy in their relationship in weeks. How had it all come to this? His thoughts raced like millions of war horsed stampeding in his head. How had he not known his friend was enchanted?

"I'm not going to kill you so you can stop being such a girl, Merlin. Tell anyone I ever said anything you just heard and I might change my mind. But I order you not speak of this to anyone or it might be hard for me to act if the council gets wind of this. No one can know about this…dragon…thing. For the time being, I am resolving you of your duties and when we return to Camelot you are to go directly to your quarters. DO NOT LEAVE THEM. Is that clear? We have to keep this a secret from the visiting nobles and the prince. "

He watched wearily as Arthur bent down to retrieve Excalibur and raised it at his side. He looked from the sword to Arthur, uncertain.

"You—you're really not going to kill me? I'm not…I'm not going to burn?"

Arthur pressed his lips in a line and did not answer. The adrenaline that pumped through his veins worn off as he listened to his manservant talk. He had expected his friend to transform into a different person, act in a vial way when he had been discovered and maybe start throwing fire at him. That would almost have been better. The sorcerers always acted out when they were discovered. But Merlin had not. He had once again complained, in a sense, that Arthur was about to kill an animal. But in this case the animal was a monster, a dragon.

Merlin was not evil. No matter how much he thought about it, if they could sort this out, he would still trust Merlin with his life. The connection Merlin described sounded crazy to his ears which started the first seed of doubt of his friend truly being a sorcerer. If everything started when the beast had shown up, it may have placed Merlin under an enchantment and the manservant would be none the wiser, thinking it was a friend or almost like a pet as it slowly started to corrupt his mind. Perhaps in his loneliness, Merlin had become more vulnerable to the curse's influence when before the magic had no way in.

If that connection was broken, then perhaps with the magic gone from Merlin, he would no longer be in danger of corruption. He would stay as he was, pure, kind and simple Merlin. He knew in Merlin's state it was probably too late in the curse to reason with him. He would have to enlist the help of the knights.

A bitterness settled in his chest as he thought of how similar it seemed to Morgana. Had something similar happened to her like Merlin that had been overlook? He was starting to think that although Magic was banned, as King he needed to know more about its treachery if that meant protecting the ones he loved. He looked at the man he almost considered a brother, the one he almost thought he needed to destroy because of magic.

Even in the dim light he could see Merlin was still afraid, but made no move to protect himself in any way. If Arthur wanted to strike him down, he could. Most of all, he could still see the senseless adoration in Merlin's eyes that had returned. The unwavering loyalty that he had no idea where it came from. If he decided to kill him, he was almost sure he would allow him. Despite everything, he knew his friend. Merlin had been speaking the truth, or what he believe to be true. How had he allowed this to happen to his brother, his friend?

"Consider it house arrest unless you would rather spend a few nights in the dungeon."

"No, no house arrest sounds fantastic actually. I think this might even be the first day off I get in, well…ever really! Well maybe except for that time you threw me out of town a few weeks ago. "

Merlin grinned cheekily at him, trying to ignore the growing dread in his stomach. Arthur had not answered him. But he did swear him to secrecy, so he imagined whatever happened, for now, his friend was keeping his secret.

"I didn't throw you out of town! I told you to get out of my face!"

"That's the same thing."

"No it isn't! Then I would have said 'guards throw this idiot out of my city' not get out!"

'no, no I'm pretty sure it's still the same thing!"

His shoulders dropped, and he softened his tone. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

Guilt stuck to his chest for the cut on Merlin's palm but he tried to ignore the sick feeling the evidence of his blade gave him. He would fix this. They would all fix this. He would never ignore his friend again.

"No I, Aithusa would never hurt me."

Arthur winced, but let it go.

"Let's go then. You first."

Arthur motioned with his sword several time to the woods. Merlin glanced back at the cover where he had been resting with Aithusa and at the magic book that was laid on a rock. Arthur followed his gaze and noticed the book and clenched his teeth. The idea of Merlin and magic made him sick.

"A spell book?"

Merlin's face paled, but he rushed over to pick up the book, tripping on a rock as he went. He encased the book in a sack he took for herbs and then started off as Arthur had indicated in silence. Before he could pass Arthur, the bag was ripped out of his hands, and he felt a small shove to his back pushing him forward. He grimaced and started to walk.

They traveled through the woods in relative silence. Merlin in front and Arthur after. He had not realized he used the path so much that a small trail of ice formed in the woods over the snow. No wonder Kilgharrah felt the need to scold him.

He attempted conversation a few times, but Arthur growled at him each time so he feel silent not wanting to anger the King more and mindful of the sword still out at Arthur's side. He was still bargaining for his life, he reminded himself. Arthur stopped him before they reached the gates.

"Can I trust you not to betray me if I put away my sword?"

"I would never harm you Arthur. Everything I do, is for you."

"Maybe it used to be." Arthur mumbled to where he almost failed to catch his King's ramble.

"No Arth—"

"I will speak with the Knights of the Rou—"

"YOU'RE TELLING THE KNIGHTS?!"

He never stopped to imagine what he would do if that happened, and it occurred to Arthur he probably should not be speaking so openly to Merlin. But, he was done shutting out his best friend. So instead, he told him all that he could.

"Someone has to sort out this mess you caused. So do us a favor and don't do anything stupid. I will send one of the knights later to collect any other magic articles you have. Is there anything else we should know about and don't even think of lying to me Merlin. Not anymore. "

But it was hard not to. Several lies sprang to the tip of his tongue again and he had to fight with himself to tell the truth.

"That's not a spell book that you're holding. That's just a book of theory, and it has stories that I was reading to Aithusa. It had legends that deal with magic and magical creatures in it. I took it from the vaults so we could learn about what everything was like when the land was filled with dragons and to possible create a new healing spell for him."

Of course. Merlin had been reading a story book to a monster. Heaven help him, his best friend was a moron.

"But there is a spell book?"

"Yes. And a staff but it's not mine. I had to keep it safe so no one would get their hands on it."

"Then it should have gone in the vaults Merlin."

"Oh so I should have just waltzed up and handed you a very dangerous, very magical looking stick and said here you go Arthur I found this while walking around Camelot? Don't have me thrown in prison or anything for association with a magical artifact OK? "

"YES! YOU SHOULD HAVE."

"And you wouldn't have had me arrested for that either?"

"You should have trusted me."

"I wanted to! I re—I do trust you Arthur. There is so much that I have been wanting to tell you! So much you need to know! "

But he had not trusted him. Unless, that was part of the enchantment as well. But, how much was Merlin, and how much was the dragon?

"I need you to stay in your rooms. Do not get into any more trouble. Do not speak to the visiting nobles. Do not look at them. And don't question me Merlin. Just do it."

The uneasy feeling settled back into his stomach as Arthur sheathed his sword and they started to walk towards the city gates. He had the feeling that they were no closer to understanding one another than when Arthur had first found him singing to Aithusa. Of all the things! He stopped walking, a little braver now that the sword clicked back into its holster and turned to face Arthur.

"Arthur. I really think we need to talk about this more. I don't think you understand that my ma-"

"No Merlin! I understand perfectly! It is you that does not understand, and I cannot trust you with this. Do not make me put you in the dungeons because I will."

"But you haven't le—"

Excalibur was out before he could finish and the blade placed this time a safe distance from his chest. The guards at the gate noticed the commotion and quickly drew their swords, racing over to help their King as two surrounded Merlin from behind.

"Put down your weapons now!" Arthur commanded, voice filled with rage, and his men quickly did as they were told. "Take Merlin to his rooms and see to it that he is kept there. Do not let him leave. I don't care what it is that he needs. No one gets in or out without my permission. Try to send word to Gaius and ask him if he is able to return."

"Yes sire."

The Knights gripped his shoulders and started to lead Merlin away when he cried out and swerved in their grip to turn back to Arthur.

"Wait! Arthur! What about my patients!"

The knights froze and glanced at Arthur in question.

"Please, you have to at least let them into my rooms. And someone has to send word to Lady Emily that I cannot see her in the morning. Her baby won't make it through the winter without care, and Sir Rolf has to have his tonic or he won't ever recover from the break he received on patrol as it's infected. Amanda can't walk in this ice anymore but her husband must have his tonic every day and then what about the watchman's son! I have to deliver his—"

"Merlin are you sure you're actually capable of giving them anything useful? You're not even a proper physician." Merlin's eyes started to cloud with anger, but he looked up surprised when suddenly Sir Charles countered his king.

"He's a physician's apprentice, Sire. When my daughter fell with fever earlier this year, I believe his care saved her life along with many other who have taken ill in the harsh of the season. Did you not appoint him as acting physician?"

The comment might have been to remind Arthur of his own faith in the man's abilities, but it only frustrated him. It made sense of course, if people saw Merlin as Gaius's apprentice instead of just his ward, why would he not take over his mentor's duties when he was away. It only made sense that Arthur would have appointed him to look after the people, even though he never did. His frown dropped deeper as he imagined all the extra work Gwen spoke of and wondered why did he never see it before? He never imagined Merlin would actually act as a physician one day. Why had he never noticed?

He looked up, noticing the silence ringing around him. Could he allow his people to seek medical attention from a man infected with sorcery? From the sounds of it, many people still needed care. Where else could they go? And could they afford to remain untreated for the few days Arthur used to rescue his servant?

"Arthur, ple—"

"Go Merlin! Get him to his rooms. Now."

He spoke through gritted teeth and as Merlin stumbled away with the guards who both had a grip of his shoulders. Not a yes, not a no. Not only had he been caught, but now innocent people were going to suffer for it. His cheeks burned as he was lead through the lowers town by the guards. One of them he knew which made an awkward combination of one guard trying to shove him through town and the other trying to steady him so he did not fall from the hurried pace the other guard kept. He caught Sir Charle's eye, and the knight smiled apologetically. He gave him a weak smile back.

When they reached Gaius's quarters the other knight shoved him through the door and slammed it shut behind him. He stared at the wood for a moment as if petrified.

 _Please please please Gaius. Come home! Please, come home. Oh gods, just come home._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** _Loved the mixed reactions to the last chapter! I wanted to do a different take on a magic reveal other than Arthur not accepting or accepting Merlin. I absolutely love misconceptions. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!_

 _Warnings:_ none

CHAPTER EIGHT

He jolted from the bed with such force he did little more than stop to catch his breath at the sudden movement. Had he been dreaming? Raising a wrinkled hand to brush away the grey hairs falling from his face, trying to stop the tremors racing through his body like a young child in terror, he closed his eyes and focused on evening out his breathing. Before managed to calm the tremors, he already knew he had to return to Camelot. Dream or not, his boy had called to him with such desperation he could only imagine the worse, Arthur had somehow discovered his Ward's magic and all his worst nightmares for the boy were coming true.

Shaking on his feet he ignored the creaking of his bones as he bounded to the window to the left of his bed to gaze at the dark snowy landscape, snow still blowing relentlessly around the castle. He would have to set out at first light. Damn the storm. He would have returned weeks ago if not for the insistence of his friend. _The weather is too harsh for a man of our age. Wait at least until the snowstorm abates. You are not as young as you use to be you know._ But no, he would find some way to manage.

A sharp pain started throbbing in his temples. He faltered slightly, leaning against the frame of the window, as the clear and panicked voice of his ward boomed unnaturally into his mind.

 _I don't know how to make him listen to me. He promised not to kill me but that doesn't mean he won't change his mind. And I can't, I feel so tired. I think…I think…_

And he could suddenly see the wooden door of his chambers back in Camelot. As vertigo washed over him, everything started to swerve at once to the ceiling and then he was looking out at the snow covered ground again.

The voice vanished, cut of as if in the middle of thought, the only proof it happened a sharp pain in his temples.

He hurried from his rooms, left and up one flight of stairs, to the Lord of the castle. He pounded on the door with a ferocity he hardly registered as a bellow cracked out of his aged windpipe.

"Alexander! Alexander, quick"

The door jerked open as his friend stumbled out, wide eyed and attentive.

"Forgive me, my friend. I must leave for Camelot at once!"

He reached out to grab his friend's forearm.

"But Gaius! The storm! Surely you do not suggest that—"

"He has my boy Alex! He may yet execute him at dawn!"

Shock changed to horror on his friend's face as Alex worked through who He was and why he would execute him.

"How—how do you—"

"He woke me from my sleep just a few moments ago. I told him anything, anything at all to call me and now he has, though I never imagined it would be like this. The King might not have plans to kill him yet, but I must return and dissuade him. "

"You do not have the ability to communicate that way? And Emrys would not allow Arthur to dispose of him, surely?"

"Merlin is a complicated young man. There is no telling what he will do, but he has found a way to call to me for help. As repayment, for helping your people, please do this for me my friend. Help me make it home."

Gaius knew he wanted to protest. A dangerous trail across the icy marsh and the icy storm separated him from Camelot. But, he sighed and called a servant to him.

"Gaius must be ready to leave for Camelot at first light. Emergency, make haste." He turned back to Gaius. "I will assign someone to escort you. You will not return alone. If you are able, you may trust my people to return you safely here once you escape Camelot."

He nodded, thoughts racing.

"Let us hope it does not come to that."

Arthur watched Merlin disappear into the citadel before turning to one of the remaining Knights.

"I need Leon, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan all at the round table immediately."

"My Lord." The man bowed, and turned to speak to the squire waiting diligently at his side.

The steps to the council room dragged with each step, trudging through thick invisible mud. He arrived at the table and placed four of his fingers on the wood, contemplating. He trusted the knights to discretion, especially if Merlin was concerned, but what could they do? Normally Gaius was the one who would offer advice or solutions to problems with magic. If not Gaius, Merlin provided advice. How was he supposed to remove the curse from his friend if he had no idea where to start? But then, it seemed simple enough. Kill the dragon and the curse should lift. But did he have to kill both?

He heard the door barge open, and looked up expecting to find his first knight strolling into the chamber. Instead, looking more livid than he remembered ever seeing the old man, was Lord Byron. He stopped a few feet short of the King, and Arthur found himself raising his eyebrows at the deep cherry red face of the noble. Another noise sounded at the door, and he saw Leon standing at attention near the door followed by Percival.

"What is the meaning of this, Sire?"

If possible, his brows raised further.

"Lord Byron?" He gestured for the stricken noble to speak.

"You cannot possibly forbid us from going to the physician's apprentice. This is an outrage! My Amelia needs care! I've been waiting hours for him to return from the lower towns since she took a turn for the worst not several hours ago, and I will not return to my wife empty-handed. She needs immediate care!"

And then it clicked. Merlin had called about Lady Emilie's child. The last of the knights filed into the room and watched him curiously as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Under the dragon's influence, Merlin could have given his people anything. Was it safe to allow them to continue to visit him? But then, Merlin had been treating his people all winter and no treachery had been reported. Perhaps the dragon's influence did not spread so far. Could he be the cause of death of Lord Byron's child if the medical attention could not wait? As long as he was guarded, perhaps no further harm would befall anyone.

"You are right."

The anger from the man oozed out his ears, a hopeful expression in its place.

"You have my permission to enter his chambers."

"Thank you my Lord." He gave a deep bow and hurried from the room, as if afraid the King would change his mind.

"What was that about?" Leon asked as he took a seat with the other Knights around the table.

Arthur shook his head, and refused to answer. His eyes strayed to the closed door before sinking into a chair to join them.

"Why wouldn't he be able to see Merlin?"

Leon asked, unsure how to continue.

"You are my most trusted knights. I need to know I can rely on you to keep any secret and carry out any task I assign you."

Elyan looked up, surprise clear on his face. "Sire, we have all sworn an oath to serve you."

"I am not the one that needs to be protected this time. This time, Merlin needs our help."

"Someone has taken him?" Leon asked worried.

"Have those bastards crossed back on their word and harmed him?" Gwaine growled.

Arthur took a deep breath and curled his nail to press into the soft of his palm. Better to do it all at once.

"I have reason to believe he has been enchanted." A silence fell over the table but for a small scrap against the floor as Gwaine's chair moved back.

"Before I tell you what I have discovered, I want to know if any of you noticed anything unusual about Merlin's behavior that you have been inclined to hide. Understand, under an enchantment, Merlin cannot be held accountable for his actions. He has my complete protection. As we speak, he is safely guarded in his rooms so no further harm can come to him."

He would not be surprised if his knights choose to hide any strange behavior they might have noticed from Merlin, perhaps weary it would blow out of proportion with the visiting kingdoms. Especially Gwaine. He looked into each of their faces, studying their reactions.

Gwaine swore, then shook his head. "What makes you think he is enchanted Princess?"

"I trust Merlin with my life, but something appears to have…changed certain aspects of him. I would hear what you have to say first."

"Merlin would never betray us." Gwaine said, eyes boring into the King's who nodded in agreement.

"Which is why he needs our help. Have you noticed anything strange? Anything that might give something away?"

"That day, when we took him to the tavern, he might have just been talking to himself—that is what he tried to feed us—but it didn't sound like it. I overlooked it because..." And they all heard the unspoken _because it was Merlin._ "But I have heard him doing it again several times. He…he sounded to be arguing with someone over whether or not we meant to do him harm by taking him to the tavern. He then mentioned you would be against things being set aflame and sounded to be arguing, although none of us spoke and we heard no one speak to him. If he was talking to someone, I don't believe they liked us very much." Elyan recounted. Percival nodded in agreement.

Gwaine frowned, but nodded slowly and pushed his hair back from his face. "It took me yelling in his damn ear and shaking him to break him out of whatever he was stuck in. He kept focusing on something to the left of us, a barren wall, a stack of armor, but his eyes moved as if following something moving. I looked around the armory. There was no one there."

"A woman. He left to meet a women at the end of the day!" Percival muttered. "Aithusa he called her. Could she be a sorcerer?"

He looked to Arthur whose blood went cold.

 _Aithusa would never hurt me_.

The white dragon.

He swallowed thickly at the new confirmation of Merlin's secret meetings.

"I am ashamed to say I have not spoken to him but the time I met him at the tavern" Leon muttered. "But he did say he was meeting an Aithusa and left the city that night. Do you really believe him to be enchanted, sire? It may be a long winter, but he does not act any different in my eyes."

Arthur looked to each knight and started tapping his fingers on the wood.

"I found him in the woods laying with some kind of beast, a dragon. His eyes glowed, gold as if casting a spell. I charged the dragon to destroy it, but it escaped. Gone as soon as I approached with Excalibur. " He grimaced at his failure and sighed. Did not most enchantments break when the castor was killed?

"You could have been killed." Leon scolded. Arthur nodded in acknowledgment.

"And I thought, so could Merlin. At first I thought he might have betrayed us, but the more he talked about the creature...It was wrong. He speaks of it as if they are family, a friend, and believes the magic is a part of him. After Balinor, the Dragonlord died, he said he gained the curse."

Gwaine perked up.

"He told me Balinor died saving him?"

"Maybe he didn't mean to save him." Elyan suggested.

And Arthur thought back. They had spoken in such hushed tones at his death. Could he have been enchanted then? But then, would the enchantment have lifted at Balinor's death?

"He thinks magic is a part of his soul. But his eyes, his eyes returned to blue as soon as the creature no longer had him in its grasp. He confessed it speaks to him in his mind, and he has left the city every night since almost the start of winter to meet it. But…" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "He does not realize that he has turned against Camelot. If anything, he believes he is helping Camelot by his admission of magic. Of all things, he is adamant of his loyalty. "

"This makes no sense. What the hell would a dragon want with Merlin?" Gwaine cried.

"What reason does it need?" Elyan muttered angrily. "What reason does a beast ever have for striking and leaving the prey dead? He was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time like that spirit that took over my body! He probably stumbled on it one night picking herbs, and the rest is history. He always goes out at odd times to find certain flowers. Gwen always use to complain about it because she worried for his safety."

"Do you believe him, Sire. That he is still loyal to us."

"Of course I believe him! Heaven above, its _Mer_ lin, Leon! Merlin! My Father might have immediately called for a trial, but I do not need one to measure the dept of his loyalty."

They each glanced around the table, musing.

"With Gaius gone, we are going to have to find a way to break the enchantment ourselves. I want a solution in no less than three days."

Elyan leaned forward on the table. "Ok, let's say the dragon is enchanting him. Then we need to hunt it down, and kill it. Perhaps he could lead us to it."

"I'm not sure that will be within his power to do."

They looked at him, waiting for an explanation.

"He was…angry whenever I tried to turn him against the dragon. I don't know what this dragon could hope to gain, protection perhaps, but Merlin exploded about my father's purge of dragons, claiming them as kin. He compared himself to one of them. I think, if he did gain this curse that long ago, he might have been more susceptible to the enchantment's influence now because it is the first time he has been left alone for so long. He claimed loneliness brought him to the dragon, like a yearning. Gaius is gone. All of us have been busy with the court. No one has kept an eye on Merlin. If he was fighting this influence before, there would be no reason for him to anymore. It might make sense that it targeted Merlin because the dragon was injured, and he is the most qualified in Camelot to assist it right now. He claimed he had been trying to nurse it back to full health. "

The other knights paled.

"You mean to say that this beast might soon be able to attack Camelot due to Merlin's aide, at full strength?"

"I hope not, Leon. He was nowhere near the size of the Great Dragon. But, we need to put a stop to this now. Find the beast, slay it, and end its influence on Merlin."

"Would that be the quickest way to stop the enchantment? Destroy the beast? If there is some way to remove the enchantment, perhaps then Merlin would be willing to lead us to the dragon."

As if speaking to himself, Arthur glanced out the window.

"Merlin mentioned magic as if he had no choice but to practice it. If it were anyone else, I would have run them through for lies. But, I think he was telling the truth. I think that might be some part of the enchantment, and it might be this enchantment that attracted the beast. He believes he was born with magic. If only Gaius were here so we could speak with him."

"That's impossible. No one can be born with magic. If he didn't learn it, than it either is a curse or he is a sorcerer." Elyan growled. Gwaine jumped to his feet, hand on his sword as a growl gargled from his throat. Percival laid a placating arm on his forearm, coaxing the man to return to his abandoned chair.

"I think he started practicing under the influence of the curse, but I'm not sure what he did other than heal the Dragon. I don't think he betrayed Camelot in any way we need to raise alarm over other than this beast we need to track down."

The knights glanced at one another.

It was a gamble.

"What if we sent several knights to hunt down the dragon, while the others try to see if we can find something in those books Gaius is always going through about a curse like this? Maybe it will mention more about the dragons and the kind of power they can hold over their victims. It could be a start." Leon mentioned.

Arthur nodded his approval.

"It was a lot smaller than the one we faced, but that is the other problem. I'm not sure how much is true and how much is fallacy from the enchantment. Merlin claimed the Great Dragon never died. He believes he sent it away and banished it from Camelot. There is no telling if he did or if this other dragon, this magic, is corrupting his thoughts to make him believe it. If it can speak to him mentally, there is no telling what else this thing is capable of that we aren't aware off. We need to know more before doing anything rash."

As they continued to discuss Merlin, arguing broke out several times. Conflicts, disagreements, threats on what they should do. Several of them had to stop Gwaine from barging from the room, saddling a horse and rushing into the storm to find the beast and destroy it. It was a nightmare. If anyone ever needed to destroy Camelot, Arthur mused, getting rid of Merlin might be one way to do it, instantly causing chaos and disorder among his knights.

Merlin startled out of his daze to the raised voice of Lord Byron outside the door arguing with the guards. He stumbled to the chair by the empty hearth and sank into it. The yelling grew louder as he stared into the pile of ash on the stone. Steam rose from his mouth in a cloud from the chill in the room. His skin crawled restlessly, urging him to leave and reach the lush cave in the woods where his kin might have returned to wait for him.

He jumped out of the chair and started to pace back and forth through the rooms. He looked up as his doors slammed open, relief flooded him as Lord Byron hurried into the room carrying a small shrieking bundle in his arms.

"Amelia!" He held out his arms instinctively, forgetting his injured palm, and swiped the babe from her willing Father.

"What in blazes? It's freezing in here! Herald, start a fire immediately!"

A servant bowed behind him and rushed to the pile of logs next to the fireplace.

"Fall asleep without starting a fire, did you? You were out all night."

Merlin grimaced, and put his ear to the crying child to hear her breathing. Byron fussed next to him as he completed evaluating the child.

"She will not cease crying. Emilie is in hysterics from it. We think the fever is worse than ever. We used all of the medicine you gave us already and we—"

He looked up to Byron suddenly, and the man's speech faltered at the serious expression on his face. He gaped as a grin took over Merlin's face.

"I think…" He looked to the side shyly.

"What is it, Merlin?"

"She is finally over the worst of it."

"What? You mean—"

"I believe the cries are a good sign. She is without fever." He looked back into the man's eyes. "She will survive the rest of the season as long as you continue to care for her."

Byron fell back into the chair behind him, arms limp at his side. "Thank God. I, I don't know what Emilie would have done if we lost another child."

He looked up with an expression of pure adoration and gratitude. Merlin's own smile faltered. Although the warmth of the fire started to fill the room, it make him aware of how weary he felt. Passing the crying child to her father, he rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, still trying to ignore the anger Aithusa had not stopped sending through their bond, creating a throbbing in the front of his mind.

"I think, Gaius has a tonic written down that will help make sure it doesn't return. Let me see…"

The child's cries and the quiet murmuring of her father filled the room as Merlin started to flip through one of Gaius's large books to find the recipe. He found it on a scrape of paper between pages and examined the ingredients.

"I could have it ready within the hour." He murmured as he paged through the notes scribbled in the margin. "If you want to pick it up then, otherwise, you are free to stay here until I finish. That way I can check her over again before you leave just to make sure." He let out a tired sigh and glanced to the window. The sun had just started to peak over the horizon.

"I think I will." Merlin looked up in surprise, not expecting the noble to wish to suffer his company. "You just returned to the citadel, have you not? Herald, send for breakfast immediately."

Merlin nodded slowly, before focusing on the herbs he needed, trying to ignore the piercing cry of the babe. He moved slowly as he worked, grinding a mixture of herbs as his mind betrayed him to thoughts of his discovery. He glanced to the recipe, blinking his eyes a few times to chase the blurry vision ghosting in front of his eyes.

 _If I can get him to sit down and listen to everything I have done, all the times I have saved Camelot, that has to get through to him._

He stopped his grinding to rub his eyes again. Stretching the skin around his eyes to widen them from the slits they slipped into, he cleared his throat a few times.

The anger from Aithusa started to change to something unfamiliar to him through the bond, fear.

 _What is it Aithusa?_

A vision of the cave filled him, and he could feel the unspoken message. _Come home now._

He shook his head as he filled a vial with water and started heating it over a small flame like he had seen Gaius do so many times each day. _I can't._ He thought, and the feelings Aithusa sent him intensified: fear, worry, love. He crippled over the table and took a shuddering breath. _I can't._ He held fast to the table at the next onslaught of emotions.

Shaking hands, he started to wrap the herbs in a cloth and tied it together with a small string. Would Gaius be proud of him? Even though he had not managed to keep his magic a secret. Would he be proud of him because of the people he managed to heal?

His eye lids fluttered closed, and he tried to imagine him coming from the door with his winter cloak pulled tight over his shoulders, shaking the snow from his silver hair as he set his boots up to dry by the fire roaring in the hearth. _So what trouble did you get into when I was away? Well, are you just going to stand there and stare at an old man, Merlin? Come help with my things._ He could hear him teasing, voice dancing with mirth.

He opened his eyes and glanced at the wooden door, willing Gaius to walk through as he imagined.

 _I don't know how to make him listen to me._

He swerved to the side and heard someone call his name.

 _He promised not to kill me but that doesn't mean he won't change his mind. And I can't, I feel so tired._

He felt his knees buckle and give out below the weight of his body, eyes trailing up to the ceiling as he crashed to the floor.

 _I think…I think…_

And he heard Aithusa screaming.

Words flew like daggers through the cold air. Still arguing and nowhere near a solution, the door to the round table burst open. Silence descended over the group as they observed a servant boy gasping for breath.

"My—My lord! Lord Byron sent me." He took a deep breath. "It's Merlin, Sire. He said to tell you…tell you he collapsed."

The Knights jumped up from their seats, and Arthur swore.

"He was making a remedy for My Lady, and he just fell to the floor."

Before the knights could blink, Arthur rushed past the servant who fell into step behind him and the other knights. He stopped for a moment, and turned to a guard.

"Have one of the servants wake the Queen and ask her to meet me in Gaius's chambers immediately. Tell her it's urgent."

Then he rushed through the corridor, down the stairs, down another hallway and reached the wooden door as he all but ran inside. The guards stepped aside to allow his passage, and he burst through the doors. The crying of a baby bounced off the walls, and his vision caught sight of a bundle wrapped and secured in the chair closest to the fire but not close enough to overheat.

Then Lord Byron stood up from behind the workbench and stretched his fingers nervously.

"My Lord! I…he was making medicine for my Amelia but—if I had known he was unwell… I did not realize, I would never have asked—"

Arthur rushed around the noble to see Merlin sprawled out on the floor, clearly repositioned by Lord Byron, with a rolled up blanket under his head as still as stone but for the shallow rise and fall of his chest. He leaned down to check his pulse, slow, but normal at rest. He glanced at the bloodstained bandage on Merlin's palm he had yet to change and winced.

He heard the door open and close.

"Arthur?" He stood to meet Gwen and held out a hand for her, which she accepted.

"Merlin collapsed Gwen."

She gasped, and her eyes roamed the room till they settled on his prone figure. She looked back to Arthur, almost angry.

"Arthur! Get him off the floor! Do you want him to catch his death?"

He gaped at her as Gwaine shoved past him to gather Merlin into his arms with breathtaking tenderness. The other knights cleared the bed by the fire so he could lay him down. She stepped forward and started to check him for any head injuries as best as she knew how. Arthur glanced at Leon, who nodded and ushered Lord Byron out of the room. He stopped at the door before turning back.

"Do let me know of his progress. I did not…"

"We will. Thank you." Gwen spoke with kindness, but finality. He bowed and left the room, the cries of Amelia fading into the background. Gwen placed her palm on Merlin's forehead and looked up to Arthur.

"He feels so cold Arthur. And what is this from?"

Gwaine retrieved several blankets from a basket and started to cover his friend to warm him as Percival added another log to the fire and stroked it. Arthur avoided her gaze as she unraveled the cloth around her friend's palm.

"Someone get me some clean water."

Percival vanished from the room, returning with a fresh pail. She dipped a cloth in the water and started to clean the blood from his hand. They watched her work, no one questioning the strange scene of the Queen tending to a serving boy. In that moment, caring for Merlin, all status was forgotten. So they watched her tender ministrations as she tended to him and tried to search for a change in their friend, some outward sign that he had fallen prey to some beast. Tried to find some proof of the enchantment. Something they might have noticed before but failed to do from their negligence.

"What happened?"

She looked to each Knight in question before turning to Arthur. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a breath of hot air.

"I don't know. He was fine when I sent him here but…Merlin…He's enchanted."

A weak strangled sound escaped her lips.

"What are you talking about Arthur?"

"We believe…a dragon has enchanted him somehow. I found him in the woods casting some kind of spell."

She looked from Merlin to Arthur and shook her head.

"That can't be right Arthur. Merlin wouldn't. Merlin is—"

"Loyal to Camelot." He finished for her. But, she countered him.

"Loyal to you."

He held her gaze, thunderous as it was and ran his hand through his hair, pulling at the ends.

"I'm not saying he betrayed us, Gwen. Something forced Merlin to do this. I confronted him about it and—"

"How do you know for sure, Arthur?"

Something about her looked uneasy as she glanced back down to Merlin. Arthur furrowed his brow.

"I saw him with my own eyes. I spoke with him about it."

"We will find a way to free him, My Lady." She looked up startled at Leon. Searching each of the knight's faces for confirmation. Her eyes closed, fighting with herself before she nodded in acquiescence.

"I have every confidence that you will."

A large bang from the corner of the room startled the knights. Glancing to Gaius's workbench, Gwaine slapped several more large manuscripts onto the table and started to thumb through one of the larger books.

"Gwaine, what are you doing?"

He raised a glossy eyebrow at Arthur and the other knights.

"Gaius is gone and last I knew, knowledge doesn't just fall from the sky."

Percival grunted and moved around the bench to pull one of the books towards him. Arthur watched as one by one the Knights found a book to start looking through, but he hesitated. They were all very out of their element. Rushing into battle, chasing after the beast, seemed the easiest solution. But how long would it take to find the dragon. Men of the sword, knights of Camelot, they all looked out of place hunched over the workbench scanning over books and scrolls like scholars. For a moment, he just watched them.

The fire crackled in the hearth as an air pocket burst through the wood sending sparks flying up from the flames. At the popping sound, Merlin started to rouse back to awareness as his eyelids strained against the crust around his lashes to open. It took him several tries to raise his hand to his face, stretching the skin around his eyes and opening them. He could hear soft murmurs in the background and a fuzzy shape flooded his vision. Something cold and wet touched his face.

"Aithusa?" He murmured, voice coming out as a dull croak.

The soft, wet feeling vanished and he tried to reach for the dragon instead his hand caught something soft and warm which gathered him up so that warmth spread throughout his veins. He heard a soft feminine voice, but no words.

" 'm sorry" He spoke to the shape even though he knew his kin was not there though that was where the truth of his apology lied. Aithusa heard him anyway, and he could feel the worry, the hurt, the forgiveness and perhaps a spark of understanding.

" 'm okay" He says. Because he knows now Aithusa has been healing more than his weary mind each night, has been taking care of the ragged way he ran down his body the past season with all Arthur's chores, his patients and traveling every night to see Aithusa. He wish he had known.

Gwen looks up at Arthur and the knights who are watching the exchange as Merlin's eyes slip closed, even breaths pass his lips as he falls back into slumber.

"Arthur, who is Aithusa?"

His eyes snap up to meet hers, away from his knights and the sound of turning pages.

"What did he say?"

"He whispered for Aithusa. That he was sorry and okay."

Arthur pulled at the ends of his hair again and plucked a book off the mantle, settling into the chair by the fire.

"That's the dragon."

Silence descended over the room but for the sound of the crackling fire and turning pages.


	9. Chapter 9

_Warnings: mild language_

CHAPTER NINE

Merlin muttered restlessly in his sleep, too quiet to hear from where Gwen sat, close enough so she could gently rub circles into his uninjured hand, but loud enough that the quiet whisper of his words ghosted her ears. She frowned as his head twitched, eyes moving rapidly under his closed lids as if looking for something in the darkness. Pushing herself up to lean over him, her ear moved closer to his lips to make out the words on his breath. It sounded like gibberish to her, foreign words she could not understand.

She glanced at Arthur as he stretched his eyes open to stay focused on the reading before him even though he probably lost focus pages ago. Her eyes flicked back to Merlin. His head jerked to the side as his fingers curled and uncurled in her hand. A memory came to her, one where she was a maid and perched next to Merlin as he struggled to stay alive from fever while Arthur searched for the flower to save his life. The memory vanished, but she could recall him speaking strange words then, Gaius ushering her out of the door for water. All too eager to help, she left easily.

Her fingertips rested lightly on Merlin's cheek, leaning forward. If he awoke, he might feel her breath on the tip of his nose. Using both hands, she pried open one delicate lid and gasped, more from surprise than to call for attention.

"Ar-Arthur!"

She heard his chair scrape the stone floor behind her as she pried the other eye open just to be sure and whipped around to face him, hands braced against the bed behind her as if shielding Merlin from him.

"What is it, Gwenevire?"

The Knights all looked up from their books, and she tried to stop the panic creeping up her throat to scream at him _stay away_.

"N-Nothing. I—I…"

Her voice caught in her throat, doing nothing to stop the panicked expression from crossing onto her face when she realized she could not lie to him. _Did she need to?_ Arthur studied her expression, puzzled. He took a step forward, and she leaned back to obstruct Merlin from his view.

"Gwen?"

She looked back to Merlin, then her eyes searched and locked onto Gwaine. His lips pursed as he studied her, not understanding her silent plead until her protective stance registered in his mind. He snaked around the table to stand next to Arthur, who regarded him jealously at the unbroken gaze his knight shared with his wife.

"What happened?" Gwaine asked.

Her eyes flicked from one to the other, before settling back to Arthur, his arms crossed across his chest.

"He—His eyes are golden."

Arthur's arms dropped to the side.

"What?"

He took an involuntary step forward, stopped from moving closer by a firm hand gripping his forearm.

"What do you mean they're glowing? He's asleep."

She glanced from Merlin to Arthur, still uneasy, and hurt coursed through his gut.

"Heaven above Gwenevire! He is enchanted! I'm not going to burn Merlin for doing magic in his sleep! Chances are this is how that Dragon effects his mind so, however it may be getting to him, we need to know."

She closed the distance between them, grasping the soft cloth on his collarbone and rested her forehead on his chest as Gwaine edged towards Merlin. He lifted one lid to see the gold for himself, then stepped back puzzled. His friend laid muttering as if not even touched.

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I just got so frightened. And I, I honestly forgot about the enchantment. I mean I knew he was enchanted, but for a minute I just, I wasn't thinking and…what is happening to him? We have to help him."

Arthur placed a hand on her shoulder and looked at Gwaine who grimaced with a slight nod to confirm her claim.

"Think we should wake him?" Gwaine questioned, looking to Arthur.

Mind swimming, he shook his head.

"No. No…we should leave him. Take the books, and gather at the round table." He managed to command with authority.

Gwen pulled away from him as if burned.

"What? Arthur, I am not going to lea—"

"For all we know, Gwenevire, that dragon is using him to speak some spell into the air, and we are foolishly standing around waiting for it to enchant us. I ordered him locked up in his quarters for a reason. We cannot risk anyone else falling prey to this enchantment." He looked to his knights, waiting for orders from their King. "Take the books and move out. Everyone, now."

Gwen watched as one by one, the knights gathered the books from the room and swept out the door, glancing back at Merlin before they left until only Arthur, Gwen and Gwaine remained in the room. He looked to them, irritation showing in his features.

"Arthur, he collapsed. I will not leave him alone, enchantment or not."

He clenched his jaw. "I ordered you as your King."

"And I am telling you as your wife." She said to placate him.

Gwaine took a small step back, not wanting to become involved but unable to ignore the plead for Merlin's protection Gwen sent him earlier, even if it no longer seemed necessary. He took a moment to really _look_ at his friend, possibly his best. His lips moved rapidly as he twitched ever so often. Sleeping, but not at rest. A thought fluttered through his mind ever since Gwen's plead; what if there was no enchantment, and Merlin really was just a sorcerer? But then, Merlin would have told him, right? Merlin knew of his own noble blood. His friend would have told him if he had magic in his blood. And how could he explain the dragon? He looked up when Arthur's voice cut through his thoughts.

"The truth of it is, for all we know, this could happen to him every night."

Before he could carry on, she interrupted him.

"And you would ask me to leave him to suffer through this alone, even though we understand what plagues him? Arthur, I have abandoned him enough for the sake of duty, for Camelot, for you. You never asked me to, but I did. Do not ask me to do it again."

"But that is just it, Gwen! WE DON'T UNDERSTAND! I will not leave you with him only for you to be corrupted by the same magic as Merlin. That might not even be Merlin right now! Remember the goblin? For all we know, he is possessed. Until we figure out what THAT THING is doing to him, I cannot allow anyone else I love to suffer."

Tight lipped and glossy eyes, she nodded, and he knew his words reached her. His fingers trailed her cheek, warm ghosts on cold, pale skin.

"He is going to be alright. I promise you."

With a shaky breath, she turned to Merlin before Arthur could stop her, and placed a delicate kiss on his temple. She glanced to Gwaine, nodded and slipped out the door. Wordlessly, Gwaine and Arthur followed after.

* * *

Merlin eyes snapped open, shivering despite several large blankets draped over his body. Aware that somewhere a loud noise woke him, he murmured a spell, and wood flew to the hearth, bursting into flames. He tucked the covers around himself, snuggling his chin under the blankets, fully planning to stay in bed unless a patient decided to bang down the door, until the door swung opened. He startled, limbs flailing as he tried to rush out of bed all at once. Feeling disoriented, he sat on the side of the bed and glanced towards the door, waiting for vertigo to leave him.

"Merlin! Have—have you been sleeping all this time?"

The voice sounded familiar. He blinked a few times.

"El-Elyan?" His voice sounded dry and crusty to his ears.

The knights cleared in his vision, Elyan and Percival. All at once, he became acutely aware of what Arthur claimed, _after I talk to the Knights…_ His fist tightened in the blankets as the Elyan approached him. He looked to Percival, who appeared distracted by something on Gaius's workbench before he followed after his fellow Knight, carrying a platter of food. He held, more shoved, the plate into Merlin's lap who looked up with a question in his eyes.

"That food has been there for almost a full day. If you've been asleep that long, you should eat. Regain your strength."

His mouth fell open. _Did they know?_

"Percival, I—"

Elyan held up a hand and stopped him.

"I'm sorry Merlin. I must ask you not to speak, unless spoken too. You are still under house arrest. There are some things we want to know, but not yet." As if an afterthought, he added, "Eat."

Elyan gestured to his food. He held his tongue, but his mind spun in circles.

 _What did that even mean? What were they waiting for? Unless Arthur was still deciding to burning him or not. Why take confessions from a dead man_?

They each took a moment to examine him wordlessly, glancing to each other than entering his room and disappearing from sight. He gazed into the fire feeling a little numb as he heard them start to search through his room. It all felt so surreal.

 _Why does Gaius have to be gone? Gaius, please come back._ He thought dreadfully to the empty room. _He hasn't listened to me. I don't know how to make them understand, and I don't want to die alone. I don't want to burn. I can't talk to Aithusa because if I do, I'm afraid he may show up in Camelot. I don't know what to do. Gods I've been so stupid._

A few moments later, Elyan stepped out and sighed.

"Where is the spell book, Merlin. You know Arthur send us to get it."

 _Oh gods, oh gods I still have the key._

Merlin's eyes flicked to the hand that Elyan rested near the hilt of his sword, probably subconsciously. _How likely is he to use that to get the book?_ He started to stand up slowly when Elyan motioned for him to stay in bed as Percival entered the room to stand next to Elyan.

"Just tell us where it is. Arthur doesn't want you to touch anything that has been tainted with magic in case it strengthens the enchantment." Elyan explained.

Merlin felt his mouth drop open in shock. _What did they think they were doing?_ He almost laughed at the audacity of it. Did they even know how stupid that sounded?

"Strengthens the enchantment? I'm not enchanted. I'm a sorcerer! I have magic."

Both knights froze from his words— _Didn't Arthur tell them?—_ and glanced to one another in a silence exchange. Although uneasy, the calm reaction from the Knights softened the anxiety poisoning his veins.

"Just tell us where the book is Merlin."

He opened his mouth, and no sound came out. He should tell him. _Under the floorboards, Percival. It's under the floorboards in my bedroom._ But it was harder to say the words than he thought. That was his only resource when evil threatened Camelot. Sometimes the only thing that would save Camelot and Arthur. Would he ever get it back? It was more sentiment now than anything. He knew most every spell in the book, but what if he forgot them under pressure? Could he trust himself to remember? And there was far more than one spell book hidden away. He never planned to get caught, carelessly stuffing book after book in the small space under the floor with an enchantment. He watched Percival disappear back into his room.

"Let me get it."

"We have our orders from the King. Tell me where the book is, Merlin."

His eyes flicked to the bedroom, to Elyan and to the key on the dresser above the mantel.

"It's not a curse. Arthur refused to listen to me. You know about the Dragonlords, don't you? They have a duty to protect dragons. A duty. I was born with magic. I have always had it. But, I gained the powers of a DragonLord when my father died. That is why Aithusa was with me. Someone evil was corrupting him, and I had to protect him, to save him. Heal him. It's not an enchantment. Please. I must speak with Arthur. He has to understand."

He heard a thud, and Percival emerged from the room with a large stack of books and a staff in his left hand.

"What is this?" Percival asked curiously.

"Arthur knows about it already. It's not dangerous unless in the wrong hands. It must be kept well protected. "

"And apparently the vaults aren't protected enough?" Elyan spat, suspicion heavy in his voice. "What else are you hiding?"

"You have everything, I swear. Please, you must let me speak to Arthur."

His eyes were wide as he thought of the key resting near the fireplace where he left it. Could he return it to Arthur before they noticed?

"If you are lying…"

"I'm not lying."

"Don't make me regret trusting you. And, Merlin, if what you said is true, that spells treason. Arthur believes in you completely. By saying that, you ar—"

"Elyan." Percival growled with a warning, cutting off the other knight.

"Then I committed treason the day I was born! I lit every candle in my town with my first breath. Should I have been burned? Should my mother have dropped me down a well to drown? I know you do not think that way! Please, let me speak to Arthur. Please tell him he must let me explain to him everything. He only knows a part of it. He does not understand, yet!"

"I'm sorry, Merlin. Get some rest, my friend." Percival said, glancing at Merlin's untouched plate. "And eat."

Before he could say another word, Percival placed a hand on Elyan's shoulder, and they swept through the room towards the door. Merlin's eyes flickered to the key on the mantle and back to the retreating knights.

"Wait!" Merlin called out to them, more softly than he intended. Despite the soft whisper, the knights stopped and turned their heads. Percival turned to face him when Merlin appeared to be struggling with himself over something. He took a few steps towards the fireplace and glanced back at the knight. They watched as he debated with himself for a moment more before taking something from above the fireplace. He bounded over to them and looked from his hand to the knight's feet. He looked guiltier than they had ever seen him.

"I ….to put the books back…I'm sorry."

Percival held out his hand, and Merlin dropped a large brass key onto his palm. The knights looked at it, then back at Merlin in shock.

"Tell Arthur I'm sorry I don't…I only…I only wanted to learn to protect him better…to heal to…I would never hurt him I…I don't know why I didn't just…" He sucked in a deep breath, as if on the verge of crying. He jolted in surprise when Percival placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You have nothing to fear, Merlin. You did well." The calm knight said gently. He looked up in surprise and watched the door shut behind them.

* * *

Merlin spent the majority of the day pacing miserably in his room. His skin crawled restlessly, urging him to leave for the lush cave in the woods where his kin waited although the sun shone brightly. Afraid that Aithusa might try to come to him if he started telling the dragon everything that happened, he did his best to avoid the questions from the dragon and refused to talk about Arthur. He knew Kilgharrah likely thought that he finally listened to his advice, and guilt twisted inside him. He should tell the Great Dragon what happened, but he did not want Kilgharrah to discover that he had been right yet again.

So he kept to himself.

He paced for most of the night, trying to imagine Arthur's plans and how the knights reacted to him having magic. What worried him the most was that they would only be learning part of the story, and possibly not even part. Arthur had yet to allow him to explain why he came to Camelot, all that he had done for the city, for Arthur. Did Arthur believe that he only started practicing magic after his father passed away? Did he really believe he received some curse? An enchantment? A shiver of fear rushed through him as he thought of what they could discuss.

 _He isn't going to kill me right?_

 _He said it once._

 _Arthur is a man of his word._

 _So what is he going to do? Banishment? Imprisonment?_ He sat at the table and put his head in his hands. How could he complete his destiny if he was banished? Where could he even go?

His dream of flying came back to him, soaring through new skies and lush lands. Wind crackling around him as he burst up through a white castle of clouds. He could feel his kin calling him, reaching for him, yearning. His own magic crying, begging for release, challenge, change, to be free.

Two steps to the door and a scowl transformed his features. He shook his head in disgust at the thoughts of escape, abandoning his destiny like a coward.

How could he even think about abandoning Arthur, his Once and Future King?

No.

Arthur would listen.

The prophecy foretold it.

He sent a forlorn wish for Gaius to return home again as soon as the snow storm abated, hoping his mentor would hear him. His eyes danced across the fire, watching the flames pop as his magic created shapes of dragons cracking from eggs to circle above the flames.

* * *

Gaius's books revealed nothing yet and no patrol reported any sighting of a white dragon. Arthur started to wonder if they would ever find a solution, no closer to finding one than the first day they started searching. Most, if not all, of the books Gaius possessed had nothing to do with creatures or magic, discussing medicines, plants and different aspects of science.

"What about those books Merlin was reading?" Gwaine spoke through the silence of flipping pages.

The Knight's eyes shot up from their search of pouring one last time over the books to make sure they missed nothing, to stare at Gwaine.

"He must have learned something from them. What if he was looking for a way to break the enchantment before it got too far? We all know how resourceful he can be at times."

"He was studying magic, Gwaine. Unless you plan on committing treason, they stay in the vaults." Arthur all but spat at the knight, more frustrated their search came up with nothing then with the suggestion. They each returned their gaze to their books, until Leon cleared his throat.

"We could contact the druids."

"What?" Arthur growled.

"They might have information on how to help him. They saved my life, once, using magic. Surely, they would be willing to help Merlin."

It might work. They were on peaceful terms with the nomadic people since his reign as King. They would know more about magic than all the men in the room combined. But how to contact them without the visiting nobles and royalty knowing, alerting them to the danger in Camelot? How would that affect their relations?

"Not unless we have no other options. We cannot risk anyone learning about the enchantment, especially our visitors."

"Hells, what options? We have no options, Princess." Gwaine grunted, tossing the book he had been studying onto the table. "Give me the key to the vault, Arthur. All these books talk about medicine and shit when you know damn well we need to be reading about enchantments. This is an outright joke, a dirty waste of our time, and you know it."

Under normal circumstances, he might have ordered Gwaine from the room, berated him for his insubordination or spared back with a silver tongue. Instead, he tossed his own book to the table and looked to each Knight, searching of their faces. Conflicting emotions roused within him. They might be searching through the books to help Merlin, but learning about magic in any way was forbidden. Punishable by death. Yet, how could you fight against something you knew nothing about? He groaned and rubbed his tired eyes. Where should the line be drawn?

He looked back to his Knights, each waiting for his decision. Judging by the silence, he knew how they felt on the matter. His left hand started to massage his temples in a circling rhythmic motion.

"Reading of enchantments is the same as studying magic, punishable by death, treason."

Both options danced behind his vision. If the visiting nobles found out...

"Leon…send someone to bring a message to the druids. Make sure protection is extended if they should accept coming to our aide. If nothing else, provide them with ink and parchment to write anything they might know of the enchantment, even if it is just a guess."

The knight leapt to his feet, closing the door swiftly behind him. He could still feel Gwaine's eyes boring into him and gritted his teeth. _Damn him._ Somehow, breaking the law or not, he just did not care anymore when it came to Merlin this time.

"I will not ask any of you to join me in searching through the vaults, but—"

The scrapping of chairs cut off his speech as each remaining Knight stood up at once. Gwaine gestured to Arthur, imploring him to stand, who jumped to his feet shocked.

"All of you are…?"

He shook his head. He should have known. He asked for three days till a solution. They had one.

* * *

The key clicked into the lock easily. Elyan and Percival stayed outside to guard the door while Arthur and Gwaine entered the room.

"Nothing leaves this room."

"Whatever you say, Princess." Gwaine shrugged as he plucked a book from wooden box in the corner of the room. Arthur glanced around the small room. Various statues, books, jewelry filled the empty space. He examined an amulet curiously. _It looks no more than a necklace._ He though, resisting the urge to touch it.

"You search here. I'll check the other room."

Gwaine grunted in acknowledgment, although Arthur could tell the man paid little attention to him as he flipped through the pages of a spell book. Unease settled in his stomach. As long as neither of them practiced magic, surely they would be safe. Gaius had once studied magic, and he was a good man.

He glanced down the dark corridor before taking a torch from the wall outside the vaults. Flame before him, he traveled through the corridor, watching the light bounce off the stone walls.

The second chamber was larger than the first, almost twice the size. Large intricately carved bookshelves lined the walls. Tables covered with glass boxes containing golden artifacts bound in chains broke the space of the room into a jagged array. Strange wooden and straw figures and herb bundles dangled from the ceiling. Something grainy scrapped under his feet, and he looked down to see salt spread in a circle around each table. His nose scrunched in disgust at the sound, the imagined feet of it beneath his boots and scraped the substance to the side. Two doors and another corridor branched off to the side— _how big is this place?—_ and he could see scrapes in the fine layer of dust coating the bookshelf where Merlin's fingers had likely trailed.

He looked forlornly at the books. _Why had his father kept so many? How could they ever expect to find anything in all of these?_ Unsure how to begin, his gaze traveled to the two unopened doors at the back of the room, each painted a sickly familiar shade of red. He took several involuntary steps forward, his hand on the doorknob before he registered crossing the room.

Locked.

He fumbled with his keys, finding the one for the vaults. When it clicked, he let out a breath of air he did not know he had been holding. Several strong pulls on the door and it cracked open. It creaked as it opened completely. Torch in hand, he entered the room.

Unlike the larger chambers, this one was small, no larger than a closet. Wooden shelves with glass boxes hung from the walls, each box with a small silver chain wrapped around it. Not sparing a glance to look around, he walked to the back of the room, stooped to the bottom self and pulled one of the glass boxes off the shelf. Somehow he knew, this was what they needed.

Box in hand, the eeriness of the room hit him like a flood. His skin crawled restlessly until he left the small room and shut the door behind him.

He locked it.

Why? No one but he could get into the vaults. Why did that matter?

He glanced down to the glass box, noticed a chip in the glass in the corner and dropped the box as if burned. It shattered to the floor, wooden box and chains scrapping against the stone. His eyes locked onto the mess of glass, chain and wood.

Just a box?

He looked away, frustrated. What did he need with a box? They needed answers. They needed information. He was supposed to be looking for a book to remove the enchantment, not a stupid wooden box.

He growled, annoyed with himself, and looked back at the mess. He took a step back. Had that book been there before?

 _Of course it has. Where else would it come from?_

He stooped down to pick up the box from the glass and chains, and tucked the book under the box.

 _Yes, this was exactly what they needed._

The restlessness, feeling that he was being watched, returned. He looked over his shoulder, staring at the wooden door as if something would emerge. _Kings do not get scared._ But before he could stop himself, he rushed from the corridor to the room he knew Gwaine would be and found it empty. Irritation sparked, he could hear arguing outside the door and pushed open the vaults to join his men.

"Arthur!" Gwaine grasp his arm as he stumbled into the corridor. The other knights gazed at him in shocked silence.

"Where the bloody hell did you go?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I told you. I went to search the other room, Gwaine. If you would have actually listened to me, you would have known that. Scared of the sorcerer's books already?"

"Arthur, there was no other—what the hell is that?"

He grasped the book and wooden box more protectively in his hands-w _hat is it_?-and took a step forward towards them, eyes glazed with confidence.

 _It was what they needed. Something that could purge with cleansing fire._

"I found something to help Merlin."

* * *

 **A/N:** _Special thanks to reviewers. As an interesting(or just random) note, Elyan's role this chapter originally was Leon until I changed it as I think he would have had a more interrogative response to Merlin's claims, and been more understanding.  
_

 _For anyone who did not remember, Arthur entered another part of the vaults through a mirror which only a powerful sorcerer or the King of Camelot would be able to recognize as a corridor to the deeper section of the vaults. As such, the knights would not realize there was more than one room to the vaults, which is why Gwaine and the others where so shocked to see Arthur._

 _Next chapter will be a long one._ _Thanks to everyone for reading!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Warnings: heavy graphic descriptions/gore, mild language_

CHAPTER TEN

Merlin jolted from his musing of fire and punishment at a rapping noise from his back room. Already on his feet from unceased pacing, he scrambled up the stairs to his room. He noticed a thin layer of dust settled over the furniture, and tried to find breaks in the powder. _Did they have rats again_?

Then he heard it again, a distinct sound at the window, almost a scrapping. He rushed to the window to see—was that hair?—and panicked. He could not open the window without knocking the man from the windowsill down to the stone below. He spoke an enchantment and reached through the glass to help the man into the room so he would not fall. Several pulls and another spell later, the pair tumbled to the floor of Merlin's bedroom. He coughed from trying to suck air back into his lungs too quickly and leaned back to get a good look at the man now reclining on his bedroom floor.

"Ello, Merlin." Gwaine said with a grin as he smoothed back his hair. "Miss me?"

A grin split across Merlin's face, and for a moment both of them were completely content to stay on the floor grinning at one another.

"But…why? How?" And if a twinge of desperation laced into his words, Gwaine ignored it.

"I might have convinced Percival to help me find a way up here. Arthur refused to let me come see you when they gathered up all those magic books of yours, so I decided I would just come to see you on my own time. "

"But…the window?"

The knight grimaced and stood up, brushing and straightening his clothing. He offered Merlin his hand, which he grasped to help himself up. Merlin peered out the window, searching the people below until he spotted Percival leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest as if waiting.

"Can't go through the door. No one gets in or out without Princess's permission, which means I had to get a little creative. So how has captivity been treating you?" He asked as Merlin straightened his own clothing.

"What? …you?" Gwaine let out a strong laugh at seeing Merlin sputter for words before his friend looked at him shyly.

"So…you're not…I don't know…mad?"

"I like to think I'm of relatively sound mind." Gwaine sat on the end of the bed, observing Merlin.

"You look better." He commented more seriously. "You looked like a right mess when you collapsed a few days ago."

Merlin's cheeks colored pink.

"That's because—well I—did Arthur tell you everything?"

"He better have."

"Right." He took a deep breath, opened his mouth but no sound came out. Gwaine raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain.

"There's food in the other room. I think a jug of wine from when Lord Byron sent for breakfast. I'll pour some for you."

He scrambled out of the room before Gwaine could protest, breathing more rapidly than he should be from the trip down the stairs. He tossed another log into the fire, fanning the flames to warm the room. Satisfied, he filled a pot with wine from the wine-skin. He plucked several dried herbs from the wall, tied them in a satchel and tossed them into the pot. Once it was over the fire to warm, he set out two cups on table for when the spices mulled into the wine.

He gazed at the two cups, suddenly unsure if as a servant he should drink with the knight, but then it was Gwaine. They always had at least one drink together whenever Gwaine convinced him to come with him to the tavern. _Perhaps he might want food?_ He thought as his eyes skimmed over the array of dried fruits and salted meats left by the noble, too much to eat for one meal. If he focused on simple things like that, perhaps he could ignore the screaming unnatural terror working its way up his throat as it finally crashed into him that _he knows, he knows, they all know._

With jerked movements, he filled the plate with strips of pork, dried fruits, a large chunk of bread and cheese. He turned abruptly and froze at the sight of Gwaine standing in the doorway, one hand on the wall, uncertain. Merlin gave what he hoped was a welcoming smile before the plate clattered to the table from his shaky hands. He jerked back around to the shelves to pluck the honey down for the wine, all too aware of the tentative footsteps of his friend.

It was not that Gwaine knew about his magic which scared him, or even that all the knights knew his secret. For years he dreamed about his friends knowing him, accepting him, understanding him. He dreamed of standing beside them, finally as an equal, to stand on equal footing as they all protected Arthur together. Not necessarily for the status, but because then he would finally be a more concrete part of their lives. Not just Arthur's manservant dragged along on missions and hunting trips, but a fellow solider fighting a war against evil, keeping people safe.

Still it scared him, not the knowing but the truth: the lives stolen, the mistakes he made over the years, everything he might have done differently, and every lie he ever told to people who were never anything but honest to him. Speaking the truth to Arthur, although not exactly easy, was adrenaline fueled. Words came easily when someone pressed a sword to your throat, and when Elyan and Percival entered his rooms he could still feel the phantom blade when he blurted words to make them understand his cause.

But Gwaine came with no sword, no biting words or threats. He came with a smile and ears willing to listen, to understand, so very clearly against the wish of the King and so very different.

And that scared him.

"I think the wine might be done, Mate."

He jumped from his musings to check the wine, small bubbles bursting at the top of the red liquid. He snatched it from the flame to the table, mixing in several spoons full of honey and using a ladle to fill the two cups with steaming mulled wine. Gwaine took the cup from him as he crossed the table, fingers brushing. He resisted the impulse to jerk back and kept his eyes on the floor. When Gwaine sat at the table, chair turned towards Merlin's, he hesitated in joining him.

A sort of unfamiliar awkwardness settled around them. Gwaine took a careful sip from the wine, leaned back in his chair and sighed. Unsure how to proceed, Merlin settled into the chair next to him and watched the steam swirl up from his cup. He took a slow sip from the wine, swishing the spiced liquid in his mouth before letting it slide down his throat to warm his chest.

"So."

His head snapped up at the sound of Gwaine's voice, and he watched his friend take another careful sip of the hot liquid. He smacked his lips a little, and turned back to Merlin.

"That fainting spell was because you just decided to pass out instead of endure Byron's company or?" His lips twisted up at the jest, and Merlin had to wonder not how much Arthur told the knights, but how he told them. Were any of the facts twisted? More misconceptions that needed to be unraveled?

"You know I was searching for a way to heal Aithusa?"

The words felt thick in his mouth now, sitting at a table with food and drink as if discussing no more than the trivial events of the day. It might have comforted him, no, would have comforted him if Gaius occupied the spot Gwaine sat. But, Gwaine was not Gaius. So he fidgeted in his seat, pulling the warm wine closer to his chest.

"It was mentioned."

Merlin noticed the tension pulling around Gwaine's eyes, and wondered if talking openly would help or harm their friendship. But the man had climbed up the side of the citadel just to speak to him. He owed him the truth without an interrogation to get it, even if the truth frightened him.

"Well as it turns out, apparently I wasn't the only one practicing healing magic. I never realize how exhausted I was and I really would have never done that to my body if I had known..."

He paused, taking a deep gulp of the hot wine to stop the anxiety creeping inside him, stewing.

"With all the chores for Arthur, the nobles, extra duties at the castle and what with taking over Gaius's duty, I guess I was already stretching it pretty thin."

Gwaine grunted in agreement as he reached to gnaw on a strip of salted pork.

"But then when you add the extra hour or so it takes to get to the cave and then back to the city every morning, always forgetting to eat because of it all, not to mention the amount of attention that big baby demands—you will not believe how needy he can be—I guess it was too much for me to handle naturally so Aithusa sort of has been, well, healing or sustaining me with magic each night? At least that is the only way I can make sense of it. I think that's why when Arthur found us, our eyes were golden…we both…try to heal each other but it's sort of an involuntary effort from our magic so it just keeps happening until we separate because it never really works completely. Magic can't fix everything, even if it tries. I never really knew how exhausted everything made me, and when Arthur showed up that night Aithusa never had a chance to heal or recharge me. Without his healing magic, I guess it just all caught up to me at once so yeah. Plop."

He stole a glance at his friend who regarded him with a crinkled brow.

"Merlin…you said your father died saving you. Balinor? The Dragonlord?"

He watched the pain flash across Merlin's face as he nodded, avoiding his eye.

"That's how the Dragonlord ability is passed down. Once the father dies, the first born son inherits his power and his responsibility to protect the Dragons. They aren't evil. It just…Gwaine, what would you do if some foreign King showed up right now and slaughtered everyone in Camelot. Then, he took you prisoner and locked you in a dungeon for twenty years with absolutely nothing to comfort you. If you escaped and had the power to do anything, what would you do? "

Gwaine frowned, but did not answer. They both knew what he would do. Merlin might be above revenge, but Gwaine could not agree with the sentiment. If he had the power, he would ensure the King and those of his bloodline would never again sit on the throne.

He thought of his friends in Camelot as a second family. If he lost them after he already lost his first, he was not sure what would become of him. Even the thought of losing Merlin to some enchantment filled his heart with a darkness he though he chased away the moment he took his oath as a knight, the start of his new life. He shook his head to chase away the dark thoughts plaguing him from the query.

"Arthur said the dragon has you under an enchantment."

"And, so he does."

Gwaine's eyes rose at the wistful expression on Merlin's face.

"But so has Arthur really, and Gwen, and you even. Not because of Magic, Gwaine, but because of the love I have for every single one of you. I would do anything to help you, you know that. You are my friends. Yet, Aithusa is more than that. Not only is he under my care, but I called him from his egg into this world. I was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. That alone makes me responsible for his well-being, at least while he is still a hatchling. When he grows, then he will roam the earth freely as dragons are meant to do. It is a blessing to the land if a dragon should dwell there. They are beautiful creatures, though creatures of fire as much as of magic. Whatever anger you might feel, theirs will always be stronger because that is part of the fire within their soul. This is why they need a Dragonlord. Fire unchecked can easily destroy or be put out in no more than the blink of an eye."

Gwaine looked to the side, uncertain. He could see how Arthur might believe Merlin enchanted, but then what did he believe? He trusted his friend, more than he trusted his King. The book he read in the vaults had been a children's story, one of the books he recognized taken from Merlin's room and placed back into the vaults. The pages filled with pictures of Dragons and men going on adventures to slay dark creatures, together by the looks of it. The Spell book he thumbed through described all kinds of different enchantments: how to levitate an object, spells to start a fire, heat water, purify water, remove a bad odor from a room. None of them malicious, simply different ways to do household chores.

"He said you believed you were born with magic?"

"And so I was. I know this more than anything. My mother told me stories once of the trouble she went through trying to hide my magic before I understood how to talk. I have had it all my life." Gwaine wanted to say something, ask more. But he could tell Merlin was struggling to find words to explain himself further.

"Im…I'm sorry, Gwaine." He hung his head, eyes looking down to the grain of wood in the table. "I'm sorry I never told you. It's just…if you knew… I…Lancelot knew and—"

Shocked, he blurted out, "Lancelot knew you were a sorcerer?"

Merlin shut his eyes, ashamed.

"He sort of just found out. I never really told him, but I always think…maybe if he didn't know, if he had never learned who I was, he might still be alive."

And that sounded so much like Merlin, blaming himself for something he had no control over. With every word, more pieces started to click into place. Why would an enchantment involve guilt at Lancelot's death? Why even mention the knight?

"Lancelot died in battle, Merlin. Whatever he knew, would not have affected the outcome."

"I know that. Really I do but at the same time, it did affect the outcome. He died to save Camelot, yes, but more specifically he died to save me, Gwaine. He knew I was going to walk through that veil. He _knew!_ It should have been me who repaired the balance of the world that night, but Lancelot took my place. Even if it was the right thing to do—I would not ask for him to come back so that I could take his place. I want to live, for Arthur, for destiny— I don't need... I don't want anyone else sacrificing their life for me. I couldn't tell you. I just couldn't. What kind of position would that put you in? What kind of danger? A Knight sworn to eradicate sorcery, how could you hold true to your oath? You would either have to lie each day, turn a blind eye, or you would have to bring me to Arthur. Then what? I had to keep my magic a secret to protect Arthur."

"My oath was to you, as much as it was to Arthur. You found Arthur worth of service and so do I. But before him, there was you, Merlin. I would have kept your secret. And I know our Princess can be thick headed, hells right now he is doing everything he can to cure you of this enchantment instead of accepting the truth…"

Gwaine trailed off as what he said registered to him. Was he so easily swayed to believing Merlin?

"Merlin." He paused, thinking over his next words. "I don't suppose you have some weird resourceful trick up your sleeve to prove you're not enchanted do you?

Merlin grimaced and shook his head.

"Why do you think I'm enchanted?"

"Well Arthur's word for the most part, and then I could hardly imagine you having a tea party with some creature that burned half of Camelot. None of us had any doubt over your loyalty, so it couldn't be that you were just some evil sorcerer hell bent on destroying Camelot. I figured even if that was the case you would have either done it already or been caught ages ago because of clumsiness. But you're a good man, so that couldn't be it. So what else could it be? Magic is outlawed here and for the most part viewed as some kind of wicked poison."

Merlin flinched as if struck in the chest. He yanked Gwaine's cup, although not quit empty, out of his hands to fill it with more wine. Gwaine watched him fill the cups, noticed the slight tremor that had returned to his hands, and collected his thoughts as Merlin shoved the cup roughly back into his hands and sat down, glancing at the flames in the hearth.

"Say what you want, but I've never considered myself a complete fool. Don't plan on starting now. Guess I'll just have to take your word for it." Then he grinned mischievously, "Think I could meet your dragon one day?"

Merlin choked and sent a mist of wine onto the table spraying from his mouth. Gwaine laughed, patting his friend on the back as he coughed and whipped his mouth on the back of his hand. He looked to Gwaine, doe eyed.

"You—Just like that?"

Gwaine's grin split across his face, and he took a large gulp of mulled wine.

"Just like that, mate."

He winked and kicked his feet up on a crate littering the floor. Relief washed over Merlin from the corner of his eye as he set his cup down.

"Then…do you…" He stopped hesitant, and Gwaine was content to let him organize his thoughts.

"Do you want to see some magic?"

Gwaine shrugged. _Why the hell not?_ The burning figure of a dragon burst from the hearth, swirling around their heads before vanishing into a cloud of smoke. He laughed again, enchanted by the figure of fire.

"Think you could do a battle?"

Merlin grinned as two figures burst from the flames followed by a dragon. He watched the flames twist and burst into an elaborate story of the men and dragon protecting their kingdom from an enemy attack. With surprise, he recognized it as one of the stories from the picture book he skimmed. He chuckled to himself, taking another large gulp of wine, savoring the sensation as it spread through his stomach. Just as the final battle started, he set down the empty cup and watched it float to the pot on the table. The ladle started to pour wine into his cup, levitating in the air before floating back to his hand.

"Damn." He said, admiration heavy in his voice. "I could get use to that."

Merlin snorted as all at once the fire figures surrounded the king and his friend, the dragon held down by some sort of chains.

"I don't suppose you put something in this wine, did you? " He glanced to his friend, eyes twinkling and suddenly it all caught up to them. Here they were, sitting in the heart of Camelot, drinking mulled wine and watching fire creatures battle. One of them under house arrest for breaking a law punishable by death and the other now breaking that same law by consorting with him. Not knowing what else to do, Merlin started laughing. The figures winked out of existence as if never in the room when tears started to leak from his eyes. Gwaine joined in, muffling the sound in the crook of his arm in case the guards heard his laughter and opened the door to see them siting there, so very illegally, in each other's company.

"They probably think you're in here laughing hysterically to yourself like some mad man."

Merlin had to stop himself from slipping off the stool to the floor, body shaking as the tension eased from his shoulders with each howl of laughter. Gasping for breath, he tried to regain his composure.

By the time they finished the wine and conversation, Percival was nowhere to be seen if there was even a chance he would be visible with the sun no longer in the sky. Gwaine cursed, knowing if he appeared missing that the first place Arthur would look would be in the physician's chambers. But with several spoken spells from Merlin, he was standing below the window in the open air in no time. He looked up as his friend and gave an over enthusiastic wave. He smiled, sending a lazy salute back in response.

Without looking back, he sprinted through the corridors, taking two steps at a time until he reached the council room. Several of the knights where scattered about the room. Leon appeared to be studying the pages of a book closely, while Elyan dozed in a chair next to him. Percival looked up from leaning against a pillar when he entered the room.

Gwaine flashed him a grin and walked over to glance over Leon's shoulder.

"So that's the book Arthur raved about?"

He glanced to the left, eyeing the wooden box placed behind the book on the table. _How was he going to convince them that Merlin was telling the truth? They would probably think he was enchanted too._

"I just want to make sure this will absolutely help." Leon muttered as he flipped another page of the book, fingering the words as he skimmed through a paragraph.

"Mind if I take a quick look at that?"

He grunted in acknowledgment and passed the book to Gwaine.

"This where it starts?" He asked, grimacing as he took noticed of the amount of words covering the page. Leon reached over, flipped back a few pages and pointed to a passage under the illustration of a glass vial. "I can't find a single flaw, although I'm not happy about where it was found. It's exactly what we need to help Merlin though. Arthur was right. With this we could…"

A ringing started in his ears, drowning the rest of Leon's words. He blinked slowly, banging his palm against his ear in an attempt to clear the sound. He grunted in agreement, hoping whatever Leon said had not required a more intelligent response. The senior knights moved over to have a quiet conversation with Percival, as Gwaine looked back to the book.

Lacing his hand through the pages, he flipped the book to glance at the cover.

 _Magical Remedies and Cures: Practical Guild to Removing Enchantments and Illnesses for the Non-Magic User_

That was…oddly specific. He skimmed through the contents detailing everything from removing the effects of love potions to deadly curses. He shoved the pages back to his laced fingers to glance at the small picture of the vial.

 _Healing of an Unknown Enchantment_ decorated the top of the page in thick black ink. He glanced below the picture to read the small spiraled script.

 _In all cases, treating the enchantment involves possessing an understanding of the vicissitude in the patient beginning the first day of affliction. In some cases, depending on the magnitude and spectrum of symptoms, it is necessary to extend the window of observance to several days or weeks before the enchantment first afflicted the patient._

A yawn slipped from his mouth, blurring his vision of the book. _Hells._ He never enjoyed reading, but whatever Arthur planned could possibly harm Merlin. He ignored his dislike for the task and focused. Pulling a chair forward, he propped his feet on the table and placed the book in his lap. He skimmed through the rest of the page, adsorbing as much as he thought necessary.

"So the idea is to have him drink this vial?"

"At present, it seems to be the best option. It has been properly sealed. The year is dated just a few years old, and it stays potent for 10. It must have been placed in the vaults when King Uther was alive, although I would have thought this medicine could be used for others..."

He trailed off and Gwaine left him to his thoughts. He skipped over to the description of the vial, an ingredient list of various items filled an entire page. He recognized a few herb Merlin often collected for Gaius and now for his own stores. None of the ingredients sounded harmful. He understood less of the instructions of how to make the medicine as it described different methods and equipment to use to prepare. Satisfied none of it sounded dangerous, he turned the page, and mentally prepared himself to stay focused through the entire page.

To his relief, the descriptions of the medicine were simple. In the end, it was just a simple truth serum. He though it strange that a truth serum gave Arthur such relief on curing an enchantment, but if they thought the enchantment caused Merlin to make up stories, the medicine would allegedly clear the enchantment's influence for a few hours for them to question him. Arthur likely planned to use the same book to find a cure for the specific enchantment once Merlin described it fully. The contents even mentioned a section on curing enchantments from magical creatures.

The thought of Merlin robbed of the ability to lie bothered him, but it was an easy way to prove to Arthur and the other Knights he was not enchanted, that the dragon really was his friend, and he was born with magic. So perhaps, it would not be such a bad idea to play along. He knew which questions to ask so the best of his friend would be shown to the King and Knights, instead of the more incriminating questions Arthur might ask.

If Arthur refused to believe the results of the truth serum, he had a feeling the druids would be able to convince Arthur, if nothing else. And they would come. He knew without a single doubt as soon as they received the message they would come now that he fully understood Merlin's destiny.

He closed the book and set it to the side. Reaching for the wooden box on the table, he could feel the eyes of the other Knights on him as he lifted the small glass vial from the wooden box and swirled the contents around.

"So when are we giving this to him?"

"As long as everyone at the Round Table agrees, just after morning."

He nodded, now aware why he had the attention of the knights.

"Well, he'll have no opposition from me."

He placed the vial back in the box, racing though his plan to clear the whole enchantment nonsense for good. In all purposes, _it really was what they needed,_ even if not for what Arthur originally thought. He smiled to himself, happy to have a solution without stirring up a fight among the knights.

Yes, it was _exactly_ what Merlin needed.

* * *

Merlin spent the majority of the first day thinking over words and stories he would tell Arthur when he got the chance to speak to him again. Going over lines, details, how to apologize for the wrongs he had done but try to highlight the good of his magic. On the second day, he thought of the sky. How it would feel to rejoin his kin and spend the long hours of the day bathing in the sun. If he was banished, would he be allowed that small amount of happiness? Would he follow Arthur's wish and leave? Or stay to protect him? Gwaine's arrival helped to distract him, but only until the knight left. On the third day it was hard not to think about death, the pyre, burning black. When the door finally swung open, Arthur and the knights pouring into the room, he jumped from his seat. _No one has their sword so that must be a good sign._

"Arthur!" He cried as he rushed to meet the King. "Please, you have to—"

He broke off as the Knights and King approached him, moving to circle him on all sides. He took several steps back, as if to get away. Something about them...something was off. He could feel a stain of darkness in their life magic and shuddered. _What is that?_ He could felt it sometimes in the people around him since he started studying magic, lurking inside knights who took too much pleasure in the kill or sometimes even in children who tired of the daily beatings, thoughts turning darker and darker until death or violence consumed their minds.

What was it doing in _his_ Knights, in _his_ King?

"You have to know I would never betray you, but I am not enchanted. I've been telling the truth, and if you allow me to explain, I will tell you everything. You are a just King, at least give me a trial." He called as if he had been waiting for them to burst through the door at any moment, which Arthur supposed he probably had.

Arthur gazed at Merlin, doing his best to keep the stoic mask on his face and nodded at him. "I want to hear you explain everything, but first, I need you to drink this."

Arthur took a crystal vial from Leon that he pulled from a wooden box. He held it out to Merlin who instinctively took a step back right into Percival who gripped him from behind before dropping his hands. It was probably some kind of fake truth serum, Merlin thought, but for some reason just looking at it made his skin crawl. He gazed at the silver liquid behind the glass, mesmerized. All attention turned from the small shadow in this friends to the mass of darkness in Arthur's hand.

"What—What is THAT?"He spat, lip curling as he tried to take another futile step back, magic twisting painfully under his skin to _destroy, remove, eradicate._

 _Evil._

 _Something evil._

Arthur pursed his lips, but answered with a sigh.

"Once you drink this, we can talk about everything. And I mean everything. You cannot leave anything out this time. I will expect you to be completely honest with me. "

Gwaine snorted, as if the poor bloke would have a choice. Merlin winced and looked around at the knights. They all had a determined glint in their eye, almost like they were about to go into battle. But there was no lack of kindness in them. Gwaine caught his eye and gave him a strained smile and an encouraging nod.

"It's okay Merlin. It's just a truth serum. Promise I wouldn't let Princess poison you. It should burn a little on the way down from what I read, maybe like a stiff drink. It's just to make sure you don't lie to Arthur, and then you can tell everyone the truth." He emphasized the last part, hoping to convey to Merlin his plan behind Arthur's own. He noticed Percival giving him a strange look, and caught his eye although it was hard to understand the thought behind the stoic knight.

Merlin slowly shook his head at Gwaine , probably not conscious of the movement and focused on the vial in Arthur's hand as the King started to fidget restlessly. It made sense, why Gwaine supported Arthur's plan so easily. Drink the vial, and then Arthur would have to listen to him.

But the vial glowed darkness in his mind. Each swirl of the liquid echoed the color of a nightmare. His foot shuffled again as if to take a step back from Arthur, but there was nowhere for him to go but into the Knights surrounding him, the small shadows in their own hearts taunting him. He started to reach his hand for the vial and jerked it back to his chest as he tilted his head to the side, mortified.

 _What in all that is evil is that?_

"Don't make me order you."

He wanted to look at Arthur, but could not take his eyes off it. Would it come to life in Arthur's hands and try to swallow him whole? Did he have darkness in his own life magic now, just from looking at it?

"No." He whispered softly. Arthur's eyebrows rose. _What—what is it?_ The knights got the feeling Merlin was not aware he had spoken out loud. _No no no no no it's sickening, demented._ He felt a wave of nausea rush over him. One of his hands reached out to grip Gwaine's forearm to keep himself from blasting through the knights for the door. Once he wrestled with that desire, his magic jerked painfully again, wanting to rush into Gwaine and force out the small seed of darkness infecting the Knights. _Stop stop STOP_

"Merlin?" He coaxed uncertain.

He stepped further into the knight, unable to take his eyes off the vial. His grip tightened painfully on Gwaine's arm, who hissed in pain.

"Nonono, Gwaine. Where did you get that, Gwaine? Where the hell did you get that?" He snapped, something animal coming into his eyes.

"Merlin." Arthur's voice growled, a low warning.

"Don't touch it, Arthur! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT!" He tried to strike the vial from Arthur's hand, but Gwaine caught his arm before he could reach it. "Arthur, that's dark magic! Put it back! Don't touch it! Give it to me!"

Merlin's reaction puzzled Gwaine, scared him even. Was he wrong? Was Merlin truly enchanted? But that no longer made any sense. But then, why would he not take this change to prove his loyalty?

"You have to drink it, Merlin. It's what you need, mate. I'm right here. I'll help them understand everything."

And somehow, Gwaine's voice just sounded _wrong._ But he knew his friend was right, even with the darkness surrounding him, it really was what he needed. A way to prove to Arthur he was telling the truth.

He struggle with himself as he tried to take the vial from Arthur, as if fighting his own body and the magic coursing through him. Each time his magic reacted on its own and forced away his hand until he was shaking with sweat, trying to steady his left hand with his right to take the vial from Arthur. His magic screamed inside him painfully as he fought for control.

 _I have to! I have to. I must tell Arthur. He has to understand. NO! DON'T TOUCH IT. For Arthur, for Arthur, just take it. You need this. "Just take it! You need this. Just take it. NO!"_

"Arthur we need to force it into him. That dragon or whatever this is, is definitely fighting him hard! "

Merlin jerked back as if burned when Arthur pushed the vial to his lips, almost knocking it to the floor in the process. Quicker than lightening, two of the knights held him steady on all sides as Arthur uncorked the vial. The bodies pressed around him making the darkness inside them so much more apparent. Vapor started to poor from the flask, reaching towards him. He almost vomited right then and there all over Elyan.

He tried to stop his body from revolting against him but the desire to protect himself overwhelmed his senses as he struggled against the knights. He felt his magic bubbling under his skin and focused all his concentration on reigning control of his wild magic so he did not accidentally harm Arthur or the Knights. He could hear voices, but in his panic could not understand the words.

Knights holding him steady at last, Arthur moved to pour the liquid down his throat. Suddenly, a burst of golden magic rushed from his body and knocking Arthur and the knights back to the wall. His eyes glowing a traitorous golden. He slammed his palms into his eyes as if to hide them from the knights and moaned.

"no no no, I didn't mean to! I didn't- im sorry I would never hurt you I-"

And then he did throw up. His muscles spasming from fighting himself as his magic surged powerfully through his body. He let out a pitiful wail. As if it never happened, Leon and Percival grabbed his arms before he could properly recover as Elyan tried to hold his neck up and steady. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on keeping his magic from bursting out again like a wave. _How could this happen?_ "Now Sire! We have him!" Leon called.

Gwaine stared up from his spot on the floor, suddenly not as committed to the idea, but with no idea how to stop it or why. It felt as if a heavy weight attached itself to his chest and pulled him down. The thought that he needed the vial dulled in his mind, although not completely gone, and he wondered if Merlin had quite literally knocked some sense into him. _What in the hell was that?_

Even through closed eyelids, Merlin could sense the vial in Arthur's hand.

It was too close.

He could feel Arthur raising it to his lips when his magic burst out a second time, rocking himself to the floor with the blast. He scrambled to sit up, surveying the knights tossed around the room like dolls in wonder. Every scrape of furniture rocked from it's toppled place on the floor. He eyed Elyan, just near the heat of the fire. One inch to the left and the man could have been burned. His blood ran cold.

"Please, stop! Just stay away!"

He moaned miserably as he curled his long arms around his knees and covered his face with his hands, trying to drown out the sound of the knight's armor scrapping up off the floor as they reoriented themselves, ready to try again. What was happening? He never lost control of his magic. Not like this, not since he was a child. What was happening? How could this happen? Arthur would never accept his magic now, not like this. His magic rippled painfully in his skin as they started to inch towards him.

'I can't stop it. I can't—I don't want to hurt you. Please, please. I swear, I swear I can't help it…this has never…"

Once again, all the knights cut him off as they gripped his arms tightly and pulled them away from his face, holding his body still. It was easier to allow their movements this time, the darkness inside them shrinking fast from the blast of magic he hurdled their way that still swam inside his friend's veins. He gasped with fright as he realized, it was healing them. Something was _wrong_ with them. He tried to twitch away, out of their hold. Something was wrong with them!

They dug into him harder as they tried to keep hold of him as if that would stop his magic from pushing them away. The struggling started again when Arthur's boots flashed into his vision. A low gnarly sound left his throat. He focused all his energy to keep himself still.

"Merlin. AS YOUR KING, I ordered you. STOP. FIGHTING. ME!"

Arthur knelt in front of Merlin and griped his friend's knee tightly. He fixed his eyes on Arthur, and tried to ignore the vial his friend held in front of his chest. The air around them cracked with energy, and they both held their breath. Merlin started to shake as tears poured from his eyes.

"Please…just burn me Arthur. Just burn me if you have to. I can't drink that. I can't. I don't know why! I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm trying. I'm really trying. I don't understand why this is happening. That's evil, Arthur. It's evil! Please, don't make me do this."

Arthur's grip on his knee lessened. He watched sorrow flutter over his face and mourned that he caused it.

"Merlin, if I ever needed you to listen to me on anything, this is it…Please. You have to. I don't want to lose my manservant."

Then all at once, the thought slammed into him. YOU _NEED THIS. YOU NEED THIS._

The intensity, the longing in Arthur's voice overwhelmed him. Each line of pain in his face stuck his heart sharper than the nail driving into his wrists. But, he would stop it. He could end the pain. All he had to do was listen to Arthur.

He slowly freed one of his hands from Gwaine's tight grip to grasp Arthur's hand holding the vial. He kept his focus completely on his King as the vial crept closer to his lips. If it was for Arthur, he could regain control.

Almost an inch from his lips, Gwaine's hand struck out and gripped his forearm, stopping the vial.

"Gwaine…"

Arthur growled, and he dropped his grip, confused at his own reaction. It was just a truth serum? If Merlin drank it, everything would be okay. Wasn't it what they needed?

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop the vomit working its way up his throat as the liquid entered his mouth. The burning in his mouth started almost instantly. Way worse than a stiff drink, he thought angrily. He snapped his eyes open again to watch Arthur from the corner of his eye as it started to make its way down his throat. He had to do this. He had to so Arthur would finally understand. He had to do this for Arthur. He needed this.

Once the last drop was gone from the vial, all the Knights and Arthur loosened their grip and dropped back to watch him. Gwaine, the only one who had not moved, still kept a firm hand on his shoulder. Although Arthur moved his hand, Merlin kept a hand over his own mouth and nose. He tilted his head up, not trusting himself to keep the liquid down yet with his magic whirling psychotically beneath his skin.

"Merlin, mate? Are you okay?" Gwaine asked from his side.

The burning in his throat subsided and although he still felt nauseated he trusted himself enough at this point to move his hand and try to focus his swirling vision on Gwaine. His hand wildly flailed before turning into Gwaine's arm for support as the room swirled around him. He panted heavily, forehead rested on a surprised Gwaine's chest. Through the mass of bodies, he tried to find Arthur from the corner of his eye.

His king watched him with a worried expression that rarely made its way onto his face past the stoic mask he kept in place. He tried to flash a smile to ease his worry, but he started to find it hard to breathe. His hands snaked up to grip Gwaine's shoulders, and he pushed on the man so he could gaze into his face. Body shaking, he looked up at Gwaine whose face was lined with the beginnings of concealed anger.

Good.

He could no longer sense the darkness.

He felt sweat start to drip down his skin and hissed when a burst of magic cramped his muscles painfully, rocking his back into Gwaine's chest until it faded beneath his skin. He opened his mouth to plead pardon from his friends for his accidental magic.

And then, his body was on fire.

Pain as he had never felt before coursed through him. He tried to jerk away violently, as if that would stop the pain, but something smashed him still. Gwaine's arms crushed Merlin to his chest to stop him from slamming into the stone floor. His veins started to fill with lead under his skin as the world bathed in white light. Everything around him stuck him with an overwhelming agony, as if caught in a thorn bush, thorns covering every inch of his skin, digging, pulling and yanking on the skin, shredding it to bits until no skin remained left to destroy and it moved on to more sensitive flesh. He could feel his magic twisting his body painfully and burning his blood as if revolting against him. All at once, the pain intensified as if something started to pull his heart from the cave in his chest, replacing it with darkness. NO NO NONONO _MY MAGIC! IT'S INFECTING MY MAGIC._

He struggled for control over the pain, red hot anger flooding through him that something dared to taint, to corrupt his magic, _his soul._ His anger crashed over the burning fire and after what felt like an eternity the pain dulled, replaced with an overwhelming sense of emptiness seeping into his veins with a throbbing pain. NO NONO. _I HAVE TO STOP IT. I HAVE TO_ "—kay? Merlin?" The shapes around him started to focus again, but he felt as if he awoke to a living dream. An acid taste filled his mouth and choked him until he was forced to pull it back down his throat. Voices surrounded him, talking to him, calling him, but it was hard to hear over the screaming. _AITHUSA AITHUSA I NEED YOU I NEED YOU THEY ARE DESTROYING IT_ He clamped down hard on his bottom lip and shuddered.

"What happened? Did it work? Is he free?"

"WHAT THE SARD DO YOU THINK? LOOK AT HIM!"

He continued to shake violently as his vision returned through a filter of red. He could make out the Knights and Arthur surrounding him.

When had he ended up on the floor?

Pain pulsed from his eyes and coursed through his body with every heartbeat. A million drums pounded in his head. Maybe if he could think he could start to explain himself, but the overwhelming horror and heaviness in his veins from his weakening magic made him panic. _I CANT FEEL IT I CANT!_ "Wha-wh-a-ave you don t'me?" He croaked out so gnarly that the knights and Arthur could hardly make out what he was saying. His eyes were on fire. Something wet and viscous dripped from his face and down his neck, staining his clothes.

"Merlin Focus! Look at me!" He gasped, transfixed by the foreign feeling pulsing within his blood, almost as if it was no longer his own. _Where is my body? Where am I?_ "That's an order"

He snapped his eyes up to gaze at the disembodied voice belonging to Arthur and got the sense he was looking at a painting of his friend looking down on him with intensity.

The blood running from his eyes made Arthur choke.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?" He shrieked at the tapestry of Arthur as the burning returned, and he tried to claw away the feeling in his eyes. Thoughts of death and ending exploded inside his mind.

He was losing it.

Everything started to blur back out of focus, and he could no longer understood the ground below his feet or how to breathe. _GAIUS I CANT BREATH. I`M NOT REAL ANYMORE GAIUS! I`M GONE!_ Pain crashed into him again, and his ears were filled with the sound of screaming. He tried to breathe in-between his quickened breaths but his air-way sealed shut. He descended into darkness.

* * *

Merlin's voice ripped into his mind like thunder, sending him falling against the side of the wooden carriage gripping his temples in pain. His breath came out in short spurts. Pain unimaginable rushed through him until the vision of red walls and roaring fires passed taking the red hot agony with it. He reached for the seat of the carriage, wood, fabric, cold of the outside wind, anything to grip him back to the present. The carriage jerked forward to an abrupt stop. Familiar voices sounded outside the carriage, and relief rushed through him. So they had finally arrived in Camelot.

He heard the clanging of the gates and tossed the fur from his body in anticipation, ignoring the cold tearing into his joints, ever more anxious to run through the citadel to reach his ward. He swung the wooden door of the carriage open, leaving the fur behind in the carriage and landing on a soft patch of new snow. He latched the door shut, and greeted the Knights swiftly.

"Gaius! Thank God! King Arthur sent for you."

He paled at the relief evident on the Knight's face and nodded to him, taking his place next to his traveling companion who was bundled heavily in borrowed fur robes to keep out the cold while riding.

Despite the pain of the vision, he no longer needed to guess if Merlin was locked in a dark cell in the dungeons. The vision clearly showed the ceiling of his quarters. The horses raced through the corridor, eager to reach the stables now that the smells of civilization reached them.

The warning bell crashed through the normal hum of the city and a terrifying roar cracked through the city's stone. Gaius looked up in shock—was that a dragon?—and urged the horses forward. They reached the citadel quicker than he could have hoped. With an encouraging grip from his driver, he hobbled to the ground and rushed through the ice and stone to his quarters. The closer he got, the more the screaming of men and women started to drown out the sound of the bells. A group of knights rushed past him, the King in the middle of them. Arthur staggered towards Gaius, catching sight of him with desperate eyes, but Leon gripped his arm, roughly pushing him forward past the physician as they each hurried in opposite directions. _What in the blazes is going on?_ The warning bells tolled endlessly through the corridor.

"—ole bloody city burns down, YOU ARE NOT LEAVING HIM LIKE THIS"

He focused on hurrying the last steps to the wooden door hanging ajar."

"GWAINE IT'S A DRAGON! ARTHUR NEEDS ALL THE HELP HE CAN GET AND MORE."

He burst into the room. The sight greeting him froze his composure. Every piece of furniture was knocked over in disarray. Percival and Gwaine were hunched over the form of a struggling man, pinning down virtually all aspects of him. Gwen stood by the shelves, still in her finery, rummaging through bottles, knocking some to the floor with shaky movement. Elyan's back was to him, backing from the scene as if trying to escape.

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT ARTHUR NEEDS, CONSARN IT! THAT SWINE—GAIUS!"

Everyone snapped their attention to him, just as another scream followed by a long wail cut through the chaos. Hardly thinking, he shoved Elyan out of his way to reach his ward, his boy, HIS EVERYTHING pinned to the floor like an animal. The Knights moved to accommodate him, but did not lift their hold. He forced himself to calm, eyes roaming the body before seeking out every injury. Blood leaked rapidly from Merlin's eyes, mixing with the drops of blood coating his entire skin as if sweating.

"I want to know everything that happened up until this point. Speak, NOW!"

His voice barked out over the wails, solid without tremor. He had never seen such a condition, but he would not let that break his resolve.

Gwaine laughed mirthlessly. "Arthur pulled a cursed vial from the vaults, a blasted truth serum. The ingredient list is in the book in the counsel room. We forced it down his throat and then THIS!"

"LIAR! You think that will help him?" Percival snarled, drawing Gaius's attention to him. "Gaius, It was a remedy to eradicate any possible enchantments. If he took it, the dragon would die, leaving him cured. His magic and body would no longer be tainted by its evil. There was no list. It was an ancient medicine made with druid magic."

"NO!" He flicked his head to Elyan, finger pointed and angry. "That vial removes any trace of magic from him. You suggest we would give Merlin something that would leave THAT EVIL swimming inside him? I would never allow it!"

He bellowed over the arguing knights, breaking their voices into silence.

"STOP! Where is it? Where is the vial? Give it to me this instance!"

He could see Gwen rush to a corner in the room. "That one Gwen, the one by the hearth" Gwaine growled from his clenched teeth. Gaius snatched the vial from her hands, and almost dropped it from the pure malice that swept through him. If he felt such a strong reaction from the empty vial with the little magic he possessed, how strong had the reaction been for Merlin?

He rushed to his tools, searching though the mess on the floor on weathered knees to find everything he needed to analyze the potion. He set them up on the floor, not bothering with the overturned table. Gwen dropping to her knees across from him to help him.

"No, Gwen. Find my green jar, second shelf first cupboard. Start to spread it over his entire body. Clean the blood as you go. We don't know when he will open his eyes but when you finish with his body, wash them and let the blood continue to fall."

"What about the pain?"

"He cannot ingest anything until I know it won't kill him once and for all. On the second shelf now, try to move him onto the bed. At least give him something for his head, for heaven's sake, give him a damn pillow!"

He failed to stop the crack at the end of his order when Gwen rushed to the cupboard. She searched through the jars and vials until she found it, while the three knights worked together to set Merlin on the bed near the fire after Elyan jerked the furniture back to its upright position, all thoughts of leaving gone with Gaius returned. _He could help!_

"We need to get his shirt off him."

Gwen murmured as she lifted the material over his chest, stopping under his arms. Blood stained her dress but all status was forgotten in the wake of Merlin's agony. Several jerked motions from the knights later and the servant's chest was bare. She set to work cleaning the blood with a damp towel and started to rub the thick, waxy mixture over Merlin's skin.

Her hands moved to his stomach, and he jerked under her touch. She heard Gwaine shout, "Gaius! He's Awake!" and looked up to see Merlin's bloodshot eyes fixed on ceiling above him, chin tilted up.

* * *

Merlin's eyes snapped open and dread crashed into the pit of his stomach. He struggled against the weight that held him with a new intensity and the utter emptiness flooded threw his veins like fire. _WHERE IS IT?_ A wave of nausea washed over him, and he struggled to turn his head away from his chest as the contents of his stomach lurched. The weights lifted from his body, and he did nothing to stop from vomiting over the side of his bed. He purged and purged but the emptiness remained. _WHERE IS IT?_ Voices surrounded him, calling, pleading until they faded into faint wisps. _WHERE IS IT?_ He couldn't breathe. Just as he was about to topple over the side of the bed, a force caught his shoulder and pushed him back onto the bed. _WHERE IS IT?_ Everything swirled around him until he heard a clear voice strike through the haze, someone he recognized, someone he loved urgently calling his name.

"erlin! You must control your breathing! Can you hear me?"

He locked his gaze as the shape in front of him took form _GAIUS!_ and reached for the man's chest blindly, clutching the fabric tight and pulling his mentor closer until his fingers clawed into flesh. He released him as if burned. _LIARTRAITORFAKE!_

"Where is what Gaius? Where is what?" He heard a voice muttered as if underwater. Was he even breathing at all?

"Focus on my breathing. Can you do that Merlin? Focus on m—"

He wanted to scream, but hardly had the air to stay focused. He tried to call for Aithusa but he barely formed the A in his mind when his head exploded in pain. He let out a whimper as the scratching and tearing started to grind on his skin once more. _WHERE AM I?_ _WHERE AM I_? Eyes widening in agony, he couldn't breathe. The drifting began and darkness pulled him under once more.


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N:_** _Special t_ _hanks to everyone who reviewed._

 _Warnings: mild language, mild graphic images_

CHAPTER ELEVEN

A deep voice called into the armory as Leon fixed the last of the King's armor.

"Sire! The Dragon has entered the lower towns!"

"Have you started the evacuations?" Arthur called. As they spoke, Prince Philip barged into the armory followed by his knights. Wordlessly, they started to don their armor and listened intently to the King.

"Yes, my Lord! But the people are panicking! They fear they will not all fit in the caves!"

Leon turned to Arthur, expression grim.

"By your leave, Sire, I will lead our men in the lower town." Leon asked.

"I would trust no other. Remember, under the left wing or on his spine there are breaks in its scales. Aim for them."

Leon bowed and opened the doors to leave.

"You may need someone to watch you back on the way down." Sir Edward called and rushed to stand beside Leon. They gripped each other's forearms in support.

"By your leave, Sire"

The knight asked, turning to Prince Philip to seek his permission.

"Come back alive."

"Always do." He said with a grin.

Leon motioned to three Knights standing outside the door before he left the room with Sir Edward. The three knights entered to attend the King on Leon's command, one of them the man who had been speaking to Arthur. Arthur turned to them and started to list out commands.

"We need to evacuate as many people as we can into the citadel or the tunnels beneath the city. We will not lose them again to the dragon's fire."

"Yes, my Lord!"

"Where are the rest of the visitors?"

"They are safe, my Lord. Everyone accounted for."

Arthur swiveled to face Prince Philip. He took in the young Prince's stance, the rigidness of his muscles as he stood attentive to his side.

"Prince Philip, I cannot allow you to be harmed. Your Father would not allow it. This is not your Kingdom, and I will not see you hurt in the fight against this creature."

The young prince shook his head. He could see by the stubborn set of his jaw only a direct order would send him away.

"Your Kingdom cannot afford to lose you, but do you not plan to join your knights?"

"My place is always with my people."

"And I would make mine at your side, unless I may aide you elsewhere."

Something about the prince's loyalty made him wince, and he saw Merlin. Blood poured from the skinny man in rivers. Tortured screaming resounded though his ears as Merlin tried to claw away his own flesh even with the weight of all the knights upon him. Endless blood seeped from his eyes as if to drown the whole world in thick red. So much blood, so much—

"Arthur?"

 _He is no monster, Arthur. He is a dragon, and he is my kin._

Torn from the vision, Prince Philip and two of the Knights of Atlania stood before him alongside his own men, waiting for orders. He ignored the image of Merlin's battered body standing among them and drew his sword. He walked through the doors of the armory. Prince Philip followed closely behind him as they neared the battlements. They reached the line of bowmen, and one of the higher ranking knights raced to meet him.

"It is just like the Great Dragon, Sire! Our arrows will not pierce it."

He scanned the city's straw roofed buildings below, searching.

"Do you have sight of it?"

"To the east, sire!"

A roar rippled across their ears as the white dragon emerged through the door of a house in the lower town, sending a blast of debris into the street.

"Aim under the left wing. It has a spot there without scales. The back has several lines where the spine bows, your arrows will pierce there. Look for gapes in its armor. The people of Camelot depend on your precision."

"Yes, Sire."

 _You can't hurt him Arthur. I can't let you hurt him._

He watched the knight start to shout his order down the battlements and glanced to the stone below. He could see his men tossing spears and try to inch close enough for their swords to reach the dragon. Each time it sent them sprawling to ground with a mighty blast of air from its wings, blowing fire and smoke into the air. He watched as it plunged through the doors of another building, tail flicking out of sight. The knights raced after it, almost as if playing a game of catch.

Compared to the state he expected to find the city when the first knights barged into the infirmary calling of a dragon flying towards the city, it looked immaculate. He expected to see ragging destruction, knights and peasants tossed on the floor like baggage. Fires licking up past the houses and burning against the stone before fluttering out in puffs of smoke.

However, with the dragon inside the building, it was hard to tell anything disturbed the town at all. Several carts were tossed over. The city streets usually bustling with energy were devoid of people, but for his knights. Blood nor bodies littered the streets. It was as if they were chasing a wild bull that had yet to ram a single man or child. As the dragon burst through the windows of the house, sending a small shower of rubble in its wake, it spiraled up to a house directly next to the citadel. He watched it smash through the wooden door again and disappear inside. A thought struck him.

 _Those are all places Merlin visits._

The breath caught in his throat as he watched each of his knights rush out of the building into the next, not a single Knight lost or left behind. Leon barked orders below.

"Holy Hell. DAMN IT!"

 _It was LOOKING for Merlin._

He kicked the nearest thing he could find, abandoning propriety. The prince looked to him in shock. Their gaze drew back to the battle below as the dragon burst out of the window. It hovered in the air, head turning as if looking for something, and then their eyes met. Blue to Gold. Before he could realize what happened, it started to charge straight for him.

One of the knights called, "Protect the King! Protect the Prince!" as heavy armor surrounded him. The dragon barreled into the weapons and the mass of bodies, knocking half the knights to the ground away from Arthur and Philip. Two strokes of its wings and the other Knights where stumbling back from the force. Resting on its back talons, the dragon's head leaned over as it roared fire towards the feet of the men, left, then right causing them to scrambled back from the blaze until Arthur and Philip were cornered. Arthur gripped his sword, painfully, and tried to stand but a mass of smoke blasted from the dragon's mouth and choked him.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot you'll hit the King!"

His eyes watered with tears, and the thickness of the air rocked him back with coughs that knocked the weapon from his hand. He felt a heavy talon push on his chest, knocking him back to the floor. He struggled under the weight, but the smoke in the air prevented him from breathing. He felt dizzy and weak—was the city on fire?—as the dragon leaned back, taking in a large puff of air. He froze.

He was trapped.

He was going to die.

And Merlin, his dearest friend, still laid dying from the beast's curse in his quarters.

When the warmth slammed into his skin, his whole body shivered in anticipation for the red hot metal to burn the skin off his bones and make the heat from the dragon's flames so much worse.

 _Arthur please! Let me explain! Aithusa will not harm you!_

He felt a tingling warmth creep into his skin until it engulfed his body. Golden light surrounded him like a mist. The light vanished into his chest, blinding him. And, he gasped.

He could feel emotions: worry, anger, fear, desperation, pain… _love._ He felt _love._ The strength of the feelings overwhelmed his senses as the smoke cleared with every stroke of the dragon's wings, and he could see the dragon, Aithusa, for the first time.

Finally, he understood

 _Aithusa would never hurt me._ Merlin had begged for him to believe. Because hurting Camelot meant hurting Merlin. Not a single man was killed, not a single fire raged through the city even as the white dragon tore the town apart to find its kin because that would hurt Merlin.

Aithusa jumped off Arthur suddenly, breaking their gaze. He let out a short chirp and took off into the air, barreling though the door to the citadel which would lead to Merlin. Prince Philip was at his side in an instant, shaking him, helping him sit up. His mouth moved but a ringing in his ears blocked the sounds of chaos around him.

He could still feel the warmth. It stayed in his chest, building and bursting until the strength of it knocked him down. He closed his eyes and focused on the feeling. He edged it forward, and could feel it start to creep towards a heavy darkness in his heart that the golden light illuminated for the first time. He felt it wrap around the black and pull.

His eyes shot open, wide and pained. His body jolted to the side as a black viscous tar fell from his mouth and evaporated into the stone. He could still feel the Dragon's power radiating under his skin, protecting him.

"What the hell was that? Arthur? Arthur?! I need a physician!" Philip called, and Arthur noticed Leon was at his side although he had not looked up. He gripped his friend's arm, panting as the events of the last day flooded through his mind with clarity. He could see himself entering the cursed rooms and heavy chains attach to his heart, leading him to the wooden box. He saw himself pick it up, no book in sight and knew that some kind of devilry had conjured it. How had he fell for such a simple, obvious trick?

He thought back to the round table meeting, how every time someone spoke of the specifics of the vial, his hearing failed. Somehow, he questioned nothing. Each time, the overwhelming relief that the vial would help Merlin drowned out his senses. And then, giving Merlin the vial, forcing him to drink the liquid he had somehow believed without it would cause Merlin's death. When had it become a matter of life and death? Why could he not see the signs?

 _Arthur, that's dark magic! Put it back!_

But, Merlin had known.

 _Arthur._ _It's evil! Please, don't make me do this._

He recognized it for what it was, which only meant one thing. Everything Merlin said was true.

 _I've been telling the truth, and if you allow me to explain, I will tell you everything._

The realization would have sent him crashing to the ground had not Leon gripped his arm to pull him up. He let himself be manhandled into looking directly at his eyes, and he flinched.

He could see it!

He could see the darkness swimming under Leon's eyes and recognized it as the tar he coughed up only moments ago from his own chest. He flinched away. Regaining his footing, he took his sword from Philip who held it out for him to grasp.

 _You're wrong about magic. You have to be strong enough to see that._

"Send the knights to protect the people in the castle. Start to help clean up the lower towns. Philip and Leon, keep everyone away from the Physician's chambers. No one goes there under my direct orders. "

Surprise fluttered across Leon's face, but he seemed to realize what Arthur thought. "Merlin!"

"Merlin?" Philip exclaimed, confused.

"No one goes near his chambers, Leon. Not a soul. Stay with the people until I give the word that the threat is passed."

"Yes, Sire."

He rushed past the knights who parted for him. He followed the destruction that would lead him directly to the Physician's chambers, directly to Aithusa and Merlin.

* * *

"Good. That's good. That's it, in and out." Gwaine and Percival loosened their grip on Merlin as his body eased back into the mattress with shuddering breaths. They stepped to the side to wait as Gaius smoothed bloody locks back from Merlin's face, running a warm wet towel over his forehead. Elyan took the waxy jar from his sister's hand. She sputtered to rebuke him, but he cut her off. "You're a married woman, Gwen. Let us finish cleansing the rest of his body while you help Gaius."

Gaius stood for a moment, palm rested on Merlin's forehead as Gwen moved his equipment to a small table recovered from the wreckage. She held the vial in her hands, turning it over carefully, inspecting the contents.

"Gaius, Arthur meant to give this to Merlin, but look." She held up the vial, still full of silver liquid and sealed. "Elyan, I thought you said Arthur forced Merlin to drink this vial and that caused all this?" The knights looked up, surprise fluttering across their faces.

"What the—" Gwaine trailed off. Sealed and full, the vial dangled between her index and middle finger. She held it out to Gaius and dropped it onto his palm.

"Do you think…that he never drank it and that's what caused all this? Gaius, I think this is what he needs." She looked up, imploring him to agree with her. He shivered.

"She's right." Everyone's eyes snapped to Elyan. "It was supposed to remove the enchantment, but if he never drank it, maybe he cast some kind of illusion over us. We have to try again. He might not even be injured right now. What if there is no dragon attacking Camelot?"

Percival nodded, "I'll hold him if Gaiu—"

"Now, wait just a damn minute!" Gwaine sputtered, hands coming around to lean over Merlin's head. "If you think I'm letting you anywhere near Merlin with that dark magic again, you're barking mad."

Anger flashed through Elyan, and he leaned over the table to get closer to Gwaine's face.

"If this is your idea of a prank, you better drop it fast. This is Merlin's life we are talking about."

"Exactly! Is putting him through that kind of hell again your idea of a good time because I'm sure I could find something else to occupy your time if you want to join him."

"This is ridiculous! Gaius?"

Everyone glanced to the physician, turning the vial over and over in his hands from where Gwen had given it to him as if transfixed.

"Will this really cure him?" he mumbled to himself, almost too quiet to hear. Gwen took a step towards him, gripping his elbow tightly with a determined expression on her face.

"Gaius, we can't let him suffer anymore. Not when we can do something about it. We have the power to help him!"

Something in her tone bothered him, but the need to see Merlin free of pain and safe overwhelmed him. He clenched the vial tightly in his hands, shaking his head. He did not want to give the vial to Merlin, preferring to use his instruments and knowledge of science to find a cure for his ailment. It felt heavy in his hands, dark.

But Merlin _needed it._

He did not travel through icy marshes just to see his ward die.

"The Queen is right, Gwaine. This vial is the key to healing Merlin. If you will not help, I must ask you to leave."

Gwaine's mouth fell open as he glanced from the physician to Gwen and cursed every high power he could think of that Arthur instructed them not to bring their swords to Gaius's quarters. His eyes flicked around the room, trying to find some sort of weapon he could use to take out the knights without causing too much harm. But, how could he without harming Merlin?

"Wait until Arthur returns. He is going to want to confirm the enchantment is gone." He tried weakly.

"Gwaine, the longer we wait the more he suffers" Gwen scolded. Gaius shook his head and started to make his way towards Merlin. "If you could prop him up a bit, Sir Percival, it will make it easier to massage the liquid down his throat."

Gwaine stepped away from the bed, allowing the two knights to re-position Merlin's limp form. He was to close to Percival where the knight could stop him if he tried to wrestle the vial from the physician's grasp, but close enough to Gaius where he could get away with tackling the man to the ground. He winced, hoping he could break most of the man's fall. With no other ideas, he took a step back and launched forward. Gwen screamed, and he twisted his hands up to snatch the vial from Gaius's hands. Just as they hit the floor, the door exploded across the room and a growl filled the hollow space around them. Gwaine looked up to see a large white dragon smash Percival, Elyan and Gwen into the side wall, circling around Merlin in the small space.

The Knights jumped up to attack, but the dragon sent a mighty roar knocking them back against the wall. Gwen stayed on the ground frozen in terror, hands firm around Elyan's wrist. Gaius's mouth hung open in shock as the dragon edged Merlin's bed closer to the fire. He recovered quickly and started to struggle with Gwaine for the vial. Percival and Elyan recovered from the blast and started to crawl to reach Merlin. Knowing their goal, the dragon's head raised above Merlin's limp form. He sucked in a large breath and let out a heavy blast of fire. Gwen screamed and tried to scramble towards the blaze. Elyan caught her arm, wide eyed in shock as the bed and Merlin's clothes burned around him. Percival charged, holding a splintered plank from the door only to be swept back off his feet again. Gwaine held Gaius down. The old man numbly tried to break free, and he had to force himself to focus on Merlin's unburned hair.

 _Turns out, apparently I wasn't the only one practicing healing magic…_ _creatures of fire as much as of magic_

They watched the bed burn until it collapsed in a heap of smoking ash. Aithusa caught Merlin against his body and wrapped around him, covering him completely from view with his wings. He held his head up, ready to burn anyone who tried to harm them.

Gaius broke free of his hold, vial forgotten, and Gwaine heard Percival call behind him.

"Gaius!"

He heard something cut through the air and turned to see Percival holding a large broadsword with a silver blade that appeared to vibrate as if alive, handle made of glass.

"You have GOT to be KIDDING ME! It transforms?"

Before Percival could fix a good grip on the sword to charge the beast, Arthur rushed through the ruined doorway, Excalibur raised before him. Gwaine's eyes flicked between the two, helpless, but to his surprise the King stepped in-between Percival and the Dragon, protecting it.

Arthur could sense the darkness pouring off the sword in waves, could see the black swirling around the light in Percival's chest, infecting it. He glance to his other knights, to Elyan, to Gwen, to Gaius but each one had fallen into the enchantment. He startled when he saw Gwaine, free, eyes bright and shining. Was that Merlin's doing?

"Arthur! Look out! The Dragon has Merlin!"

Gwen called from her spot on the floor. He kept his sword raised, watched Percival's eyes narrow. Elyan took a step forward.

"Are you…have you been enchanted?" She asked, wide eyed with fright, and he looked to her.

"Arthur, we have to kill the dragon so we can give the vial to Merlin. You never gave him the medicine. It was a trick! Please, we have to help him."

Doubt fluttered through him at the desperation in his wife's voice. He looked back to Percival to see him holding the vial out towards him, still sealed and full. The reality of the situation jolted back to the front of his mind now that the sword was gone from the room. He reached out to take it, ignoring the burning his skin felt as it touched his open palm and glanced around the room.

"Bring me the box."

Gaius held the wooden piece out without comment. Arthur placed the vial carefully in the box, passed his sword Gwaine with a meaningful nod and started to walk towards Aithusa. He could feel the box pulsing in his hands, a twisted dark power struggling to break free.

"Arthur!" Gwen called, frightened as he neared the beast. The dragon's head rose, eyes boring down on him as he stepped closer. When he could almost reach out to touch it, he held up the box with his left hand. In a swift motion, he tossed it to the hearth. As it swooped through the air, Aithusa coughed and let out a red hot blast of fire. The box smashed into the back of the hearth, wood hissing and screaming as it burned to ash in seconds. There was no glass in the fire. He wondered if there was ever any vial at all. When the last splinter of the box turned to dust, he felt the warmth, the magic of the dragon, leave him completely.

He felt cold.

He heard the sound of retching behind him and winced in sympathy, turning to see the last of the black dripping from their mouths fade. The knights regained their footing, and Gwen inched towards him. Gwaine leaned over Gaius to help him stand, but the man fell back to sit and gazed up to Arthur in horror.

"Ammilie's gift?" He turned to Arthur, allowing the King to help him to his feet. He took a step towards him, shaking. From behind Arthur, Aithusa tilted his head to the side to get a closer look at the old man.

"Sire, you, you opened Ammilie's gifted box? You gave him a potion from the witch's box?"

Several steps closer, and his face was inches from Arthur's.

"You know what that was?" He asked, voice feeling heavy.

"It enchanted us, didn't it?" They whipped around to face Elyan. "I remember the feeling when you wake up. What is it?"

Gaius stumbled away from them, head shaking and muttering so quietly they only could only watch his lips move frantically as he spoke to himself. He stumbled back several steps and reached into his cupboards, placing jars and herbs on the table. He reached up to a side shelf. Upon finding it empty, he searched the room frantically with his eyes.

"My books. Where are my books?"

Arthur's eyes flicked to the dragon behind him and then back to Gaius. So he knew of Merlin's magic. And he knew about the dragon.

"In the council room. We were hoping to find some way to remove the enchantment and—"

"Merlin was never enchanted." He cried, looking up from his herbs and around the chaos of the room. To the side, Aithusa stretched, making himself more comfortable and tucked his head under his wing. Percival and Elyan both stood with Gwen behind them, and Gwaine gripped Excalibur loosely at his side, not trusting the other knights to abandon the weapon.

"He is magic incarnate, the last dragon lord and now once again your mercy, Sire. I'm not sure how he is even alive right now, if it truly was Ammilie's gift he should be dead. With the manner of his birth, he should not even be alive."

"You mean because he was born of magic?" Arthur asked, recalling Merlin's words.

"Yes, yes because of the magic."

"Gaius…what is the Box of Ammelie?"

"According to the legends, it was created by one of your ancestors. A queen notorious for blood shed. In her time, she would call for treaties with neighboring kingdoms and offer than a box as a symbol of her good will."

He stopped abruptly and watched Aithusa tend to Merin. Arthur's skin crawled, imagining Merlin crumple under the body of the beast, but it seemed to comfort Gaius. He watched light tension seep from his shoulders as he started to explain fully, no longer rushed.

"It was said, that the box contained a powerful curse which would steal power from her enemies, cut them off from the magic of the earth and embed it in an amulet she wore around her neck. Anything from food or a sword might appear inside the box, whatever was needed to convince the sorcerer's family to use the gift. She went from kingdom to kingdom, stealing power from sorcerers and leaving the kingdoms powerless against a magical attack. Her plan never spread far. In the end, she was poisoned by her own son. He destroyed the amulet, releasing the power back into the earth. His sorcerer then sealed it somewhere deep in the vaults of Camelot where it would be kept safe."

"Why keep it? Why not burn it?"

"Legends do not tell, but my guess would be despite everything she did, he wanted something of his mother left behind. It was, after all, her biggest creation."

"But if the amulet was destroyed, why would the box still work?"

"Some things do not need a reason or purpose to cause harm and chaos. They do simply because they exist. Ammilie's box was one of those things, possibly more after the amulet was destroyed, and it was left to remain without a purpose."

"But, if all it did was take his magic, then will he not recover easily? How could that have caused such a violent reaction?"

"All it did? Arthur, Merlin is not just a sorcerer. He is a warlock, a creature of magic. Unique."

"What does that mean?"

"Arthur?" his eyes turned to Gwen who appeared to have been stopped from moving towards him by the strong arms of her brother. "What's going on? The dragon? Merlin? You're not attacking it."

 _The dragons are not evil and have remained our allies through many trials._

His face scrunched in pain. "No. I'm not."

"Why?"

Aithusa's scales ruffled from his place in the corner, and they watched as his head pulled out from under his wings. He shook his head, glanced around the room and settled his gaze on Gaius and Arthur.

 _You hated me...It would all sound like treason to you and I thought… Arthur you would have burned me._

"I told you Merlin was enchanted. I was wrong. He was telling the truth, Gwen. He was telling the truth."

She took a step towards him, as Elyan let her arm thread through his fingers. His arm fell back to his side.

"What is the truth, Arthur?" And then her voice gained an edge to it. Before he could answer, Gwaine stepped towards her, cutting through his thoughts.

"Merlin's a sorcerer and a Dragonlord. He's been protecting all of us since he walked through Camelot's gates."

Arthur whirled on him in shock.

"You knew?" But, the knight shook his head.

"Hell no. I had no clue. I broke into his rooms last night and talked to him about everything. Told me enough to top all my craziest stories ten times over."

"Gaius? Is that….is this true? That Merlin...Merlin is a...Sorcerer? A Warlock? Dragonlord?" Gwen gripped Arthur's side, falling into it for comfort. He snaked an arm around her waist, drawing her towards him. She was trembling slightly, but he was not sure if from fear or anger.

"The first day he arrived in Camelot, shortly after witnessing the execution of a sorcerer, he saved my life by slowing time enough to break my fall from above those shelves. His mother sent him here to learn to control his powers. Strong and instinctual, he needed to gain control so he could hide, stay alive as long as possible until your father might have found him or someone else with much more evil intentions might have tried to corrupt his heart to use his magic. You can not imagine how many times he wanted to tell you everything, but you just weren't ready. Not only that, but I, I always warned him against it. More than warned him, I helped accentuate his fears."

"What fears, Gaius?" Gwen asked.

"I might not have believed it completely, but it mattered little. I wanted him to know that if you were to ever discover his magic, he would burn without a chance for redemption. One of his greatest fears among many was to be hated by every single one of you because of his powers, to fail in his destiny, and we both carried it close."

The thought boiled Arthur's blood that for years Merlin entertained the thought of Arthur looking down at him from the citadel, watching with satisfaction as he burned to ash, years of friendship tossed away as if nothing. He thought of Gaius encouraging the thought, and the lack of faith placed him stabbed through his thick armor.

He still could not think about what his views on magic were, did not even know where to begin, but Merlin was Merlin. His friend, his advisor and now...his friend with magic, who was magic. All the late nights they spoke, the unceasing courage, the successful quests and the talks Merlin always avoided, his manner becoming guarded, almost timid, sometimes angry, suddenly made sense. It was more than being shy or some desire of not wanting to bare his heart completely. He had been hiding.

"Why?"

Before Gaius could respond, Gwen reached out a hand. She gripped Gaius's weathered hand in comfort. Arthur watched her face, gentle and soft as she spoke.

"You lost so many during the Purge. You had no hope left, did you, Gaius?"

"I believe in Merlin, his destiny. Seeing the two of them together, that was enough. But even then, no. I did not. Fate has not been kind to him, nor has it been kind to my loved ones. From the view of an old man, spending years of hiding, helping cover his tracks just to keep him alive for one more day, I had no reason to trust that—"

A screech from Aithusa drowned his words. All eyes snapped to the dragon as it stood up and started to circle around Merlin's form crumbled on the floor. Although now cleaned completely of blood, they could see Merlin start to twitch violently. White tail swishing behind it, the dragon called again. Gaius stumbled forward despite the protest of his companions until he was on his knees at Merlin's side. He placed a hand to his forehead and cried out.

"The vials on the table! Quick! He is waking up!"


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N:_** _Happy Halloween everyone! This chapter was cut a bit short so I could update for the holiday. It isn't really Halloween themed at all, but that would hardly fit into the plot at this point with all the craziness going on! Does anyone have a preference for longer or shorter chapter lengths? I kind of always wonder because the chapters for this story always seem to vary in length._

 _Thanks to everyone for reading! Enjoy!  
_

 _Warnings: graphic imagery_

 _CHAPTER TWELVE_

His eyes snapped opened to red light. He heard a shout and felt a tasteless liquid trickled down his throat. The familiar panic settled in the pit of his stomach but more subdued. _Where is it?_ He had the sensation of floating, before something hard smashed into his bones underneath him. His back arched, propelling him up to a distorted position. His arms flung out before him and were caught by something strong and soft. _Where is it?_ He looked up, blinked several times to clear the blur around the edge of his vision and gazed into a copy of Gaius. The face looked identical to his mentor's down to the four distinct wrinkles in the corner of his eyes which crinkled whenever the worry started to crack through his physician mask. He reached up and pressed his palm into the old man's cheeks to check if his eyes matched his other senses. He jerked back at the sheer emptiness that blazed into him, as if he rubbed his hands over seasoned leather and not a living being. The form pulled away in surprise, and tried to steady him.

 _What is it?_

"You? Wh-What are you? Where is Gaius? You! Wh-what have you done to him! Where am I?"

Gaius's hands moved to Merlin's head, feeling for injuries he might have missed while the knights exchanged worried looks. Arthur turned to his knights. "I need to see to the cleanup of the city, end the warning bells. The council will need some kind of explanation. Elyan, I could use your help. Percival and Gwaine, I need you to make sure things stay in control here. No one should be anywhere near these quarters, but just in case, keep anyone out. And Gwen—"

"I'm staying to help Merlin."

He passed a hand over his face, rubbing his eyes.

"Gwenevere…"

"Camelot is in no danger, Arthur. And, if you truly need me you can send Elyan."

He nodded, tired of arguing with her and turned to Percival and Gwaine.

"As of right how, the beast needs to be contained to these quarters although I don't expect it will go anywhere else since Merlin is here."

"Merlin, I am right here." Gaius spoke softly to his ward in the background who shook under his touch.

"Sire, if I may, why do you no longer believe the beast wishes to cause harm?" Elyan asked.

He turned to where Aithusa sat, curled around his Dragonlord in a half circle as Gaius examined his ward for further injury, murmuring soft reassurances. He thought of Balinor, mulling the similar features of his pale manservant with the rough features of the man from the cave. That man too, had cared for the dragons in some way it seemed and for the people of Camelot. He had been willing to help Camelot, and Arthur had been willing to allow his help. Had he indirectly accepted his magic, his control over the dragons?

"Because it opened my eyes. Merlin called it his soul brother. It is here to help."

He knew Elyan might not understand—he did not even understand fully—but it was a conversation for another time.

"I am right here, Merlin. You are in Camelot. We are home. I am home now. You are safe. You're safe, my boy."

"Does he not remember?"

Gwaine asked from behind Arthur. He turned to watch the exchange as Gaius searched his ward's eyes in confusion. Aithusa shifted, curling more fully around them. Gaius could feel the warmth radiating from the beast, removing the chill from around the room.

Elyan shook his head at Arthur, taking the orders in stride and unsure if he should trust the word of the King. It was hard to accept that the beast could be harmless, but it clearly was more invested in staying near Merlin than harming any of the room's occupants. Percival took a moment to examine the dragon curled around Merlin, watching the servant protectively.

"It is…protecting its Kin." He voiced out loud, situation slowly taking shape in his mind as he watched the dragon's tongue slip from its mouth and clean the fresh line of blood dripping from Merlin's eyes. They grimaced.

"Kind of weird right? You would think they would both have scales or something if they had that kind of relationship." Gwaine snorted into the room.

From his place on the floor, Merlin jerked his head to find the source of the voices. He could see not-Gwaine standing next to not-Elyan, not-Percival and Not-Gwen. Each form faced the back of a golden haired case of armor. He shuddered and dug his elbows into the floor to prop himself up. His eyes struggled to take in the scene around him. He felt something warm slip behind his back. It helped boost him into a sitting position and eased the pressure from his arms. He crumbled against it, and twitched when not-Gaius steadied his shoulders. He blinked when the copy tapped his cheek twice, trying to get his attention. He tried to scramble away, but the warmth from behind him wrapped further around him to keep him in place.

"What's wrong with him?" Gwen breathed into the open room.

"I'm not sure. Look at me, my boy."

Merlin's gaze flickered around the room. The shadows of people moved and twitched as if alive. He heard murmuring, and two of the hollows passed through the doorway out of sight.

He focused on each hollow in the room, mind spinning as he tried to understand. He had been with Arthur and the Knights. Or had he? Perhaps it had never been Arthur after all. Had he foolishly walked right into some kind of trap?

He avoided looking into not-Gaius's eyes and curled his hands around something smooth and scaly wrapped around his midriff. It reminded him of Aithusa, and he shuddered at the emptiness in his mind where the dragon use to occupy. He tried to search into the depth of his mind, but each time returned with darkness. He started shouting words into his mind, begging Aithusa to hear him but felt nothing. With shaking hands, he gripped the hair around his ears, trying to seek out his own life magic and felt still nothing. His head fell back as he ululated, pulling at his hair to distract himself from his horror.

 _Was this death?_

The sound of Aithusa wailing mixed with his cries and a deranged hope filled him that perhaps his connection to the dragon was not completely destroyed.

"He is in pain! Gwen, bring me the blue vial on the counter there. Quickly now, the dragon will not harm you."

Tentative but trusting, she approached cautiously. Her approach startled him. Merlin's eyes flicked rapidly from not-Gwen to not-Gaius as she knelt next to him.

"If you could help hold his head up and steady, I'll try to have his drink this. He is too disoriented to take it himself, I believe."

Not-Gwen handed the potion to not-Gaius and started to move towards him. The closer the shade got to him, the more the absence of his friend's signature started to horrify him. He looked to Not-Gwaine and Not-Percival then back to Not-Gwen and started to shake from the emptiness, the lack of sparkle, of anything.

How could these people not have a soul?

"GET AWAY FROM ME MONSTER!"

Gwen jerked back startled as Merlin cried out and jerked his hands up to shove her away. He drew his knees up to his chest, pulled away from the hollow of not-Gaius and griped the scales in his lap hard. Gwaine jumped towards them when a guttural growl vibrated from the space behind Merlin.

"What have you done to them? Where is Gwen? Where is Gaius? Gwaine? Who are you? What do you what?"

Merlin bawled to the hollow figures who froze in shock as if his words still held the ability to freeze time.

"Where is Percival, Leon, Arthur?"

He dropped his scaled lifeline and struggled to stand. His limbs rebelled against the movement as his fingers sprawled against the stone. He felt the warmth slip away from behind him and almost fell back to the ground. Nausea pooled in his mouth at the loss of contact.

Not-Gaius jolted towards him, hands outstretch to try and guide him to the floor. Merlin pushed himself to stand straight and barked at the hollow.

"Stay _back._ Stay the hell away from me!"

"Merlin." Not-Gaius mocked in the exact replica of his mentor. "I need you to calm down and breathe slowly. Merlin, look at me. Look at me."

He kept his arm out in front of him, searching endlessly for a spark of magic in his darkness. _Where is it? WHERE IS IT?_ A spark of white fluttered in front of his vision, and he strained his eyes to focus. Blinking several times, skin cooling as he backed against the stone wall behind him, Aithusa took shape and blocked not-Gaius from reaching him. He held his breath. His defensive stance traded for one of desperation at the sight of his closest friend. He dropped to his knees in front of the dragon, looked into his golden eyes and searched for some spark of life in the hollow before him.

The utter emptiness from the form terrified him.

"You—you—" He sputtered.

Head bent low to the ground, the shadow of Aithusa crept tentatively towards him. Its talons scraped against the stone with each step. He gazed into the empty golden glow from the eyes, the lack of warmth from its chest. He called and called for Aithusa to hear him in his mind, but the figure responded with silence. Red hot anger rushed through him at the empty imitation of his friend, mocking him.

"HOW DARE YOU WEAR HIS FACE?"

He spat, eyes ablaze.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE HIS FORM?"

Aithusa whimpered loudly as Merlin's face distorted in rage and took several uncertain steps away from Merlin.

"YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW MY DRAGON?"

He ignored the emptiness inside him and raised his hand to call to his magic forward and blast the hollow forms away from him, anything to get them away. They were all so wrong.

Pain exploded under his skin at his call. Small orbs danced around his vision. He let out a loud shriek, clawing at his eyes and fell forward, unable to stop or break his fall.

Gaius watched horrified, stumbled forward to stop his patient from hurting himself further, but Aithusa's wings stretched out to block him from edging closer. He watched the dragon breathe golden magic from its nose. It settled over Merlin like dust and sunk into his skin. His hands dropped from his eyes, and he scrambled back against the wall. Aithusa stepped forward on four clawed feet. He curled around Merlin who draped a shaking hand over the dragon's head before leaning down to wrap both arms around the dragon's neck.

"A-Aithusa?" His voice cracked, but he sounded more lucid. Doe-eyed, he focused on the stone floor below him. Gaius inched forward, and Merlin's eyes found him as he moved. He held a breath, easing his grip on the dragon. He reached out towards Gaius as if asking for help and then pulled his hand back to curl around the dragon with a sob.

"Gaius, I don't understand what's real anymore. Gaius, I don't know. I don't know."

His choked sob turned pleading as Gaius crept closer until his hands could ghost over his ward's shoulders. He linked his arms Merlin's back from under his arms and pulled him to stand. The dragon kept a tail curled around one of Merlin's legs. Aithusa pattered beside them as Gaius lead Merlin to the bed Gwaine and Percival had wrestled out of Merlin's room to replace the one burned by the dragon. He settled back against the covers obediently, whatever spell Aithusa used seeming to ground him in the present and make it easy for Gaius to guild him through the room.

"Aithusa? Aithusa, please."

The dragon lifted his head and rested it near Merlin. He whimpered into the crook of his neck, tickled by threads of black hair. Merlin's fingers trailed over the scales around his snoot, softly stroking them and searching for imperfections.

"Are you really there? Why won't you talk to me?"

Aithusa let out another cry and moved to pull away from the bed as if overwhelmed. Merlin clawed at the scales frantically, panic overtaking him, and Gaius watched as the dragon stopped and snuggled closer to his ward. Gaius moved to Merlin's side. With feather touches, he emptied a vial into Merlin's mouth. It slipped down his throat without protest, but Merlin violently shivered away from his touch.

"Don't touch me. Please, please, don't touch me."

He sat on the bed, careful not to touch Merlin. He watched as Merlin started to pant heavily when pain started to make its way back up his spine and prayed for the medicine to take effect fast.

"Oh my dear boy."

Gaius's hand hovered above Merlin's black locks, instinct wanting to smooth them back from his face but he stopped the selfish urge to comfort.

"What are we going to do now?" He slumped forward, shoulders drawn when Merlin whimpered softly from closed lids.

"Gaius, please. Please, why aren't you here?"

The plead tore into his heart, and he tried to stop the tear from leaking from his right eye.

"I am here Merlin. I'm right here." He said breathlessly.

"You said you would come." Desperation laced heavily into Merlin's words. "You said for anything, _anything_. I need you, Gaius. Please."

His own desperation echoed back. "Merlin, look at me child. I am with you."

"You're not him." He mumbled to the darkness. "You're not him. I wish you were, oh I wish you were. You're just a shell, Gaius. You're just a shell. You're not real."

"This is real, Merlin. You called to me. I heard you. I returned from Lord Alex's lands late this morning. I am real!"

"Gaius, please! Where are you? Please, Gaius. They have st-stolen my m-magic. I can-t feel my m-magic. Aithusa, Kilgharrah, please. Please, it's gone, and I'm not here anymore I'm not-nothing is real"

His hands flew up to his head as he started to pull his black locks in front of his face. Panic and fear crashed into his cries.

"It's gone Gaius, its gone its gone gone gone."

Aithusa start to wail into the room, and Gwaine's footsteps bounced against the stone towards the bed.

"It's not real. It can't be real. It ca—" He could feel something pulling his hands from his hair, and an animal like growl ripped from his throat which sent red hot pain flaring through his veins.

"Not again!" Gwaine cried as he struggled with his friend's attempt to harm himself. "Stop it Merlin!"

–"Where is it?" –

"We might have to tie him down." Gaius called.

"No!" Percival muttered and stumbled forward.

—"Where is it?"—

Before he could reach Merlin, Aithusa burst through their arms to settle on Merlin's chest. He held him steady under his breast, eyes glowing gold. Merlin stilled under the dragon's touch, but kept scratching uselessly at the scales. Gaius held his hands out to stop them from intervening, and they tried to focus on something other than their friend's cries of distress.

"There is little we can do." Gaius voiced to the Knights and Queen.

—"come back"—

"We need to wait out the attack and hope for the sedative to take effect. Hopefully, Aithusa will be able to help him."

Gwen sank into a chair, feeling helpless. Gwaine growled through clenched teeth.

—"please come back"—

"I don't understand what happened Gaius. How could this have happened?" Gwen asked, looking into the fire as if it held the answer.

–Aithusa! Aithusa I'm sorry im so—

He looked back to Merlin, significantly more calm now although he could not imagine bearing the weight of Aithusa helped his battered body. But, it was better than him clawing into his skin. He ran a hand over his eyes, feeling a heavy weight on his shoulders.

"That vial was created from dark magic. Normally, the potion or object prevents a sorcerer from tapping into their magic. It stole their power somehow and embedded it in the amulet. A strange concept as Sorcerers call magic from the earth and ask her to respond to the spells they cast. It left the victim powerless, but I do not believe caused death or even permanent injury. But, Merlin is a Warlock. He is both human and a creature of magic. I believe his magic originates from his very soul and pours into the earth around him. There is no telling what effect the curse will have. That might be why he is so disoriented now. There is a chance that whatever was in that vial is still infecting him. "

"But, it was a curse?" Gwen cried and put her head in her hands. "Arthur said Merlin is cursed and that it will heal him from an evil enchantment! Was that really not true? Was he really so blind?"

–"It hurts. Gaius, it really hurts."-

"You cannot curse someone to have magic, and being a Dragonlord is not a curse. Arthur believed he was telling the truth, but he knows nothing of magic. He never stopped to learn what it is or even understand why it was not banned until Uther's reign. He might as well have entered into a battle blind."

– Please bring it back please please-

"How do you know about all of this, Gaius? How do you know the dragon is here to help Merlin?"

"I know about the dragon because Merlin told me about him after he hatched it from the egg. I know about how Arthur reacted because Merlin would not stop filling my head with everything that happened for the past month while he waited for judgment! Druids have the ability to speak other mentally, a skill Merlin shares with the nomadic people."

—"Please, where is it?"—

" I have not practiced magic since before the purge so when Merlin reached out to speak to me several days ago, all I could do was listen. I returned to Camelot upon hearing Merlin's cry for help. He knew Arthur did not understand what happened when he found him in the woods with Aithusa. But, I came too late."

"Merlin mate" Gwaine muttered from Merlin's side. "Its going to be okay, ehy?" He spoke to the shaking form of his friend, wanting to give him comfort but scared to touch him and risk him jerking away from his tough.

–"I'm sorry Gwaine. I'm sorry. Please bring it back"—

"What's happening to him Gaius? Why can't we help him?"

"Only magic can truly abate the effects of Ammelie's box. If the vial cut him from his magic, the nausea and pain he is experiencing might fade over time. He might become more lucid over the course of the next few days as long as Arthur allows him to be cared for but—"

"Gaius, Arthur would not deny Merlin basic care."

—"make it stop. Please make it stop."—

"Forgive me your Highness, but even if Merlin is a sorcerer?"

"This is Merlin, Gaius. As Queen of Camelot, he has my complete protection. Whatever you need that can help him, tell me."

He placed a weathered hand over hers. They turned to watch Aithusa breathe another layer of gold over Merlin. The tension rolled out of his shoulders, and he eased into the mattress. His eyes fluttered closed, and the dragon jumped from the bed to curl next to the bed frame so his Dragonlord might sleep comfortably, perhaps aware of the strain his weight might put on his friend.

"Do you know a spell that can help him?"

Her honest question soothed him. But, if only he knew such a spell.

"Aithusa, that dragon, might be one of the only things that can help him now."

The three looked up to him in shock.

"It was Merlin's magic that always defeated the enchantments, spells, creatures and sorcerers attacking the city. Merlin who protected Camelot form harm. Without his magic…that vial, that box…Gwen, I hardly know where to start, not even with magic. This is not a natural illness. He may improve compared to his condition today, but he will not recover as time passes from herbs and science. This curse is magical. Only magic will have to power to heal him completely, but I have never—even before the purge—held that kind of power and I stopped studying it long ago."

"There must be something we can do?" She urged.

"Leon sent a message for the Druids not several days ago. If they respond, perhaps they will know how to reverse the effects of the curse." Percival suggested.

"I hope so Percival. I really hope so."

They settled into silence, afraid to wake Merlin now that he slept once more. With Merlin sleeping, Gaius checked over him once more to satisfy himself. The knights started to put the room back in order as Gwen tended the fire.

"The contact from the dragon calms him. We should make a way for them to stay together." Percival spoke, more demanded, to Gwaine.

The knight nodded, and they pilled boxes, stools and blankets around one side of Merlin's bed. Once finished, Aithusa wasted no time in climbing onto the bed to curl around Merlin. His friend sought him out instantly and relaxed further in his slumber curled around his friend. He failed to awake when Arthur and Leon returned to the room to speak to Gaius. Even with Arthur and Gwen almost screaming from their place in the hallway, he stirred little. Aithusa's wings covered him like a blanket, like his own cave radiating warmth and magic, and kept him safe.

* * *

 **A/N:** (Possible spoiler warning?) _For those of you wondering when all the crazy is going to end, after this chapter Merlin's condition should start to generally improve, or at least everything will be a little less chaotic for him lucidity wise, so hang tight!_


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: For Aithusa's size reference, I tend to imagine the dragon as it appeared in Arthur's Bane. Hope that is helpful!  
_

 _Warnings: Mild graphic imagery._

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Drowning in darkness, he opened his mouth to scream into the black, but no sound uttered from his throat. The emptiness swallowed him, numbed his senses. He tried to recall a time before the void swallowed him, but still, his mind remained blank, dark as the void around him.

 _Arthur did this._

A single spark glimmered in the darkness, flickered down until it vanished from sight into the vast emptiness.

Visions of the Knights and Arthur flashed like a rain of sparks.

His magic. The vial. The pain.

Fire broke through the darkness. His eyes locked onto the blaze, a light in the emptiness. Although the fire illuminated nothing in the dark space, it attracted him like precious water in the dry desert. It wavered, a flame no larger than a candle in the dark.

 _No._

He thought to the black.

 _You did this to yourself. You caused this. Just another mistake._

He shoved it down, smothering the flame and he was alone in the darkness but for a few sparks fluttering in the air, waiting to ignite the blaze once more.

The emptiness sent a shiver of fear through him, but something warm leaned into him and he wrapped around it. His fingers curled around smooth scales.

The contact grounded him.

He could feel the floor underneath him now. He could make sense of the soft mattress underneath him and the smooth cloth covering his body. Something wet dripped down the side of his eyes, and he twitched. He felt something wet and rough clean the side of his face.

A tongue?

 _Aithusa?_

He thought, mind still heavy with sleep and disoriented. He grimaced into the black and chanced to open his eyes.

"Gaius, I think he is finally waking up."

The voice matched Gwen's, but he remembered the hollow creature with her face and shivered. The warmth stirred around him and before he could take in the room, Aithusa's head covered his vision. The dragon felt dulled, wrong even, but somehow he knew it was his Aithusa. Not a hollow, not a fake, but his dragon, his friend.

"Give him time to wake up."

Before he could voice his thoughts out loud, Aithusa chirped. Although he could not feel his friend's emotions, he could understand the need— _wake up—_ and struggled to sit. The dragon moved awkwardly to help him in the small space. The bed felt strange. He glanced around at the size and realized boxes pilled on stools and blankets surrounded the bed making it almost twice it's normal size to accommodate the size of him and Aithusa.

 _Where are we?_

He looked to Aithusa, begging him to answer but the dragon stared as if it never heard the question.

"Gaius shouldn't we—"

"Don't interrupt them"

"Why are you ignoring me?" Merlin blurted out before he could think properly. "Are you still angry that I wouldn't tell you about what happened when Arthur found us? I'm Sorry! I was afraid you would come to Camelot, and the knights would try to hurt you if you knew he arrested me!" He hissed, desperate. Aithusa drew towards him and nuzzled into his face to comfort him. His friend was not angry then, but what?

"Why are you shutting me out?"

The dragon let out a cry and sent an angry puff of smoke towards the side of the bed. Merlin looked at the smoke then back to the dragon with a tremor. He spread his fingers across the side of Aithusa's face, pulled their foreheads together and breathed in deeply.

"Okay."

He took several shuddered breaths before he calmed the shaking in his fingers and body.

"Okay."

Breathing even, he spoke again, a controlled calm

"You can't hear me."

He felt the dragon's head shake between his hands, a surprisingly human motion he picked up from his dragonlord.

"Can you still send me images?"

Aithusa paused underneath him and after a moment nudged him, asking a question.

"No. No. I didn't get anything. Did you send me something?"

The dragon nodded his head this time. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, focused on Aithusa.

"Okay. Okay, so Arthur…Arthur showed up and…and wanted me to drink this vial so I could…so I could explain everything like the magic and the dragonlord thing, you and Kilgharrah and…and it was dark. It was so dark it—"

Aithusa pulled away from him abruptly. He gasped, half in a panic and kept his hands on Aithusa. His eyes fluttered open and locked onto Aithusa's eyes, burning gold.

"Okay. I'm okay."

He took several shuddered breaths before he calmed.

"It… It enchanted them somehow, I, they wouldn't listen—not that they ever do—but this time they couldn't listen, something was wrong with them and I…I tried to fight it but then but Arthur, he needed me to drink it, and I, I felt like I needed to drink it too and then it…and then…I think it started to enchant me somehow too and it _burned_ Aithusa it burned. It felt like it—"

Aithusa chirped, cutting him from his memory, and he took another breath to orient himself.

"I could feel darkness spreading in my blood. And now, now there is emptiness. And I, I still don't know what is real anymore. Everything is wrong, but gods I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad." Tears leaked from his eyes, and he nuzzled into the crook of Aithusa's right wing and shoulder. He felt the dragon's head turn to rest on his back as he cried softly. Less than a minute passed, more than he normally would allow himself to indulge, and he choked back the tears.

"Sorry, so sorry. I'm— "

A rumbling growl leaked from Aithusa's teeth, and suddenly he felt a spark rise in his chest. It flicked for a moment before fading. He let out a shaky laugh and curled his arms around his friend's neck. Aithusa nudged him in encouragement, wings shuffling around them.

"Okay…then…then I must have passed out. But when I woke up there were—it's a lot easier to just think everything you know that. This is so much harder to just...urg.. say but—there were these creatures…they were everywhere only they looked like people I knew but they were just so empty, like some kind of puppets on strings and did you…did you make them leave?" He looked up again. "Are they gone?"

Aithusa stilled around him and he drew back to watch his friend's expression. The dragon pulled away from their embrace to face him. He leaned forward, touching his nose to Merlin's before it turned to the left. Merlin followed his gaze, breath catching when he noticed not-Gaius sitting in a chair near his bed, a steaming bowl and cup in his hands. Behind him, not-Gwen rested on a chair beside him and not-Gwaine leaned against the wall by the door with not-Percival leaning outside the doorway. Gaius felt their gaze on him and looked up. His expression was wary, and he waited for some sign from Aithusa before standing up. The dragon chirped to encourage him, and Gaius nodded.

"Merlin, are you hungry?"

The question startled him, and he looked to his companion. The hollows frightened him, but he no longer felt in danger with Aithusa at his side. He knew his friend would protect him.

"Did it just ask if I was hungry?"

Aithusa nuzzled into his stomach and yawned loudly as not-Gaius made his way over to the bed. Merlin moved as if to scramble back, but Aithusa kept him in place. They were too awkwardly intertwined for him to really move anywhere.

Gaius glanced at his fearful ward for a moment and sighed. He set the steaming bowl and cup to the side to give Merlin his complete attention as he spoke.

"Merlin, the day you first entered Camelot, you caught me off guard and saved my life with magic. I told you that I didn't expect you until Wednesday and you said 'but it is Wednesday.' I watched you learn wisdom in using your magic with the plague that struck Camelot, healing Gwen's father but causing much more trouble in your impatience. You supported me when I was removed from my post until I was restored. Later that year, I watched you try to bargain your life for Arthur. You succeed in destroying Nimueh, an amazing feat of magic where you claimed power over life and death itself and saved my life again in the process. Through the years I have watched you grow, the witchfinder, the death of your father, ending Morgana's reign, the Dorocha, handling Agravaine, suffering torture and the heaviness of your destiny.

You did all you could to save a King you hated to spare Arthur pain and try to accomplish your destiny. Although you doubted your role as Emrys since that day, you persevered always in every new task. Many more trials you faced on your own, some I suppose you likely tried to spare the details from me and others I failed to ask. Your wisdom has grown throughout the years as destiny grew heavier on your shoulders, but to me, you are very much that same boy who entered my quarters long ago looking for approval and guidance, although more of a man than a boy I must say. This winter before I left, I made you promise me you would be careful before I set out from Camelot and that if you needed me for anything that you would send for me to return to Camelot because I know how difficult things can become for you in no time at all.

Merlin, I can only speak to you. I cannot prove to you that I am real, but my child, you have been doing magic all your life. From what I gathered, I understand you studied magic heavily when I was gone, and I have no doubt that your skills improved, but you cannot rely on magic to see any more until we find a way to get it back. I am not a shell, Merlin. I am Gaius, and you are my Nephew. You know me even if your magic cannot see me. For the first time in your life, I need you to see as I do without magic. I need you to because if you do not, I cannot help you. And Merlin, please, for whatever it may be worth, this time let me help you. "

Merlin blinked back tears, shaking his head.

"But you're so _empty._ Gaius is so bright. He is—he always wicks the tension from the room and he is vibrant and...and beautiful, sometimes a little cracked or more often blue but you're…you're nothing! _Nothing!_ "

"Merlin, I'm sorry, my boy." His voice was soft and gentle. He managed to keep the tremor from his voice despite the agony the hysteria in his ward's voice caused him. "But if you truly are cut off from your magic, you would not be able to feel any of that. That is powerful, powerful magic."

"No!" Merlin cried. "I only just started to learn to see magic in the earth. But, I have always felt this. This has nothing to do with magic! You're a fake!" His voice cracked as he cried out, and Gaius knew his ward had started to believe him although he still clung to a vague hope that whatever place he might be held captive distorted his magic or that it just laid dormant in his blood.

 _Perhaps it is._ He thought. _Please let it be so._ _What I would not give to see him well again._

"It has everything to do with magic, magic unique to you. Merlin, you are the most powerful sorcerer to walk the earth. Much of your magic is instinctual. We can only assume you somehow were always able to see some form of life magic in the people around you. Without it, you can only see our physical forms, our faces and our bodies. Am I right?"

Merlin reached out to him, and Gaius gripped his hand tightly, instinctively.

Merlin shuddered but squeezed his hand tight as if it was the only thing keeping him from drowning. Aithusa uttered a hum of approval, and Merlin shivered. Half his mind wanted to throw himself around his mentor, bury his face into his shoulders like a small child, but the other half shivered from the emptiness he felt in place of the vibrance his mentor usually displayed. He looked to Athusia, suddenly struck by the possibility that he really was in Camelot. But then how was Aithusa in his quarters unharmed?

"Gaius…" He tested out the name, and his mentor turned to pick up the soup without letting go of his hand. He released him to place the cup and bowl in his hands, careful not to touch him after.

"I want to see you finish this. The vial aside, you have not been eating as much as you should have while I was away. You most certainly lost weight."

Despite the situation, he blushed. On Aithusa's assurance, he took a spoonful of soup, heavy with meat and vegetables, and shoved it into his mouth. He sputtered, choked and almost spat it back into the bowl. Feeling ungrateful, he ignored the lack of flavor and made sure to eat the second spoonful without complaint. Gaius watched him curiously.

"Did it taste funny?"

He grimaced. He hoped for once the man could have let it go. The thought caught in his mind and he smiled at his own acceptance of the old man before him. Perhaps, he really was Gaius.

"Is it supposed to taste like something?"

He joked, but Gaius frowned and raised a brow.

"Actually the Queen had it brought up from the kitchens for when you awoke. It was to be served to the King himself."

At that Merlin looked up in shock. "They were going to give this to the King? But it doesn't taste like anything. I'm not the only one that noticed he needs to lose a few pounds then." He said with a smirk. He rubbed his left eye absentmindedly before he took another bite.

"Now when you say it has no flavor you mean—"

"I've chewed on grass with more flavor." He snorted and Aithusa stuck a long tongue into the bowl to taste.

"Gross! I was still going to eat that! I'm starving!" He growled at the dragon who slurped up a chunk of meat and chewed loudly next to him. Despite his whine, he crammed another spoonful into his mouth.

"Be more specific. What do you taste in the stew? Is the meat too tough? The vegetables overcooked?"

He looked up, somewhat annoyed at the query and shrugged. He started to eye the shadow of his mentor almost suspiciously.

"I already told you it doesn't taste like anything!"

Gaius frowned and turned to his table. He gathered a bottle and poured it into a cup before holding it out to Merlin.

"I have a theory, but I need you to test it by telling me what you taste. This is the same medicine I give you when you feel you might be coming down with a cold in the winter. You should know it well, as I have you take it often."

The familiar reference brought a smile to Merlin's face. How would anyone but the real Gaius know all the small things his mentor did for him?

"But that tastes terrible! I'll never get the flavor out with this stew! I've been tortured enough!"

Gaius ignored his ward's attempt to guilt him and pointed meaningfully at the pot still hanging over the stove.

"Merlin, that stew holds more flavor than what we usually eat in a week. You should be quite enjoying it. Now, what does it smell like?"

He frowned and took the cup from his mentor. He passed it to Aithusa for inspection, still not trusting the man completely, before wafting it towards his nose.

"Ugh. It smells awful!"

Merlin wrinkled his nose and took a large gulp. He swished the liquid around his mouth thoughtfully. Gaius watched his movements attentively and waited for the disgusted face Merlin usually pulled after he forced the medicine on him to spread across his features.

"That actually…"

He trailed off as he realized what his mentor was experimenting. He looked up from the cup.

"What about salt? Can I try a piece of salt? And honey?"

He nodded and bustled through the kitchen to procure the objects. For the second time since he awoke, Merlin noticed the form of not-Gwen in the chair watching him, fabric from sewing abandoned in her lap. Not-Gwaine, in full armor and armed with a sword slouched by the open doorway. He appeared to be keeping watch with not-Percival nearby, also fully armed.

Were they all real?

He caught not-Gwen's eyes as she watched him searching over her form as he had with Gaius for some spark of life within her. Curiosity welled inside him. She looked almost identical to his friend.

"What are you?"

He blurted out to not-Gwen. Her head swiveled back a fraction in surprise. The other hollows looked up from their spot at the door. She floundered for words before a soft whisper echoed from her mouth.

"You really don't know who I am, Merlin?"

He eyed her critically, glanced to Aithusa to gage the dragon's opinion and looked back to not-Gwen on the chair. Gaius had his back to the exchange and kept searching for spoons in the wreckage. Was it possible they were all real?

"I know who you are supposed to be, but I don't know what you are."

Gaius interrupted their exchange, "In time, Merlin. In time, there shall be a time for that. Here, try this first." He held out a small salt shaving and dropped it into Merlin's hand, unconcerned with the exchange between Merlin and the Queen. As long as Merlin trusted him to care for him, he cared little for the relationship with the others around the room until his health improved.

Merlin tossed the salt into this mouth and swished the small stone so it would dissolve on his tongue. He reached for the spoon and plopped the honey into this mouth, smacking his lips at the sticky texture.

 _Weird._

"Well?"

Merlin looked up at him with a frown. "I can't taste anything."

Gaius's eyebrows rose, and he turned to scribble a note on an open piece of parchment. Aithusa shuffled next to him and rested his head across Merlin's lap.

"But Gaius, what does that have to do with losing touch with my magic?"

He shook his head. "I'm not certain. I haven't gotten a chance to examine you fully. How do you feel? Any aches, pain, headache?"

He thought about the question and wiggled his toes. He looked to his mentor and tried to stop himself from questioning his identity again. Aithusa was comfortable around him, rested easily around his body. That had to be a good sign. And what harm would there be in being honest about his condition if it turned out to not be Gaius? Gaius noticed the hesitation and seemed to voice his thought.

"Honestly Merlin, what harm could it do?"

He blushed and started smoothing the scales on Aithusa's head.

"My eyes are still kind of burning, but it's not unbearable compared to other injuries I've faced. I ache a bit, but nothing compared to the first day. Sometimes it feels like they…"

He trailed off from a sudden flare of pain in his left eye and felt a viscous liquid trail down his cheek. He scrubbed his palm against it to wash it away—had he started crying?—and looked at his fingers, shocked to see red blood staining them. A wet cloth broke him from his trance and smoothed across his fingers to clean them. Soft slender fingers grazed his face from the side of a cloth, and he flinched back in surprise. Not-Gwen muttered an apology but moved to press the cloth to his face just below his eye.

"Give it a minute, and it will stop. Your eyes have been bleeding a little almost every hour." She muttered quietly.

His grip tightened around Aithusa as he studied her, but he let her tend to him. Gaius confirmed her statement from behind her form.

Merlin could see angry marks of stress lining her face. Her dress was more practical, closer to what she use to wear as a maid than as a Queen, although still of fine material.

Gwen caught his gaze, wary and mistrustful, and tried to mask the hurt it caused her to see the expression on his face.

Gaius kept back, giving them some privacy as he mixed a tonic for the pain Merlin mentioned, planning to question him further in comfort. She cleared her throat before speaking to him.

"Merlin…I don't…I don't know how to convince you that I am still your friend but please, if Arthur or any of us ever ask you to do something in the future that you know will cause you harm, please just use your magic and get away from us."

Her expression pierced him and although he could not feel her signature, he started to doubt his senses. Was it really Gwen? A hint of anger distorted her calm face as she focused on clearing the blood from his eyes when he did not answer.

"Merlin…" At the warning in her tone, he found himself shaking his head in agreement.

"You really are the Queen!"

He blurted out without thinking, and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"I could never be anyone else."

He continued to watch her hollow form, slightly entranced by the gentle movements. She leaned back when Gaius returned and held a bowl out to him with a freshly made tonic. He took it, passed it to Aithusa for inspection and at the Dragon's reassurance, downed the potion in one large gulp. He looked past the pair to Gwaine and called out to test him.

"What magic did I show you when you climbed up the citadel to speak to me?"

Gwaine startled from his post but met Merlin's eye directly.

"You pulled my ass through the glass window, created a dragon from fire and then depicted a story from that red storybook with the same magic. You also used magic to fill my cup with mulled wine."

His eyes furrowed, taking in the words. Gaius broke the silence.

"Merlin if you still feel pain in an hour, tell me and I will make you something stronger. If you doubt who I am, tell me. I can never run out of things to speak about you. It will help if you hear things that are familiar, that match your own memories."

Merlin nodded, acknowledging the comment but kept his attention on the form of Gwaine by the door.

"I suppose you are going to tell me you really are Gwaine?"

"The one and only." He tried to flash his friend a smile, but did not have the strength. "We met in a bar fight which ended in us jumping from the battlements to escape. I told you about my father's betrayal as a knight of Caerleon. You told me your father was betrayed by a noble and later killed."

"And you said you would never let them poison me. You said it was a truth serum." Betrayal laced heavily into his words. Anger swelled inside his chest, but nothing, no reason, no compassion rouse to abate it. "You said you would help, but that was a lie. "

It was a statement, not a question. Gwaine flinched from the accusation but did not shy away from it. He took several steps closer to his friend. His teeth ground together. Although not directed at Merlin, his response filled with more heat then he intended.

"Arthur pulled a damn enchanted box from the vaults when we were searching for a way to remove the imaginary enchantment from the dragon. I wasn't thinking straight. None of us where after that. It messed with our heads. If I had known, I would have destroyed it before he had the chance but I thought it would help, like a fool I trusted it and him."

"So you're blaming magic for your mistake?"

The anger came easier to him. There was no sparkle of magic in the way distracting him. No glow from his friend that reassured him of their friendship, their connection to one another. Instead, they were stripped bare. Men built on their actions, their interactions with one another, their words. He failed to see beyond the facts, and they swirled under his blood like magma waiting to erupt.

"Hell no! Merlin, I'm just, I was enchanted, damn it, I didn't know it would—"

"You could have told Arthur about me! You were supposed to tell him about me. You said you were going to help! You said—"

"Merlin! Please calm down! You need to rest!" Gaius broke through their argument, agitation leaked into his tone.

"NO! I trusted you! You never trusted me, did you? You're just like everyone else! You never accepted my magic! You just wanted to make it easier for Arthur to give me the damn vial and steal it away from me! You took one of the only things I have in this world and destroyed it!"

The dragon growled at his side, and Gwen retracted the towel from his cheek in one swift motion.

Gaius stepped in, trying to explain the enchantment to him, to soothe the hurt of betrayal. He remembered the dark glint in the knights when they first entered the room with the vial—it felt like so long ago—he remembered the darkness inside them.

But did it matter?

They had accepted Arthur's word of the enchantment so easily. Did no one feel the need to speak to him to find out the truth? Was he possessing magic such a ludicrous idea that no one would think to accept it?

And worse, how did everyone fear magic so much? They were in a golden age of peace, but where was the peace for magic? When would the fear of burning leave? For years he struggled in silence, for Arthur, for destiny, but to what end? Was it really peace if his people still cowered in fear from the crown, hopeful, but still mixed with fear? When did it end?

In that moment, the end seemed impossible.

The anger bubbled under his skin: anger at Gwaine for falling into the trap so easily, for Gwen and the knights for accepting everything without a thought to his confession, at Gaius for leaving him alone all winter even though they both knew his friends became withdrawn and the weight of his destiny was so heavy he could hardly stand under the strain, and at Arthur, Arthur for failing once again to follow his word, to listen to his pleads, for thinking he knew better than Merlin because _dammit he was the King and Merlin was just a servant_.

Gwaine tried to speak over Gaius. Gwen even tried to calm him. Everyone offered their own pathetic explanations, but Percival who stood back and watched with a calm Merlin did not know. Unable to stand it, he tipped his head back and a guttural, but powerful, roar ripped from his throat to silence them. It sent a spasm of pain through him, and he clenched his body into Aithusa whose own roar chorused with his and echoed off the walls into silence. New blood started to drip from his eyes and his vision blurred. Aithusa turned back to him, licked the blood from his face and sent a mist of magic to shower over him, wings stretched to keep the hollows from reaching him.

He tried to shove down the anger, the rage, bury it deep inside his chest as he had for the past winter—no, the past years—and shook from the effort. Several controlled breaths later and he managed as best he could, pain helped to numb the feeling of rage that coursed through his blood. He heard a set of footsteps echo into the room, new and strong.

"What's going on? Gaius, I thought you assured us that thing wasn't a threat?"

His head snapped up, and he could just see Arthur and Leon from over the top of Aithusa's wings who now focused on grooming his Dragonlord. He supposed, ironically, his friend was trying in some way to sooth the anger rushing through him. When had Aithusa become the sensible one? But at the sight of Arthur, it exploded. The sparks hovering inside him from his stifled fire burst to life, flowing through his veins like dragon fire.

"YOU!"

The growl burned his throat as it pushed through his pipes. Instead of stifling it, the pain fueled his fire. Arthur's eyes widened and snapped to attention, gaze fixed on Merlin. For the first time since he knew the man, Arthur watched a deep seeded hate twist onto Merlin's face.

"YOU ARE NOT THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING."


	14. Chapter 14

_Warning: none_

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Dealing with the council might have swept the hours from the day quicker than rainfall if Arthur allowed it. After the members were reassured and the city proclaimed safe, he declared a formal apology to the visitors and made it known the physician's quarters were off limits to all citizens and visitors of the castle. A guard around the citadel had been created to ward off curious eyes. With clean up operations underway in the lower town, he dismissed the council to reconvene later in the evening, eager to check on Merlin's condition.

He flirted with the idea of moving Merlin and Aithusa to room high in a tower to hid them from the people, but until the situation was completely controlled, they would have to stay put. The guard around his quarters would have to suffice. Several servants scattered to prepare the rooms in the tower just in case on his orders. His feet felt heavy as he walked through sunlight corridors and let his mind wander.

Merlin's blood-stained clothes, the rubble littering the lower towns, Gaius's bags left abandoned at the arch of the citadel, small reminders of the events of the day chased his feet like shadows.

As he crept closer to the physician's quarters, a large, tight pressure started to squeeze around his throat. His breath quickened and burst out it short gasps as he diverted from the hallway to break into the cool winter air. From the battlements, he looked out at the city and took a deep breath to still his racing heart.

For a moment, his mind was blissfully empty. He gazed out to Camelot, to his city, the icy snow covering the building tops, the forest beyond the walls and simply breathed.

 _Follow your heart, Arthur._

He heard Gwen whisper in his memory.

A cold breeze ruffled his clothes and sent a chill up his spine. It sounded like wise advice at the time, but he felt painfully aware of how following his heart quickly became a disaster.

He had believed in his heart that Merlin was innocent of magic, believed he would never betray him by practicing it willingly, and he had believed in his heart that his father's law on magic was fair, believed in the danger of magic, the evil it spread and how it corrupted the people around him.

 _We lost EVERYTHING to Uther's bloodlust._

We.

We as in sorcerers, people of magic.

We as in the dragons and the Dragonlords.

His hand twisted through his golden hair until the skin covering his skull burned.

 _I SHOWED HIM MERCY! Something that YOUR FATHER NEVER GAVE TO A SINGLE ONE OF OUR KIND!_

He knew Aithusa's magic allowed him to see clearly, knew less than twenty-four hours ago he would have cursed to the air that an enchantment wrapped around his mind controlled by the dragon.

But, his eyes were opened.

He could not shut them, could not turn away from the truth.

A seed of it still rested in his mind, wedged in his eyelids and ripped a heavy veil from his eyes. But, the light struck them and left him blind.

 _And you never listen to me when I answer you or try to tell you something anyway, so why would now be any different?_

His memories flashed over moments of him and Merlin, times where Merlin had spoken wisdom only for him to ignore or berate the servant, remind him of his status and foolishly wait for the consequence of his inaction or rash orders to crash down. They rushed to the surface of his mind like running water, and he felt choked.

 _I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I, I was too afraid. Afraid you would not understand and have me killed…Arthur, you would have burned me. You would have burned me and never looked back. Albion would be lost._

He wanted to deny it, curse at the heavens that he would never burn Merlin. But, was he right?

He tried to imagine his uncle coming to him and declaring Merlin a sorcerer. He tried to imagine himself speaking calmly to Merlin about the accusations to learn the truth, but the vision was clouded. He would look for a way to prove his innocence, hold out for a way to free the accusation as he had with the goblin and the Witch-finder. He tried to imagine how he would react if no excuse was found, but his thoughts vanished into darkness and he could not see behind the void that swallowed them past that point.

 _You would have burned me._

He gasped and sucked in a deep gulp of air to calm his racing heart and think clearly.

No.

Guilt twisted inside his chest like a snake, and he doubted himself. He wanted to say no, but in his heart, he did not know. He had been forced to turn against Morgana and would have against his Uncle if given the chance. Would this betrayal have been different?

 _I seek nothing but protection for you and understanding... I am here to serve you... Magic is something I was born with Arthur._

But this time, he was not the one betrayed.

Merlin had only ever protected his life from something he had no control over. Arthur had not even allowed him a chance to speak. He thought he knew best, always thought his words were best.

 _Sometimes I think I know you, Merlin…and other times._

 _Well, I know you. You're a great warrior. One day, you will be a great king_

 _That's very kind of you_.

 _But you must learn to listen as well as you fight._

 _Any other pointers?_

 _No…thats it. Just, don't be a Prat._

It was so long ago, one of his first years of knowing Merlin, but the conversation resonated in his mind.

 _But, you must learn to listen as well as you fight_

But had he ever learned?

Doubt flooded into his mind as he teetered to the cold, stone floor. He realized, had it been anything else, any other problem of the city or question about his personal relationships, each doubt would have an answer. Every worry, every question would be voiced to Merlin who always had something to say, something to help him along, or some words of wisdom. Emptiness echoed through the chill of the wind rustling through his hair and the vision of Merlin tormented on the floor of his chambers flashed before him, a pain he caused in ignorance.

But, despite the dragon's magic and all the pain the vial caused, he could not stop the thought that it might have been worth the pain if Merlin was freed of magic.

The thought twisted in his gut, but the loss took the decision of Merlin's magic completely out of the equation. He wanted to understand all Merlin had done for Camelot and to hear how he fought to keep the city safe. But, now he did not have to bother with a trial for Merlin because the servant no longer possessed magic. Although he would not wish the pain on his friend that the vial caused and wished he could take it back, it was over.

Gone.

Magic was illegal in Camelot, but now it no longer mattered. There was no longer a reason for either of them to fear

Merlin may not have been able to help the magic that flooded through his veins, but now he did not have to. He would be able to live a normal life in Camelot without the fear of death hanging over his shoulders. He could return to being a simple manservant, no longer burdened from the responsibility of protecting his King in whatever part he might have played in his protection, and Arthur's heart felt lighter for it.

He had already resolved to repair their friendship before he discovered Merlin with Aithusa, and perhaps this might be the way to do it. He knew more about his servant than before. Perhaps the breaking of the walls around Merlin would allow Arthur to fully broach his remaining walls and apologize, not only for the vial, but for everything before the vial, for shoving Merlin out of his life and everything in-between, for failing to protect him and for making him feel that he needed to protect Arthur when he was the knight and Merlin the servant, one of his people he was meant to protect. Perhaps, they could return to simpler times, when he was a prince and Merlin was his friend, no titles in the way, no obligations and haphazard plans to protect the other with magic simply because they could.

He could feel a cloud start to return to his mind, but shrugged it off. His breath even and composed, he left the battlements and walked towards Merlin's quarters.

Blood bathed images still danced behind his lids and he focused on Leon coming towards him. He fell into step next to his King, and the two made their way to the physician's quarters in companionable silence. It took less time than he liked to cross the doorless threshold, and Arthur's eyebrows rose in surprise at the sight of Merlin asleep in a makeshift—no—enlarged version of his bed. The dragon curled next to him awkwardly in the small space, limbs entangled as if wrapped in a nest. Gwaine and Percival hustled around the room to help Gaius restore it to order while Gwen rested in a chair by the fire and ground several herbs into a paste.

"Gaius, how is he?"

The room's occupants looked up at him, shock marring their faces. Aithusa opened one lazy eye, much like the first time Arthur caught the Dragonlord and servant together and watched him without blinking. Gwen stood abruptly and moved in front of Merlin's bed. He remembered her actions before, how she shielded Merlin from him when she thought he might harm the man for possessing magic.

Did she accept everything so easily?

"As the one holding his fate, I was hoping you would tell me, Sire. He has the protection of the Queen, but does he have yours?"

The statement struck him, and he shook his head.

"What are you on about?"

Gaius seemed determined as he spoke, eager to push a decision from him. "Merlin is indeed a sorcerer. What do you plan to do with him? That being said, I confess to knowing about his practice of magic from the day he stepped foot in my life, and have deliberately lied to hide him from you. I would very much wish to know your sentence on both of us, Sire."

His mind swirled at the confession. Anger stirred in his gut, but the damage was done. Wasn't it?

"He is not a sorcerer anymore, Gaius. There is nothing to condemn."

The man's brows rose into his hairline. He was about to speak when Gwen's angry voice cut his reply.

"Arthur, you can't possibly mean that." She sounded exasperated, but that was all her voice sounded like lately.

"Of course I do. I am not about to condemn Merlin for something he no longer possesses. The vial cut his ties with magic forever. You cannot possibly wish to see him burn, Gwen? This is Merlin!"

"Arthur, he needs it _back."_

It took him a while to realize what she was saying. All the eyes of the knights fixed on him. Leon shifted uncomfortably beside him, but he knew Gwaine and Percival believed the words of the Queen from their body language.

"Magic is illegal Gwenevire." The low growl in his throat surprised him. He tried to reign back his disgust, but then, how do you stop years of fear and hatred of magic in one day?

"Not having it is killing him, Arthur! He—, he doesn't even know where he is!"

Gaius stepped towards him.

"I am not sure what effect it will have on his body, Sire. At this point, we will not know until he awakes, although his disorientation is alarming. Aithusa seems to be helping him as best as it can."

"Arthur, he thinks we were some kind of imitations, fake. He doesn't even think we are real. Without his magic, he just isn't there! You've seen it yourself! "

Her eyes pleaded, begged. He could not pull away from them even as Gaius started to speak.

"Perhaps…if you knew all he has done, you would not be so quick to pass judgment, Sire?"

But that snapped his attention to the old man, and he looked dead in the center of his eyes.

"And do not be so quick to question the Laws of Camelot. I told him after he drank the vial that I would listen to him. I never planned to condemn him. Merlin may have had magic, may have been some crazy, stupid expectation to sorcery's evil, but that does not mean magic is any less dangerous."

Before he could respond, Gwen cut across the room.

"Arthur, a word, outside. Now!"

She rushed out of the room and, after a glance at Merlin sleeping peacefully, he bounded out of the room behind her. Leon walked tentatively to Merlin and eyed the dragon in awe.

"So, it is true. He is a Dragonlord."

As he spoke the words, Aithusa raised his head in pride. He gave the knight a small nod.

"All those falling branches and close encounters, our luck, suddenly makes sense doesn't it."

Gwaine snorted. "You can say that again! You should hear some of the things this little man had been up to in his spare time."

"Then, tell us."

They looked startled at Percival's command, but the knight looked to Gwaine in rapt attention. A smile graced Gwaine's face as he thought over everything Merlin told him before the nightmare began. They could hear the shouts of the royal couple sweep into the room, but Gwaine ignored them. He started to recount different tales and stories Merlin told him in their short talk together.

Gaius could hear the affection coloring Gwaine's voice as he spoke and busied himself with a mixture of herbs he hoped would abate any pain and disorientation Merlin felt from the loss of his magic. Once finished, he started to mix a simple tonic, one he often gave to Merlin if his ward started to look too weary or show the first signs of a cold, especially during the winter months. Despite the ease of the knights, Gaius found his attention constantly crept back to the couple in the hallway. Their voices echoed on the stone.

"—to me Gwen! How am I supposed to just ignore that?"

"Because it's not about you, Arthur! You may be the King, but this is not about you!"

"How is it not? He was MY MANSERVANT, GWEN!"

"He IS your manservant! But he is MY FRIEND, and Arthur, WE TORTURED HIM!"

"If my father was king, he would be dead!"

"You are not your Father, Arthur! You will never be your Father, and I thank God every day that is the case!"

"But to practice Magic Gwenevire? To—"

"He was born with it, Arthur! He didn't need to practice anything! Gaius told us he only started once he arrived in Camelot because he needed to learn to control it, because it was instinctual, so he could hide!"

"And you trust his words so easily?"

"Of course I trust him! And his counsel has never once lead me astray."

"He was harboring a sorcerer!"

"He was protecting Merlin FROM YOU, from all of us. He shouldn't have to do that, Arthur. We promised each other we would work towards a land of peace together, one where people no longer have to be afraid. "

"What are you saying?"

"You know what I'm saying. When he recovers—and we will find a way to help him. There must be a way, there always is—you cannot just brush off his word anymore."

"Gwen, we are not restoring his magic. It's over. I will not suffer through another betrayal like that. I cannot ask my people to accept someone like that. What would the council say?"

"Merlin is not Morgana! You think you and your father were the only ones hurt by her betrayal? That doesn't mean Merlin is the same as her! And you accepted me, a servant girl, as your queen. You accepted knights without noble blood. Why will you not even consider helping Merlin with his magic?"

"This is nothing to do with Morgana, and you know it. Magic is evil Gwenevire! Are you forgetting all the suffering we have been dealt at its hands?"

"Life is not that simple! You know that! You can't just view the world through some black and white filter when you get angry because that is what you were told when you grew up. You are not a child anymore. Your father was wrong about so ma—"

Gaius turned his attention back to his ward and hobbled over to Aithusa and Merlin. Elyan caught his arm to keep him from moving forward, but he shoved the man away roughly to reach the bed and sank into the side of the mattress. He rested for a moment, looked at his ward and cataloged every line of pain in his face as he slept. With gentle motions, he massaged a thin cream above Merlin's eyes to help the swelling subside. Satisfied, he took a towel and cleaned a fresh line of blood that dripped down Merlin's face.

He watched Merlin's steady breaths and let out his own shuddering sigh. He could make it out of Camelot if he needed to. With Aithusa, they could all make it out, but he hoped it would not come to that.

He glanced at the dragon who watched him and held out a hand. Aithusa nuzzled into his palm, yawned and stretched out on the bed before snuggling back against Merlin. He watched the two of them until they both drifted into slumber before he moved to lower his creaking muscles to a chair by the fire, weary from traveling. Although it was still mid-day, he drifted off into a fitful sleep with the chatter of the knights echoing in the room behind him.

* * *

Arthur stormed away from his wife, wired to get away before he said or did something he would regret.

Sickness flooded through his veins.

How could Gwen actually think of finding a way to restore magic to Merlin?

He knew forcing the vial on Merlin was wrong.

He knew he should never have entered the vaults.

Once again, magic had caused disorder and chaos, harmed his friend in a new way, brought pain and suffering to his family. Although he felt responsible, he also knew he was not completely to blame. In some ways, the enchanted vial forced him to give the potion to Merlin. If not enchanted, he did not believe he would have forced Merlin to drink the potion, not when he begged him so passionately. He had to believe he would never force him.

His feet carried him down below the castle, under cold stone and wet dirt. Condensation clung to the walls of the catacombs lined with ornate tomes and riches. He stopped before the resting place of his father, the resting place of his king. He stood there, muscles ridged, and let his breath came out in short bursts as he leaned forward to place a hand on the cold, stone box.

His anger at Gwen, at Merlin, faded away with no one to fight in the gloom of the caves but himself, even the sting of betrayal left. He felt hollow, alone with no one but the dead.

But, he needed to be alone.

He needed to think.

He closed his eyes.

 _The golden glow of the sun shone down from its highest peak in the sky as Arthur, no older than eight, worked to pull the string of the bow back enough to send the arrow flying to the target. He could feel the gaze of his father behind him as he silently watched from the shadows. He was shrouded in darkness, but Arthur could pick him out of a room void of all light._

 _His arms shook from the weight of the string. When the arrow release it flew straight and true to strike the center of the bulls-eye. He resisted the urge to turn and watch his father, to search for a smile, although rare. Overcome with his desire, he turned and saw his father motion towards the knight behind him to summon him._

 _At his father's side, he avoided asking about the arrow. He knew better than to ask for praise._

" _Come, Arthur. I have something very important to teach you today."_

" _Yes, Father."_

 _He replied and fell into step next to his King. His father's hand draped affectionately across his shoulder. He swelled with pride at the contact as they traveled through the citadel to the main courtyard. It was bustling with energy. The stone floor disappeared into a mass of hair and clothing. A large pyre stood in the center of the crowd. He could make out faces, young and old, among the wood. With childlike confusion, he turned to his father. As if sensing the query, his father faced him with a serious expression._

" _Arthur, do you remember what happens to sorcerers?"_

 _A proud smile fluttered across his face._

" _They burn!"_

 _When his father smiled, a light burst inside his chest. Yes, Father, I remembered, he thought._

" _And why do they burn, Arthur?"_

" _Because magic is bad. It makes people sick, and they cannot get better. It kills things."_

 _His father's hands gripped his shoulder. In a rare moment, he lowered to look at his son on eye level._

" _How does it make them sick, Arthur?"_

 _Unlike his other lessons, he knew this one. He knew it so many ways because this was his father's favorite. No matter how well he excelled in his studies, his father never seemed to notice. But this one, he loved._

" _They start to hurt everyone. They turn against me and you. They try to hurt Camelot and be king."_

" _Yes. Yes, but a King must take care of his people, Arthur. He must take care of all of his people, including people infected with magic, including sorcerers."_

 _It was the first time his father called sorcerers his people, so he nodded his head, confused._

" _How can the King take care of his people infected with magic?"_

 _Arthur thought for a moment, before answering._

" _He burns them?"_

 _His eyes widened in shock as the King placed a tender kiss on his forehead. A large grin spread across his face at the obvious display of affection._

" _That's my boy."_

 _He trailed after his father to the center of the citadel and stood proudly beside him as he spoke long to the crowd about sorcery and the city. His mind wondered, but towards the end, he registered a torch being lit. He watched the faces in the pyre. A young boy his age stared back at him with tear-filled eyes. He startled from his gaze when his father's hand fluttered across his shoulder._

" _One day, he will also protect you from this treachery. I pass this torch as a reminder that sorcerer will never again reign in Camelot."_

 _His eyes widened as his father held the flame for him to grasp. He took it, ever obedient and did his best not to stumble as his father pushed him towards the pyre. The boy's piercing gaze came closer with every step until his father leaned forward to whisper in his ear._

" _Light the fire, Arthur. "_

 _His eyes fluttered wide as he took in the people, the tearful expression of the boy, an older man, several women, looking up at him with torn and dirt-stained faces. Fear slammed into his gut when he found one he recognized, one of his maids, an old woman who had taken care of him for as long as he could remember. He remembered the sweet treats she would bring up to his chambers at night to tell him tales of Camelot and magic._

 _He caught her gaze. Her mouth moved as if speaking to him, but he could not hear her over the yell of the crowd around him. The flame quivered in his hands, but he felt a pressure on his upper forearm, edging him closer, edging his arm to the pyre._

 _"Make me proud."_

 _His father squeezed his shoulder, almost painfully, and used a calloused hand to guild his arm to toss the torch so the straw flared up in a heated blaze. With his father's hand on his shoulder, he drew back to observe the fire. He watched as it licked up the legs of the sorcerers and tried to hide his face in his father's leg. He felt his father's hand dig into his shoulder painfully, and he did his best not to cry out. He looked back at the fire, focused on a building behind the blaze and tried to ignore the pain flaring from his shoulder and heart. He tried to ignore the screaming, tried to ignore the tears trailing down his face, tried to ignore the pain even if he did not yet understand death fully. When the scream of the people died down, his father led him inside, out of sight. Fear flashed through him as he realized his father would notice his tears, but there was nothing he could do now. But instead of his usual punishment, his father released the grip on his shoulder and slouched to face him directly. He gasped as the nails left his flesh._

" _Arthur."_

 _He looked up at his father, tears falling freely from his face now that he caught him crying._

" _Remember, what you did is also for the people. Those sorcerers have now been cleansed, and the people are safe. You saved their lives, Arthur. You are already on your way to becoming a noble knight and a good King."_

 _He nodded, but could not find the energy to speak._

" _You will learn. The second time, I do not want to see tears, Arthur. A king cannot rule with his emotions. The second time, you must show your father that you can be king. "_

He opened his eyes and broke out of the memory. It was one of the stronger ones from his childhood and one of the few with his father.

He could recall countless other times, moments his father time and time again worked to teach him the evils of magic. And for each evil his father warned him, he could match a point in his life, match a memory with a warning, a curse, an enchantment, something to cause suffering.

He remembered loving his father, the good and the bad. He remembered every single one of his teachings on magic and how proud he became when Arthur listed them. But, he also remembered how much he grew to hate them over the last few years of his father's life.

There was a lot of his father's reign that he did not agree with, a lot he did not condone. So much changed when he became regent and even more when he became King. He did his best to rule for the people, and with all the changes he made, knew his father had either not know how or not truly cared for them as he did.

He undermined his father before, rescuing the druid boy, seeking Dragoon's help with his father, and other trivial quests. He proclaimed magic as evil to Gwen, his Knights, to Merlin, but then that was the law, his father's law, and a law he believed kept them safe against Morgana. He supported it because it was a law of Camelot.

Yet, he had almost lifted the ban. When he sought help for his father, he swore to the sorcerer's terms easily, if only to save the life of his father.

His thoughts felt muddled, but he thought of Will, the sorcerer who had saved his life in Elandor. He thought of the druids who had saved the life of Leon, the druid camp who had suffered at his hands greatly, the sword in the stone which could only have been placed with magic, how his heart soared with pride as he was able to pull the sword straight from the stone and the confidence it gave him as he crowned Gwen his Queen.

He turned to rest his weight against the tome.

He thought back to when he first met Merlin, how he treated him differently from others, as a man not as a prince, as an equal not as a better, not as a Lord. His courage always astounded Arthur: how he would follow him into every trial and battle, never ceasing, never failing, Merlin, his friend, his comrade.

And magic had once again hurt him, but then what of Merlin's magic?

 _Merlin is not just a sorcerer. He is a warlock, a creature of magic. Unique._

He was once again struck by how much he did not know about magic. Calling Merlin a warlock made him sound strange, inhuman almost, but he did not understand what it meant. It could mean that the way he was able to use magic made him unique, like how he supposedly used it for Camelot. It could mean anything.

 _One of his greatest fears among many was to be hated by every single one of you because of his powers, to fail in his destiny, and we both carried it close_

And that was another question that needed an answer, another door that had been locked to him. What kind of destiny could Merlin have? He was not a king. He was not in any position of power. He did not hold sway over people like Arthur did. He did not have to protect people like the knights.

But, he was a dragonlord.

He recalled the power Balinor was rumored to have, the sway over dragons. Was that the destiny he spoke of?

He would have to return to Gaius, ask him more about Merlin's condition to learn more about his magic and that aggravated him. He still did not approve of the use of magic, did want to see it returned to Camelot, and did not want any of his friends to use it. And as if to make him angrier, it occurred to him, that if Merlin still had his magic, if it returned, he would not burn or banish him.

 _You—you're really not going to kill me? I'm not…I'm not going to burn?_

No.

Never.

He could hardly stand when Merlin went missing when his uncle still stood at his side. Not having his friend had been almost unbearable. And now, the past month, how he shoved Merlin away, he knew they both had suffered for it. Perhaps, the city suffered with them. Without Merlin's advice, he sometimes felt like he scrambled to finish papers and decrees like they lacked a final polish. The months apart made him realize how much he took counsel in his friend and how much he truly relied on him for advice.

 _He isn't just a servant, Arthur. This is Merlin! He might as well be your advisor as well as your servant! You need each other._

He supposed it fit that he reflected on Merlin, finally really reflected on his place in his life and the role he played when he reflected on his death.

Could he allow it, help even, if they tried to return Merlin's magic?

 _Magic is a part of me, Arthur._

Could he allow that?

 _You? Wh-What are you? Where is Gaius? You! Wh-what have you done to him! Where am I?_

Seeing Merlin so disoriented frightened him. Merlin might never recover, forced to spend the rest of his life half out of his mind. He thought of his father, everything he had been willing to do to save him and turned it over and over in his mind.

 _Not having it is killing him, Arthur! He—, he doesn't even know where he is_

He had been willing to use magic for his father, but he feared traveling down that path again. The first time it killed his father, and he dreaded the thought of losing Merlin, in the same way, passing away in madness.

He growled to the empty air, angrier with himself as the answer came to him. If there was no other option, if it was the only way to help Merlin, he would accept the assistance of magic immediately. It had saved Leon, perhaps it would save Merlin. And if Merlin had used it to save his life somehow, perhaps it could still be used for good even if the thought churned in his stomach like tar.

 _Hypocrite._

He did not accept magic, but he accepted Merlin. He was willing to twist the law into an exception for his friend. And that, he knew, was something a King should never do, something he named as one of the first steps to a corruption of power.

 _But I am the King. It is my law._

He started to leave the dark confines of the catacombs, not sparing a glance for his father as if he might look back and see his own reflection watching him from the tomb. He did so much for his people, so much for his knights and those around him. If the worst thing he did was pardon Merlin, then it would be okay.

He was in pain now, but Merlin would recover and learn to live without his magic. It would be a change, but perhaps a change for the better. Secrets could be told, walls could be broken and it would be different this time. Merlin would no longer be kept in the shadows, not when Arthur had the power to change it. There were lands to the south, icy marshlands in the winter, but good farming in the summer. The lord there had no children and, if he gifted Merlin the land, he could be ascended to a position of power in the court. Arthur would be free to protect him however he wished. No one could question his friend's new position if he was a Lord, and he could easily gift the land to Merlin as a reward for all the times he saved his life. The cause was there, just as it had been with his knights. And just because he gifted Merlin the land, did not mean he would have to manage it. They could appoint a steward, someone to manage his lands for him as he could not imagine Merlin effectively taking care of the property and serfs in his charge. Then, Merlin would be free to stay in Camelot, free to continue to serve him.

One of his knights called to him as he emerged from the darkness.

"My Lord, the council has been searching for you."

He nodded.

"Thank you. Let's not keep them waiting then."

He bounded up the steps to the council. He had been brief, clipt before in the meeting, anxious to return to Merlin. But his knights, wife, and Gaius were looking after him now, and as much as he avoided the thought, so was the dragon.

He would have to find a way to make that okay too.

Being a dragonlord did not seem to be a direct act of magic, more like a position or title of nobility. If the dragon could be seen to fit into the same category as a horse, falcon even, perhaps he might bend the council to that too. After all, if Merlin was willing, Camelot would gain a great asset in the war against Morgana with is power. The dragon clearly cared for Merlin, that he knew. He understood its intentions to protect and care. It showed restraint in rescuing Merlin from the vial so had proved it was not a complete monster. Perhaps, Camelot's crest would become more tangible soon.

It was too early, too unplanned, and too rough.

So he waited, dropped hints that the dragon had been contained, not killed. Although this unnerved some of the council members, they let it go, likely as they had let his father's capture of the great dragon pass. It occurred to him that this was not the only questionable ruling they might have let pass and he wondered how much they allowed to slip through reason to stay in his good graces or in the good graces of his father.

It had been late when he emerged from the catacombs.

It was late when he finished the council.

He arranged for other members of his court to see to the castle's visitors and to keep his next few days free to see to Merlin, make arrangements for the change that would take place upon his servant's recovery. Tired and weary, he kicked off his shoes in his chambers, tossed his clothes to the floor and fell back onto the soft mattress. Thoughts of his friend screaming, blood covered in pain danced in front of his eyes.

 _You caused that._

 _You made him bleed,_

 _Gave him agony instead of an apology._

He let himself wallow in the guilt, and it kept him from jumping from the bed to visit his friend who needed to rest in the late hours of the night.

 _I seek nothing but protection for you and understanding…. I am here to serve you._

He could only hope that was still true. But then, how could it not be? He forced himself to remember the devotion in Merlin's eyes, the trust his servant had in him.

 _I'm happy to be your servant, Arthur, until the day I die._

And he hoped, he prayed, that it would be enough.

* * *

The day came too quickly, and Arthur roused from a fitful sleep. George came with breakfast which he ignored in favor of tossing on clothes before he stepped out of the room, eager to head to the physician's quarters. He wanted, no needed, to speak with Merlin to assure him of his safety and health, needed to do whatever it took to make sure he never suffered that kind of pain again.

Leon nodded to him across the hall before falling into step next to him. He glanced at him curiously before he realized he had directly ordered everyone to stay away from Gaius's chambers. Ever loyal, the knight likely thought this applied to him as well.

"Leon, you are free to visit Merlin whenever you wish."

He looked at him, startled, and nodded.

"Thank you, Sire."

They could hear the echoes of shouting as the doorway came into view. He stepped into the room as a roar from Merlin and Aithusa echoed off the walls into silence. The Dragon's wings covered Merlin from view.

"What's going on? Gaius, I thought you assured us that thing wasn't a threat?"

He said it almost lightly. He no longer believed Aithusa would hurt Merlin but was not entirely sure it would not hurt one of his knights if the dragon viewed them as a threat to him. He saw Merlin's eyes snap up from underneath the wings of Aithusa and stumbled back from the pure hatred swimming underneath his blue eyes, almost purple in color from the sheen of blood covering them. A crack split through his chest that blurred his vision as Merlin roared in a clear, cold voice.

"YOU ARE NOT THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING."

Merlin could feel crackling fire flowing underneath his skin. It rushed through his veins and filled the void in his chest with exploding flames. Arthur's form looked distorted in his vision, a broken scarecrow dressed in fine clothing with a crown on top his head.

No light, no beauty. The glimmer of their destiny, the hope for Albion was gone.

Arthur's mouth fell open, confused, while Gaius closed his eyes in dawning understanding.

Merlin looked at the King, really looked, and he saw him. He saw a man and a king, cleared from the influence of their shared destiny. With the glow of their connection to each other absent, he no longer felt drawn to Arthur from the beauty his life force.

He saw a man who should have stood by his side at the coming of the age of peace, a man who might have opened his eyes a little wider to create the land of Albion prophesied about for years if his grief of his father had not overtaken his judgment, a man who looked into the face of the truth so many times, the unicorn, Morgana, Agravaine, even Dragoon and saw only what he wanted to see, only the lies and deception, never the truth.

He saw a king who rose many people around him to power, to help better protect the kingdom and left Merlin behind to struggle and suffer in silence, a king who denied the reign of magic for too long, and now destroyed everything Merlin worked for, everything that made his life happy or sad or created suffering and trials. Every aspect of his existence vanished in the mind of a King who could not, and would never see the truth.

Arthur hesitated, unsure if he should approach his servant with the dragon looming over his form, almost menacingly. _Once and future King?_ It sounded familiar, but he could not place the phrase. Instead of asking, he tried to deflect the anger covering his servant's face.

"I can see you're feeling better" He spoke sarcastically, taking in the blood that started to drip from his eyes. He took a step forward to try to…help?...he was not sure, but Merlin flinched back into Aithusa violently.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME! You keep your reign of so-called peace while your people still suffer in silence. You're a bigot and hypocrite, your Majesty. You said you would create a land for people to stand as equals, to live in harmony. You don't even know what it means to treat someone as your equal. You don't even LOOK AT ME! IS THIS HOW YOU SHOW COMPASSION? You're blind! But this time not even I can remove the veil clouding your eyes for you have seen fit to veil my own in darkness."

In his tirade of words, Arthur could see other moments where Merlin spouted wisdom in times of trouble, but now, his words sounded more like judgment. His head swam trying to understand Merlin's words and in the end, it baffled and frustrated him. He could not tell if his friend should be taken seriously or if his words should be passed off as the ravings of a crazed man. He could still make out the mark of pain in how Merlin held himself and wondered if Merlin spoke the truth or if he was delirious with pain.

Through his anger, Merlin could feel something start to twist inside his veins from the heart of the fire. It started to squirm and twist inside his chest with each strain of acid he spite from his mouth to strike Arthur's heart. He could feel it grow, start to scratch against the underside of his ribs and scrape up through his throat. As Merlin spoke his voice transformed with an ethereal quality as if several voices growled and snarled into one guttural roar.

" _Mark my words, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, if this is not undone, Camelot will fall to ruin and madness. If you fail to right the wrongs you have done, the course of destiny will be altered forever. For, I am Magic, and Magic is me. Without it, Albion will be lost and all will fall into darkness._ "

And then his words transformed into a scream. He slammed back into the pillows beneath him, and Arthur watched in horrid fascination as his muscles distorted and twisted under the weight of the beast. He moved too frantic and Aithusa's head snapped up to call Gaius towards them. Gaius rushed forward and called the knights for aide. When the dragon moved to the side, Percival, Gwaine, Leon, and Arthur all worked together to keep Merlin from hurting himself as he twisted under their grip.

It lasted longer than Arthur could stand, but Merlin started to still beneath them. He wished his friend slipped into unconsciousness, no longer aware of the pain, but his heavy breathing and deep slow shaking breaths told him otherwise. He felt the need to speak, say something to appease the anger Merlin voiced, but the words still swirled in his head, and he could not understand them. He knew there was something more that he was missing, some bigger picture that would explain the destiny or Albion that Merlin spoke of, but for now, he was still in the dark.

If he was supposed to be part of some kind of greater destiny, why had no one ever told him?

His confusion overcame his anger and for once he let it. Because Merlin was twisting in pain. Merlin was bleeding, lying tortured. It knocked the anger out of him, and his voice was soft as he muttered to his friend's battered form.

"You are right, in some things. I did not treat you as I should. I should have listened to you, allowed you to speak."

Merlin's breath caught in his throat at his words.

"I understand your dragon, Aithusa, now or at least somewhat. I know how you gained the Dragonlord position and power from your Father, from Balinor. I may not understand everything, but I will listen to you now. I gave you my word that I would and, to that, I stand."

"What good is the word of a hollow king?"

His breath was no more than a wheeze, but it struck a chord of anger inside Arthur as much as he hated the familiar reaction. Merlin did little more than twitch under his touch, too exhausted to do much else as he laid limp on the bed but too aware to fall to sleep.

"Your opinion on my word doesn't make a difference. You must give an account of your actions on magic if you expect to stay in Camelot." He managed to chase the bite from his voice, but _damn,_ he could have worded that better. It sounded too much like a threat.

"I have nothing to say to you. You are not my king."

Before he could answer, Gauis's voice cut across the room.

"Merlin, that _is_ Arthur, King Arthur. Just as I am Gaius, and that is the Queen."

Arthur scanned Merlin's face and remembered the confusion Merlin showed when he first woke up.

"It doesn't matter. You are not my King. You are not my King."

The words cut his heart further, and he fumbled over his words even though they started to sound weak to his ears. He needed to keep talking, somehow make things better even if he had no idea how.

"I am the King, Merlin. You cannot deny my claim to the throne just because your magic is gone."

His friend did not answer. Silence filled the room and with the unanswered question still hanging in the air of Merlin's sentence, he felt the need to answer, to calm and hopefully to give him comfort.

"Your use of magic, whether you chose to study it or not, had some part in this too. You still chose to practice it. That vial was evil, and I would never force that on you again. But it freed you from magic. And now, with magic gone, I can in good faith grant you pardon for all the times you have used magic in the past and withou—"

"You're a monster, Arthur." He spoke in a soft, quiet whisper. Arthur choked back his words, gasping for breath as if stabbed.

"Merlin!" Gaius abolished. Aithusa growled beside him, but Merlin ignored them both to focus on the hollow king before him. He whispered out a soft tirade of his grievances as they settled heavy in his chest and bounced off empty space as the squirming feeling in his chest subsided to emptiness.

"You were so afraid of my magic that you took it away from me before you even allowed me to speak. You have never listened to me, not once, not since your father first abolished you for listening to the word of a servant over a knight so many years ago when we first met and you have stuck with his word ever since just as you hold onto his every last teaching of magic. You may not be as ruthless or as brutal as he was to his people but you… are truly… your Father's son, Arthur. You would not listen to my plea to burn rather than suffer this fate, and I have stood by your side for years, _for years_. What hope can I have for the rest of your people that you could ever be fair to them? Oh, so many people have tried to tell me, to warn me over the years but I was just as blind as you. So many people have died for you, for the future we thought you would create. So many, so many people, Arthur. So many people…"

With each word tears started to stream down his face, washing the blood that had pooled at the bottom of his eyelids. Arthur's tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, and he said nothing. He stared down his friend, overwhelmed. His mind reeled, and he wondered if he ever knew the man. He could still see the lines of pain in his eyes, the blood that dropped from them that started to pool down his neck. When Merlin's body started to shake, he placed a tentative hand on his servant's shoulder. Merlin jerked as if to move away, but did not have the energy. Aithusa allowed Arthur to draw near to his friend, so he lowered himself to his level, to speak from the floor as Merlin often did without his king scoffing down on him.

"I want to understand." He choked in a strangled whisper, because that much was true, one of the only things he could promise him without it being some form of a lie. He needed everything to be okay in the end.

"Why can't you all just leave me alone?" He moaned, turning half of his face into the pillow. "You can't hurt me with Aithusa here. And if you somehow manage to get past him and hurt us, do you think the great dragon will not know of our deaths? He will return for us and when he does there will be no one to force him to show mercy. Whatever it is you want, give it up. Arthur….Arthur will stop you, whatever you are planning. He…he promised to listen. He promised. He is going to stop you. He is going to help, so don't try. I know him…I know him…and he….you're not him…he promised me…he _promised…_ Just get away from me. Just get away, please."

"Merlin…you know who they are," Gaius spoke carefully to him.

"No, I don't! They have to be fake! ARTHUR WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME. Get away from me! You're not him! I don't believe anymore. I can't. Curse the triple goddess! I just, I can't. I CAN'T. What do you mean by coming here? What more can you hope to accomplish? Have you come for my life now too? I may no longer have my magic, but I am still a Dragonlord even if I no longer have the magic to command them. Do you think I need it? They will keep me safe from whatever further devilry you may conjure. They remain always loyal to me. If you kill me, there will be no one to stop my kin from burning this entire forsaken city to the ground and curse your people for eternity."

"Merlin…" He finds himself grasping for something, anything to rectify the situation. Reality crashes into him, and he can see his friend slipping away. He can see darkness reflected in his eyes and wonders how long it has been there.

Merlin is still clearly confused. Arthur notices moments of clarity in his eyes, but most of the time it appears to switch between real life and fantasy. He recalls Gaius's words of his friend's magic, the disorientation he must be feeling and wonders how much of the hatred is for him and how much is for the hollow with his face. But, in the moments of clarity, Merlin's anger seems strongest and that hurts. Although his guilt floods his veins he tried to shove it aside because he knows guilt will not help their friendship.

A weathered hand gripped his shoulder and started to push him from Merlin.

"Now is not the time for this, Sire. He needs rest. He needs care."

Arthur allowed himself to be shoved to the side. He watched as Gaius started to apply a cream to Merlin's eyes. He could hear him muttering assurances, listing small mundane facts about Merlin, how he liked his tea, his favorite part of picking herbs, things he always complained about in the marketplace when Gaius took him along to help barter and shop, birthday presents and funny tales. He noticed all his knights and Gwen listening with rapt attention and wondered if any of them had ever bothered to really get to know Merlin. For, out of all the small things Gaius listed, he knew none of them. When Gaius finished applying the paste, they heard him mutter something to the dragon who edged forward and blew a golden mist over Merlin's eyes before Gaius wrapped them in soft cloth. He watched the tension ease from Merlin's shoulders as the magic chased the worst of the pain from his servant. Gaius tried to coax Merlin to lay down, but he gripped his mentor's hands tightly. He shuddered as he did so, yet he leaned into his chest despite his anxiety.

They started to talk quietly, too quietly to make out the words. He felt Leon grip his shoulder, and looked up to see a new fire in his eyes.

"Sire…My lord. I believe we should a meeting of the knights once more."

It was only moring but he already felt the heavy weight of the day upon his shoulders. He examined the hesitant but determined face of his knight.

"And why, Sir Leon, should we do that?"

"Because Merlin needs our help." Gwaine said as he took a step towards Arthur who watched Percival mimic his actions.

"He has been enchanted. Something changed certain aspects of him."

Arthur froze, hearing his own words from several nights ago echoed back at him.

"And you do not need a trial to measure the depth of his loyalty." Leon parroted at his side.

Gwen stepped towards him now, and he found himself surrounded by his Knights and Queen, each imploring him.

"You told me you would not allow anyone else you love to suffer."

At that his gaze flickered back to Merlin, still caught in the loose embrace of his mentor as they talked quietly. He could make out the ghost of a smile on their faces and longed to hear their words.

 _I cannot allow anyone else I love to suffer_

But after everything, could he actually say he loved Merlin?

His chest clenched painfully, and he knew.

Yes.

Yes, he did.

Even if he did not know what to say to Merlin, he was still a man of action. Words had always been Merlin's specialty, but Arthur was good with action.

"Assemble at the roundtable immediately. Someone will need to track down, Elyan. Gwen, as soon as he is able, I should like Gaius to meet us there. But only if he is able to leave Merlin's side without compromising his health."

Each of them nodded and started to file out of the room. He was left standing alone with his Queen, her attention focused on Merlin. A smile dusted his face as he heard a soft chuckle from Gaius at something Merlin must have said, and he watched as he took something from his neck and hung it around his ward's neck—a rabbit foot?

He turned from the room and started the journey through the long corridors to the council room. He knew how to fight battles. He learned to wield a sword almost before he could walk. His strategies in battle never failed, and he always knew when to strike in battle to overcome his opponent. He knew how to fight.

It was time he learned how to listen too.

 **A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. This chapter is heavily Arthur centric, which might be a bit different. I do not write Arthur as much so it went through too many rewrites at this point, but I am pleased with the end result(finally)._

 _Special thanks to **BooksAreMedicine**_ _for the idea to include a reference to Valient!_


	15. Chapter 15

_Warnings: mild language_

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Murmurs from Gaius calmed Merlin's racing heart as he curled his fingers around the front of his mentor's tunic and leaned to rest his forehead on his chest. He stayed there as he let his voice wash over him and embed in his mind. He focused on the steady heartbeat thumping from his chest and tried to imagine the pulsing feeling the magic would have created. He made a comment—a light whine on its absence—and he could feel Gaius smile into his hair. He leaned back to study the aged face more closely with its small wrinkles and paper skin stretched to his ears. He let his vision blur as he listened to the memories Gaius told him and laughed.

"Funny, because I remember I specifically told you I enchanted that goblet to only cause hiccups whenever Gwen walked in the room. So how could you possibly know it made Arthur's face turn red, too?"

"Well, I have no idea what you mean, Merlin." He gasped. "You must have said the spell wrong, again. You might want to touch upon your pronunciation, my boy."

"I knew that was you! You left the spell earmarked in my book!"

"And you left that book out on the counter that evening. Someone could have stumbled upon it and then what? "

The harsh tone whipped the smile off Merlin's face, so he looked to the side and noticed the King and his Knights had left the room. He relaxed back into the mattress and Aithusa and focused on the small flame of the fire. Not-Gwen had settled in a chair near the flames sewing a long deep green tunic.

"I'm sorry, my boy. It doesn't matter now. Here."

Gaius stood up from the bed and walked to a large metal pot over the fire while Merlin resisted the urge to call him back to his side. He returned promptly with another bowl of soup clenched in his hands that he passed to Merlin. He took the bowl and curled his fingers around the warm ceramic.

He looked to his mentor, to not-Gwen and let his eyes roam the room before settling on Aithusa.

"Gaius…"

"Eat. You need to build up your strength."

He made quick work of swallowing the tasteless liquid, not bothering to doubt the stew in his hands as he made the decision to trust the man before him.

"Still no flavor?"

"No," He said absentmindedly.

Fear started to churn inside him again as the thought of burning returned to his mind. Then a deeper worry, one of joy and dread started to take the form of a large beast inside him. He did not want to imagine what Arthur would do if his magic returned and the further methods the King would uncover to eradicate it from his veins. The very memory of the vial filled him with terror and left him gasping for air.

The spoon clanged into the half-empty bowl at the thought of the pain, or worse, something more sinister, and he reached out to grip Gaius's arms in fright. His mentor met his eyes and almost flinched from the terror in them, wide in horror and begging.

He froze.

Merlin's eyes flickered from not-Gwen and back to Gaius as he silently begged him to be alone, to speak with him in private. Gaius took in Merlin's ridged muscles, the set of his jaw and looked back to Gwen. It took less than a minute for him to reach a decision.

He squeezed Merlin's hand gently, before bounding over to her by the fire. Merlin watched as Gaius spoke with her quietly. She caught his eye once but then focused her attention back to Gaius nodding every so often. He watched them walk to a space on the table together as Gaius started to scratch notes on a spare piece of paper with a quill. They talked enough for Merlin's anxiety to rise just to the point of screaming. He was about to stand up and pull Gaius away from the hollow when Aithusa nuzzled into his side to gain his attention.

He trembled with the bowl in his hands, watched as Gaius wrote a note, sealed it and passed it to not-Gwen.

"Aithusa." He breathed as he turned his gaze to the dragon. "When did I become such a coward?"

The words choked in the back of his throat. Before the dragon could answer, he felt Gaius's hand smooth through his hair before resting on his shoulder. He did his best not to jerk away—this was Gaius—but the anxiety that crashed into him since he realized his magic was gone held onto him with an iron grip as it oozed over his shoulders.

"You are one of the bravest men I know, but even brave men have limits. If you did not, I would have to call you foolish instead. Did you finish the soup I gave you?"

"Yeah, here."

With shaking hands, he passed the bowl to Gaius who leaned forward to place it on a small side table he pulled up to the bed without comment on the remaining stew in the bowl. His mind wondered back to the hollows, the empty feeling in his veins and what it meant for his destiny. For so many years, he made sacrifices and used his magic for Arthur. Now, what did he have left? He was not a good fighter. Even with the skills, Gwaine tried to teach him on occasion, weapon skills did not come naturally to him. It would require a great deal of practice if he ever wanted to gain the skills to match the knights. Even if he could match their skills, what purpose would it serve? He could not prove to Arthur the beauty of magic with swordplay, and he could not advise the King as a traitor. Without his magic, he had nothing more to offer.

"My magic was what gave me strength, Gaius. If I can't do magic, then I am nothing."

"No, you will always be my nephew. You will always be a Dragonlord. And that is not nothing."

"They will not allow my magic to return. Even if we find a way, Arthur will not allow it."

Silence echoed back to him, and he watched as his mentor gazed deeply into the fire. The thought struck him again that the Arthur he saw was fake, a monster in his friend's skin, but the reality started to sink in. He could not accept Gaius without accepting the others. Even if his mind worked slow to catch up with the logic, he started to feel the pain in his heart as he realized the truth. Images of the darkness and fire remained imprinted on the back of his closed lids everytime he blinked and a raw panic started to creep back up his throat in the silence.

"Gaius, I can't live without my magic. Please, I can't. And what if it starts to come back and Arthur notices? I can't do that again, Gaius! I…I…that was—is—the most painful thing I have ever felt, and it's still here! It hasn't left! You heard him. He only granted me pardon because he thinks I will never have magic again, but we have to find a way. You're going to help me right? Please, you hav—"

"Yes, my boy. Of course, I will help you. I'm going to help you, Merlin."

"And the trial, I have to give an account of my actions. Gaius, what trial ever goes well for magic users? I can't…I can't even hardly think straight and everything is just so so wrong how can I—he is going to kick me out of Camelot anyway or whatever this place is, I don't know. Probably after he finds some other way to make sure I can never touch my magic for good, and I can't. I won't. I need it back. I was wrong about Arthur. I was wrong. He is not the king of the prophecy, and even if he is, I'm terrified of him! Even if that creature or Gwen or whoever that is who gave me their so-called protection, she is only the queen. The Queen's word means nothing if the king does not back her ruling, and if it all comes down to it she will not fight him because that would be seen as treason. But oh gods, Gaius, what if he finds something worse? What if they find something worse in the vault and I never wake up? What if they trap me in this empty state forever? Camelot will be doomed. We all will already be doomed. The city will fall to Morgana. There is no stopping her now. I have no way to fight her and even if I did he will just find a way to take it awa—"

"We don't have to stay here Merlin," Gaius whispered across his ward's panicked ramblings, effectively stopping them.

"I…I…"

"Merlin, we can leave. You don't have to wait for Arthur's decision. We need to restore your magic, and you are right. We do not know if he will accept you, and I fear what will happen to you if he does not. I sent the Queen with a letter to an associate of mine—don't worry. She does not know why—but we could leave within the hour. I have a safe haven ready for us. There we can find a way to restore your magic, and you could return if you wish. "

As he spoke the words a certain amount of dread accompanied them, for he knew he was working against destiny in saying them. Merlin's place was by Arthur's side to protect and guild the King. It was written in legends and stories long before their birth, so he knew how important Merlin was to Camelot's protection. Gaius had stood by during the purge and watched many people he loved perished, but he also knew when it was time to smuggle them out of the city if he could. Merlin's fate was not one he was unfamiliar with. Uther had never known the methods to rob a sorcerer of power, but he was not above torture. Merlin's fate reminded him so much of those he lost in the past, but this was so much worse. Merlin was like a son to him, and all his instincts inside him screamed at him to take his boy and run.

But, he heard the warning Merlin gave Arthur. He had yet to ask him about it, but he wondered if Merlin was even aware of the prophetic vision of Camelot's ruin. He guessed only Arthur could correct the damage he had caused—which could only be done if Merlin remained in Camelot, he was sure—but his own trust in the King had run out.

He had always been selfish about his priorities. He rescued some people, and not others. Supported Uther in times when he should have condemned him with other magic users rather than serve at his side. He knew Merlin needed to stay in Camelot, needed to fulfill his destiny, but destiny be damned. This was his son.

"Oh gods, then we need to leave." Merlin cried suddenly as Gaius's words sunk in. His hands jolted to keep Merlin from immediately stumbling out of the bed. "Gaius, we need to leave, now. Those things are going to come back. We need to leave, now!"

Relief washed over Gaius instantly. He managed to push his panicked ward back into the covers although he struggled against him weakly.

"Merlin, stay there and rest. It is a long journey in your condition, and you need your strength. I will gather some of your things. Is there anything you must have brought with you?"

He shook his head.

"I prepared for this so most of what we will need is already with my associate. We need but a little from here."

He watched as Gaius started to bustle around the room, wrapping food and bundling herbs. He started to recount another story to Merlin as he worked and when his memory matched the tale it comforted him. Merlin watched him disappear into his room and listened as he bustled around the room, likely shoving his personal items into a bag. He closed his eyes, blood pounded in his ears and leaned back against Aithusa whose gaze was drawn to the door like a stone gargoyle. His thoughts were hazy, but the relief at the thought of leaving the city filled him. He thought he would feel guilty, as if he was betraying Arthur, but instead, he only felt hope.

He could not feel the hum of magic in the walls of the castle, could not feel the history and the age of the stone around him, the tingling feeling that rippled through the air or the ever-present phantom of smoke he had come to associate with Camelot.

The city was empty.

He could not imagine a life without Camelot, a life without Arthur.

But then, he could never have imagined a life without magic, yet here he was.

Empty.

* * *

Gwen left Gaius's quarters in a hurry. Although she did not usually attend the round-table meetings, Gaius was right. She needed to be there this time. She would not leave Merlin's fate to chance. She hurried to find the person Gaius spoke of, the driver he arrived with and passed him the instructions on what to do with his things and his payment. She apologized to the physician on his late payment, quoting the attack of the dragon as an acceptable reason and hurried on her way to the meeting.

She slipped into the room easily, footsteps muffled over the sound of the men shouting around the table. She kept to the shadows for a moment and folded her arms across her chest to watch the men argue with one another. Leon and Gwaine's stern faces tore into Arthur and Elyan's livid ones. Percival appeared to stand between them—apart from the others— but every now and then she watched a heated growl push from his throat. When he spoke none of the other Knights talked over him, but as soon as he stopped they all erupted into a tirade of voices, yelling and screaming.

In a way, it was heartbreaking to see the men so divided when only several days ago they would be willing to die for one another in battle. How could one man be the cause of so much disorder in the kingdom? She stepped forward to silence them when a loud knock resounded on the door and drew them into sharp silence.

"My Lord!"

A voice called through the wood door, and Arthur caught Gwen's gaze as a small beam of light fell upon her from the window. She watched as some of the anger fled his shoulders and left him tired. No smile touched her face, but a wave of tenderness washed over her for her love.

"Enter," Arthur called from his place at the table.

The door opened, and three knights walked in. From the doorway, they could make out several hooded figures behind silver armor.

"My Lord, the Druids have come as you requested. Should I send them in?"

Arthur stood up from his seat, and all the knights seemed to be holding their breath.

"Send them in."

Gwen moved to stand next to Arthur as the knights rose from their chairs to stand next to the King. Five heavily cloaked and hooded figures entered the room and walked towards the King. The two druids in front, one a man and one a woman, wore cloaks of a rich green with golden embroidered edges. The back two carried a covered circular object between them and wore robes of a rare silver color. In-between them, another silver cloaked druid followed, hunched over a covered shape clasp to her chest no larger than a wine jug. They each bowed low, and as one slowly removed the hood to their cloaks.

"King Arthur of Camelot, wielder of Excalibur, and our Once and Future King, we have come as you requested." The Druid at the center spoke to him in a deep bass, and Arthur nodded to him in greeting.

"I thank you for making the long journey. I would have my servants see to your needs and have you rest, but we have questions that need answers." He turned to one of the knights just behind the Druids who announced their presence. "Sir Benet, have one of the servants bring us food for our guests."

"Yes, Sire." Sire Benet left the room and the woman next to the green druid —Arthur guessed he might be the leader—took a step towards him.

"If I may , Sire, we would be honored to join you, but we wish to ensure the safety of our people. You promised us safe passage if we would assist you. If you would give us your word directly, it would put us at ease. My people were anxious to see the end of the enchantment and have followed us to the edge of the city in case we have need of aide. We would ask for their protection."

"Make the presence of the druids known among the knights. They are not to be harmed and have free passage in the city for the time being."

She nodded her head in thanks as one of the knights relayed the message to one of the guards on the other side of closed doors. The doors rattled into the silence once the last of the three knights left the room.

"I was under the impression, your majesty," The man next to her spoke, "that one of your men needed medical assistance." His voice was clear, almost anxious. Arthur watched the set of their eyes, their posture and realized they were all eager to leave the room. Their eyes searched the room as if looking for someone in the shadows or behind the knights.

"Before that, I need answers. You called me the Once and Future King. Why did you call me that?"

"Because that is who you are, your Majesty."

"Yes, you said that. But what does it mean?"

When the druids spoke, they spoke between the five of them as if rehearsed.

"There is a prophecy, a prophecy—"

"—that speaks of Emrys and the Once and Future King. He will be a king to unite the five kingdoms and—"

"—bring peace back to the lands after a time of great darkness."

"—Through the fire will come a golden age, and his kingdom will be known as Albion"

"Would one of you just speak and enough of this bouncing around garbage," Gwaine growled, and sent a scowl toward Arthur. " It's probably confusing the Princess enough as it is, and I've been trying to tell you that for the past hour but you just won't get it through that thick royal skull of yours, will you?" He moved dangerously close to the King and jabbed a finger at him as he spoke.

"How dare you!" Arthur fumed at Gwaine, attention drawn away from the druids to his knight.

"Hold your tongue. You will not speak to the King that way." Leon snarled, taking several steps to view Gwaine and Arthur, now against the knight he had supported just before the druids entered the room.

"I'll speak however I damn well please when Merlin is still twisting in pain in the other room and little miss petticoat here wants to lick his wounds, ask questions he damn well won't understand the answers to anyway and have a tea party instead of sending them in there to solve the sarding problem."

Arthur's nostrils flared, but he reigned his instinct to grip the knight's shirt to draw him close.

"We are not returning his magic unless we know what kind of consequence that will have for the rest of Camelot and its people."

At that, Leon snapped back to Arthur, guests forgot in the heat of the argument that had been paused heavy with emotion from the entrance of the druids but now returned full force.

"Sire, if I may speak freely? I have stood by your decisions as King but I cannot condone this sentence. If he was a dangerous sorcerer we would have him burned, but he has proved his loyalty more than many of your finest knights. Could we not take them to Merlin and seek the answers after he is well? Why prolong his suffering?"

"And then what!" Elyan's voice rose over them, almost shouting. "They somehow restore his magic and we discover—even if he might have been loyal to you before—that now you have a fully restored vengeful sorcerer able to control a dragon in the heart of Camelot with five other people of magic to boot!"

"Merlin is not dangerous." Percival uttered in a menacing tone, voice low.

"This is about Camelot, not just Merlin. Pain changes people. He could very well seek to do us harm." Elyan turned to Leon then. "Sir Leon, do not pretend that you have forgotten his threat to send the great dragon to destroy Camelot and curse the entire city."

"Merlin would never do something like that." Gwen cried into their verbal spare, forgetting herself in the heat. "He was confused! He doesn't understand where he is!"

Arthur's sharp voice cut his wife's protests. "Powerful and confused is all it would take for him to burn everything to the ground if his magic is restored and if he truly is as powerful as he says."

Gwaine's rubicund face was inches from the King's as he bellowed.

"WITHOUT IT HE IS GOING TO DIE. JUST BLOODY WELL CHOP OFF HIS HEAD AND BE DONE WITH IT IF YOU HAVE ANY HONOR AS A KING"

Screaming erupted across the hall again as each man argued with one another, guests forgotten in the heat of the moment and Arthur fought to reign control of his knights. The druids watched with detached calm. As they argued, the leader nodded to the silver-clad druids who started to walk towards the king with their parcel.

The arguing broke down as the Knights and Arthur—red-faced and furious—started to watch them carry the large covered object to stand before his feet. Two of them dropped to one knee and lifted the large circular object just above their heads as if creating a roundtable.

"What are you doing?" Arthur questioned, short-tempered and sharp. He made no apology for the knights although the anger still boiled under his blood at their blatant disregard for his authority and respect.

"I must ask for your pardon. The man injured is very dear to us." Gwen spoke about her husband's dismissal. "We have been searching for a cure for several days and nights."

"He is quite a man, to send the king and his knights into disorder."

Arthur clenched his teeth but did not argue.

"You sent for our help to remove an enchantment, and we have come. Answers you have asked for, and answers we can give you."

Arthur's eyes narrowed, taking in the man before him almost dangerously as he eyed the covered object and the druids.

"May I present to you, the Mirror of Shallot."

At that moment, the large cloth was pulled from the object and uncovered a large silver bowl. Deep engravings decorated the rim, and the bottom was lined with the shards of a broken mirror. At the same time, the silver-clad woman uncovered the object held against her breasts to reveal a glass pitcher filled with sparkling water. She held it in front of her so that the King may view it better.

"That name means nothing to me. That's a bowl and a pitcher."

The man smiled, for despite his claim, Arthur felt drawn to the water. When the druids stood to surround the bowl, Arthur followed with his knights and his wife close behind.

"Tell me, Sire. What do you know of magic?"

He controlled his flinch at the words and felt his hand grip the cold metal of his sword.

"What does magic have to do with this?"

"Everything, Sire. Everything."

Before he could retort, each of the silver-clad druids started to speak as if with one voice. One of them stooped low to slowly pour the crystal waters into the mirrored bowl.

"Come, oh come to the waters of Avalon. Where magic flows and life lies eternal."

The water sloshed into the bottom of the bowl, and he gazed at it mesmerized. He could feel the eyes of all the druids locked onto him but did not look up from his reflection in the rippling waters.

"Draw near to see clear in the Mirror of Shallot, for its reflection will be a progression to the questions you seek."

He could hear his knights muttering angrily in the background, but as if caught in a spell they sounded muddled to him.

"Hither here, speak loud and hear the ripples of the past. Where magic grows and hatred sowed the seeds of destruction."

Over the chant of the druids, he started to hear a new call, a new voice. He could hear his name whispered from many voices as a single chorus over and over again coming from the waters. It drew him closer as he hovered above the Mirror of Shallot.

"Come, oh come to the waters of Avalon. Come right the wrongs that you have done, to renew the course of destiny."

He felt one of the Knights move to grip his arm but he slipped from their fingers like water and stepped closer to the bowl. He could hear his name, louder and more insistent above the voices of the druids.

"Draw near, see clear in the Mirror of Shallot, for he is Magic, and Magic is him. Without it, Albion is lost and all will fall into darkness."

He could hear Merlin's voice swirling with their words, echoing what his manservant proclaimed only hours ago.

"Mark his words King Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, our Once and Future King.

At the edge of the bowl, he took one final step to gaze more directly into the mirror, head bowed to look more closely at the shards of mirror.

"Mark the words of Emrys or all will fall to ruin and madness. "

He felt a cold icy force push him forward, and his face plunged into the crystal waters. Images spiraled around him, none of them came into focus but he felt as if he viewed the world through waters, looking up at the sky from underwater until images of Camelot swirled into focus.

He recognized the city, but instead of Pendragon red – deep purple banners flowed from the poles of the tower with a rich golden tree stretching to the clouds in the center. He looked closer, and with a start realized the citadel was different. In fact, the entire city was different. The surrounding buildings were few in number and the lower towns were hardly anything but tents and makeshift twig houses. The Citadel, almost half its normal size, was surrounded by contraptions and wooden levies. A bustle of activity burst through the air as a large stone set into place for the wall of the citadel being built for the first time.

Despite the unfinished state of the city, it sparkled in the sunlight with a new glow he had never seen before. It leaked from even the poorest of houses and settled into the stone. Peasants bustled through the dirty street, and he watched several lines of clothing fly from the windows of a house to drape across the street.

Magic!

He reached for his sword, but nothing happened. It was as if he was caught in a vision with no body to control, no other consciousness than his senses to take in the scene around him. He looked to the citadel and realized the workers he saw earlier, five huddled together, held their arms out in concentration to a large floating marble stone that started to rise far above their heads to create part of a long tower in the citadel.

He choked back the shock and his vision blurred until he was standing in the center of the street. The people moved through his awareness, and he watched them barter and shop. A farmer shouted from a cart in the corner about carrots and other vegetables. A woman selling fabrics entranced a few young women into buying ribbons. From a steaming pot in the corner, he watched a young man sell hot soup to several knights in armor next to an old woman who placed her hands on one of their exposed arms and muttered under her breath. He watched helplessly as her eyes glowed golden, and the man hissed in pain. He looked around, searching for someone, anyone to jump in to help but no one even turned their head.

Until someone did.

"Ey Gerald, don't be such a girl."

He hit the man lightly and Arthur's eyes nearly feel out of his head as he watched the woman performed another spell, the man still smiling. Gerald shook his arm out and smiled at the woman.

"Thanks, Melissa. Your spells really are the best for bruises."

Her face lite up with a smile and the world swirled around him again right as he saw Gerald pass her several copper coins.

He was in the main hall of the citadel now. He could see men and sorcerers alike, swirling purple banners and hanging large candle-filled chandeliers from the tall ceiling.

"Make way! Make way for the King and Queen of Camelot!" A deep baritone bellowed from the back of the hall.

In a flurry of red robes and golden rimmed gems, a brown bearded man with a woman of coal black hair strutted in the room. Arthur recognized them and his mouth fell open in shock. They were the founders of Camelot. Instead of the concealed stoic face of royalty, each noble held a smile brighter than the sun's rays as they swept through the room to their throne. Servants, sorcerers, and knights all bowed low and deep as they passed. If there was one unsmiling face in the room he could not find it. Nobles, ladies in waiting, and members of the court filed out to meet them, and the King and Queen greeted them with a raise of their joined hands.

"No more working! Stop the Servants! Stop the workers! If it isn't ready by now it might as well never be!"

"HA! You mean everyone except the magic users?" A young voice called over the voice of the king, who laughed merrily.

"You're a worker, aren't you? Even you little Adien, I said everyone! Everyone but the end guard but don't worry, my knights. We will rotate you out so you will not miss the entire celebration!"

Cheers resounded through the hall as the people came together and set their work aside under the gleaming chandeliers above. He watched the King spread his arms and nearly fainted when he spoke several words in the sorcerer's tongue. His eyes glowed gold, and golden sparks rained down from the citadel like fireflies.

"Let the festival begin!"

The colors swirled around him and he found himself amidst the center of excitement in the city streets. Colorful creatures of sparkling magic whizzed up ahead and tables lined the streets filled with loaves of bread, cheeses, dried fruits, roasted boars and deer. Everyone came forward to share in the feast. He watched small children, no older than two, chase after golden butterflies created from the flute of a minstrel. And everywhere, in every corner of the city, there was dancing and merriment. Although he saw the flash of gold many times, he could find no one who was in pain or with malicious intent. When the people started to sing joyfully up to the night air the scene swirled around him again until he was looking at Camelot with the familiar Pendragon flag flowing from the citadel.

He watched the people bustle in and out of their homes and almost cursed what he was seeing as yet again a line of laundry flew out an upper window to drap across the street with magic. The scene swirled around him and he watched his father –no older than twenty – surrounded with his fellow Knights fighting warriors from the south. The battle ragged, each man matched with a fight. He watched as the knights and warriors fought, some using magic, some using only a sword but both sides using whatever tactics to win. As the last warrior fell, a man next to his father muttered a final spell to drive a knife through their enemy's heart. His father turned to embrace the man with a smile, and the knights swung on their horses to travel back to Camelot laughing and howling from the rush of victory.

And then he was in his mother's bedchambers with her golden curtains pulled back to tie around the carved wooden posts of her bed to allow the healers to draw near her. He could hear her screams from the bed and watched as the servants rushed in and out of the room. Gaius leaned over her with another woman –was it Alice?—muttering assurances to her and whispering spells, their eyes flashing gold. His father paced back and forth at the end of the bed and stopped to glance at her every now and then, unconcerned with the use of magic. Several women lined the stone wall wringing their hands nervously.

He watched as his mother passed and he entered screaming into the world as all of Camelot mourned the loss of the Queen and celebrated the birth of its heir. He watched as his father held him for the first time, beheld his dead wife, cold and lifeless and transformed into a monster of grief. His vision swirled, and he saw Uther speak with Nimueh, their argument and watched his father cast her out while condemning magic.

The images swirled around him and then there was fire raging through the city like a wild beast. For a moment, he thought he was seeing the dragon fire raining on the city, but then he could see the knights of Camelot emerge from the flames and set fire to another building. He watched as they barred people inside with wood and metal. He could hear the screaming, see the twisting of the arms and the flash of golden eyes as they tried to escape, and watched as the knights spun from the scene to rampage the rest of the lower town. He watched as his people scattered through the town, shrieking with fear at the sound of hooves from their own knights.

The images swirled around him again, but this time again and again in bursts of colors and lights making him nauseated until he was looking at the small dirt-floored hut he vaguely recognized. He watched as a woman—Hunith— cried and screamed with the pains of labor, but she was alone without so much of a flickering fire in the fireplace for company. She gave one final cry before the baby tumbled from her womb. When the babe's cry broke through the empty night air, every candle in the house burst into flames and the fire in the hearth roared to life. His vision traveled closer to the child and it looked as if the babe's golden eyes caught his gaze to watch as the vision drew him closer to the bed. Arthur watched as Hunith struggled to cradle the child into her arms until she could stare into his bright golden eyes for the first time. Tears started to fall from her eyes as she clenched the crying child up to her breasts.

"Oh." She gasped deep shuddering breaths.

"Hello, Merlin." She whispered as she pulled back to gaze into his eyes. His hands reached up to grasp her face and his crying settled when he caught the eyes of his mother. A large smile filled the infant's face and Arthur watched as his golden eyes faded to a bright, familiar blue.

Suddenly, he was in his own body again as if thrown back with great force. He stumbled back into something hard and cold. He looked up from his place on the floor and heard the clashing of swords around him as his knights pulled their blades to surround the druids. Ignoring the chaos of weapons though he was in the midst, the leader dropped down to lean on his heels and look the King in the eye.

"Tell me, Your Majesty. What is it you saw?"


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Hope everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving had a good holiday! This update was a little delayed as I do the majority of the cooking/preparing, but I tried to get it posted as soon as possible. Special thanks to all the guest reviewers!

 _Warnings: none_

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

As Aithusa crashed through his bedroom window, he marveled that the simple command to meet him in the woods and leave his side marked one of the hardest things he ever commanded or asked because he could not command the dragon, to do. The moment Aithusa left, he felt all vertigo slam into him as he struggled to orient himself in the empty room. Gaius slung an arm around him, and he struggled with one step after the other as they snuck down stone corridors to the carriage waiting for them.

His driver, James, a muscular man with a thick brown beard met them at the door and helped to usher them into a compartment at the end of the carriage underneath the velvet seats of the carriage to hide them. The space was cramped. Their two bodies pushed into one another, but Gaius held Merlin to him and pulled the thick fur and wool blankets tight around them to keep them warm as the hidden door clicked shut at their feet. They heard James arrange their belongings along with several other parcels he collected in the seat above them and listened as his feet crunched the ice to return to the front of the carriage. They listened as he fixed the reigns and the clicking of hooves started as the carriage traveled from the citadel to the castle gate.

Merlin let out a soft whimper at the movement and clung tightly to an arm Gaius had wrapped around him. Gaius toyed with the idea of slipping him the sleeping tonic, but if they were caught, they both needed to be able to run until they could hide and possibly conceal themselves with magic. A surge of regret and longing filled him. After all these years of surviving the purge, in the end, he was running from the city after all.

He snaked a hand over Merlin's mouth as the carriage came to a stop to quiet his light whimpers. He could hear the castle guards speaking to James and both of them held their breath as the knight opened the door to the carriage. They heard him rustle with their belongings and then both men froze as the knight made a noise of realization and the small door to their compartment was thrust open to reveal the face of Sir Charles staring down on them with wide eyes. His eyes flickered from Gaius to Merlin pressed against him, wide blue eyes, shaking his head.

"All clear."

He called to the Knights over his shoulder. He gave the smallest of bows to Merlin before closing the door. They heard him rustle through their things one more time before he shut the door and the carriage started down the road, ice cracking under the weight of the wheels.

* * *

"Tell me, Your Majesty. What is it you saw?"

"Lower your weapons."

Arthur barked to the Knights as soon as he got his bearings and recovered from the feeling that time moved too quickly around him.

"Now," he commanded when they hesitated to comply.

Tentatively they lowered their weapons but did not put them in their holsters. His hand raised to pull back his hair, and he was surprised to find his face completely dry. A raging headache attacked the front of his mind, and he gazed just past the druids to the window and the lands beyond the glass. More questions than before whirled in his thoughts, but he held fast to the images of the magic sparkling through the streets and flashing from the eyes of the ancient King. Most of all, he could still see the people screaming behind nailed doors and windows, smoke streaming from their hair and clothes as they burned.

"What was that?"

Even as he spoke the words, he knew. Just as he understood the magic from the dragon, he knew the mirror as if it had always been in the castle in his possession, almost as if he had created it.

"You looked into the Mirror of Shallot, and saw through the reflection to the answers you sought."

"You enchanted me."

He echoed out of habit, grasping at the ends of his childhood with a hollow denial.

"No. You wielded the power of the Mirror to seek answers. It was your own desire and love of Camelot that drew forth the magic where it would normally lay dormant. You felt it just before you broke the water, the invitation. You alone choose to answer the call."

His lips pressed into a fine line. Gwaine broke through the druids to help him to his feet, and he accepted the Knight's hand without hesitation. He turned to Gwaine, and really looked at the knight, the harsh set of his face and his disheveled brown hair.

"What the hell did they do to you?" Gwaine growled.

Concern radiated from every line in his face and a wave of understanding crashed into him. Not even an hour ago they had been screaming nose to nose ready to tear each other apart, but now in the face of a potential threat, the argument was pushed to the side, trivial in the face of danger when action was needed more than answers.

He had a lot of questions from the vision he saw, but he knew of only one person he wanted to share them with. _Damn it._ He thought. He wanted to hear the truth from his mouth, from Merlin. His battered body flashed in his mind again, and he looked to the knights who stood around him.

In the heat of their verbal battle, the fire had stirred his thoughts, driving each man to mania as they had uttered threats, insults and worries which would never have crossed their lips if they had not been at odds with one another. There had been times, other situations when their personalities clashed, but then Merlin or even Lancelot back when he was still alive would effectively smooth over any issue. The servant always knew how to curb his temper.

He covered his mouth with his palm, utterly embarrassed with how far his knights had reached towards fighting each other with more than words. The unfamiliar feeling sparked irritation but he shoved it down and tried to imagine what Merlin would say—something about how much of a prat he was being or perhaps make up some new ridiculous word—and his shoulders sagged. He used his left hand to grip Gwaine's shoulder for understanding, perhaps for forgiveness too and nodded to the knight.

"I'm not harmed…perhaps only my pride."

Because that sounded like something Merlin would say too.

"Will you be able to remove the enchantment?" Arthur asked as he turned to look at the druids. Uncertainty flickered across their faces before it vanished. Gwen stepped forward.

"It is different from the one we wrote to you about." She looked to Arthur as if asking his permission and he nodded. "This one is more like a curse."

"We cannot say for certain if we may be of assistance. May we see him?"

"May we talk on the way to his rooms?" One of them asked eagerly. The Knights shared wary looks, but the king motioned them forwards. Gwen fell into step next to them.

"May I ask what your names are?" She asked and Arthur could have slapped himself. He had not even bothered to find out the names of the people he called for help. He groaned internally, berating himself once more.

"I am Mirna and this is my husband, Fearghus. We are healers among our people, and behind us are Kynthelig, Weylyn, and Evelyn. They became the keeper of the mirror after its lady passed through the veil."

"So you are not the leader of your people?" Arthur asked in surprise.

"No." She said with a small smile. "He stayed with our people. He would have come, but a matter of great importance kept him away."

"You said his condition is not the strange enchantment you spoke of in the letter but something different?" Fearghus asked.

"Our counselor on magic was gone, so we foolishly believed our friend to be enchanted. Our physician now tells us that he is a warlock and that the potion we gave him cut him from his magic somehow. Does the box of Amilie mean anything to you?"

"We know it by a different name. " Mirna replied darkly.

Gwen nodded and continued to give a brief explanation. "Our knights believed it would remove the enchantment from him, remove all trace of magic. We convinced him to take the vial in exchange for a hearing on his use of magic in Camelot. Gaius will be able to explain everything to you better I am sure."

As they crossed through the empty doorway, the knights fanned into the room. The first thing they noticed was the chill in the air from the empty fireplace. Gwen froze as she looked in the room with its empty bed and open cabinets.

"Gaius?" She called hesitantly. The Knights moved past her to keep her from entering further into the room. Elyan and Percival stayed with her while the others started searching the room.

"Merlin?" Gwaine bellowed as he slammed open the small room in the back and disappeared.

"Whats going on?" Arthur demanded as he pushed through the druids into the room. He looked from the empty bed and then the open cupboards.

"They are gone, Sire! Could someone have taken them?" Elyan asked, turning to Arthur.

"Look at this! The whole window is busted!" Gwaine called. Leon looked up from his stooped position searching by the cupboards for clues and rushed to the back room.

"Sire, whatever happened the dragon must have left through the back window. It looks identical to the ones broken in the lower town."

Arthur took a few steps to join them when Gwen caught his arm as a dawning understanding reached her. He looked at her, a question in his eyes, and turned to Percival.

"Percival, ask the night guard if they noticed anything off and report to back to us."

"Yes, Sire." He bowed and left the room. The others filed back into the main room to wait. The druids hung their heads low in the background with folded arms near the empty fireplace.

Gwen gripped Arthur's sleeve tighter, and he stepped to face her.

"Gaius was so eager to have me leave. He almost begged me to leave and deliver that letter to his driver even though I wanted to stay to help him with Merlin. Arthur, what if he was so eager to have me leave so that he could take Merlin out of the city? No one would have kidnapped him with that dragon. The whole place would be burned down. He had to leave willingly."

A sense of dread swirled in Arthur's gut, but it made sense.

"This must be why Iseldir refused to come with us…" Evelyn, one of the mirror's keepers, murmured.

Arthur and Gwen whirled to face her.

"What?"

"I'm sorry it's just that…if he has left Camelot, Iseldir must have known. That must be why he did not come to the heart of Camelot, to meet with him."

"And why would he go to such lengths just to meet with my servant?"

Silence accompanied his question, and Evelyn pressed her lips together into a thin line. The headache Arthur had during the roundtable meeting started to return at the front of his skull, pounding.

"Because he is not just a servant, is he Sire?" Fearghus asked, his deep baritone echoing on the stone walls.

"We are willing to wait here until he returns, in case we may be of assistance." Mirna offered with a slight bow of her head.

He looked around at his knights and noticed each one avoided his gaze, glancing to the corner of the room or an empty cup by the bed. He started to feel a numbness taking over his mind. How long had he been talking—arguing—with his men while Merlin and Gaius fled from the city? He had heard of people taking refuge in neighboring cities and running from Camelot during the purge but not in his time as King. Even Gwen who had betrayed him stayed to receive her sentence of banishment. The thought of them running from Camelot never crossed his mind. Yet another thing he never thought possible, and it all started to make him feel sick. He wanted to create a city where people no longer lived in fear, and the desire started to overpower his other thoughts and emotions. Clearly, his work was not over yet.

"Perhaps, we should let them go, Sire?" Elyan asked first. None of the other knights countered him, but Arthur stopped himself from uttering the screaming 'no' that resounded in his mind.

"What?" Gwen spat and matched his abhorrence for the idea. She looked from one Knight to the other in disbelief. "He is hurt! He cannot be out in this weather! This is one of the worst stretches of winter we have seen. You must go after him."

"Gwen," her brother said hesitantly. "If Gaius left, do you really think he left without a plan? Maybe, it will be safer for Merlin wherever he is going. And I doubt he was able to force Merlin to go anywhere with that dragon hanging over his shoulder like that ready to kill anyone who made a wrong move. They must have chosen to leave Camelot together."

"But Arthur, he left believing that we did that to him on purpose!"

"Didn't we, though?" Gwaine asked, his voice heavy with guilt. "Maybe we don't have a right to go after him if he wants to leave." He looked at the empty fireplace as he spoke and imagined the sparking fire critters Merlin created on perhaps one of the only nights he really focused on his friend. Gwen looked from one man to the other, bemused and angry.

"Well fine then! You all stay here, and look after the city then." She threw her hands up in finality and Arthur just managed to catch her wrist before she stormed from the room.

"Gwen, what are you going to do?"

"Unhand me!"

"The driver who arrived with Gaius is gone, Sire. They left at the start of the day. He must have left in that wagon." Percival blurted out as he rushed into the room. He took in the stance of the knights, slouched as if defeated and the King holding his Queen in an iron grip. "What did I miss?"

"Let go of me, Arthur." She said with a low warning.

"Not unless you tell me what you are planning."

"I'm going after my friend! If not one of you men can swallow your pride, shoulder some humility and go find him then I will."

A challenge sparked beneath her eyes and he felt transported back to the moment in Ealdor when Gwen and Morgana taught the woman to fight behind his back. He could see the same fire in her eyes, clear and unclouded from the doubt of magic or Camelot's safety. Her trust in Merlin, even injured and wounded, was complete.

"No."

"Arthur, I will no—

"Look after the city while I am gone then. I promise I will bring him home."

She tried to take a step back as if to see him better, and he could tell she did not trust his motives just yet.

"Only if he decides to return willingly. I was going to speak with him, not force him bound and gagged back to the city."

"How could you even suggest that—"

"Because I just don't know what you think right now Arthur. Make your words match for actions for once where Merlin is concerned. You are always making threats to banish him or string sorcerers up to burn for Camelot. If you're not going to do either of those then just stop. I know you don't agree with either, so promise me when he comes back that you will do everything within your power to make this right."

A heavy silence descended on them, but he chose not to answer her. Instead, he gripped her shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze.

"I will bring him back." He whispered to her, but she avoided looking at him.

"That isn't good enough. You know what he needs."

"Talk to the druids about what happened more and see if they can do anything for him when we return. I will do everything I can, and when all this is over I planned to give him Lord Alexander's lands on his passing. A more fitting place for the King's advisor, wouldn't you agree?" She nodded and gave him a quick feather kiss on his check. But, she could not find it in herself to smile at him as worry weighed heavily in her chest.

Arthur motioned his Knights out the door, and they all followed him reluctantly.

* * *

Before they stepped out of the cramped space in the carriage, Merlin kicked off his shoes and ripped the heavy, wool socks covering his feet with his toes. Gaius scolded him, his breath coming out in wisps of vapor in the twilight air but could do little to prevent him from his position behind Merlin in the carriage.

Merlin's tender feet hit the soft cold snow, and he shivered from the sensation it sent shocking up his legs. He shuffled to the side of the cold stone ravine they planned to use for a campsite that night, huddled down against the rock and reveled in the sensation of the biting cold in his feet. He heard a small cry and watched slightly amused as Aithusa crashed into the snow in front of him with a squawk.

He smiled at his friend, who gave him a look—move now—and he shuffled away from the stone so Aithusa could blow fire, warm the cold rocks and boil the surrounding snow to vapor. Satisfied with his work, Aithusa bounded over the snow and curled up against the warm rocks. Merlin shuffled over, wincing as the heat burned his icy feet and curled up next to Aithusa, partially hidden under his wing. The rise and fall of Aithusa's chest made him feel drowsy as he listened to the quiet sounds of Gaius and James setting up camp.

The camp was simple, laid out so they could leave at any moment's notice. The rocky cliff offered protection from the snow and wind which whipped through their clothing in the clearing. The faint smell of stew wafted towards him and the heavy smell of smoke as the fire cracked the waterlogged birch and pine.

"Did you get something to eat before you rejoined us?"

Aithusa made a grunting noise that he understood to be an affirmation.

"Good."

He murmured, picking at some of the dirt stuck in the dragon's talons. The small grains of dirt stuck in the scales fell to the ground and bounced off the stone. He heard a crack in the ice to the side and turned his head to see a shape of a hooded man coming towards him. Gaius intercepted him, and he watched them speak in low voices near the fire. His mentor seemed to relent and stooped over the fire, looking distorted in the night air before he straightened and walked close enough that Merlin could make out the small hairs of his eyebrows.

He reached out his hands for the bowl of stew Gaius carried and although he could get no pleasure from the taste, he reveled in the warmth it sent flooding through his body as it trailed down his throat. When Gaius spoke to him, he started to slip new woolen socks over Merlin's bare feet and cover them with his boots. He should have been embarrassed, but the dull pain still throbbing through his body made it hard to feel or think much of anything sometimes.

"Merlin, a druid named Iseldir is here and requested to speak to you. He said you would know him and that he might be able to help you."

His eyes darted back to the hooded figure by the fire speaking to James, and he wondered if the man was attempting to speak to him already. Had he called to him and then only draw near to the camp when he realized Merlin could not answer?

"He might be able to help you. I do not have anywhere near the druid's knowledge of healing magic. I have told him what happened, so you do not have to tell him anything more specific. I am going to tell him it is okay to come near you."

He glanced back at the figure and nodded slightly. Aithusa yawned but perked up behind him to rest more alert and ready to strike. Gaius gave his shoulder a light squeeze and beckoned the man over. He stayed near the pair, just out of arms reach. Although his lack of signature bothered him, it still gave him comfort that his mentor did not leave him with the druid. Iseldir might have helped him in the past, but he felt that there must be an ulterior motive for his visit and it made him uneasy.

The trip into the woods helped ground him a little back in the present. It hurt, but he could start to accept his condition more as he saw birds and deer rustle through the snow, empty and lifeless, but moving as if alive. He watched a bird chirp from the tree above the carriage instead of watching Iseldir approach him and wondered at how different it sounded without his magic flooding through him as if even the noises were muffled. Aithusa's throat rumbled with a low growl, and he turned to the dragon.

"Shhh"

One of his hand sprung up to stroke the side of the Aithusa's face. He let his hand trail down to rest at the start of the wings. The low growls stopped but the tension stayed. He frowned and nodded to the druid.

"He will not harm you. What is it you need?"

He could not sense it, but he recognized the admiration in the man's eyes before worry settled in them. He hoped he sounded composed.

"You are very sick, Emrys. I have come to offer whatever help I can."

"How did you know I would be here?" Merlin asked, startled.

"One of our seers had a vision of you leaving Camelot so we knew that you would not be in the city. But it was King Arthur who asked for our assistance and alerted us that you need aide."

He furrowed his brows. He held a small doubt that the man was not being completely honest but could not think of a reason. So, he leaned forward, eager at the possibility of healing. He hardly recognized Iseldir, but somehow it was easier to accept him as real than it had been to accept the knights and the King and Queen.

Iseldir knelt down on one knee before him and lowered his hood.

"I will do whatever I am able to help you. May I have your hand?"

He hesitated before placing in into Iseldir's outstretched waiting one. He flinched at the contact, but the druid ignored it and closed his eyes, holding Merlin's hand firmly in his own. He muttered a few words in the old religion and Merlin saw gold fluttering through his lashes before fading. A frown flickered across Iseldir's face, and he shuffled on two knees to draw closer to him. Merlin allowed him to place both hands on his temples and watched the man's eyes roll rapidly behind closed lids.

He listened to the words and was surprised to realize he recognized the spell from his learning. His vision trailed to watch Gaius from over the man's shoulders who rubbed his arms to warm them. He wanted to tell him to go back to the fire, that he would be okay but did not want to break the druid's concentration. The flash of gold occurred frequently and the muttering of words became more insistent. He watched a few birds fly past them overhead and worked hard to keep his mind blank. One of them settled on a branch nearby, and he watched as it chased several birds away from its perch. When he looked back to Gaius, he was sitting on a stone nearby watching them and waiting.

Although it was cold, he could make out a sheer layer of sweat start to form on the druid whose breathing started to become labored as time passed. He jerked back away from the druid's touch whose eyes flickered open in surprise.

"Emrys! I was about to—"

"You have been trying to find my magic for the past few hours, Iseldir, and were no more near finding it than you were an hour ago." He sighed. At least even without his magic, he still knew so much about it after his studies. It was a small victory, but he held onto it. "You will harm yourself if you continue, and I don't want that. Your magic is strong, but perhaps the curse is stronger for now."

He watched a rosy sheen cover the man's face, but he nodded and sat down in the snow. He looked younger to him somehow without the magic humming around him, as if the earth no longer recognized him—although he knew it did. A Flash of pain traveled through his body, and he hissed.

"I am sorry." The druid breathed out. A cloud of vapor rose from his lips, and he shivered in the cold. Merlin glanced away from him to the moon. Thoughts of Arthur and the knights flooded into his mind, all the times he protected them and what danger they would be faced with now without him, the hopelessness of Albion ever coming to be even with the help he received over the years.

"So am I."

He felt a single tear roll down his check but could not muster the energy to whip it away. The emptiness was becoming easier to manage, but that made him feel worse.

He did not want to get use to feeling empty.

He wanted to get better.

He felt Aithusa's tongue brush across his face and twitched. The crunch of the snow drew his attention from the stars. Iseldir stood up abruptly, nearly slipping on the ice, and he noticed many hooded figures drawing near the camp. He struggled to stand up, and Gaius rushed to his side with an arm outstretched in front of them as if to protect him as he once had at the battle in Camelot. The gesture warmed his heart.

Four figures approached them, but Iseldir halted their path. Yet, he could not stop the people, twenty then maybe even a hundred coming out from the darkness bearing all kinds of baskets. Some held children bundled in furs and others had small dogs at their heels. He shivered the most at the sight of the children, those who used to be filled with the most life of all who now were hollow and twisted.

"I told you not to come. You will upset him further."

He heard Iseldir scold the four unhooded figured standing around him.

"What of Emrys? Have you received his answer?"

"I received his permission to heal. I will ask for nothing more, as should you."

"You must. We never ask him for much and have waited patiently for years. He must hear us."

So there it was, he thought, the ulterior motive. He took several steps away from Aithusa and Gaius and ignored the blood that started to trail from his eyes and down the side of his neck. He should whip it away, but what would be the use?

"What is it you were meant to ask me, Iseldir?"

They turned towards him, and all at once the druids came forward. He heard murmurs break out amongst the hollow people. Cries and wails echoes from the crowd.

"My Lord! Your eyes!" One of them called, but the five druid leaders stopped the people from coming closer.

"I only wish for your healing, Emrys." But he sounded tired when he spoke. One of the other druids took a step towards him and he tried to pretend his feet were two trees rooted to the ground as the unfamiliar hollow drew near.

"We will offer whatever help we can to heal you, but please, do not abandon your people." His light tenor voice was pleading, but respectful. As he spoke he dropped at the knee to a deep bow. Merlin's eyes snapped back to the people surrounding him to the tree-line who dropped to a kneeling bow from those closest and rippling back till they faded into darkness. Hot embarrassment flushed to his checks at the sight, and he clenched his fists to keep them from trembling as mothers and fathers looked up from their bow to look at him with hopeful faces.

One of the leading druids, a fair-skinned woman with fiery red hair and freckles stretched her hands to him in supplication.

"You are our hope, our hope that our children will one day live in peace and no longer know fear."

He found himself shaking his head and stepping back away from them. They were asking him to return to Camelot. The Druid leaders sprung to their feet and held out their arms as if to calm him, but did not move towards him.

"I can do nothing for you without my magic, nothing."

One of the men, old and wizened perhaps by almost a full hundred cycles stepped towards him with difficult hunched steps.

"You are Emrys, my Lord, not just for your magic but because of your heart, your wit, your empathy, your wisdom and your soul. You are Magic, but that is not all that you are."

Ignoring the wish of the elders, several people started to come forward from their kneel to approach him with filled basket and bundles. The leaders held out their arms as if to stop them, but the people started to make a line to approach him anyway. The first two held a basket filled with wine and dried meats and fruits decorated with sprigs of holly and ribbons. They bowed before him and placed it at his feet. His eyes stretched open in shock, as they looked to him with tear-filled, adoring eyes.

"No matter what the elders say, we will patiently await your return if you choose to leave Camelot. Our prayers are with you, my lord."

They shuffled to the side as another woman stepped forward caring a blue bundle which she unraveled as she stepped towards him.

"This cloak was made from our finest material and many of our people worked hard to make it. We have taken care to spell it for protection and good fortune. We have longed for an opportunity to gift you with it. Please accept it."

She held the deep blue cloak out to him with a black fur trimmed collar. Small golden stars lined the edges of the cloak and around the rim of the hood. Although his body screamed to step away from her, he allowed her to fasten the rich, thick cloak around his shoulders to cloth him in warmth. She smiled at him and bowed low.

"Thank you. It suits you well, my lord."

Several more men and women came up to him bearing baskets filled with jugs of wine and mead, smoked meats and vegetables, rich furs and heavy blankets. He could hear the elders try to stop the people but they kept coming forward, to touch his hand, leave him offerings and to whip the blood from his eyes with tender, loving touches and offer their services to help the elders restore his magic. Not only druids came, but people of Camelot that he recognized and people—magic users—who traveled just to be near Camelot for when the time of Albion began, waiting for him to usher in the age of peace. Through each person and each touch, he could feel their faith in him—hollow though they may feel—he could see their hope and trust. He always felt the heaviness of his destiny, but even without his magic, surrounded by the love of so many people, he started to realize why he should have been fighting for the return of magic.

He made so many sacrifices for Arthur, to help him become King and for the hope that one day he could bare his soul to his king and be accepted for everything. He did so much in the past just for his King. Maybe it was because they were here now, maybe because he had always been alone in the past, but he looked to the people and saw a bigger reason than Arthur to keep fighting for Albion, a bigger reason for his destiny, not just to serve Arthur, but to serve the people, his people.

A group of children cut through the crowd, two boys in thick brown cloaks and a girl in tan. They raced up to clench his pant legs giggling as they threw their arms around him.

"Emrys!"

They cried in excitement. Out of all the people, they hurt him the most with their emptiness, but he swallowed it and dropped his knees to look into their faces. He tried to imagine the old life he would have felt if his magic returned to him and then tried to forget the feeling altogether. Several other children broke away from their parents to surround him and he reached out a hand to touch the rosy check of the child closest to him as her curly ringlets rustled in the wind.

"Emrys, look what I can do," one of the boys cried. He muttered words of the old religion several times and started to become frustrated before Merlin placed a hand on his shoulders to gain his attention.

"Your voice is quivering. Say the words slower. You have nothing to fear. The earth will answer you."

The boy beamed at him before he spoke the words slowly and clearly. A small flame burst to life in his hands, and he held it up proudly to Merlin in delight.

"It's beautiful. "

And even though their hollow forms scared him and a small jealousy flashed through him at the child's magic, he smiled warmly and sincerely. The child swelled with pride, but before the children could start showing him all the spells they knew, their parents came to usher them away. Some of the children threw themselves into his arms at their parent's insistence and kissed his check. They giggled as they hurried to grasp their parent's hands who bowed to him before shuffling them back to the crowd. Before more people could approach him, the elders intercepted them to surround Merlin.

"There will be a time to pay homage to Emrys. For now, please allow us to attend to his needs and administer healing."

Merlin winced at the wording, but somehow it did not bother him as much as he thought it would. Perhaps, if he was well, he might have scolded them for speaking of him so reverently, but he was in pain. If someone wanted to shower him with kindness, it helped distract him from his own misery. He focused on their happy, joyful faces as if being allowed to give him gifts of bread or pelts of fur filled their hearts with warmth to ward off the chill of the season till spring and let some of their happiness become his own.

The people bowed respectfully to their leaders, and Merlin watched as they started to set up their camp around the small one Gaius and James created.

"The Knights will not bother us, so you need not worry about evading them as long as we build our camp around you. We have been offered protection by the King."

Iseldir said to Gaius who nodded in understanding. Merlin looked to the druids around him. He felt tired but not want to voice it to his mentor if they knew a way to return his magic. He knew the moment he mentioned it to Gaius, he would have no qualms keeping them all away from him until sunrise. Instead, he dropped down to the floor after taking several steps away from everyone to rest against Aithusa's warm back. They followed him and formed a semicircle around him. Gaius sat on his left and frowned at the almost full bowl of soup set to the side from earlier. One of the Druids noticed his concern and turned to catch the eye of a woman in the crowd. She nodded, and Merlin tried to stop the envy creeping inside him that they could still speak to one another, even if it was to ask for something as simple as a meal.

"So you are here to have me return to Camelot." He asked. It was hard to see a reason to return, but if it really would benefit his people—a light smile twitched his lips up at the thought, at the possessiveness—then he would do it. Because perhaps he did, after all, have something left to fight for.

"We ask that you will, but would accept whatever you decide to be right. But we fear that if you leave, the prophecy will come to pass and all will fall into ruin."

He felt Gaius grip his elbow, and he stilled next to his mentor.

"What are you talking about? What prophecy?"

"It is the one you gave, my Lord. Our seerers heard it in their dreams and then not even we leaders could stop them from coming to your aide." He turned his head to look at Gaius, a question in his eyes but his Mentor ignored his gaze and bore down on the druids with angry fire in his eyes.

"Hasn't he done enough? Can you not leave him in peace? He had already given up everything, and for what? Nothing." He barked to the druids, grip tightening around his nephew's arm as if to keep him from them. Merlin leaned towards him as if to calm him and watched his expressions curiously as another wave of pain trailed up his spine.

"You know as well as we do that if this is not amended, the doom of Albion will come to pass."

He felt Gaius shiver and reached a hand to comfort his mentor—such talk seemed so familiar to him—who turned tear-filled eyes to his nephew.

"We must continue forward, Merlin. We cannot look back. We need to make you well again."

"Gaius, what are they talking about? What Prophecy?"

"All they have ever done is cause you pain in life. Why would you wish to know another? They only bring you tragedy. Merlin, my boy, we must not stay here. We have to move forward."

The oldest of the druids spoke. "If Arthur is truly the King of legend, then the half cannot truly hate what makes it whole, whether he be the Once and Future King or Emrys."

"What Prophesy, Gaius?" Merlin asked, ignoring the others around him. At that point, none of the others mattered because his mentor was keeping something from him. But his jaw was set, stubborn. Few times could he remember the current expressions passing his mentor's face so that it made the face look almost unfamiliar to him. But, he recognized the protective, almost feral, look in his eyes as he stared down the druid leaders. One of the druids started to speak but he snapped at them to be quiet, annoyed at the interruption of the private moment and feeling every inch as Gaius's son as well as Balinor's under the protective aura from Gaius.

"Gaius, please, what are they talking about? You have to tell me."

Gaius looked at him with desperation in his eyes, as if he knew the words would seal his fate and they would be returning to Camelot at first light. He waited in silence, watching him before he dropped his head slightly and spoke quietly.

"When you saw Arthur before we left Camelot, you gave a warning. You said that if your magic was not restored, that Camelot would fall and all the lands would fall into darkness."

The memory flickers through his mind—he remembered!—and he snapped to the druids.

"Your seers heard me?"

"Not just the seers."

"They are the only ones who heard your prophesy, but most of us still heard you in a dream. Some of us saw you in terrible pain, others watched you leaving Camelot and others heard you calling for help. That is why so many people have come. We could not keep them away because they longed to do anything they could to help you. It is the first time you have reached out to us in this way."

"It doesn't matter. We cannot return to Camelot. The King has discovered his magic and might seek to further destroy it." Gaius lamented. "We cannot return. We must go somewhere safe so Merlin might heal. He is just a boy! He has suffered enough."

"I'm not a child anymore, Gaius. You said it yourself several days ago. " He said as he placed a hand on the man's knee who seemed surprised that he remembered and spoke with such clarity. His face softened. "But thank you. I was frightened, but you know I would probably suffer worse if it meant bringing about the age of peace, of Albion." He looked to the druids again. "But I cannot see how returning to Camelot will help bring anything but more blood, for me and people of magic. Arthur has hardened his heart to it and to me. His knight follow blindly even if they do not believe that magic is evil because of their oath to him. He will not allow for my magic to return, and I will not allow him to harm me further if I can prevent it. I have stayed by his side for years, but that meant nothing when magic was involved. Magic cannot cure a blind man, and neither can I."

"What if I promise no further harm will come to you, to grant both of you protection from the law on magic in Camelot? Then would you return?" Merlin jumped to his feet—was that Arthur?—and turned to face several heavily cloaked figures who broke away from the crowd. Aithusa stretched to stand behind him, head raised and powerful in front of Merlin's chest. The Druid leaders struggled to stand as the hoods from the five figured dropped behind their heads to reveal Arthur and his knights. People through the camp started to whisper, several children screamed and he watched as their parents pulled them closer to their bodies as if to protect them from the knights.

"Merlin, come back to Camelot."

As he looked from the people to the knights, he found himself looking straight into Arthur's bright blue eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** _Updates have been a little spread out, I realise, but it will hopefully be back on track next week. Life should slow down a bit then for me before the craze of the holidays kicks in full force enough to prepare a few chapters to update._

 _Warning: None_

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The ice crunched on the road under their horses' hooves. Even with cloaks pulled tightly around the Knights, they still felt a twinge of cold only fire might abate. They traveled slowly, mindful of the strain the weather put on their steeds, unwilling to risk a quicker pace.

"What do you think of Magic?" Arthur asked, slowing his horse so that he could look briefly at his knights.

"May we speak freely, Sire?" Leon asked from his side.

"You may."

"I had never given it much thought, magic. I knew the damage it caused Camelot, but it was another law to uphold as a knight of Camelot, no different than any other. It was only when my own life was spared through the cup of life that I began to doubt the evil of sorcery. Since then I have made sure to keep my eyes open for it in a different way."

He nodded, absorbing his thoughts.

"It is the actions of men that concern me, and how they affect those around him," Percival called from over their shoulder. Elyan nodded in what might have been agreement.

"I know Merlin, but I do not know magic. It turned me against my loved ones faster than I could blink. I would not wish that for him, nor for anyone else. I will keep my sister safe from any threat, even if it is one of you. But if there is more to magic than that, I would be willing to learn."

"No surprise there, mate," Gwaine said as he leaned forward on his horse.

"But magic is legal in other Kingdoms, and people don't randomly kill their parents and friends any more than we see in Camelot. Maybe even less actually cause when a curse shows up they've people to get rid of it before it can cause much harm."

Leon raised a brow at the knights. "You speak as if you have seen these cities."

"No, but Sire Eric sure can tell quite some tales about his travels to foreign places if he thinks the place is private enough. You should ask Prince Philip about his views on magic Arthur, although I'm willing to bet he wouldn't tell you the truth even if you ask. "

The hair on the back of Arthur's neck stood up and tickled the back of his cloak.

"Atlantia holds the same laws on magic as Camelot. It is punishable by death."

"Well sure, for trade reasons and to keep up those relationships with strong powers like Camelot. But, their sister city doesn't. And that, my friend, is a great way to get the best of both worlds."

It was too much to worry about at the time—especially how he had never even heard of Atlantia's sister city—so he filed it away and focused on the road ahead.

Thoughts of Merlin swirled in his mind again. How many times had he crunched through the snowy woods to reach Aithusa to have something—someone—to come home too? It was hard to believe his actions at the start of the winter had such a drastic effect on their lives. If he never made the choice to hide Merlin from the castle visitors, he doubted they would be in this situation.

He stifled a sigh and looked up at the waning moon above. It had yet to reach the peak of the sky, but the night would still be late when they finally caught up with the carriage. They could travel faster on their horses without the extra weight, but it would still take some time to catch up with Merlin and Gaius.

They traveled most of the way in companionable silence. Although angry with one another before, now that they were united under a common goal again it melted into the background. Whatever reservations the knights might have had towards returning Merlin's magic faded as less important. Their concern for their friend weighed out in the end and kept them in check with the official orders to find a way to heal Merlin completely given from their King.

Arthur turned his face back to the direction of Camelot, and a small itching thought scraped just under his brow. Did his people feel the same way about Magic as his knights or even as Merlin?

He told no one what the mirror revealed to him, but he had plenty of time to roll it over and observe every angle obsessively during their journey. A gust of wind whipped around him, tousled his hair and tossed his cloak to one side. He heard his knights rustling to fix their skewed clothing, but left his own. Life seemed stranger the more he learned and accepted the truth about magic as if he was stepping into a new world where impossible things became reality. Treacherous enemies suddenly became innocent victims and stepping into hot fires suddenly did no harm. It was revolutionary and like walking into a dream. He might have believed it more if someone committed murder in front of him and then tried to tell him it was to save their victim's life.

Then, there was the prophecy.

 _Our Once and Future King_ the druids called him. A king prophesied to unite the five kingdoms and bring magic and peace to the new united land. More than the other mentions of magic, this part baffled him the most.

How could the five kingdoms be united with anything other than bloodshed? It would take war upon war to claim the surrounding kingdoms and none of them would go without a fight. How could more blood possibly create peace? The thought only served to make him more uneasy.

It could be that the druids were simply unaware of the political implications of the prophecy. To someone not knowledgeable in the actions of the court, it might seem an idyllic dream but to him, it sounded like a nightmare. He loved his people and his city. Each of his knights he took care to know by name and it pained him to lose a single one of them. The number of men they would lose in such a war would be unthinkable, and what if their new enemies decided to lay siege to the city if word somehow got out that Camelot planned to unite the lands? Or even, if people discovered the druids thought he was the once and future king, what if they then decided to unite against Camelot thinking that soon Arthur would march on their lands to take their kingdom. Camelot was strong, but if all the neighboring kingdoms decided to band to together to eliminate that threat, they would not survive. He would not risk his people, his city for something as foolish as an ancient prophecy.

And that also puzzled him. It was hard to determine if Merlin truly was Emrys. According to the druids and Gaius, he was something of an anomaly in the magical community. Arthur had witnessed his birth so he saw the spells Merlin cast before he opened his young eyes for the first time. He understood how Merlin fit the man from their prophecy to the magic people, yet, that still did not make him Emrys.

Perhaps he was the most powerful sorcerer to walk the earth, but that did not mean he was bound to the fate of the prophecy. He doubted even Merlin understood the implications of what it would take to unite the kingdoms. Perhaps, he had not even thought much about it past returning magic to Camelot and shedding the pretense of vulnerability. Yet another thing they needed to talk about once Merlin recovered from the poison of Amelie's box, he noted. And then, it seemed ridiculous almost, the lengths he was going through just to return with one servant—no, his advisor and once his friend—but he needed someone to guild him on magic, and he could trust no one else.

A rustle in the woods caught his attention after they traveled down the trail in silence. His knights stilled at the noise. He held his right hand out and motioned for Gwaine and Elyan to scout the area before they continued. The pair took off almost noiselessly over the snow and vanished behind icy pines. Several birds flew overhead and he watched a hare hop across a small clearing in the distance.

After some time the two knights arrived carrying several thin bundles in their arms.

"There is some kind of gathering going on." Gwaine declared. "We actually ran into Sir Alder and I told him we snuck out of Camelot to attend. I'll be damned if that isn't the warmest welcome I've ever gotten from that man in my life. He became almost a different person, maybe even a likable one and I actually got him to agree to a drink in Camelot when we head back with all this mess sorted out. Imagine that! Alder! Anyways, I told him I was here with some of my mates on the premise of a patrol. He gave me these cloaks to hide the armor so we wouldn't scare the druid children. Something about being taught to fear Camelot red. There's a spot to the west that some of the people are leaving their horses. He said we should tie them off and travel on foot with the rest of them."

"Gwaine, we are here to find Merlin. Not interrupt whatever gathering the druids are having."

"I know. Which is why we need to follow the rest of the people. Arthur, they are all here for Merlin."

"What!"

"Something about answering a call and coming to aide Emrys. One way or another, not only can we find Merlin, but maybe he'll be better off than we left him. All these people are here to help him in any way they can."

He took in the information without thinking—don't think just act. If you think too much on it your likely to mess up again—and ordered the knights to follow Gwaine and Elyan as they lead the horses to the tie off point after they used the thin brown cloaks to hide their red cloaks and any symbol of Camelot. As they walked deeper through the woods following the packed footprints in the snow, they started to notice people walking through the trees. They merged together into a large crowd pressing forward to a single goal. A man and a woman eyed them curiously, each carrying a small bundle and wrapped in thick winter cloaks.

"You are not druids."

The man said, mainly to Arthur as he appeared to be the leader of the small group.

"No, we are not," Arthur answered, unsure how to respond without giving them away.

"Neither are we. We are from King Lot's kingdom. From where do you hail?"

"Fresh out of Camelot," Gwaine answered and inched closer to them to take their attention from Arthur to him. "We snuck out of the castle to see Emrys."

Their faces lit up with excitement. "You are very brave to stay in Camelot. You hid it well, but I see that you work as knights of the crown. It makes us feel safer here to know that there are men of magic in the King's ranks. I am not a sorcerer, but my wife here showed signs of magic when she reached sixteen. Just a day ago, Emrys called to her in a dream, and we have traveled in hopes to see him."

Arthur almost corrected her, but he could tell Gwaine was searching for information so he bit his tongue.

"You're in Camelot now too. That makes you just as brave or stupid as the rest of us. What was your dream, if you don't mind me asking?"

The couple laughed and answered kindly. "I suppose you are right. But, we have heard rumors that Arthur is not like his Father. That soon there will be peace between all of Albion so we are not as afraid as we use to be, especially knowing that Emrys lives in Camelot. But the dream…mine was horrible." She turned from them to face her husband as if to gain strength to speak just by looking at him. "I felt the balance of the world tear and I cannot get the images of him out of my head. I only hope the Elders will be able to help him, otherwise, I don't know what will happen to us. We will surely be lost in another purge."

"We are bringing him honey. It is not much, but it is all we have to give. My wife and I use it widely for medicine. It may be of some help to him. If nothing else, it will show our support, and he will eat like a king."

It was strange to hear them speak of Merlin with such hope and to place such a responsibility on him. Hearing Gwaine speak of the prophecy and hearing the druids confirm it had been one thing, actually listening to people, common people, who truly placed Merlin in such honor shocked him.

"What is he, your king?"

He asked with haughtiness, more annoyed at just how little he understood Merlin again. They became wary of him, and Gwaine held out a hand as if the action could stop their judgment.

"Don't mind him. He's new to all this, but he's with us. We wouldn't bring him along otherwise, trust me."

They gave a slight nod in understanding and sent a few sympathetic looks to the King which he did not understand. When the woman spoke, her voice sounded wistful but instructive.

"He is Emrys. He is our hope and our path to peace. He is not our King in the traditional sense, but that may be the best way to describe him until the lands are united, our own King of magic."

"He is a savior to those with magic. Before him, there was a never-ending fear of fire. My sister-in-law and her family were burned—she was not even a witch—and for years my wife could not even cook a simple soup over the fire without being reminded of that day."

"But we endured, and things have gotten better. With the arrival of Emrys, we have a reason to hope again for a better life. Since the day we heard word of his arrival in Camelot, change started throughout the lands. I am sure you must have felt it more so, living in the castle."

Gwaine smirked and sent a look at the king. "Yes, actually. He has a knack for curbing the King's temper."

"Have you seen them together? What is he like? Emrys and the Once and Future King?"

The eagerness and question caught them off guard. They looked to one another unsure at how to divert the conversation. Percival surprised them by answering. Some of the people around them inclined an ear to listen as they shuffled through the crowd to draw closer to the focal point in the woods.

"He is very kind, Emrys. I have never met a more gentle heart in a man, and he is also strong."

A blurred image of Merlin on one of their hunting trips rose to the front of Arthur's mind. He could see him rustling noisily through the fallen leaves and tossing small stones to scare away animals wherever he thought the King was not looking. A warm feeling rose up from his memory. He thought of their hunt for the dragon egg and how proud he was of Merlin's first battle wound as he called it at the time. The crowd pushed heavily around them. Druids in thick green hooded cloaks, carrying baskets and parcels of all sizes whispered around them.

"They are always together in battle. I think he gives the King strength to do what is right in difficult times even if the King does not always realize this himself."

Arthur shot a glare at Elyan. But before they could say more, some of the people around them called for quiet and they focused on cutting through the crowd, nodding farewell to their companions. Gwaine weaved through the druids effortlessly as they kept their cloaks tucked tight around them.

"My lord! Your eyes!"

Someone shouted in the distance. Gwaine hustled through the thick crowd as people started to wail and cry around them. Arthur could make out several people from the city he recognized and hoped they would not see his face as he pulled the hood of his cloak lower. Just as they almost reached the front of the crowd, the men and women before them dropped to a kneeling bow. The knights bent their knees quickly, recognizing their need to blend into the crowd and Leon all but pulled Arthur to his knees with them.

Arthur watched his knights bow their heads and could not stop from turning around to see the people behind them, farther than his eyes could see stooping low to the ground. When had they reached the front of such a crowd?

He whirled around from his place among the knights, fidgeting uncomfortably and indignantly—He was a king! He bowed to no man—until he heard a voice cut through the hushed silence that descended over the crowd as they kneeled.

"You are our hope" A strong voice called. "Our hope that our children will one day live in peace and no longer know fear."

He could make out several men and women surrounding someone. His eyes snapped to the white dragon behind the man of honor and his stomach flipped.

Merlin!

They bowed to Merlin!

He dropped to rest his buttock on his heels and took in his manservant, shaking his head and stepping away from the cloaked druids. He looked defeated in so many ways, but he doubted any of the people present could tell. It was in the subtle set of his shoulders and the way he carried himself as he moved as if he might shatter like glass if they touched him but would somehow hold shape even broken into shards. Somehow he thought the man would be unrecognizable to him like he would no longer know the small signals Merlin emitted or how he carried his emotions. But he could still see them as clear as day. He may not understand them all the time, but he could still see them.

The druids sprang from their bow and blocked Merlin from Arthur's view.

"I can do nothing for you without my magic"

Merlin's voice was quiet, almost as if the wind carried it only for his ears. He could barely make out the words as the breeze tickled his hair.

"Nothing."

He recognized the set tone in Merlin's voice, how he adamantly believed every word he said and Arthur's heart constricted. Painfully aware of how many times he berated his servant—no his friend—over the past few months, acidic guilt swirled through his stomach like an unbroken damn crashing into a flesh barrier. It was hard to look his selfishness in the face, but it was harder to hear Merlin speak of himself so pathetically when he held so much life and power inside him.

"You are Emrys, my Lord, not just for your magic but because of your heart, your wit, your empathy, your wisdom and your soul. You are Magic, but that is not all that you are."

And that was what Arthur found the most bizarre about Merlin's declaration. Because for all that Merlin was, Arthur had never seen or known about the magic. He knew of Merlin's compassion—his heart— how he always tried to help regardless of who asked and his feelings towards them. No matter who it was, Merlin could always find a way to relate to anyone he met, understand them and make them laugh. His wisdom helped guild Arthur over the years until he became King and astounded him at times when he needed guidance most.

And his soul.

Pure, kind and simple Arthur had described him as once, but now he understood him more than before. He certainly was not simple, the talk of destiny, prophesy and everything in-between made his head feel like bursting. Complicated would be the better word for now until he could understand the man better.

And then, even with his magic, could he say he possessed a pure heart?

His words of late were anything but kind, however, he still did not seek revenge. He did not leave with the intention to harm but to heal. Any harsh words he uttered Arthur forgave easily. More than forgive, he embedded them into his heart so he would not forget. Merlin's words, his warning, along with the images of his people screaming in fear from their own knights, a people that it would seem, Merlin was a part of, or even greater, a leader of, he embedded in his mind in hope that he would never forget their suffering from ignorance and corruption of power.

He jolted from his thoughts as this knights and the people around him rose to stand. Moving as one body, he watched in awe as people came forward carrying bursting ribbon and holly embellished baskets, parcels and jugs of wine and ale. They murmur words to Merlin, placed the baskets and parcels at his feet, bowed and gave him honor. He watched Merlin flinch as one of them draped a beautiful blue cloak fit for royalty around his shoulders. From the expressions he watched flickering across Merlin's face, he knew nothing like this had ever happened to the man before.

He smiled when just like in Camelot, a small crowd of children rushed through the crowd shrieking for Merlin in childish delight.

"Emrys!"

They cried out as they clenched his leg and hugged his body to surround him giggling.

"Emrys, look what I can do," one of the boys called.

Again, the wind tickled Arthur's ears as Merlin's soft voice filled the air.

"Your voice is quivering. Say the words slower. You have nothing to fear. The earth will answer you."

He heard the spoken spell and watched the small child, no older than six, hold up a small glowing flame proudly.

"It's beautiful"

He heard Merlin's praise and tried to see what he did in the destructive flame. It sent a small wave of fear through him, but he met Aithusa's eye, recalled the warm feeling of the dragon's magic coursing through him and looked to the flame again to try and associate that same feeling with the unnatural flame. It would take time, but it was something he was willing to accept, to understand at the very least. Not just for Merlin, but for the people he saw burning, for all his people who were living in fear although they did no wrong.

"There will be a time to pay homage to Emrys. For now, please allow us to attend to his needs and administer healing."

At that, he almost coughed.

It was strange.

How would someone who held such power and authority have served as his manservant for all those years? It baffled him. How could someone in this position demean themselves so much by taking the rank of a servant? He was pulled from his musings to listen to the druids speak to Merlin. The mention of another prophesy sent a shiver up his spine. He was not a man to believe in such things, but it seemed Merlin did. So much so, that he had stayed by his side through thick and thin to see him become King. It hardly made sense that he would leave now, just when he had the chance to speak about magic openly unless it had been more their friendship than destiny that kept Merlin at his side all those years, a friendship he shattered.

The wind rustled his ears again and he could hear Merlin's voice more clearly than ever before.

"But I cannot see how returning to Camelot will help bring anything but more blood, for me and people of magic."

Despite everything, a small bitter wave of pride rushed through him to hear Merlin standing his own against the druid leaders.

"Arthur has hardened his heart to it and to me. His knights follow blindly even if they do not believe that magic is evil because of their oath to him."

Arthur sent an uneasy look to his knights and wondered if their faith in him had also run out. But the few knights that caught his eye did not hold resentment in their gaze, although they might have looked uneasy. Gwaine gave him a small grimace and shook his head. He inclined his head to Merlin with a small raise of his eyebrows trying to convey something with meaning. It shocked him and a flicker of warmth ignited in his chest at the knight's support.

"He will not allow for my magic to return, and I will not allow him to harm me further if I can prevent it. I have stayed by his side for years, but that meant nothing when magic was involved."

Arthur sprung to his feet and took several steps forward.

"Magic cannot cure a blind man, and neither can I."

 _And yet, you have opened my eyes._

"What if I promise no further harm will come to you, to grant both of you protection from the law on magic in Camelot? Then would you return?"

He asked as the hood fell down from his cloak and revealed Camelot armor and his bright golden hair. He watched Merlin jump to his feet, his eyes roamed the crowd before he found him. Several children screamed into the night air, and he felt the weight of Gwaine's words heavy on his heart.

 _He gave me these cloaks to hide the armor so we wouldn't scare the druid children. Something about being taught to fear Camelot red._

And that only fueled his resolve.

"Merlin, come back to Camelot." He pleaded right into Merlin's bloodstained eyes. Silence stretched between them, and he resisted to urge to draw closer to the warlock. Only his memory of Merlin's violent reaction in Gaius' chambers kept him at bay.

Merlin watched the King, only just stopping the slight tremor attempting to shake his bones. From the cold, he told himself and he shivered. His gaze flickered from the Knights to the druids scrambling away from the Camelot silver. His mind swirled with thoughts of how to protect the druids if things got out of hand. But how could he? Aithusa could not defend all of them, could he?

Arthur must have noticed his panic because he took several steps forward, arms out away from his sword.

"We come in peace. We will not harm anyone."

The people looked warily from Merlin to Arthur but did not interrupt. Merlin did not trust Arthur's promise, no matter how unreasonable that made him feel. He searched through the faces of the knights and landed on Gwaine. The knight met his gaze and gave him a small smile. He looked from Arthur to Gwaine and the knight stepped to the side, making a small circle away from the king to reach Merlin.

If Merlin's dismissal of the King bothered him he did not show it as Arthur watched Gwaine draw closer to his friend. Gwaine dropped to one knee, now apart from the other knights and folded his hands over them. He bowed his head and looked to the ground as if adressing a King.

"I should've fought harder for you. Even if the potion was just a truth serum, I shouldn't have agreed with the King to give it to you."

"Gwaine I…no—"

"I should've spoken to him that night when I left your quarters. For that I'm sorry. But you were wrong when you said that I didn't accept your magic. You're still my friend—"

"Stop! Just—

"Whether you forgive me or not, I'll do whatever I can to help you regain your magic. You have my word."

"Gods, just get up!"

He reached as if to help him up before taking a step back with a guilty expression on his face when he retracted his hand. "I'm sorry too, for saying all that. I just, I was so angry I…I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I was just so…I was so mad. I don't know. I couldn't control myself. I didn't really mean it, Gwaine."

He stood up easily to face Merlin who took several steps towards him as he rose. Aithusa pattered next to him at his side, unwilling to stray even a few feet away from his dragonlord in such crowded company.

"I know. " Gwaine said as he placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin's own hand moved before he comprehended the motion and he found himself gripping Gwaine's wrist to study his face more closely as he ignored the emptiness once again.

 _I'm starting to get used to it._

He realized and grimaced as he studied the small swoop of his mustache and the curve of his beard. He winced again as Gwaine scrubbed a calloused finger across his cheek to wipe away a small trail of blood.

"Just leave it. It keeps coming back anyway."

"It looks pretty right creepy, mate. Especially when your dragon over there decides to lick it off your face."

Merlin rolled his eyes and sent a hesitant glance over to Arthur and the other knights who looked out of place and uncomfortable surrounded by the druids.

"How did you find me?" He asked. Gwaine's demeanor calmed him, but then the knight had also been falsely calm before.

"We discovered you were missing and then followed the druids. We all know you are Emrys now. They weren't exactly secretive about it, and I thought it was something Arthur needed to know."

"Are you really here to take me back to Camelot? I won't go, Gwaine."

"We just came to talk to you. And leaving in the dead of winter might have sent Gwen, and the rest of us for that matter, into a panic." It might have been an exaggeration. The knights had been more tired and ashamed than panicked, and perhaps they were too faithful in Merlin's ability to always turn out okay that panic came slowly if it came at all.

Gwaine studied Merlin for a moment before leaning closer to whisper in his ear. Merlin pulled the rich blue cloak tighter around himself as if it might offer protection from the hollow touch of his friend. He never knew if he craved or detested the gentle touches from the people around him.

"I won't tell you what you should do. But I think you should hear him out, Arthur I mean. You two were best friends once and I think after everything that's happened, he's ready to listen."

Merlin shook his head.

"Where we?" He asked, heavy with bitterness. Gwaine did not answer as he searched for Gaius behind the druids and nodded to him in greeting. Merlin took a step away from Gwaine and focused back on Arthur who stood waiting. He looked to the druids surrounding them. Although wary, each one looked to him. For what, he could not say for sure, but he was painfully aware of how bad it would look for him to tell the King of Camelot who they called the Once and Future King to shove off in front of so many people.

Instead, he inclined his head to the side, a wordless invitation for Arthur to join him away from the ears of the druids. If they were going to talk, he wanted to make sure whatever it was they ended up saying was away from the ears of the people. He doubted whatever he would say would fit into their idea of his destiny, and while Merlin hardly believed in it anymore, he was not going to crush the hope of so many people so needlessly.

Arthur followed him silently, feet crunching on the ice until he reached the cleared ground Aithusa created for their bed before the druids exploded into their small camp. To Merlin's dismay—and small delight—some of the druids discovered where he planned to sleep and had set up furs, blankets, and several baskets full of wine, bread and honey to the side. He felt a longing to curl into the thick furs and sleep for days, but he had a King to manage.

Instead, he settled into the rocks, laying a fur down to keep from dirtying his cloak which seemed precious to him now in the cold air. Arthur settled across from him on the dirt floor and Merlin had to stop himself from setting out a soft pelt for the King. Instead, he folded his legs and bit down on the side of his tongue.

It felt awkward to sit next to the man who once meant so much to him, and he twitched uncomfortably. He thought back to everything he said to the King the last time he saw him and twitched again. It was hard to sort through his emotions towards him. Mostly bitterness, but the small longing was still there which only made him angry at himself for not managing to close his heart off completely. Arthur was watching him relentlessly and it sent a slight chill up his spine as he waited for him to say something.

"Stop it."

Arthur's brows rose up in surprise.

"Stop what?" He asked as if he wasn't doing it on purpose just as he had all winter to make Merlin feel small.

"Dissecting me." He spat. To his surprise, the King flushed and looked to a small ice-covered bush growing out of the natural stone wall behind them.

"Sorry."

"Liar."

Instead of getting angry like he thought he would, Arthur's face remained stoic as if he was collecting his thoughts. He turned from the ice to face Merlin, and he flinched back from the emptiness in Arthur's eyes. He thought the children were the worst, but then he had forgotten what it felt like to look at Arthur and see nothing. Arthur or the hollow cleared his throat suddenly.

"I should have let you explain. But I have been cursed or enchanted so many times I just thought that it was another one of those things, only this time you were the one cursed not me or one of the knights. I was so sure. Everyone seemed so sure. It just fit, and then you reacted that way with the antidote…Merlin, I'm…It was wrong. I was wrong. I should have listened to you first, but I thought you went mad or that the dragon corrupted your mind. I know it sounds twisted, but I thought I was saving you, that it was the right thing. I thought you were…that you were going mad. You have never…you have not really ever spoken of magic like that before. I just…I didn't know. But I want to help you now, actually, help. That is all I ever wanted to do, I just…I want to help. Whatever you say, I'll do if it is within my power."

Merlin looked to the side, throw off by the sincerity of his voice, but not wanting to empathize with the King. Under normal circumstances, he accepted apologies easily as if it was part of his nature.

A small flash of pain crawled up his spine disorienting him and it took him a moment to remember how to tell the ground from the sky. A small warmth on his elbows helped ground him and when he focused back on the present the hollow was looking at him in a way he refused to call concern. He realized the hollow—Arthur?—was griping his elbows and jerked out of his touch. It would be too easy to just say he accepted the apology at this point, but it would change nothing and he was done hiding.

"You're not fooling anyone with your false promise of pardon. What do you really mean by coming here?"

"I want to understand everything. Not just about you, but magic. I know it is selfish, but I need you by my side Merlin. I don't think I could trust anyone else to teach me about magic. And if these prophecies mean anything, then it needs to be you. And if…if what you said is true about your magic, then we need to work together to…to make sure that…so that you can heal."

"I already told you that you are not the Once and Future King. That prophecy has nothing to do with you."

He was not sure why above all else he was adamant about this fact. But then, he knew he was Emrys. He accepted his destiny years ago, and that would not change. But, Arthur never accepted it and he was done waiting for him to change. It had to be someone else.

It had to.

"Okay so maybe I'm not the Once and Future King. But then who is? And what about Morgana? Gwaine told me all about her and the role she is supposed to play, that you knew about her."

"I don't know. Maybe he hasn't been born yet. It's not like it says everything has to happen now, or even when it has to happen. I could be sixty-five by the time I meet the real king. And you didn't come here to talk about her."

"What about your vision then?" Arthur asked, trying to keep the annoyance from his voice. He just wanted answers, to see if he would appeal to some part of Merlin that still cared for the people of Camelot as he always did. "Camelot falling to ruin?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Merlin yelled, frustration seeping into his voice. "I was half mad! Can you even call that a vision? I didn't even have my magic then, how could I have a vision. Although there is some truth to it. If Morgana decides to attack tomorrow, the city will fall to her again. There is no doubt. It will all have been for nothing."

Once again, his talk of Camelot falling rolled Arthur's stomach, but he tried to keep his voice neutral when he answered.

"Camelot is not weak."

"It is from magic! The only way we go the city back the first time is because I used magic to stop that eternal army. Did you think it just stopped all on its own? Come on. How can you be so thick? The signs were all there, you just refused to see them. Even Gaius used magic to help me save the city that day. But, what if she does something like that again? There will be no defenses against her witchcraft. The city is already doomed! I can't do anything anymore. No magic. No defenses. No Camelot."

He buried his head in his hands. They were still uncomfortably close together from when Arthur caught Merlin to stop him from falling to the ground, and he resisted the urge to place his hands on Merlin's shoulders as they shuddered. Just as he was about to question everything Merlin just said, the defenses, the eternal army and the magic he used, Merlin drawled out a confused query.

"Who are you?"

"What?"

Arthur asked as Merlin looked up from his hands suddenly.

"Do you…are you real? Is it really you?"

"Who else would I be, Merlin?"

Arthur flicked his eyes up to his manservant's face to attempt a strained smile which faded as he saw the seed of doubt start to grow larger in Merlin's eyes. He remembered how Gaius explained as best he could how Merlin connected with people through his magic. It unnerved him knowing the manservant had been able to sense his soul somehow, but also made sense. Merlin always knew who to trust and who to blacklist. The man could always judge someone's character almost flawlessly.

"Yeah, Merlin. Yeah, it's me."

"Who?"

Merlin asked distrustfully.

"It's Arthur."

"Then, help me." The raw plead that ripped from Merlin's throat almost shattered him as tears started to glisten in his eyes and his fingers dug into the flesh of his thighs. "Please, I—Don't you have the antidote? Wasn't there one in the vaults or wherever you found that potion? You're the king! You took it away. If you were ever really my friend can't you just... give it back? If you are the King, if you are my friend, then prove it and help me. "

Arthur glanced at him uneasily.

"I will I, I want to."

And finally, Arthur realized he could make that promise. No reservations, no hesitations. He wanted to return Merlin's magic. He wanted the suffering to stop no matter what sacrifice was required.

"I will find a way to return it. If your magic is what will heal you, what you need, or I promise we will find a way to get it back. But, I…I didn't literally take your magic. I don't have it. I hardly have any idea how any of this works anymore and I still don't- didn't- didn't Gaius talk to you? About Amilie's box?"

As Arthur was talking, Merlin tried not to panic but it was hard when he could not distract himself from the emptiness anymore and WHERE IS IT? GET IT OUT. Merlin bridged the gap between them with an intensity unusual to the King as the thin servant gripped the front of his armor and pulled him forward.

"Arthur if there is a way, GET THIS POISON OUT OF ME."

Arthur's eyes widened so much they hurt from the violent reaction and tried to focus on Merlin's panicked wheezing breaths which started to become nonexistent between words.

" Sometimes I don't even know who I am and it still burns and you heard all the people that have tried to harm Camelot. I need this to protect everyone! We will be defenseless against Morgana or anyone or thing with or without magic. No one will be safe from her reign. They are all going to die. You think she will spare all these people? All your people? And what about my people? Who will protect them? Gods, they didn't do anything Arthur. They just want to live! You can't kill us just for wanting to survive. And gods it keeps burning, Arthur. It keeps burning! And now I'm running like a dog from the city but it just won't stop and sometimes it seems like it's getting better but Arthur, you have to help me! You said—

"Merlin, Shut up! Stop talking!

"-you want me to come back but I can't live like this. After everything I have done for you, damn it you selfish asshole just give it back. Can't you ever just see me? You prick, where is it? I nee-"

"Merlin you're not breathing right. Shut up and breathe!"

"d it back!? Just give it back! Where is it, consarn it!? I can't find it anywhere! I can't—Get away from me! WHERE IS IT?"

"You need to calm down."

"NO! TELL ME! WHERE IS MY MAGIC?" He shrieked as he tried to shake Arthur back and forth, choking and coughing on his own spit as Arthur grabbed him and bellowed.

"I DON'T KNOW! DAMN IT! I DON'T KNOW! FOR GOD'S SAKE, BREATHE. SHUT UP."

It might make him a coward, but Arthur closed his eyes as he wrapped his hands around Merlin's arm just below his shoulders and pulled the choking man towards him. He did not want to see the raw fear and pain on his friend's face and he used a hand to grip the back of his neck and keep him close.

The way Merlin leaned into him and shrieked away from his touch in equal need to be close and fear to get away tore at his heart and left shattered pieces littered around the cage of his ribs. He listened as his ragged breathing became more even, focused, and Merlin's breaths started to match his own measured ones. He opened his eyes when he could feel the steady rise and fall of Merlin's chest. He looked up from the black hair tickling his chin to see Aithusa separating them from Gaius and several of the druids who were trying to get past the agitated dragon to the alarming scene they must have created.

Merlin's face looked flushed from the panic but also embarrassment as he crumbled weakly against Arthur.

"Traitor." He mumbled with a shudder, but from the way he sent a glare towards the dragon, Arthur had a feeling he was not on the end of the rebuke this time. "The hell are you doing? Don't leave me with him. " It came out as a whine, and Aithusa's tale tucked underneath his legs at the words. He avoided looking at his dragonlord except for a quick glance to let him know he was close by.

"Just breathe."

Arthur commanded, ignoring the guilt his words stirred up in him.

Merlin obeyed silently after that and Arthur recognized the sign of exhaustion in his breathing just as he had been the last time they yelled at one another. He slumped into Arthur, muscles lifeless as a doll, and Arthur used one of his arms to drag one of the furs closer to drape over his shivering friend so that he could cover him and wrap him in the fur. Just as he was thinking of leaving to make a fire, Aithusa shot a beam of fire past him to warm the rocks behind them and stop the chill.

"Arthur?" Merlin mumbled into the cold metal.

"I'm here." He said softly.

"Why did you do it?"

Arthur took a sharp breath at the question, before responding.

"I just wanted to help. I didn't—"

"No. With the knights, Philip, everything else…did I…did I do something wrong?"

"I did." He answered instantly, hoping that would be the end of that kind of thinking. "Just another one of my great plans you can add to the books."

"What plan?"

He sighed and followed Merlin's gaze to one of the druid's fires in the distance. A group of seven sat around it and he could see Gwaine in the mix speaking to an old bald man with tattoos covering his scalp. It struck him as ironic, that he sat with Merlin answering his questions instead of the other way around. That he was the one called a liar when Merlin had lied for years. But it neither made him angry nor frustrated him. Somehow, it became clear that Merlin was not the one who needed to prove himself.

"I thought if the visitors realized that I… well…that you were more than just a servant, that you would be in danger. If one of the treaties went sour or if something happened to anger one of them, I thought you would be an easy target if they wanted to…change the treaty or something. So I had to make them think otherwise. Do you understand?"

Arthur wished he could search Merlin's eyes, but they were hidden under his black mop of hair.

"But, I was just a servant."

"That's what I wanted them to think! Not you, Merlin, I—Well I would almost have to agree to whatever terms they had if they somehow captured you or threatened your life. I don't want you to die, Merlin. I didn't want to put you in danger, your—"

"Just a servant that can never shut up or do anything right. Yes. You said that then too. Did you come all this way just to say it again?"

Arthur felt familiar anger rise in him and it took all his self-control to keep it twisted inside him.

"Look, forget what I said then. I didn't mean any of it. I didn't want to lose you. Can't you just forget it?"

" _How?"_ Merlin asked—more pleaded—and his fingers curled painfully around the edges of Arthur's armor. Arthur almost cursed as he realized how his words sounded. He was never good with this. He never had to apologize to anyone, and it was never his job to make amends. But, the familiar guilt in him told him he was being selfish. He closed his eyes and tried to say something better and hoped it did not just sound worse.

"Don't then. Remember everything. Remind me every day how much of a prat I was then if you think that will help. I won't ever call you an idiot or tell you to shut up once. But give me a chance to change."

"What do you mean?"

Merlin mumbled as some of Arthur's words started to blur together.

"You said I'm not the Once and Future King, but so what? I can just make his job easier than for when he decides to come around, can't I? If the druids can help you, then let it be done. They can do whatever magic they need to return yours to you. If you need something from Camelot's vaults, use it. It's yours. Whatever you need. Then you can either leave with them to find this King of yours, or you can come with me and help me reevaluate the rules for magic. I won't make any promises. I won't say I will lift the ban now, but I know things need to change. Don't come back for me if you can't do that anymore. Come back for your people."

Silence met his request and he watched as Merlin watched several of the children make a figure in the snow. Nostalgia struck Arthur, sitting under the cold winter stars. It stirred his memory, and a smile crept onto his face as he spoke.

"Do you remember that time last winter where I convinced you to go sledding at the full moon? You were so mad at me because your boots were getting mended so I made you wear one of mine, but they were too big and you kept tripping on the way up the slope. Then you made sure to flip the sled somehow so that you kicked me off on the way down, and I tumbled down the hill. I couldn't even be mad because it was actually fun to tumble down that dumb hill."

He failed to notice it before, but Merlin's breathing started to become slower and calmer as he talked.

"That was actually my first time sledding. Father never let me go before because it was something the peasants did, but I always wanted to try it. I could drink your mulled wine again, that is for sure. I think you had the knights attacked me with one too many snowballs that year."

"No" He pulled from the image at Merlin's soft voice. "didn't. You deserved it."

Arthur looked up from Merlin as Aithusa shuffled towards them. He loomed over them before circling and settling down around the pair. One of Merlin's hand reached to stroke the scales slowly and lean closer to the warmth.

"Jerk." He murmured to the dragon. "You're not s'pose to like him. He's an ass."

"Sorry," Arthur said again, and Merlin had to wonder if he even knew what he should be sorry for.

"Liar."

"I really am sorry, Merlin."

"Doesn't mean anything."

"It could be a start?"

Silence stretched between them again.

"First, we get my magic back. Then, we talk about magic and the ban in Camelot—for everyone else, not for you. After all that is done, you can spend the day in the stocks, and I'll pelt you with every rotten fruit and vegetable in the kingdom."

He said it so seriously Arthur did not know if he should laugh or not. Merlin reached for another fur and wrapped it around himself. He tossed several others furs to Arthur as he snuggled into Aithusa side.

"Right now? 'm tired. Go sleep."

Before he could even question him further from his spot next to Merlin, light snores rose from him almost instantly as he relaxed against the dragon. Arthur arranged the furs and started to rise so he could give his friend some privacy when Aithusa's eye snapped open. The dragon's gaze bore into him until he settled back on the fur pelts, pulled them tightly around himself and laid down next to them so that the dragon's tail curled around them to nudge him closer.

"What are trying to do, anyway?" He grumbled to Aithusa who snorted and raised his head to watch him with both eyes.

"You let me talk to him even when you knew he wanted to blast me away, and you didn't let anyone else come near him either. Why?"

Aithusa sent a puff of golden magic towards him. He flinched but then a rush of emotions assaulted him: anxiety, worry, protectiveness, and somewhere buried in all the ones he knew were for Merlin he found trust, trust in him. His face morphed into one of shock, and he almost started laughing.

"You trust me? Are you kidding! Look what I did to him! And I tried to kill you! Twice!"

He felt a rush of annoyance surge through him, but the faith remained. Aithusa blinked at him once, a slow nod before closing his eyes and curling closer around his dragonlord. He stretched one of his wings and draped it over both Arthur and Merlin to keep them warm.

"Okay. That's it. I don't know anything anymore. This does not even make sense. I'm laying here, in the middle of the woods talking to a dragon."

Aithusa growled lightly in response, and he shot the beast an incredulous look.

"Is this really what he used to do? Just go out to the middle of the woods and…just sleep and talk to you?"

To his surprise, the dragon groaned and nodded once.

"What do you even talk about? You can't even speak."

He felt a small throb from Aithusa's tail hitting his head.

"Hey! Watch it!"

Aithusa snorted again and he sent the dragon a small glare. He settled back to look at the stars through the spiny tree branches and watched his breath spiral up into the cold night air. Although they had no fire, the furs and the warmth radiating from Aithusa's body kept him surprisingly warm. He felt restless, wanting to go speak to the druids or at least Gaius to figure out if returning his magic was even possible. But he knew if he tried to stand again, Aithusa would growl until he settled back onto the ground so he settled into a restless state, twitching and fidgeting ever so slightly. It was a long time before he fell into a restless sleep at Merlin's side, and only when he finally drifted off did he become vaguely aware of the gold glowing eyes of Aithusa.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! After holiday season I will be able to respond to everyone more personally but I always appreciate your support. Thanks also to everyone who continues to read and follow this story. To whom it may concern, I hope you have a very Happy Christmas! To everyone else, I hope your weekend was restful.

Warnings: none

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The cold wind rushed past Merlin's skin just above the clouds and tickled the tips of his limbs. Despite the cold, his skin burned like warm fire and his chest overflowed with a sizzling warmth that ignited his mind with overwhelming joy. He could feel the soft clouds graze through his lower limbs until he propelled himself above them to keep them from collecting wet drops of dew on his body. He looked to the ground and watched the trees zip past him. Cattle no larger than a crow grazed on the open land. They whipped through his vision as he drew closer to a large mass of water. He flew over the ocean for hours before a large mountain jutted out from the sea at the center of the horizon. He looked to his left to Aithusa flapping his wings against the angry wind whipping around them. They shared a gleeful smile before turning their attention back to the approaching mountain.

As they drew closer, he started to hear them—the others—roaring and shrieking into the night air a song older than the time of man. He could see the smoke rising from the mountain, thicker and thicker until it covered his vision and made his eyes burn. He scratched his eyes furiously, trying to clear them from the smoke until something smashed into him and stopped him from moving. He reached into his soul to blast them away, but only felt their grip tighten around his wrist.

"Merlin, stop it!"

His eyes snapped open and everything jolted into focus. His back was smashed into Aithusa behind him. Arthur crowded into his personal space, golden hair almost tickling his eyes as he held Merlin's arms tight against his chest as if to keep them from him. He blinked slowly as if smoke still remained over his vision.

"Arthur?" His voice sounded groggy to his ears. He looked up to the sky and squinted from the bright light of the sun above his head.

He slept past morning.

He never slept past morning.

It unsettled him, and his eyes snapped just past Arthur's shoulder to druids camped around them. He searched the masses of people for familiar faces and spotted Elyan and Percival close by speaking with several men and women in heavy green cloaks. Some women nearby appeared to be roasting forest nuts over the fire and melting ice in a pot to drink. Many kept close to fires to keep warm and he watched several children pitter to the warm flames with arms full of firewood. He twisted in Arthur's grip to the left and spotted Isildir and Gaius surrounded by the druid leaders. Although none of their lips moved, the tension in their faces conveyed volumes and every now and then he watched their lips move like lightning in wordless frustration.

He scrambled to his feet, breaking free of Arthur's grasp who let him stand without resistance to further survey the camp as he searched for anything out of place. But, the land was peaceful. The harsh cold wind abated, he could no longer feel a chill in the air and the pain from the potion no longer tinkled down his spine. It seemed the extra sleep had helped more than he thought, and a small seed of hope sprouted that the vial would soon run its course and leave him recovered.

He spotted Leon among a group of elders, each smoking a pipe and sending puffs of smoke rings spiraling into the sky. He searched the crowd until he found Gwaine chatting with a group of colorfully dressed women. He watched the movements of their hands, the flash of gold from their eyes and Gwaine's hands mimic the motions easily although no light shone from his eyes. He fixed his gaze on Arthur without turning his head from the crowd who stood just a step behind him by his side. He could see his attention fixed on the crowd and glanced to several druids sitting with joined hands around a steaming cauldron. Their lips moved rapidly, eyes glowed gold as they focused on funneling magic into the brew. He watched them for a moment as they dropped hands and each took a step forward to drop something too small to see into the pot. An old woman dressed in white robes with silver hair stirred the pot with a large wooden spoon.

It felt surreal to watch them perform magic in the company of Arthur and the knights. He turned again towards Arthur. A strange expression he did not recognize adorned the kings features. After a while of observing him unceasingly, Arthur turned to look at him but he did not meet his eyes. He watched Arthur take a shallow breath and hold it before letting it out slowly through his nose. It struck him as odd again. He recognized the motion. It had been a way Arthur always worked to hide his emotions from his father before they spoke in consul. To see him do the same routine before lifting his carefully blank eyes to meet Merlin's irritated him.

"They are making a potion that might negate the effects of the one you drank to help amplify the effects of the ritual the druid elders are discussing. They were hoping to do it tonight with the moon out if you woke up in time for them to ask your permission and explain everything. They seem to think you would have some idea of how to perfect it."

"I learned a lot about magic in the time you banished me from your side, so they could be right."

He watched Arthur's brow scrunch towards the center of his forehead, could see from the tension in Arthur's throat that his teeth pushed painfully into each other. When the other man said nothing, it occurred to him he was trying not to antagonize him. When had Arthur ever cared about watching his temper around him?

"What did they say about it? Is it going to work?" He demanded with haughtiness, making it sound every bit of a command to answer than a question and almost begging Arthur to bite back. Instead, he closed his eyes and said through half-clenched teeth.

"They did not say."

As if it just occurred to Arthur that after all the potions and rituals there still might be no change in Merlin's condition, he swore under his breath and turned his gaze to examine the druids around the caldron once more.

"Why did you come to Camelot of all places?"

Although Merlin could not see the full expression in Arthur's eyes, he started to recognize an awkwardness in his frame mingled with the tension. He might have been surprised to see Arthur watch the druids perform magic so obviously, but then, seeking help from those with magic was not uncharted territory for the King. This was not the first time Arthur was willing to use magic to suit his own needs, Merlin mused. Perhaps it would not be the last.

"It was where Gaius lived, and I needed to learn to control my magic so my mother sent me to Camelot to keep me safe. It was getting out of hand and she did not wish for me to be tortured or killed because of it. I no longer fit in at home. In the end, I suppose that plan backfired anyway."

"What do you mean by that, that you had to learn to control it?"

He watched several of the druids start to approach him carrying steaming jars, wrapped bowls and baskets. For a moment, he wanted to be glad that Arthur stood beside him now without open hostility, asking about his magic, but he was not. He felt traitorously relieved as if he could separate the monster who tormented him from the man who stood at his side in the snow which brought a strange sense of familiar comfort in their past history. But he also felt bitterness. The emotion still felt alien to him, so it swirled and swirled without ever finding a solid place to stand. It surprised him, how much the emotion poisoned every word from his own mouth, but he let it even if the harsh words poisoned his own heart in turn.

"Well, a lot of it is-"he took a sharp intake of breath as if stabbed. Arthur's eyes bored into him, unwavering. "-was instinctual. If you are going to fall, what would you do? Reach out and try to catch yourself right? Well, that would happen and I would catch myself. But not with my hands. My magic would catch me, and I never needed my hands to break my fall. Little things like that. It was just as instinctual as breathing but I had to learn how to hide it. Can you imagine going somewhere and having to pretend like you don't need air to live otherwise you will burn? No, I can't imagine you can."

"Magic was not outlawed in Cenred's kingdom."

"No, but what life would I have had? Magic is still not favored among small villages like Ealdor so even there I had to hide everything. Perhaps someone might have given me to Camelot's solders for money. Had I been in closer to his city I might have been killed or taken as one of his soldiers if someone discovered my powers. My mother wanted me to live a normal life and sending me to Gaius was one of the only ways she could think of to ensure that happened. "

Arthur said nothing, and when druids finally reached them they gave a small bow.

"May we offer you something to eat, my Lord? We have brought several soups, smoked meats, and bread for your meal. I also have mulled wine and an herbal tea to help stimulate the senses. The children are working on making you several honey pastries but they burned the first batch in their haste so we could have them bring them to you when they are done. They are all very excited to cook for you."

She smiled as she talked, and waited before him for his acceptance of their offering. His cheeks turned pink and when he remembered how to talk over his new embarrassment—how tired had he been yesterday to be okay with this—and shake his head.

"No, no I you don't have to, I mean, this is just too, I…"

Arthur elbowed his side and his mouth snapped shut.

"Please, it would bring us happiness to serve you."

He looked down at his shoes and nodded. She smiled and hurried past him to a small fire crackling next to soft fur pelts laid on the ground. To his surprise, Gwaine sat on one of the pelts, breathing heavily as if he just stopped from a dead run. Merlin looked back to the women Gwaine had been among earlier now chatting amiably and back to the fire. A smile played on his lips as he realized that was exactly what Gwaine had done. He caught the knight's eye who grinned at him before motioning him over to the fire where the druid's set up a place for them to eat and stay warm.

"You can at least help me eat all of that then. "

He said as he turned to focus heavily on the ground and his feet as he took a step towards the fire. He stumbled in the short distance and Arthur caught him. It took him a while to realize he needed to untangle his feet from each other and then several more to realize how to orient himself enough to do it. The world spun and blurred around him as if his senses were overloaded from just the small movement as he tried to decipher how to move forward to the flame.

"What the hell, Gwaine?" He heard Arthur curse.

"Did you want to keep watching him try to figure out he couldn't walk into the sarding ground?"

A ringing noise overpowered their voices, and he found himself staring into a crackling fire with an array of soups, bread and hot drinks around him when his senses settled.—Did someone carry him? He reached up to remove the cloak from around his shoulders. His hand stirred through the air where he thought it should meet his shoulder and he frowned. With careful motions, he watched his hand removed the cloak, wrap it into a bundle and set it to the side so ash or food would not stain it as he ate.

He looked up at Arthur to his left and noticed Gwaine sat on his right. They were both strangely quiet, clutching steaming bowls of soup and mugs of forest kompot. He looked back to see Aithusa still lying near the rock wall where they slept watching him. He turned back to the fire to glance into the flickering flames as Arthur pulled his cloak tighter around his shivering body.

"Gaius wanted you to eat a full bowl when you wake up," Gwaine informed him. "Better get to work there or he will probably make you eat four full bowls later."

He flashed Merlin a smile as he took the first spoonful of broth into his mouth. Merlin gave a grimace back but nodded. He looked back to Aithusa, suddenly overcome with a longing to leave the men behind to join his dragon. Perhaps they still had a strong understanding even without the magic, because Aithusa jumped to his claws to settle directly behind Merlin, resting his head between Merlin and Arthur at his thigh. It comforted him, but he still felt caged.

Aithusa nudged him and glanced at the soup. Eat the soup, he could tell the dragon wanted to say. He rolled his eyes and made a big show of slowly dropping a spoonful of soup into his mouth and chewed the tasteless morsels with puffed cheeks. Aithusa flicked his tail and mimicked Merlin's eye roll, raising his head to glare at his dragon lord with glowing eyes before puffing his own cheeks full of air. Merlin laughed and held out a chunk of beef to the dragon who swept it off the spoon and chewed it loudly.

"Does it taste good?"

He asked as he watchfully slipped another spoonful into his mouth, taking care not to spill it down his chest by mistaking up for down again.

Aithusa tilted his head to the side and Merlin frowned.

"Are they pretty good cooks?"

"Actually it makes me think of the soup you always make us when we go hunting."

He turned his head to see Gwaine take a sip of his kompot, his expression unreadable as he watched his friend.

"Merlin…" Gwaine started to say, examining his friend from head to toe. "Aren't you cold without your cloak? You're skinnier than me, and I'm freezing even with the fire. That wind bites hard."

A small seed of dread started sinking into the pit of his stomach at the words. He had hoped it was the change of the weather, the lack of wind, but then he noticed the wind whipped hair of his friend, the way their cloaks rustled around their bodies and knew the wind still blew a chill around them. But he did not feel cold, nor did he feel the wind. He held his hands out to the flames as if to warm them, but felt no warmth.

"Does it feel cold to you?"

He asked Arthur, startling the king with the direct attention who up until then had been content to keep Merlin's focus away from him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Merlin cut him off.

"Because it doesn't feel cold to me."

He leaned closer to the fire, willing the flames to stroke heat into his fingers. Something caused his vision to rush as if he was pulled backward. He felt a small pinch pinch in his arm and looked down to see Gwaine gripping him with white-knuckled fingers that had pulled him back from the flames.

"Merlin, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Is that fire?"

"What?"

"Fire. Is there fire there? Is this…"

"You almost burned your fingers off, and you want to know if the fire in front of you is real?"

"I can't burn my fingers on something that isn't there." He hissed.

"So you just thought burning yourself would be a great way to test it out, eh?"

"I can't burn myself if the fi—"

"Merlin."

He whirled around at the shock in Arthur's voice and almost jolted back from their close proximity.

"Your hands are freezing."

He looked down to see a thin bony hand clasp between Arthur's hands. His palms rubbed over them to create heat before he dropped the hand suddenly, unfastened his red cloak and whirled it off his shoulders to drape it over Merlin. Merlin looked down and froze when he noticed the bony hand resting just behind his knee.

It was his hand.

Arthur had been holding his hand.

He looked up to meet Arthur's eyes, panic overtaking him as Gwaine recounted stories of their times together on patrol in an attempt to calm the manic look taking over his eyes and reassure him. A small doubt that it was all a dream formed in him again, but he tried to shove it aside to focus on the present. He turned from the King to Aithusa. In his haste, he unknowingly ripped his arm from Gwaine's grasp and splashed hot soup over his right knee which fell forgotten from his hand. He could hear the two men start cursing, but he ignored then and placed his hands just under Aithusa's eyes to try to feel his smooth scales.

"Aithusa?"

He caught the fear in his voice and tried to stop from shaking as he scrambled to his feet, knocking into the knight and the king who had been trying to clean the spilled soup staining his clothes and his bundled cloak around him when they realized Merlin failed to acknowledge it.

Instead, Merlin took a shaking breath and ran his hand through his hair.

Could he feel that?

Or did he just know he was doing it?

He pressed his fingers against his skin to pinch it and felt nothing. He pressed harder, but could not even feel the pressure in his joints as he squeezed his skin. Dread settled back into the pit of his stomach.

He was wrong.

He was not getting better.

He was not getting used to anything.

He was starting to get worse.

 _We have always had Dragonlords since I hatched from my own egg. I may not always agree with you, young one, but it warms my heart that this is still the case._

Was he going to be the last? He thought as his breathing picked up and thoughts of death and decay flooded him. The end of the dragon lords? He could smell death and metallic soil and tried to imagine what Kilgharrah would say in the end but could not.

And, then it hit him. Kilgharrah! If anyone could help him, it would be him. Hope sprouted anew again at the chance to see his kin and return his magic. He would have to risk calling the older dragon to him but needed somewhere private. It was too much to explain now, and he wanted to be alone with his kin.

But then, the ritual the druids were preparing might cure him, then there would be no need to call the old dragon from his slumber. A ringing resounded through his ears and he shook his head back and forth like a dog shaking water from its fur. He breathed slowly, calming himself and shut his eyes as Aithusa started to curl around him and stretch his wings. He put his hands over his ears as if to drown out the panic and fear stirring inside him.

And then the sting of the Dorocha came to his mind, the numbing cold and the black. He was not sure why it came to him, but the image strayed out of his mind quickly. Then facing the wyrm, bandits countless times, Morgana, Morgause, all number of enemies that he faced fearlessly. Why then was he letting his emotions get the better of him now?

He took a deep controlled breath, and then another.

No.

He was better than this.

He was more than this.

Fear would not control him now.

He opened his eyes. This time, he made no effort to ignore the flatness of the world, no effort to ignore sting of betrayal and the hope of his friends once more at his side, no effort to push down his emotions. He let them in to flood through him. He turned to Arthur and Gwaine's concerned faces. Gaius was among them now, wringing his hands behind the dragon barrier before him. It took a while for the ringing to fade, but when it did he could hear their concerned voices fall silent under his new attention. He looked down, almost checking if he still had feet attached to his body as he stepped into arms reach of his mentor.

"Sorry for worrying you. I'm fine Gaius. I think it just takes me a while to get used to seeing everything as you do. I just needed to orient myself to everything again."

"Even so, that was hardly similar to your former attacks." He muttered, voice heavy with skepticism. "Are you feeling pain?"

"No, I'm fine."

He raised an eyebrow and Merlin looked straight into his mentor's eyes.

"I haven't felt any pain since I woke up. It must be a good sign, right?"

He let a false smile flutter over his face, as he tried to lead his mentor astray. He could not say why, but something kept him from sharing the new development on his condition. Hope mingled with hopelessness, but most of all old habits stuck with him. He did not have his magic, his place in life was uncertain, but he still knew how to hide even if he did not know why.

"That it might be. Now that you are awake, the druids decided it would be best to start the ritual while there is still daylight and the sun is at its peak. I assume Arthur or Gwaine mentioned it to you already?"

"Kind of?"

"Perfect. Now Gwaine, take that cup of soup there for him to drink and here."

He draped a fur around Merlin's shoulders and took his arm as if to lead him forward.

"If we speak to them now, you may very be on your way to a full recovery by nightfall."

A giddy excitement filled him, and although he tripped over his feel several times as he walked. Gaius kept a firm, strong grip on him despite his age. As they neared the circle of Elders, each one stood to give him a small bow in greeting before they all settled around the fire. Arthur and Gwaine held back from the circle, but leaned against a tree nearby so that they could survey the council easily. He looked from one face to the next, each vastly different but determined and the sprout of hope blossomed inside him as they started to discuss the magic they would perform. As he listened to the druids speak and rolled the spells over in his mind one fact started to stick out the most.

Although the spells fit and the different rituals matched his symptoms, they knew just as much about how to heal him as Iseldir.

And Iseldir had failed.


	19. Chapter 19

_Warnings: Language_

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Arthur watched the druids form a ring around Merlin with a strange feeling of detachment. He tried to look at it all academically, but when they mixed what appeared to be different inks and started marking Merlin's body with symbols similar to druid tattoos he began to question if the rituals held any basis in the real world or if the magic ritual was no more than a Jester putting on a show for a King.

The atmosphere unsettled him as the new snowfall stirred the bleak air. He might have asked the druids their opinion of magic, learned about it like his knights from the people around them, but the talk of magic still made him uncomfortable. The knights mocked him for it although not unkindly. He never saw himself as stubborn, but he could see it plainly now. He refused to speak to anyone but Merlin of the workings of magic as if he spoke to anyone else, he feared Merlin might sense that he no longer had a duty to perform for his king and would vanish like a scant cloud.

He pushed off the tree he had been leaning against to pace back and forth in the packed snow where his feet created a small trail.

"You trying to turn the snow to ice?"

Gwaine asked from his perch on a large stone where he could observe the ritual from afar. He let out a large puff of smoke from a pipe and sent several spiraling rings into the air. Aithusa circled in the sky overhead like a hawk waiting to strike should the ritual become erred. The other knights sat around a small fire built to protect them from the cold as they waited for word of their friend's condition.

"Come sit by the fire."

Leon commanded Arthur in a way only his rank and service under Uther allowed him to order the King. Arthur let out a growl of annoyance but dropped obediently down on a large log near the fire, a clear sign of his hidden anxiety. His gaze drifted back to the druids after a quick glance over his knights. Merlin was hidden behind their cloaks now, but Aithusa kept his height in the sky constant which comforted him.

"This was a mistake." He said to Leon, willing the man to agree and tell him how much of a fool he was for allowing the use of magic. "We should have never let them do this."

"He is not your Father." His tone sparked with admiration for Merlin, and Arthur wondered what his longest-serving Knight thought of the old King now that magic started to unfold as no more than an amoral skill. "This is not the same as back then. Have faith, Sire."

The use of his title filled him with nostalgia of the times Merlin spoke his name to comfort him. He never said sire, always Arthur, always his name. Merlin had never cared for boundaries. Even now it seemed he sought to break the ones the prophesy created which saddled him with Arthur at their first meeting by denying his title as the Once and Future King. Had the druids realized their savior no longer had faith in their supposed future king by now? Perhaps they had.

"Faith in what? Magic? The prophesy?"

"In Merlin then."

The respond struck him as strange as if by suggesting Merlin as a third alternative, Leon already believed magic and the prophecy would be enough to save him. But Merlin said he was magic, and he did not believe.

"Merlin hardly believed this would work. You could see it in his eyes."

"He does not believe in himself. Of course, he cannot believe in this ritual they created."

"Stop. Don't talk about him that way."

The fire cracked and sent sparks up into the night air. He pulled the hood of his cloak down further to protect himself from the snow and from the gaze of his knights. When Leon turned to whisper something to Percival, he listened to his knights speak quietly about the camp of druids and magic while his eyes fixed on the hilltop. Time past and several men came towards their fire to offer them warm stew which they passed around the fire.

Arthur jumped to his feet when he caught sight of Aithusa swooping towards the circle of druids to land in the center. He wished more than once that he could hear the spells from where he stood, but they were too far away. He sat back down reluctantly, turning the spoon over and over in his cup.

* * *

Merlin tried to imagine the feel of the boar-haired brush over his body as he watched two golden-haired women apply thick lines of ink to his skin, but his sense of touch had disappeared completely. The vertigo faded, but he still needed to glance at his body periodically to make sure it moved the way he commanded it. A ringing started in his ears, but he tried to ignore it and focus on the chant of the druids.

His vision swerved unexpectedly to the blue sky, and he registered the golden-haired women from the corner of his vision guiding him to lay with his back on a soft patch of exposed grass surrounded by a circle of crystals. He closed his eyes and let his mind drift, searching for his magic as the druids voiced prayers to call it forward.

He opened his eyes to stare up at the waxing moon from behind a break in the clouds. The words of the old religion choked in his throat, and he could not say the words of the spell. They died on a cotton tongue and despite his bravado that fear would not control him, sorrow still did. The misery struck him in a familiar fashion as new snow started to fall from the starless sky, and the clouds covered the moon.

He became painfully aware of the proximity of the knights and the king, just as he had been all year. Time passed in a blur as his eyes locked onto the twirling shape of Aithusa in the sky, and he made his mind numb. When his unblinking vision blurred Aithusa's form, he kept his gaze on the same spot in the sky because one wrong move would bring the demons lurking in his frozen mind.

Gaius broke him from his trance several hours later, struggling to pull his heavy body to a sitting position. Half-way through his efforts, Merlin searched for the ground to push himself up but his dry eyes burned and he surrendered to the helping hands. The end of the ritual brought nothing back to him but memories of the loneliness he felt at the beginning of the winter. He felt emptiness again swirling inside him. Now that the pain faded from the poison, it filled the corners of his mind and lingered. Was it just from a lack of Aithusa's chatter in his mind? When would it end?

When Aithusa swept from the sky to stand beside him, his knees bounced twice in reluctance before he threw himself at his lifeline in an embrace which only made him shake when his body felt nothing, as if he still stood in empty space. He leaned back to look into the Dragon's eyes, to ground himself in something real and one of the druid elders called him.

"Emrys?"

His mouth moved in exaggerated motions, and Merlin realized he must be shouting. A ringing like a million bell towers sounded through his ears and he held up a hand to ward off their speech before the bells faded and the sound of the world returned to him.

"You lost your hearing. You can't hear anything anymore." He heard Gaius mutter.

"I'm fine, Gaius. I'm just fine."

"Fine? So it worked then? Your magic returned?"

"..."

"Then you are most certainly NOT fine. But is there a chance that you feel more grounded? Perhaps it did not return your magic, but made it easier for you to live without it?"

"It did not," Iseldir answered. "But it may tomorrow. You should rest for the night and do not give in to despair." He directed towards Merlin. "The gods would not have you die without fulfilling your destiny. There is hope yet. You will find a way. "

He kept his gaze on Iseldir as the other druids spoke words of encouragement and promise to him. A resignation to his fate filled him, but he wanted to believe Iseldir and the other promises. An older druid lowered to his knees before him to catch his attention.

"Emrys, as you are without your magic and no longer possess the gift of the sight, I feel the need to caution you. We worry at the presence of the Knights of Camelot."

It seemed pointless to explain that he never had the gift of the sight, only a very meddling old dragon bossing him around and giving him prophesies so he nodded to the man to continue. A familiar anger stirred inside him the more the man spoke about visions of anger and chaos between the knights and king of Camelot. He made an awkward motion with his hands, bringing them to his face as a sudden fear gripped him that he might bite his tongue and draw blood without knowing, but he could not feel his face to check. The man gripped his hand, oblivious to his conflict, and muttered more promises after his warning. He stared at his own trembling fingers until they passed from the druid's hand into Gaius's waiting one to guide him back down towards the camp.

* * *

" 'Er he comes now."

Gwaine said as he stretched his arm above his head and waved to the warlock walking carefully in their direction with Aithusa at his side. Gaius walked next to him, arm in arm talking loudly. The Knights shuffled to make room for the pair around the fire and several druid women who noticed his arrival rushed forward to lay a feast before him. Merlin settled several feet behind the circle of knights, ignoring Gaius's insistence to draw closer to the fire. He leaned his back against Aithusa curled behind him. Gaius sighed, filled a bowl with stew and placed it into Merlin's unwelcoming hands.

"I will be back to check your symptoms." He spoke loudly. "Do not hide anything from me. We need to know what is happening."

The knights winced at the look of barely concealed disdain Gaius shot in their direction before he focused back on Merlin.

"Nothing more than normal then." Merlin barked with a small smirk. Gaius raised his eyebrows but said no more on the subject.

"Make sure he drinks all of that stew and the red cup too," He directed towards Gwaine who gave a lazy salute.

"What happened? Did it work?" Arthur asked, but both men ignored him. Arthur hated that. The mystery of everything, the uncharted territory where no beast lay at the end to be slain and brought home victorious. Being King meant nothing here.

Merlin turned his attention from Gaius to carefully supervise spoonful's of stew into his mouth. The knights watched curiously as Gaius snapped his fingers near both sides of Merlin's ears. He failed to react until Gaius snapped directly in front of his ear, and he flinched towards the noise.

"Gaius!"

He growled, shooting a glare at his mentor, but he made no explanation. Gaius nodded to himself, appearing deep in thought, and walked to meet several druids who stood behind the group of knights waiting with grim expressions. Merlin shivered once Gaius left and balanced the bowl of stew in-between his knees so he could observe the black ink that still covered his entire body with Celtic knots and spiraling runes. He turned his forearms over to trace the patterns on each side.

The ritual, as far as he knew, had failed.

It caused him no pain or discomfort, but it changed nothing. The mass opinion was to perform the ritual again the next night. Perhaps done in a series of three it would have some effect. Something in Merlin's gut told him otherwise, although many texts on ancient healing rites involved a series of rituals to be performed so it saw to reason to keep trying. They would perform the next one at the same time and then again on the third day while in the days between them the world would grow quieter and darker around him.

His faded hearing returned half into a spew with several of Arthur's knights arguing whether to give him space or demand answers and despite himself, he laughed out loud in an almost cynical way when Gwaine told Arthur to shove it and leave him be. No one else laughed, but he whipped a bloody tear from his eye and wondered at the blood loss for a moment before he set his food bowl on the ground to rest his temple on one knee facing Arthur.

"So what were you yelling about exactly? Forgive me, my Lord, I was a little busy trying to decide if I should answer you or if it would be best to leave you to your fire loving thoughts. Planning a big ceremony to burn the sorcerer when we go back to Camelot?"

Instead of the anger he expected, a strange look of longing overwhelmed Arthur's features. For a moment, he was tempted to ask what was troubling him before he remembered the druid's warning. A desire to hear him shouting filled him, to stir up a reaction in his old friend. It was unlike him, starting fights just to hear someone screaming, but it comforted him in a strange way to know he still held some kind of power over Arthur's emotions.

"Can you drop the devil speak for five minutes and tell me if the ritual worked or not? I told you I'm here to understand this."

Despite his look of longing, hidden aggravation seeped into Arthur's voice which wrinkled Merlin's nose.

"You would love it if it didn't work wouldn't you. The greatest warlock to walk the Earth, powerless at your hands and all his people here to slaughter."

A wicked smile spread on his face as he spoke. He tried to lock his gaze with Arthur, but the king turned to glance at the crackling flames and watched a burning log crack in two. Merlin's anxiety peaked—was he not going to say something—and he wondered if Arthur stopped responding to his jibes if they would never speak to one another again.

"This isn't like you, mate. Leave him alone." Gwaine scolded, which only made him angrier. Gwaine was supposed to be on his side.

Arthur's eyes flickered back to Merlin, trying to judge his reaction. But in-between the scowl and smirk cracked onto his face, he saw almost no glimmer of his old companion. He related Merlin's mannerisms to one he might use with his enemies, or perhaps someone he regarded as not to be trusted. He thought of Morgana, how her anger and fear had twisted her into something evil, and could only pray that would never happen to Merlin.

"Oh, that's rich. Leave him alone after everything he's done." Merlin snarled, face twisting into a sneer. For a moment, Arthur had to wonder, if the gap between them could ever be repaired even if his magic returned and he was reinstated at the kingdom as a proper member of the roundtable. Would it ever be enough for the former servant?

Arthur held a breath as he fished out a twinge of desperation hiding in Merlin's word. He closed his eyes, tried to ignore how alien the scowl still looked on his friend and inclined his head towards Gwaine.

"Gwaine, I said don't get involved. He can say what he likes." Gwaine tossed a log into the fire sending a cloud of ash into the air.

"Whatever princess."

"And what, Merlin, what have I done now, exactly?"

"Look argue all you want but, Merlin, at least eat the damn soup so Gaius doesn't have my—

"You're kidding, right? What hasn't the great King Arthur done?"

"—'head over you not eating the last one."

"Oh,…maybe I don't know try to act like a human being when magic is mentioned but wait you were a prat before you found out about the magic so maybe you just have a problem with me then."

Anger was always Arthur's first reaction, but instead of rage filtering through his veins, a wave of exhaustion flooded over him. They had done all this before, the arguing. For the past month, they had started to do this almost every day. Before when he wanted to push Merlin away, later when Merlin started to push back and now when everything had fallen apart. But, this time, he was here to understand, he was here to mend, to help in whatever way he could. His mind was set on healing the rift between them—he needed Merlin at his side. It all needed to stop.

"I've come here to this camp, watched people commit treason left and right for their use of magic and offered you whatever help I can. What more do you want from me?"

It was about as gentle as he could manage—he was not gentle by nature, especially not with other men. But he made a mental note to work on his tone. Perhaps imitating Gwen in some way would be a good place to start even if it sounded ridiculous.

"And what about when you get what you want and I'm better? Do I forgive you and then you send an army of men to eradicate the druids for their use of sorcery when my back is turned? Can't have the women using magic to wash clothes, oh no, it will put the state of the kingdom in jeopardy. Better kill them before they decide to strangle you with their undergarments. "

Arthur bit down on his tongue hard. Merlin's intention was clear. He had no desire to talk about anything calmly. He always knew what to say to reassure Arthur or cheer him up. It seems he knew just how to word things to rile him as well. But, a thick stubbornness to not let Merlin distract him from his desire to mend their relationship by damaging it further, a desire to win, set in his gut and he pulled his hair in exasperation.

"Gods, Merlin, you just came from a freak show that lasted for hours. You're exhausted. I can see it all over you, and the first thing you want to do is fight?"

"Oh, not a good time for his majesty to deal with a servant then?" Merlin mocked as his head shot up from resting on his knees. "Great, should I just come back later than when he feels like speaking with a freak like me or is that just a lost cause?"

He rubbed his eyes, frustrated and envious. Merlin always knew what to say. Why didn't he?

"Damn Merlin, What the hell are you carrying on about? I thought we had—"

"You really think that just because I talked to you this morning that I forgave you or something? I accepted your help. I never forgave you for anything."

It stung, but Arthur tried to ignore the comment. After all, what did he expect?

"Look, All I want to know is if it worked. I'm not demanding or expecting forgiveness so just stop it. Did it help?"

"Oh, so you just want to know if you have to spend days arguing over whether or not to kill me or lock me up again? You want to know if you will have a fully restored vengeful sorcerer able to control a dragon in the heart of Camelot. Powerful and confused is all it would take for me to burn everything to the ground if my magic is restored and I truly am as powerful as I say, isn't that right Arthur, Elyan? Might as well just chop off my head and be done with it so anyone got an axe? King Arthur Pendragon has to save his Kingdom from the evils of sorcery. What a Hero. Here."

He stopped talking abruptly and started to unfasten his red neckerchief from around his neck.

"I'll make it easier for you. Give you a clean cut."

Merlin's gaze locked onto Arthur's red face as he tossed his neckerchief at his nose. Arthur's hand swept up to grasp the red fabric tight in his fingers turning the tips of his fingers white. His muscles twisted in anger, and the silence was deafening. Gwaine half expected Arthur to jump up and pound Merlin in the jaw but he stayed miraculously still.

"How many times are you going to make me say that I was wrong? Do you get some kind of primal joy out of humiliating me?"

"The small joy I have without magic does not come from you."

"You're not the only one suffering, Merlin."

"Are you about to lecture me on compassion?"

"Hells. You said that before." Gwaine interrupted suddenly, ignoring the tension lingering around them like a thick cloud, pointing a finger to Merlin with a manic look in his eyes. "That you would have rather burned than drink that vial. You mean it, don't you? You would really rather have Arthur chop off your sarding head than suck it up and live without your magic."

The rage in Gwaine made Merlin flinch towards Arthur subconsciously, and a guilty expression crossed his face which had Arthur wondering how much truth his next statement would hold.

"It's not that simple. I don't want to die, I want—"

"THAN DON'T TALK LIKE THAT AGAIN, DAMN IT."

Suddenly Gwaine was standing, nostrils flared, hand pointing towards Merlin as he crunched ice beneath his feet with a crack. His cup went sailing to the ground. Percival stood up next to him and gripped his arm as if to hold him back.

"Not another word or I'll lock you up like a lunatic myself. Do you think any of us, ANY OF US, will stand for that kind of talk from you? I've heard lesser men talk that way for days, but I won't stand to hear that from you. I get that you're angry. We all get it. No one can make up for what we did overnight but let's get one thing straight. Whatever those voodoo priests told you, no one here wants you dead. You got that? Now we are all here to set this right. So you can bitch at us, spit at the Princess, whatever. I really don't care. Deserve every word and anything is better than your damned silence or treating us like some kind of new aged plague. But no one here's going to threaten anyone's life, especially not his own. We're brothers, Merlin. From the moment we came together, we all bonded together in a pact greater than blood, did we not? Was it not you who brought us together to fight for Arthur? Have we not spent years fighting alongside one another? Defending each other in battle and at rest? Going on quests and returning victorious? Then remember. Every one of you, remember it and know this, no one strikes down his own brother without bringing a curse upon us all. No one kills his own family and lives a whole man. We will not kill our own, and we will not leave anyone behind, not this time. We cannot win this battle divided. This arguing solves nothing."

"We would have never harmed you." Leon implored immediately, a desire to beg for forgiveness overwhelming him. "That vial made us think we were saving your life."

"Easily enchanted," Percival said with a nod in their direction. "The lot of us, it seems, as the Lamia also made us behave unforgivably towards you."

For the first time since he left Camelot, Merlin suddenly recalled how the vial wrapped the knights in a black enchantment, tainting their magic. Would they have poisoned him so easily otherwise? Or would they have defended him as they had so many times before from the dark?

"You cannot blame us for not fully understanding magic," Elyan said with guilt heavy in his voice. "It is almost forbidden to speak of, and I have only ever heard of its treachery since my arrival at Camelot. We swore an oath to seek to destroy it from the Kingdom." A thought struck him, and a small, almost teasing smile worked its way on his face. "Not everyone reads forbidden books in their spare time."

Some of them could not help it, they let out a small laugh, desperate to ease a fraction of the tension around them. Leon leaned toward Merlin, imploring him to understand.

"We abandoned you over the early winter, but we meant it that night at the tavern when we said we would not let that happen again. Nothing has changed, and like any other quest, we need to do this together."

It took him a while to find his voice, but finally, it came out a soft whisper. "But we have never done it together." He held his head high, but with downcast eyes, he avoided looking at their faces. "Not really."

Arthur frowned thinking of memories of another time sitting around a campfire, a time Merlin said the opposite, where he professed to a despairing Arthur that he was not alone.

"All those times on patrol? Taking back Camelot, fighting Morgana, Morgause? We did not do that separated."

"We never did it together because none of you ever knew what needed to be done, and I couldn't tell you."

"Lancelot knew." Gwaine pointed out and ignored the gasped questions from the other knights.

"Yes. And now he is dead. It has been Arthur and his Knights protecting Camelot. And then there was me. You fought battles in the light, but I hide in shadows and did what needed to be done alone or at the cost of someone else's life it would seem."

"You're talking about your magic." Arthur mused as what Merlin implied dawned on him. "You tried to tell me something like that when I found you in the woods with Aithusa…that without magical protection Camelot would have fallen, that you use it to keep us safe, to help me and my kingdom."

"And you wouldn't believe me, but I tried Arthur. I tried so hard to make you see, to listen, understand…I just…I needed more time."

Aithusa nuddled his head into Merlin's lap but his arms dropped to his side uselessly as his frozen gaze stayed locked on the ground. Merlin turned his head to Aithusa slowly, and as if he just noticed him for the first time, brought his hand to rest up on top his head.

"Doesn't matter now. It was never meant to be you anyway."

Silence descended on them—he was almost more manageable when he was angry not noticeably depressed—but Arthur stretched a hand to rest on Merlin's shoulder and forced himself to talk.

"I've never had a brother, but I've heard they quarrel more than women when they are at odds with one another. Gwaine is right, though. We are brothers, and we still—all of us—want to understand. And Merlin, you have all the time you need. We aren't leaving until we set this right."

Merlin sucked in a breath. The reassurance made him more aware of the end of his own time closing in all around him as the knight's voices started to grow dim, a ringing started to sound in his ears. He shook his head willing it to fade.

"Understand what?"

He noticed Arthur had drawn closer to him and caught a flash of red around his shoulders. His fingers fisted in the bright colored fabric of Arthur's cloak he had used to cover him and pulled it tighter around him even though he could not feel the chill of the winter air.

"I cannot deny that the use of magic still makes my heart weary, but so do Camelot's colors in your eyes from the fear we brought you when you saw our cloaks from under our disguise. The best medicine for that is understanding." Merlin gave him a funny look at the phrase, a moment which Arthur savored greedily, and he shrugged. "Something Gwen has been telling me a lot recently. Maybe it is time we got to know one another a little better. I saw your birth in the Mirror of Shallot. You lit every candle in your house, including the fireplace. You grew up with a strange power your whole life."

"You told us about that!" Elyan gasped. "When Percival and I came for the spell book."

"Magic doesn't make someone a liar. The fear of death holds that power or the fear of change."

His voice lacked bitterness, and for Arthur, that seemed like a good step so he carried on almost tentatively.

"I was surrounded by so many people when I was born. So many tried to pull me in different directions, lead me a certain way to have some power when I took the thrown, but I held fast to my Father and always sought to carry the Pendragon name with pride. I knew I would be king one day ever since I can remember. Did you?"

"I'm not a King, Arthur." He muttered as he buried his face into Arthur's cloak that he pulled around this arms. It endeared him to Arthur in a painful way, and he wished he had looked out for him more in the past, had been as supportive to Merlin as he had been to him throughout the years.

"But these people don't think that way. They practically worship you. It is winter time, and they traveled across the country on foot to come to your aide. You're a King to them, a savior they called you, Emrys. "

"Whatever they think, I'm still just a peasant. I helped farm and build in my village like everyone else did. I'm not a nobleman. I just have magic, powerful magic. I never knew I was meant to do anything with it until I came to Camelot and met Kilgharrah although I could guess that there might have been a reason for it."

"Kilgharrah..." The name was unfamiliar to him, but he tried not to become hung up on the details before he had the main story. "And what did he tell you? Did he tell you about Emrys and the Once and Future King."

"He called me from the deep caves under the city. It's one of the languages of magic, being able to communicate without speaking and over long distances. _It_ isn't mind _control._ He told me I had my gift for a reason. That I had a great destiny to fulfill, to see you, the once and future king, unite the lands and form Albion. I was enraptured by the idea until he mentioned you. He wanted me to protect you from threats against your life, but I told him no. I would lend a hand to anyone trying to kill you before I lifted one to stop them. You were such an idiot. But that was all he said. Kilgharrah is cryptic in how much of the prophecy he reveals but none of that really mattered to me so much because by the time I started to get to know you, all of you, I just wanted to keep you safe. "

"You said lots of people died for the future that I'm supposed to create in these legends. Who are they? You mentioned them before, but you never said their names."

"Do they have names?"

His whisper sent a chill up Arthur's spine, and he caught Leon's eye, nervous for his friend before he glanced back at Merlin curled up under his red cloak.

"They have passed through the veil now. Their magic has returned to the earth and very well may flood into your child's veins upon birth."

The knights shifted uncomfortably.

"Tell me about them?"

"I can barely speak their names now. I have failed them. I don't have the strength to relieve those days now."

"You had strength enough to yell earlier."

Silence descended on them again. Arthur resisted the urge to pull his hair at the returning bite to his word but Merlin appeared to have ignored it as if he was half in memories and half aware of the present world.

"She had hair that spiraled with every slight blow of the wind as if it was being touched by angels. But it wasn't soft, no. Matted in dirt and brittle, it broke in your hands at the ends and some would linger as if she wished to leave you a lock of her hair each time you touched her. Her hands were hard too, from the wood and straw of the cage. Her eyes were beautiful, like looking into a pool of stars. Even as a Bastet, when her eyes were golden with fear and bloodlust, she knew me for we both knew what it was like to live in a cage. A castle by the lake I would have built her, had your swords not struck her down. Neither dead nor alive now her soul rests in the lake of Avalon.

 _'And ne'er did Grecian chisel trace_

 _A Nymph, a Naiad, or a Grace,_

 _Of finer form or lovelier face..._

 _What though no rule of courtly grace_

 _To measured mood had trained her pace,_

 _A foot more light, a step_ more true _,_

Ne'er _from the heath-flower dashed the dew..._

 _What though upon her speech there hung_

 _The accents of the mountain tongue,_

 _Those silver sounds, so soft, so dear,_

 _The listener held his breath to hear'...*_

My Lady of the Lake.

My Freya"

He did not shed a single tear, but it looked as if the tears started to fill him up from within as if the heaviness he spoke of became the weight of the water rising from his knees to drown his heart. After a moment of unbroken silence, he took a deep breath that quivered on the verge of a sob.

"I have never spoken about her before."

They shifted towards him as if to draw closer to hear him better.

"I hate it."

He said with a shaky laugh. Tossing his head back to escape the memories, he glanced at the sky.

"Ki—my— the druids. The druids want me to return to the hill past midnight for another ritual. So I should probably get some sleep before I go."

He made as if to stand when Gwaine spoke, and he froze.

"I have never met a maiden fair enough to speak of in verse. If I had, I would have made her my wife."

"We would have had no need for titles, but a wife she would have been if it was what she wanted. To do that, I would have had to leave Camelot and my destiny behind. She knew that somehow. She never said, but she would not let me throw that away. The idea meant too much, that we could one day live in a world at peace, free to be whom we are without the threat of death hanging over our heads, without being regarded as monsters."

"Hold on, but did you say that we—

Arthur cut Elyan off with a glare and spoke over him.

"Was that why Will saved me back in Ealdor? Because you told him I was the Once and Future King?"

"He saved you because he is a good person. When someone is about to die and you can do something about it, you do it, nothing more. But it was why he told you that he was the sorcerer. Will has never cast a spell in his entire life."

"He lied."

"That surprises you? What man wouldn't lie to save one he loved? He was my best friend. He would never have done or said anything to put my life in jeopardy. If he told you the truth, you might not have killed me as we were no longer on Camelot's lands, but I might not have been welcomed back into the kingdom. How can I protect someone when I am not at their side? He may not have been a sorcerer, but even he wanted peace."

"You tried to tell me that day about your magic. "

"I wanted to warn you, so you would not be afraid or think differently of me. I almost told you, but my mother advised against it, and Will took the blame for the spell so I could not make his sacrifice in vain."

Merlin wiggled his fingers and watched them move. The snow fell heavier around him as the melancholy settled over him, and he hardly had the strength to be angry. He needed to leave the camp to see Kilgharrah soon but did not want an audience following him. He looked to the knights, wishing that their promises and professions of brotherhood changed everything for him, but somehow it only left a sour taste in his mouth. It seemed unfair to him, that even though his brain recognized their words and the effects the enchantment had on them, his emotions had yet to catch up to the logic that they were not entirely to blame. He did not want to be angry or bitter anymore, not when he knew they were trying so hard. But perhaps, it was too soon even for him to let go. Perhaps that would take time, time to heal their wounds as so many people always told him. But that was time he might not ever have.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, and he turned from watching the snow melt on his fingers to glance at the King.

"What is Magic? Why is it so important to you? To them?"

He blinked several times at the King, almost certain he was mocking him. But then, his face showed only sincerity. And what did Arthur know about magic? He knew it could be used to harm others, or destroy. He saw it raise people from the dead as lifeless monsters. It caused many plagues when he dishonored the unicorns. But then, he believed it could heal once. And that it had the power to bring life. If all he knew was what he saw, then he knew almost nothing.

"Magic is…a gift and a curse. It is an energy, life, power, a new way to complete a task even. To the druids, it is a way of life, part of the old religion. To others, it is a passion. It is important to them because it is strong inside them. It is important to them because to deny it, would be to deny themselves, to live a lie. No one should have to live like that."

"What about to you then?"

He hesitated, but instead of answering directly, before he could stop himself the one thing looming in the back of his mind slipped through his mouth.

"I'm dying, Arthur."

He imagined Arthur's grip tightening around his knee as he leaned forward.

"What?"

"I can't feel the cold, the wind, the feel of my skin. Your voices are but whispers to me and I don't want to find out I will lose my sight too. I was born of magic, without it, it seems I really am becoming nothing."

Arthur's blood turned to ice—was that why he had been acting so strange? But he tried not to let the fear seep into his voice.

"Stop it. You're not nothing, and you're not going to die."

He rolled his eyes as he spoke, unable to accept the mortality of the man before him. Merlin was the one constant in his life. He was always there, no matter what.

"But I am dying. Magic is life, energy. It flows through each person and throughout the earth. A sorcerer can borrow the energy from the land around them, but in the end, it will return to the earth. But I'm different. I am magic. I don't know if it is that without my magic I cannot survive or perhaps that poison is still flooding through my veins and we still do not have an antidote or maybe it is both. I don't know. None of us do. We are all guessing, but getting nowhere."

"I promise you it will get better. You will not die."

A small wave of tenderness washed over Merlin in the mix of his other emotions as he glanced at Arthur's determined expression.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, you Prat."

They both spent a moment gazing into the fire before Arthur again interrupted the silence.

"If using magic is punishable by death, why do they use it? The druids. I get it with you, Gwaine told us it makes you sick or you said it's instinctual or was instinctual? Like putting out your hands to stop your fall? But you're different from everyone else."

"If touching the one you love was punishable by death, would you do it anyway? Maybe not, but what if she touched you or she begged. We are human, not mindless shades who do as they are commanded, not a lifeless dead skeleton drug from a grave."

"Then what my Mother told me was true that night, when you stopped me from murdering my Father, everything about magic, his selfishness, how he persecuted those with magic not because they are a threat to the kingdom but because he refused to blame himself for the risk he took by betraying my mother. It was all true. And you stopped me from killing him…why? None of this would have ever happened and you would have been free. He would have deserved death that night for all the needless suffering he caused."

"My first priority has always been to look after you. Killing your father would have destroyed you afterword's Arthur. You loved him. You still do. I won't waste time speaking about what might have happened if I let you plunge that sword into his heart, but I always considered your welfare above my so-called destiny because I considered you my friend. Maybe that was my first mistake, but my destiny was to protect you so you could return magic to the land. I never thought I would have to do more than that, but maybe I should have. I tried to help you, but maybe I didn't try to help you enough. I should have focused on returning magic more, but I'm not political like you are. I just wanted everyone to be safe. It's your job to think about the state of the kingdom and the people, not mine. I was just supposed to keep you alive long enough so you could set us all free."

It was starting to take shape in his mind, Merlin's position at his side all those years and why he was willing to put himself in so many dangerous situations. It was not just stupid recklessness. It was something more, something greater.

"Why didn't you offer to heal my Father then? You knew I was willing to use magic to help him. You could have…come forward then."

"I did try to heal him. I tried…I…it wasn't my fault." He buried his face into the red cloak around his shoulders again and shivered. Arthur's lips were pulled into a thin line, trying to understand without judgment. "Morgana placed an amulet over him. Any spell performed on him would have the opposite effect than intended. I really…I hoped that would be…I didn't kill him. I didn't…not him. I would have saved him if she hadn't…"

"So I went for Dragoon after your spells made things worse."

His head came up from the cloak again, but he refused to look at Arthur and watched the logs in the fire crack as Gwaine added another log.

"You went for me so you could bring me back to heal your father. You carried me on your back through the corridors and then I failed. He would have died without the use of magic anyway, but I can never get this guilt out of my head."

It looked like he might be trying to pull his hair, but he went through the motions blindly and missed the top of his head by an inch, pulling at air.

"You can't be Dragoon. No, that's impossible. He was a wrinkled old man and, he almost got Gwen killed!"

"Gwen was almost killed because Morgana planted a poultice in your bed to frame her and stop her from becoming queen of Camelot, a title she felt belonged solely to her. No one believed Morgana sought the ruin of Camelot back then, so I had Gaius make me an aging potion. If you had someone else to burn, Gwen would be set free. But I couldn't reverse the effects of the potion. If Gaius had not given me the antidote in time, I'm not sure what I would have done."

"A magic amulet?"

"In the vaults now, or at least I think that is what happened to it."

Dread started to sink into the pit of Arthur's stomach. Just how much had Merlin done for them? How long had Merlin, secret knight of the kingdom, been protecting him only to be treated no greater than a servant because he had to hide his magic. It shamed him more than anything Merlin said before did, and he started to recall all the raged filled thoughts which had driven him to stand before his Father with the intention to murder him in his own council room.

Could he be that man once more?

He had been passionate to fight for those who had done nothing wrong, his people of magic, who had been forced to suffer the blame of a selfish king who could not admit to his own fault. He had not been enchanted. He had been just. Perhaps, not in the murder, but in the cause of his vindication.

"How many other times has something like that happened where you used your magic to save one of us?"

"Are you asking to count my transgressions? The number of times I committed treason?"

"I have told you everything when you told me nothing. I want to change that."

Merlin turned from the fire to look for the first time directly into his eyes.

"Why?"

He took a controlled breath before his appeal.

"I want you to come home, Merlin. All of us, want you to come home. Not just so everything can go back to the way it was, but so that we can move past all of this. Before you left, I planned to grant you land on your recovery. I wanted to make you my adviser, give you a seat on the council. You would be a nobleman then, and your dragon—Aithusa—I already started prepping the council for his presence in Camelot. You would have a proper seat at the roundtable as you should have had so many years ago. The magic, we need to talk more, but I would not stop you from studying it to protect Camelot. You would be free to use it in battle. But… I would let you go if that is what you want."

"I won't have him kept in another cage. He will not be your weapon. He belongs in the skies. As soon as I heal him, like Kilgharrah, he will roam the land and dwell among the clouds."

Aithusa roared loudly next to him, startling the knights, and made a show of curling tightly around Merlin, who smiled at the dragon's obvious disagreement at leaving his brother one day.

"No one would be forced to live in a cage. And there would be no more need for secrecy. Any threat that comes, we would face together, especially if magic is involved."

The way Arthur said it and the way he looked pointedly at Merlin made the breath catch in his throat. It was almost everything he always wanted, a free passage back to Camelot as a known sorcerer, free to continue using his magic to protect Arthur. So he hardly understood why the offer filled his worn body with more anxiety than he knew how to handle.

But then, he did not want to be a tactical decision. Someone that Arthur took on and offered a place on the court because of the large asset he provided for Camelot. But, did the prophecy ever suggest anything more? Working as Arthur's advisor sounded right, but the man never listened to him as a servant. Would he start listening simply because he made Merlin a noble, and he was no longer merely a servant or a peasant anymore? It sat heavy with him, and he felt largely inclined to refuse the offer, to continue to help Arthur as Merlin, the servant of inferior rank and not the noble of Camelot despite the appeal of the position.

And then, as if he had forgotten his own declaration against him, he remembered that Arthur was not his king. Why should he worry about such things in the first place?

For the first time since he had lost his faith in Arthur's position as the Once and Future King, he started to doubt himself. A small whisper started that maybe, Kilgharrah was right and he was indeed, the king of prophecy. A memory stirred, one of the bright magic that flooded through Arthur like sunlight reflected on water never standing still, morphing, changing, and directly connected to him.

He vaguely registered Arthur continue to speak to him when the ringing started in his mind again, blocking out all sound and he put his head in-between his knees to stare at the sides of his feet and the fur pelt beneath him. The ground swayed several times—someone must be shaking him to get his attention.

"I can't hear you, Arthur. I can't hear anything. Give it a minute. It will come back."

He thought he said. Then he said it again just to make sure he said it out loud. Then a third time he muttered, "It will come back."

He uncurled to see Arthur standing beside him and motioning for someone far away, likely Gaius. When he turned to see the knights, Gwaine was waving his hands like a madman, pointing to his bowl of soup. He made largely exaggerated eating motions, and Merlin rolled his eyes. He searched for his own bowl to begin the careful process of finishing his own stew.

After some time, he noticed Gaius talking to Arthur out of the corner of his eye and almost turned to watch them when Gwaine started to make ridiculous faces at Merlin catching his attention. He spit the soup out of his mouth with a silent laugh. To his dismay, the other knights noticed what Gwaine started to do and joined in on the effort. One look at Percival laughing and making the face of a monkey had him gasping for breath. He vaguely realized Aithusa, a blur of scales and movement, shoving him to the ground as the world swirled around him. With a soft smile, he watched the snow fall towards him and curled his arms around Aithusa's neck who settled beside him and blocked the knights from view.

Soon.

Soon, it would be okay.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 ***** _this quote was taken from The Lady of The Lake by Sir Walter Scott._


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** Thanks for the support everyone! I feel the need to give an update on the status of the story. You may have noticed updates have been a little sporadic. As I have been editing the story, I noticed several plot holes that required a lot of new content, so most of this is new material mixed with the old which takes longer for me to review and post. I felt it would be better to tie up those loose ends then ignore them, and would not have been content otherwise. Hopefully, this does not make the story drag on too much. This chapter and the next would have been one, but it became too long so I will post it within a day or two.

 _Warnings: slight nudity(nothing sexual or graphic)_

 **CHAPTER TWENTY**

"There is nothing we can do for him," Gaius replied to Arthur, a painted physician's mask covering his features with little sympathy against the falling snow. He had been answering questions about his ward's condition and arguing about the rituals of magic for more time then he cared to waste. His patience worn thin and confronted with the man whose kingdom he had fled just days before, he was stuck with an overwhelming sense of disappointment.

"What do you mean nothing?" Arthur asked, aghast. "He can't even hear us anymore."

"Quite frankly Sire, you can only expect it to become worse. You should consider it lucky that he heard you at all today, as throughout the ritual he could hear nothing."

"But there has to be something else you can do. "

"And what would you suggest, Sire? I can't very well research the vial here. None of my books carry any information on Amelie's box and the druids have only heard of it in legends. They are people of magic, not science. By all rights, he should have been healed the moment you destroyed the box. But, he was not and nothing was left for me to study after it was destroyed in dragon fire. I have analyzed his blood, but have found no trace of any toxin. His body gives no outward sign of distress but for the change in his movements and his dissipating senses. Any spells used to return his magic or counteract whatever was in that vial are mere guesswork and we just do not have the knowledge anymore; so much was lost in the purge. Before you start criticizing our efforts, remember that you're the reason he's in this state in the first place."

Both of their eyes widened in surprise. Gaius leaned back, the breath almost taken out of him. After a moment, his eyes lost their hard gaze and softened at the blank, guarded expression on Arthur's face.

"I'm sorry, Arthur. But, at this point, we need to start—"

"I made another mistake."

Gaius's eyebrows rose as Arthur took a small step closer. He hid the desperation from his voice well, but to someone who saw him grow up, he could hear it seep into the edge of his words.

"I owe you apology as well just as I did to Merlin. I put you in a difficult position, and I know it should have never been. "

"You did. But, an apology does not change the fact that Merlin may yet die, and heaven knows how good you are at those anyway."

Arthur broke his gaze to stare just past his shoulder, a hint of red flushing his skin. It was just enough of a reaction for him to see the young king he was once so proud of and exasperating disappointment flushed his anger completely.

"You should have known better, Arthur. All these years and you have done nothing to understand the different people who surround you. If you want to do them any credit, you do not have the luxury to delay now. If he dies, I have no doubt there will be a curse placed over all of Camelot or worse, every other land across the sea. There is more than just Merlin's life at stake, now. You must know that."

Arthur stayed quiet for a moment as he thought over his words. It was a familiar warning, and one he did not intend to push aside for another day.

"I told Merlin that whatever might help him from Camelot's vaults he's welcome to, but I can't believe Merlin would ever curse Camelot. I do this for Merlin, nothing else."

"Oh. So good of him to tell me!" Gaius cried sarcastically, throwing his hands up. "We might have sent someone for more books if he wasn't so keen on still trying to do things on his own."

Arthur grimaced, and Gaius gave him a wry smile.

"You will be going back to the castle then? " He asked and a cold fear struck him at once at the thought of reentering the vaults. If he had never entered the vaults to begin with and waited for the druids, things might have gone completely different. The druids would have brought the mirror, he would have seen the vision and then went to speak with Merlin. Questions may have been answered and the whole affair might have been settled that day, with the exception of the ban on magic. Merlin might never have been cursed.

He recalled the sensation of pulling from the vaults, as if someone else had taken control of his steps, driving his motions to the box, but he had been completely unaware. What would possess him next? Something far worse?

"Arthur it was terrible luck that drew you to Amelie's box, but no one else can enter the inner room unless you give them permission which requires a spell by you or Merlin—I would guess, as he was able to enter the vaults without a problem. If you fear some other dark spell will fall upon you, the druids will be more than happy to make you a talisman, or better take one of the druid elders. One of them would be able to prevent another incident, I am sure."

"You hid Merlin's magic—"

"And my own, Sire." Gauis countered, not willing to permit Arthur to change subjects when something did not agree with him. "I used magic several times to recover Merlin from curses or other cationic states. Magic can do great good in Camelot. So can Kings, if they are among the just and the wise. We are asking you to accept a great deal, but you will gain so much more if you do. The people here were once people of Camelot.. They were your people, Arthur. How long will you abandon them?"

Arthur took a deep breath. A sensation as if waking from a dream had fallen over him. The glitter of his throne was gone and although no battle had been fought, he felt as if his boots where crunching over charred bones, bone left by his father which he had never bothered notice until now.

"Whatever you need from Camelot, I will ride out and return before dusk tomorrow. But I need to speak to Merlin before I ride."

Gaius nodded and gave a small, genuine smile for the first time since he saw him return to Camelot.

"If you can wake him, I suspect. His dragon may not allow it. I shall acquire a list for you to take with you. Understand, I cannot leave Merlin in this state. "

"I know."

He turned away to search for Merlin among his knights. They had started setting up tents in the falling snow and talk of moving somewhere more secure for shelter circulated now that they knew the ritual would take several more days.

Somewhere in-between his arguing with Gaius about Merlin's medical state, the man in question had managed to disappear under the wings of Aithusa out of view. He could see a small splatter of red on the white snow, and for a brief moment panic seized him—had the dragon crushed him?—before he shoved the thought from his mind.

"If anything happened to him, you would let us know."

He demanded to Aithusa. Although the dragon remained curled under his own wings, he felt an overwhelming sense of reassurance fill him-much like when he had first felt the dragon's emotions overwhelm his own- and breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's true? Isn't it."

He asked settling down to rest his calves near Aithusa's folded neck. There was a rustle, and he emerged from the cover of his wings to look at Arthur, head tilted to the side. Merlin reached out on the snow from the gap Aithusa had made, stretched his fingers and left his hand resting on the cold snow. Aithusa's head disappeared under his wing to nuzzle his arm back under his wings. Arthur caught a flash of black hair and skin before Merlin vanished completely from sight. Aithusa gazed at him once more as if to say _what_ and a flash of annoyance from the dragon flashed in his mind. He took a breath and asked as clearly as he could.

"He is dying?"

He fell back onto the snow, crippled from the overwhelming sorrow that flooded and choked him beyond comprehension as Aithusa's emotions merged with his own. He gasped for breath, feeling as if his heart had been struck by a multitude of jagged ice before the sensation faded, and he felt cold tears dripping from his cheek. He struggled with his own emotions before he laid a solid hand on Aithusa's snout and let his fingers soak in the warmth of his breath.

"I will see him restored, both of us will. You have my word."

Aithusa's eyes bored into him and under the intensity of his gaze, he felt a spark flash between them. Gold flickered in Aithusa's eyes as he lifted his head to roar at the falling snow. Greater than the words any man might instill in him, courage rushed through his veins like the light of a lantern. He felt burning in his own eyes, as if a blast of cold hit them and shut them against the sensation. He left the pair, the dragon and his master, to sleep among the snow as he rode off into the night toward the castle.

* * *

His hearing returned to him under the folds of Aithusa's wings where he had settled to sleep. He could not place what woke him, but Aithusa's golden eyes stared directly into his own as he awoke and he scrambled to his feet in haste. He realized, looking around, that the knights had also fallen into slumber. Makeshift tents had been erected close to the dying fire burrowed in several inches of fresh snow that still fell to the ground in a fury. The entire camp, he noticed as he looked around, had fallen into a deep sleep with only a stray shadow moving under tent flaps to avoid the snow. They would need to find better shelter, he mused, if the weather stayed as wretched as it did. It was unsettling, as the first signs of a nearing spring should have been burst through the winter ice by now. It left him feeling uneasy.

"Are we ready to go?"

He whispered to his dragon, pleased to hear the sound of his voice and the ice crunching under his feet. He spied his cloak, hung over a branch with a brown cloth covering it from most of the snowfall, as if someone expected him to awake and need it sometime in the night. He held out a hand to call it over and realized somewhat awkwardly that nothing would become of the motion. He stood with his hand out, stretched towards the cloak before he decided it did not matter anyway. He left it fluttering in the wind underneath the old brown cloak that had once concealed Camelot's bright red and followed after Aithusa who made a trail in the thick snow, looking back every now and then so he knew to follow.

"Wait. Stop."

Aithusa halted and looked up, started.

"They can't stay here. The snow will cover the tents by morning. Even with their spells, this weather is relentless. We have to take them to the caves. It will be safe there. "

Aithusa flicked his tail, almost annoyed and it occurred to Merlin that although Aithusa might have tolerated the people around them, he did not see them as his kin.

"It's not even that far. We could all make it in just a few hours, maybe less. This weather is too harsh to not seek some form of shelter and there's children here. They won't stand the cold. Not if all this snow keeps everyone wet. They usually have better shelter than this for the winter, but they traveled all this way for me and now there's nothing."

Aithusa stood gazing at him without a twitch or a blink. He had no idea what he was thinking, or if he even would comply with his wish. Aithusa had stayed with him among the druids but always alert. He could tell his kin did not feel safe around them, and only when the hollow king drew near did he relax his stance of defense. Merlin rolled his eyes and turned in the snow to trek back to the tents. He left Aithusa standing among the hills beyond watching him.

He picked his way through the snowy trail, stumbled over snow banks and tried to stay in the tracks they created moments before. Once he strayed from their trail, it was harder to fight the high snow. He traveled with careful motions, but without the feeling to distinguish if his feet hit solid ground, he slipped often and fell into the snow. When he reached Iseldir's tent, several inches of snow sealed the flaps of it closed. He brushed the fabric aside to wake the sleeping druid.

"Emrys!" He heard Iseldir call fearfully at once, woken from his sleep with a jolt by the cold air. He was barechested among the thick furs in the tent, and started to spring hastily to his feet. Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but with lightning-quick motions, Iseldir wrapped his hands around his elbow and pulled him into the tent. Set off balance, he stumbled inside and fell onto the pallet of furs and blankets. He struggled to stand, but something pulled Merlin from behind further onto the blankets as Iseldir closed the tent with a weary look outside.

"You are just about frozen to the bone." A female voice exclaimed beside him.

He turned his head in shock, not expecting anyone else to be in the tent and cursed his lack of foresight as he caught sight of a black-haired woman's bare shoulders poking out from under the furs. His head snapped to the back wall of the tent, desperate to keep her out of his view just as she leaned close to cover his body with the furs. He tried to squirm away from her, but Iseldir slipped back under the blankets and stopped him from moving.

"Hold still or your blood will surely freeze." She pleaded. He stilled immediately, alarmed at the accusation. Locked between their warm bodies, furs and blankets of green, pink spread over his checks, and for once he thanked the gods he could not feel. He squirmed between them, and the woman caught his hands and slipped them under the furs out of his sight. _Had they started to turn blue?_ He wondered and cursed his lack of foresight again.

"If I was that bad off, Aithusa would have tackled me to the ground or spelled me with warmth," He said out loud, to reason with himself as much as with them. Aithusa had kept him warm as they left the camp, of that he was sure, but what about in the time it took him to leave Aithusa and travel to the tent? It had taken longer than it normally would for him to travel the short distance, but he focused so heavily on his footing now his movements always seemed slow to him.

"Aithusa is your dragon?" She asked.

"As much as I am his brother, yes." He said as he turned to her, jerking back as their faces came no more than an inch apart. Red covered his cheeks again and he forced himself to glance back at the fabric of the tent. If either of them were aware of his discomfort, they did not show it, and she took his raised chin as an invitation to move closer to him. Head bowed to his neck, she reached around him to tangle her fingers with Iseldir's.

"He is a beautiful creature, my Lord." She whispered, voice heavy with sleep. She seemed to relax next to him, and for a moment he surrendered to their grip, unsure what to do.

"Sleep peacefully, Emrys. You are safe here." Iseldir murmured near his ear, he wondered if he could even turn to look the man in the eyes or if he had encased him from behind as well. His voice was also thick with sleep, and he felt largely like a small restless child pulled into bed by his parents. He recalled other winters where his mother had done just the same after he had been working in the snow, the tips of his fingers showing a tinge of blue. She had immediately forced him to strip down and lay with her under their warm winter blankets and bed of straw. He could feel his eyes dropping as winter memories of his mother danced in his mind, but the strangeness of the situation kept him awake. He recalled, with a flush of embarrassment, why he had come in the first place and the drowsiness settling over him vanished.

"I didn't come here to sleep. We need to wake the camp."

"You fear for the weather?" Iseldir asked, voice sounding clearer.

"Will it let up? Can you feel it?"

He waited as the light whisper of a spell passed Iseldir's lips. After a pause, Merlin could see the druid out of the corner of his eye, leaning over him.

"I sense something unnatural. Fedelma, would you see what words the wind brings?"

She lifted her head towards them so they could see her face, her brow creased in agitation.

"He is not yet warm enough. We must wait."

"We have all been so focused restoring Emrys we have been blinded to the signs of storm." An urgency lined his words, and Merlin waited for her acquiescence.

"Blindness was allowing him to remain among the bloodhounds of Camelot. He would have been frozen solid before first light."

"It was not our place to question the decisions o—"

"Fedelma, please." Merlin broke in, looking down to finally meet her eyes. "I would do it myself if I could."

They each were startled into silence by his personal request, and she bowed her head slightly in acknowledgment of him.

"If that is what you wish." She said as he heard Iseldir rustling beside him to pass her a cloak. "You stay there!" She commanded to the druid. Merlin turned his back to her just as she slipped from the furs to dress for the outside air. Iseldir obeyed obediently and resumed his close hold around Merlin. Grumbling, Merlin muttered, feeling more embarrassed now that she was gone.

"Is this really necessary?"

Iseldir frowned.

"You should not have been out in the cold, not without some form of warmth. Where was your dragon?"

He frowned and did not answer. The silence stretched until Fedemla returned and leaned over at his side.

"The skies are in mourning. They have lost something, and the wind tries to call it home. The earth is looking for you, Emrys."

"Will the storm pass?"

She looked uncertain, face white and cold. He could see the warmth of her breath even under the cover of the tent.

"I do not know, but it is starting to spread. You are right, my Lord. We must seek shelter. Shall I will wake the others and have someone bring you something more appropriate to wear?"

He nodded wearily. She disappeared from the tent as if a sharp gust of wind carried her. Merlin remained where he was, encased by the druid and the blankets. They started to hear the sounds of the camp come alive around them, but he dozed lightly now that his mission was partly over.

Before long, several men entered the tent bearing heavy clothing he recognized as one of his gifts and his rich blue cloak. One of them passed him a steaming cup as he sat up, and he drank it carefully. Once finished, Iseldir dressed and Merlin changed into warmer clothing somewhat awkwardly as the druids fused over the buttons and laces of the new boots. He emerged from the tent rather hurried, eager to escape the druids around him who were eager to serve. Several of the elders had gathered nearby, and upon seeing him, they rushed towards him. He spotted Gaius among them and felt a sense of relief when he moved to stand near his mentor who placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

It was to Gaius and not the druid elders that he addressed his plan. He spoke quickly, scanning the crowds for Aithusa but the dragon was nowhere to be seen among the people gathering their tents and belongings. He could see horses being drawn near, and several makeshift carts where loaded behind them at the insistence of several knights. He forced a calmness over himself as the people started to gather together as one towards him and the strange feeling of being surrounded by empty corpses started to intensify.

He scanned the skies, but it was filled with clouds of snow. _Where is he?_ He thought with desperation as the forms around him started to fade into pure hollows. None of them felt real to him, even with Aithusa at his side, but somehow with his dragon at his side, it was easier to ignore how manic treating them as human felt. He pushed down the feeling and started with careful steps to lead them towards the caves. A thought struck him and he scanned the crowds for Arthur, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Gaius, where is Arthur?"

He asked as his attention returned to making careful footsteps in the snow while the people followed after him at a steady pace.

"He returned to Camelot. He will be back to the camp tomorrow before dusk; we were promised. He has gone to fetch some things from the vault."

He nodded, feeling harshly abandoned.

"He will return, Merlin."

He said, sensing his ward's disappointment. Time passed slowly as they trudged through the snow, his bones felt weary and he started to stumble. Gaius saved his fall several times, but he growled to the air in anger.

"This is ridiculous. I am slowing us down. Where the hell is Aithusa?"

He ignored whatever Gaius said to him next and almost started to yell the dragon's name to the sky, anger and bitterness festering in him, when he caught wind of a soft singing. He looked up from the snow-covered ground, shook his grip away from Gaius and turned abruptly to follow it.

His mentor followed at a distance, uncertain, and the entire party of people stopped to watch him creep towards a clearing in the trees. A flicker of movement caught his eye, and in a daze, he moved towards it. Several feet before him—he almost missed it among the pure white snow—stood a unicorn.

It nickered, walked towards him, and butted its snout against his shoulder before it dropped to lay at his feet. Almost in a state of shock, he curled his fingers in its coarse mane and nearly wept at the feeling of the hairs between his fingers. He mounted in a state of shock, face pressed into the side of its warm neck as it stood and walked over the snow banks as if it weighed no more than a cloud. He felt not the wind nor the cold, but perhaps even the most corrupt of men could be reached by the pure magic radiating from the creature.

They continued on, trudging through the wind and snow, guided by Merlin's blue cloak against the white snow. When they reached the caves which would lead them deep into the earth, the unicorn left him and vanished into the snowy wind.

It left no tracks, as if it had never been there at all.


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: Sorry to everyone still waiting for this story! I just really have been having one hell of a year, but i will not abandon this story. We are nearing the end of the story though. I hope it does not start to get too weird for everyone(but really I think I always make things a little too weird) . Hope you enjoy, none the less! Thanks to everyone still reading!_

 _Warnings: none_

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

The state of the weather quickly took a turn for the worst as the snow ragged on and temperatures plummeted. Arthur was met with a fury of complications at his return to the citadel, the ever decreasing grain and wood stores, the building ice and snow, and the whisper of sorcery. The state of his kingdom distressed him, but it paled in comparison to his distress over Merlin's fate.

The few days he stayed in the castle past in a slow crawl, every detail sharp and vivid. With the help of the druids, he was able to locate the artifacts and books Gaius had requested. His fingers ghosted over their pages, reading small passeges and turning to others to try and understand more of the world he had shunned but now found himself forced to embrace. If he had been wiser, could everything have been avoided? Or did his pride and stubborness cripple his judgment to where even if he had understood magic, the end result would have been the same. Arthur did not know the answer.

It was with a heavy heart that he left Gwen again in the castle after his return, but he was eager to return to Merlin. If his hope rang true, he would find him restored and waiting to give him an earful of complaints. Gwen had worn a strange look on her face as he left, keeping close company with the visiting druids who chose to stay behind instead of return to their people, keeping small secrets that seemed miniscule in details to him but which she seemed to guard with a startling ferocity. Everone, it seemed, had changed without him realising. Yet, he chose to ignore it still in light of returning to Merlin with the heavy knowledge that if he did not succeed in returning him to Camelot, he might not only face the complete destruction of his relationship with Merlin, but also devistating consequesces to his people.

Despite his haste, he returned to the druid camp to find it empty, all tracks covered by new fallen snow. Just before he started to despair at ever finding the druids, a flicker of movement caught his gaze, and he watched mesmerised as a white stead appeared just on the horizon. Its ear flicked lazily, before turning to walk uphill. He felt a stir in his gut, and edged his own horse forward to follow while cursing his own stupidity.

Since the night he left the druid camp, a foreign power started stirring in his blood as if something had awoken. It was this force that compelled him to follow the white stead, although his instinct told him it was madness.

The snow had stopped falling, but the wind still stirred dangerously around him. He kept the magical artifacts Gaius requested and books of spells and theory in a saddlebag beside him. Although he tied it with a talisman from the druids to dampen the power, he could feel a strange humming from the satchel as if it pricked at the foreign six sense in him.

At long last, the mare disappeared from his sight and it was with surprise that he beheld the caves where he had once held Merlin at sword point, as if, fate sought to draw him back to the place where he first erred.

But then, he had strayed from the right path long before then.

He led his horse into the mouth of the cave to join a small team of others. Upon entering the cave, his gaze searched through the druids packed loosely in the stone cave. The hustle and noise of their daily routine filled the space as he weaved through the people, hoping to find Merlin in the packed crowd.

"Arthur!"

Gwaine called to him from behind several heads and the clamor of metal. He lifted a hand in acknowledgment and weaved through the crowds to find his knight. They clasped hands in greeting. A look of exhaustion covered Gwaine's face, and he met his next words with dread.

"What the hell took you so long?"

Gwaine spat angrily. Arthur twitched to draw his hand back to his side, but Gwaine did not let go.

"The dragon's gone and now Merlin's acting as if he lost his damn mind. We had to lock him up. He nearly tried to kill Gaius and one of the druids. Gave me a few good bruises too. Follow me."

He took off through the crowd, and Arthur followed quickly at his heels.

"What about the ritual?"

"No good. It didn't fix a damn thing." He called over his shoulder as they traveled deeper into the winding stone tunnels. The air started to grow warm around him as Gwaine lead him into a deep cavern filled with men and women speaking in hushed voices. They wove through the tents and straw pads set on the stone floor to a tent built of the finest furs and fabric. Rich strings of beads and polished stone hung from the poles and a circle of druids sat around it hand in hand creating a barrior. He passed his satchel to Gwaine, eyes glued to the entrance of the tent. He could feel a pull on his chest, and in that moment, anything but entering the fabric door would be unthinkable.

"Give those to Gaius" He murmured as he stepped over the druid's linked arms. Gwaine tried to follow him, but his hand smashed against a wall of magic which kept him on the outside of the circle.

"Oh so its okay from him to pass through but not me?" He heard Gwaine growl angrily, but ignored him.

Arthur lifted the thick brown flap of the tent, half expecting to find Gaius inside, but there was only Merlin. He sat agitatedly in the center of the tent atop a ground of silver fur, a vast array of food and drink lay abandoned to the side. He looked up at the noise, a snarl on his features which faded the moment he caught sight of Arthur.

"Thank the gods!" he cried, jumping to his feet. "Where the hell have you been?"

Merlin reached to pull him further into the tent, and Arthur stumbled in shock. He felt something strong jolt out of his chest, and his eyes burned like fire.

"You…You're happy to see me?"

He asked with surprise, as Merlin kept a firm grip on his wrist. He could feel power coursing through them with an intoxicating shiver and tried to pull from his grip but Merlin headfast like iron.

"Why haven't you come sooner? I thought you weren't going to come."

Arthur's eyes locked onto their clasped hands, and he said rather uncertainly, "Gaius should have told you. I returned to Camelot to bring back resources from the vault. Neither of us trusted the ritual, which by the sounds of it, we had the right idea."

He blinked several times, trying to ignore the quivering sensation and looked up to meet his eyes.

"My Lord!" Merlin leaned towards him, close enough to hiss in his ear. "That wasn't Gaius."

Dread flooded him at his friends words, and he leaned back to look at him more closely. His eyes looked murky, as if cloudy water covered them. He twitched often, eyes darting around, but seeing nothing. His entire posture screamed alert, as if he expected them to be attacked at any moment.

"Merlin…where is Aithusa?"

Merlin hissed and shook his head.

"I don't know. He left. He left. He's gone. He's gone. You should not have come here. They will get you too."

He refrained from taking several steps back and gripped Merlin's elbow.

"Who will get me, Merlin? What happened?"

"Those things!" He cried out, and Arthur griped Merlin's shoulders to steady him. His gaze was unfocused, and with a sickening dread Arthur realized he hardly ever blinked. The edges of his eyes were stained a dry red. "I know you can't feel it, my Once and Future King, but those people out there, they aren't real. They're fake. They have no soul. They're hollow! We have to get out of here, but they won't let me leave! We have to go to the mountain heart. You have to get us out of here somehow. We need to speak to the ember of fire and then go to the mountain heart, there is no other way."

"You're speaking nonsense. Hell, Merlin. Can you even see me?"

"I see you." With those words, he leaned to rest his forehead on Arthur's shoulder. It was an intimate gesture, and Arthur cleared his throat several times as Merlin let out a quivering sob. "Gods, yes, I see you, Arthur. It's really you."

He blinked back several tears of his own, unsure why the emotions of his companion affected him so much and gave him several awkward pats on the back before resting his palm just at the base of his neck. A surge of protectiveness welled in him, and the final chains baring down his will to accept every crazy act of magic that was Merlin broke. Gods, he isn't even Merlin anymore, he thought. He drapped his other arm around Merlin's waist as his eyes glistening, and he stared resolutely at the ceiling of the tent.

"What the hell did you do now to make them lock you in this tent? Gwaine said you've been acting crazy."

 _He tried to kill Gaius. Gaius?_

"They won't let me leave." He said as he pulled out of Arthur's grip but kept a firm grip on his wrist before Arthur could pull it away. "But I have to speak to my brother. We have to speak to the ember of fire. Emrys and the Once and Future King must restore the balance to the world or all will fall into darkness."

He crinkled his brow, trying to make sense of Merlin's cryptic rambles.

"You're talking about your warning again?"

"Head my words, my King. Your Kingdom lies is peril, but through the flames will come the age of peace. The time of your destiny has come. We must go."

Despite the eerie tone settled over Merlin, his warnings struck a chord in him, as if he had been told of yet another quest he must complete to prove his worth as King. Why the druids and the knights would pass it for mad ramblings, he did not know. But he knew of the prophesy now, Merlin's wide wisdom and although the words from his tongue came as if from a strangers mouth, he took every warning and kept it.

"This mountain…going to it will cure you?"

"Destiny has already been altered. Delay now, and the darkness will remain forever."

"Yes, I get that. But, there are hundreds of mountains, Merlin. I can't go to every single one. And, what am I supposed to do there?"

"Only at the mountain heart will magic be restored and the curse that has befallen these lands will be lifted. For I am magic, and magic is me. Without it, all will be lost forever."

A vein throbbed in his head, and he gritted his teeth in frustration.

"You've said that already. What mountain? I just go there and then the curse is lifted?"

"Will you accept this quest?"

"I will always do what is best for my people."

"Let us go then. There is no time to delay."

Merlin dipped his head, and as he did, the cryptic man of destiny dissolved into the Merlin he had encountered when he first stepped through the tent, a trembling man demanded to be set free. Merlin turned for his cloak, and somehow found a way to slip it on without ever letting go of Arthur, as if he had become a lifeline to the world around him.

They emerged hastily from the tent, Merlin's nails digging into his wrist with one hand and the other fisted into the fabric against his shoulder blade so Arthur sheilded him from the people around them. The druids looked up in shock from their place on the floor. They dropped hands, rose with whispering voices of awe and stepped to the side to allow him and Merlin to pass through the circle. He caught sight of Gwaine, pale-faced and wide-eyed. He cursed and made a start for them only to be held back by a man next to him.

A strong shove on Arthur's back from Merlin alerted him to his friend's eagerness to leave the dark confines of the cave, and he stumbled forward with Merlin less than a finger's width apart from him at each step. A resonating silence descended over the cave as they parted to allow the king and sorcerer to pass, bowing low all with the same reverent awe. The strangeness of it riled Arthur's patience, and his left hand naturally curled around the hilt of his sword. He heard Gaius shout for him somewhere in the crowd, but the people were packed too closely against the trail, each hoping to get a glimpse of the pair walking through the caves, and he could not find him in the crowd. Merlin's hand on his back pushed him hastily through the caves to the entrance, and he let him without protest.

The frigid night air hit them when they reached the mouth of the cave, and Arthur stopped just beyond the stone to take a deep breath. Merlin's grip on his back loosened, but he did not move from his spot against Arthur's side.

He let his mind wonder for a moment, trying to make sense of the quest Merlin laid out, but the only thing he knew for sure was that Merlin had some idea of how to break the curse and they were the ones that could carry it out. A curse that Arthur was beginning to suspect not only had to do with Merlin's magic, but with the ragging winter which only seemed to worsen by the day.

Merlin dropped his grip on his back suddenly, but used his free hand to grasp Arthur's wrist again so he could stand side by side in a less intimate position. Arthur turned to watch him as a confused expression started to cross Merlin's face slowly blooming into the beginnings of panic.

"Merlin?"

He asked, trying to draw him from whatever demons had started to plague his mind. His eyes moved towards the sound of his voice, but his gaze rested just beyond his shoulder.

"Arthur?...I…"

He trailed off and blinked several times. The murky glaze covering his eyes looked clearer, and he could start to make out a soft blue in his irises.

"What is it?"

His eyes flickered in his direction more directly, and with a thrill of excitement, he realized Merlin was actually looking at him.

"What..." He began before he trailed off into silence. He blinked several times, and Arthur left him to collect his thoughts as he watched the wind kick up the snow.

"What's happened to me?"

"Gwaine said you went mad."

He shook his head and was lost in thought again. He waited again for him to come out of the cloud surrounding his mind. He watched his gaze turn up to search the clouds and the surrounding woods.

"Where is Aithusa? I can't…"

"He hasn't been seen for the past few days. I don't think he came to the cave."

The troubled expression returned, and he found a spot in the woods to bore into. Arthur followed his gaze, and realized it was the exact stop where he had held him at sword point, threatening to drive his blade through his heart. He was about to comment on it, when Merlin spoke again. He turned to face him, and their eyes met.

"I was going to try and call Kilgharrah?" He asked uncertain as if trying to remember something he had forgotten. The name jogged Arthur's memory, and he leaned closer to Merlin in sudden rapt attention.

"Kilgharrah? The man who told you about your destiny?

"Kilgharrah isn't a man." He said with a sheepish glance up and down at Arthur. "He is a dragon, the great dragon to be precise."

Arthur's lips thinned.

"The one that attacked Camelot," He asked.

Merlin grimaced and nodded. "Yes, I was going to ask for his help."

"And he would help you?"

"He has to," Merlin said, and Arthur nodded his understanding. Dragonlord, right?

He stayed quiet for a moment, eyebrows knitted together, examining Arthur's face as he stared back. There was a softness in Merlin's gaze unfamiliar since their estrangement as if something he saw in Arthur suddenly fixed everything and he wondered what had changed.

"I think…" Merlin started slowly, breaking his attention. " I think I really lost it after Aithusa didn't follow us to the camp."

"Explain."

" I don't think…I haven't been thinking straight until now. I've been in darkness, Arthur. I…gods, I said some terrible things to Gaius, the knights, you, the druids..."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. None of it felt real, but you do. You didn't before, but now you do. But, I still don't think I believe in everything that has happened. That you would do any of this, for me. Especially not what you're doing now."

"Merlin" He said with a grown, hating to have Merlin's doubt of reality come up again and not quite knowing how to handle it. "I'm real. Everyone in that cave was real. This is-"

"That isn't what I meant! I'm not having a breakdown again about reality. I can tell that you are you and that this is real even if it doesn't really feel like it. You're here now. That's enough. But I just…never mind. You wouldn't understand."

"Then as your King, I order you to make me."

Merlin snorted.

"I can't. I hardly understand. I just know that before I could see Aithusa and then he was gone and I saw nothing. And now I can see you, but Arthur, I said some horrible things, to all of you."

He did not know how to comfort him, so he shook his head.

"If you're going to call your dragon, call him. The sooner we handle this, the sooner we can go home. If he can help, great. If not, we should still return to the castle. The weather is only going to get worse, and you can't protect yourself without your magic now. If you still want to leave, you can leave in the spring and I will send you off myself. And I…"

Merlin grimaced, grip tightening around his wrist as he leaned forward towards him.

"What if…What if there is nothing we can do?" He whispered softly.

"Like you said, we just need to get to that mountain. There might be nothing the dragon can do, but we will find a way. "

He shook his head slowly, even with the confidence in Arthur's voice it failed to stir up hope. "If you really believe that then you're a hopeless romantic."

"And if you don't you're a cynical coward. It was your plan! What part of we will figure this out together didn't make it into that thick head of yours?" He snarled passionately, but Merlin had a far off look on his face, and his gaze traveled back past the horizon.

"Arthur… if it is possible that you are going to remove the ban someday—"

"I never said I would lift the ban"

Merlin turned to him, annoyance dripping from every line in his face, and he rolled his eyes.

"Seriously? But it's possible? Just humor me. Is it at all possible? Even a small chance?"

His eyes narrowed at the sarcasm lacing Merlin's words, but he expected honesty from Merlin so he would always give the same in return.

"Yes."

A smile lite up on Merlin's face, and any dread accompanying the thought of changing the law vanished.

"Then even if it is small" He breathed, a wistful expression crossing his face. "If that really is something that you might do…maybe…maybe we should work on that now? If we return to Camelot…if there really is no way to —"

"No, Merlin."

"If there really is no hope, then I want to, if you would allow it,I would want to be able to see it. See magic returned." He turned back to glance into Arthur's eyes, a mist of tears covered his own and his smile stretch wider on his face.

"Merlin, stop. Talking like that is probably why they locked you in the damn tent. There is always hope."

"They locked me up in the tent because my mind was gone. They wouldn't let me leave because I couldn't recognize any of them and would have gotten myself killed or at the very least starved to death. I tried to force my way out, but the Knights held me down and then they entrapped me in that tent. I could have seriously hurt someone, Arthur. They couldn't even reason with me. I just kept growling at them like an animal."

He said it with such seriousness that Arthur hitched a breath, but the look Merlin gave him was almost one of pity.

"Arthur?"

"What"

"Did you learn magic for me?"

"Wh-what?"

A heavy pressure settled on his chest as his eyes flicked to his wrist still clasped tightly by Merlin's hand, drawn back to the feeling of power rushing between them he had forced himself to ignore. He looked back to Merlin to notice the fondness transform to sympathy and almost disappointment. Some of the hardness came back into his eyes, but at least the hostility did not return.

"You don't even know that you're doing it, do you? That's how it was for me at first too."

"What are you talking about?"

A stone had lodged in his throat and his voiced sounded hoarse to his own ears. Merlin looked away from him to the crystal streams of water rushing by and fidgeted with sudden unease.

"But the good news is that I'm not losing my mind anymore, right? I can see now too, which is good. I don't think I could see anything before, so it is a good thing, really."

"MERLIN!" Arthur growled with annoyance.

"Your sort of…" Merlin used his other hand to gesture to Arthur, fumbling for words before he settled for an observation.

"Your eyes are glowing."

He gasped as if stuck. "My what?"

"Your eyes….they are…." Merlin waved a hand in front of his face if proving something to himself. "Oh yeah, definitely golden. That is definitely magic, and I would know, I was magic once, you know, so I'm almost positive that I would recognize the look of—"

"MERLIN!"

An old playful look crossed Merlin's face, and he could recognize the sly smirk on his features as one he would use often when teasing Arthur. He could feel a growing panic burning inside him—had he been cursed again—which Merlin tried to chase with humor like he so often did.

"Does this mean we both have to be executed now if we stay in Camelot according to the law? I guess if we go back, we can be burn buddies, Arthur."

He felt like he was suffocating.

"What the hell do you mean my eyes are glowing!?"

Merlin lilted his head, the look of sympathy had returned which did nothing to calm his racing heart.

"It was how I knew it was you, because of the magic. It woke me up."

He was shaking his head now, urging his body not to tremble, but he could still feel it pulsing under Merlin's grip.

"I would never do magic."

He snarled and ripped his arm out of Merlin's grip, who fumbled before an odd expression crossed his face. For a moment, Arthur thought he was about say something, but then the murky look started to return to his eyes as he started blankly ahead. Panic flooded him. He reached out a hand to pull Merlin back towards him, to restore the grip that had literally grounded Merlin into reality, but he stumbled away from Arthur as if his touch would burn and fell to the ground.

"DON'T TOUCH ME" He hissed, baring his teeth in a feral growl. His hand gripped a stray rock hard which he raised ready to strike.

Nono _No_ Arthur thought desperately. H _e had to protect, defend, heal. COME BACK._

The thought resounded through his mind and with an alien fear, he watched a burst of golden sparks fly from his hand outstretched towards Merlin. They glimmered in the air, before seeping into Merlin's eyes. He stumbled away, trembling at the feeling coursing through his veins and made a strangled sound from the back of his throat. _Nonono He was cursed! Cursed again and he had just attacked his best friend when they were finely setting things right!_

But Merlin blinked several times, the murky look faded and was replaced with one of gratitude and guilt. He dropped the rock as if it burned him, and caught his eye.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to say that. You let go of me and that must have broken the spell, but whatever you just did helped." He stumbled to his feet, still wobbling and took a cautious step towards Arthur.

"Arthur?"

He asked uncertainly. The man in question had caught the soft glow of his eyes as they faded from gold to blue in the nearby stream and seemed frozen. Merlin placed a hand on his elbow, trying to rouse him and pulled him from the water.

"Arthur" He tried.

"Sire?" Nothing.

"Clotpole?"

"Shut up, Merlin" He hissed, finally breaking out of his shocked spell to face him. The feeling that something alien had crawled into his blood and infected it hounded the familiar banter with dread. He might have demanded answers, sought more explanation, but the past days had sobered his temper. And, Merlin was speaking to him almost as if things between them were normal. Merlin griped his wrist tightly, apologetically and tugged him out into the snow.

"We need to call Kilgharrah somehow. He will probably know what is going on with your magic too."

He did not bother hiding the haunted look in his own eyes, hyper-aware now of the magic flowing through them as Merlin kept his grip on his wrist once more.

"I don't have magic."

He protested weakly, to which Merlin scoffed.

"Everyone has magic, Arthur. Just not everyone can use it, just like some people can't not use it. "

He let Merlin pull him further into the clearing where he stopped to glance at the sky. They stood there for several moments, watching the clouds hang heavy overhead as Merlin's brows knitted together in unmistakable frustration. He glanced back to the cave and could see his knights, Gaius and the druid elders looking out from the mouth of the cave, watching them. He could feel the burn in his eyes, and his gut festered heavily with shame at the mark of treason glistening from them. A manic desire to remove them consumed him, and he dug his nails into the inside of his palm of his hand.

"I don't know the words," Merlin muttered, regaining his attention. He caught the look of helplessness on his face and tried to swallow his own inner turmoil.

"I thought your soul was tied to theirs? How can you forget the words? "

The look of panic faded, and he blinked at Arthur, startled out of his morose thoughts.

"Who told you that?"

'I read it." He replied dismissively. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"You read it"

Arthur's eyes rolled. "Losing your hearing again?"

"You. Read….hm I must be. The Arthur I know doesn't even know how to read." He said seriously, shaking his head.

"Given your current state, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"Arthur?"

"What now, Merlin."

"Shut up."

"Did you just—!"

Merlin chuckled lightly beside him as he sputtered indignantly.

"You can't tell me to shut up! I'm the king!"

"And you're also a great big ass." He said looking up at the thick clouds above. "Can you call Aithusa?"

"What?" He sputtered again, caught off guard. But Merlin was undeterred and continued to urge him.

"Come on, I can't but you probably can. You just wacked away my crazy with just your touch. AND, He liked you. He must have got jealous when I went to back to the druids and didn't follow him. Besides, I have a funny feeling about your supposed magic that you have been performing."

"I'm not a dragonlord."

"No, but maybe he is nearby? If he is close enough, you might be able to call him down."

"With magic."

"Does that count as magic?"

"Yes, it counts as magic. "

"Think of it as whispering, but…quieter."

"I'm not a sorcerer, Merlin."

"Then don't call it magic! Call it sending a letter, but mentally."

"NO, Merlin"

"If you are not here to help me, then why did you come back at all?" He spat with a sudden ferocity. "Do you think I want to ask you to do this? I know you're still afraid of magic, but I don't have a choice."

"Have one of the druids call him." He suggested weakly.

"What would be the difference?" Merlin spat. "You wouldn't be getting your hands filthy by using magic?"

His heart sank yet again, but he could hardly explain it. So much had changed in the past week, but it was too much.

"No, that isn't—"

"Don't try to say it isn't. What other reason is there?"

"That isn't it."

"Magic isn't some filth you need to wash off your skin, Arthur."

"That's not it!"

"Do you like seeing me like this?"

"Damnit, Merlin! How can you even trust him? For all I know, he is the reason I have this…this… _thing_ inside me!"

"I don't even know if I can trust _you_ right now."

Arthur scoffed at him, but a shadow passed over his eyes and the vision of Camelot's first king and queen passed through his mind, showering his people with golden stars.

"Tell me how I call him." He hissed with clenched teeth, and Merlin smiled with relief.

"Just, speak his name in your head, but imagine he is next to you. Maybe he will answer. You can try speaking to one of the druids first if you want."

He thought it would feel awkward, but he had in mind several things he wanted to say to the dragon the next time he saw him, so he unleashed them rage.

 _Aithusa? Where the hell are you?_ He thought angrily to the sky. _What in the sarding hell happened to letting me know if anything happened to him? Was that your idea of a joke? Letting him go dog-raving crazy isn't my idea of looking out for him._

He was not sure what he had been expecting, but it was not a response. So when a burst of mirth flooded his mind from the dragon, he laughed out loud. Merlin grimaced uneasily and leaned away from him as he struggled to get the emotion under control.

"Have you gone mad?"

He made no response and settled for glaring at the dragonlord in-between giggles as the emotions left him, and he caught sight of the dragon's wings breaking the line of clouds. Merlin followed his gaze and felt blissful relief. Aithusa landed regally before them, bowing to Merlin, he turned to the sky and roared. Merlin caught a hint of mischief in his eyes as he glanced at Arthur and laughed.

"I'll forgive you for talking to him as long as you don't disappear again."

He said with a grin, and the dragon curled around them and blasted them both with hot air. Arthur shivered in pleasure, and Aithusa nuzzled Merlin's cheek affectionately as Merlin turned his back to Arthur and stepped away from his touch. His acceptance of Arthur's presence still relied heavily on necessity, and he felt conflicted. Their shared history kept their conversation easy to him, but the relationship between them felt nonexistent although he knew the man better than he knew himself. It was a strange thing, to know someone so well but to feel so detached. The anger had faded, but nothing took its place, as if he felt nothing for the man at all or at least, no more than he could towards a stranger he needed to work with to complete the work of the day. He had almost felt a connection again when he thought Arthur had taken up magic, but now…

"Did you call Kilgharrah?" He asked Aithusa who nodded.

"Why hasn't he come sooner? Could he not feel what happened?"

To his surprise, Aithusa shook his head. He had not realized how much the question had plagued him, but as if a weight had been lifted, he felt lighter than before facing the dragon. He murmured softly to him, and Arthur could see small movements and snorts that Aithusa used to try and communicate. They spent some time waiting so Arthur watched the two catch up on what they had missed in the past days. He noticed when Merlin questioned him on his disappearance, he did not give an answer, but nuzzled his nose under Merlin's chin as if to say, I am here now. The winds around them started to pick up, and with a start, they saw a great shape burst through the snowy clouds above them, a voice radiated through the air like thunder.

"Who dared to infect my Dragonlord with such evil magic?"

Kilgharrah bellowed. As he came into view, he pulled his head back as a shriek sounded from his throat, and Merlin knew that he finally understood his current fate. Arthur pulled out his sword at the battle cry from the dragon baring his teeth and held it uncertain in front of Merlin and Aithusa as it landed before them.

Kilgharrah's mouth opened as if to swallow Arthur whole, but he let out another tortured shriek as Merlin left the protection of Aithusa and Arthur to stumble towards him. He roared as his smashed his tail between Merlin and the King. He sent a blast of great fire which melted the snow around them and burned several trees to the ground in seconds just past Arthur. The ice streamed and deep in the mountains they could hear the falling of a great weight of snow.

"They shall not see the light of dawn." Kilgharrah growled, fully intending to go to battle.

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, a growl ghosting across his lips but it died as a gurgle, unable to find the words of the dragon tongue. Like a tortured symphony the dragons cried out to him, beating their mighty wings. Arthur tried to cover his ears from the horrible sound as pain shot from his ears down through his spine. The ground shook around them and fire shot from their mouths into the air just as a guttural roar died from Merlin's lip. Arthur raised the sword as if to strike, when Kilgharrah's jaws lashed towards him and bit down upon the blade. He stumbled forward as it was jerked from his hands and swallowed whole.

"What did you do?" Kilgharrah growled, sinking low to the ground level with Arthur's eyes.

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but his throat dried and no sound came out. His eyes flickered to Merlin who stood just a few feet away from the dragon's talons watching them as his fingertips brushed the dirt from a large golden scale almost tenderly. Betrayal stung in him, but he forced himself to remember each and every moment he had caused Merlin pain since his coronation and his fear of the dragon vanished. In the face of all he had done, what monster on earth could be worse than the one held inside him?

"That demon is tearing apart his very soul! I had wondered why our connection had grown thin but this horror had never entered my mind." Merlin drew his hand back and watched Arthur stumble back into a tree as Kilgharrah roared with a fury and kept their faces mere inches apart. "RAAAAH! ARTHUR PENDRAGON! WHAT HAVE YOU ALLOWED TO HAPPEN! YOUR DESTINIES ARE DESTROYED! NOTHING CAN SAVE CAMELOT NOW! THIS STORY IS OVER!"

The words seized him with panic, but he would never give up. He had so may amends to make, and would not fail again.

"There has to be something we can do to help him! Anything!"

"And you would ask for help from the dragon who laid ruin to your kingdom?"

He turned his head, eyes seeking Merlin's and he found them. His head was tilted to the side, hand on Aithusa's wing watching him with a blank expression.

"I would ask Morgana herself if there was a chance she would help. " He turned back to the dragon, willing him to believe him. "Not at the price of my kingdom, but if it was within my power I would fulfill any request made of me! This was my mistake. I did this to him."

A low growl ripped from Aithusa's and Kilgharah's throat as he spoke.

"I thought I was helping him. I thought he was cursed. But it wasn't magic! And I know now that I was wrong. If you can help him, tell us what needs to be done. I will see it happen, on my word I will."

"There is nothing but magic that can take or corrupt magic from a magical creature. Nothing but MAGIC can defeat MAGIC. "

"I have already performed magic then. Tell us what spell we need and I will do it."

"You have no power over magic Arthur Pendragon. Those children's spells of yours are but Aithusa's mischief. I can smell his magic all over you."

"Are we seriously going to talk about ARTHUR right now? I didn't call you to figure out about _his_ magic. I just want mine back!"

Merlin took several steps away towards them, hand pointed to Kilgharah, furious.

"What he had done, cannot just be-"

"If you want to scold him, you can do that on your own time. I wanted to ask for your advise! If you did not come to help me then why did you come at all. ALWAYS WITH YOUR _STUPID_ LESSONS AND RIDDLES! Don't do this, now do this, no don't do that. Well if you would have listened MERLIN this would have NEVER happened now wouldn't it oh great and powerful Emrys, servant to the once and future king. That was what you were about to say to me once you were satisfied with him, yeah? Or were you glad of this turn of events? NO more Merlin to stop you from KILLING EVERYONE! Go Ahead! Go on a murdering rampage when I die BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO!" Kilgharrah growled at his sarcastic tone and flicked his tail angrily. He turned from Arthur to focus on the angry man before him.

"Do not chastise me young warlock! I have liv-"

"I AM NOT A WARLOCK ANYMORE! I AM NOTHING! MY MAGIC IS GONE AND IF I AM NOT DEAD WITHIN THE WEEK IT WILL BE A MIRICLE! DO YOU THINK I CARE ONE BIT WHAT YOU THINK OF ARTHUR OR THE KNIGHTS? DO YOU THINK I CARE TO HEAR YOU GROWLING AND CHASTIZING MY KING WHEN HE HAS ACCEPTED SO MUCH SO MUCH MORE THAN I EVER THOUGH POSSIBLE AND I AM STUCK GAZING AT THE FLOOR TRYING TO FIND MY OWN FEET SO THAT I CAN TELL I AM STANDING AND NOT JUST A CRUMBLED HEAP ON THE FLOOR. I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MY DESTINY. NEVER WOULD I HAVE WANTED TO IN THIS WAY BUT IT DOSENT MATTER. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ANGRY BECAUSE WHEN I DIE MAGIC WILL STILL BE RETURNED. SO GET OUT OF HERE! IF YOU HAVE NOT EVEN A WORD OF COMFORT TO GIVE ME, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT AND DON'T EVER LET ME SEE YOU AGAIN! AND DON'T COUNT ON SEEING ME EITHER CAUSE ILL BE DEAD."

Kilgarrah lowered his head to Merlin's level to watch him silently.

"I SAID LEAVE!"

He let out a small sign, anger fading from him completely as he rested his forehead to Merlin's.

"I am here young one. I am with you."

He closed his eyes and breathed his dragon's breath on Merlin who gasped. He felt warmth tingle throughout his body. Magic coursed through him freely, but he knew it was not his own. He became aware of the way his hair clumped together in the cold air and his clothes that still hung from his body damp with water. How his shoes were wet with warm mud from Aithusa who had been warming the air around him to protect him. Watery tears filled his eyes, and he felt them drip down his face.

"Come young one. It will last but a moment. We have much to discuss."

He stumbled forward and ran his hands along Kilgarrah's scales before embracing his snot and curling into the dragon. He closed his eyes and puffed warm smoke from his nose as he shivered from the cold air.

 _I can speak to you again._

 _Yes, but not long. My magic can only sustain you for a short time. I am sorry this has happened. It was not yet time for you to learn what I must tell you. I believe you are still too young for the burden of this knowledge but now you must bear it. You are not dying. You can never die for you are Emrys servant of the once and future king and he shall live till the end of time._

 _So you are saying that I am immortal?_

 _That is one way of looking at it, but in this case, nothing worse could have happened. If not fixed, you will remain trapped in your body for centuries._

 _How is that not already the case if I am immortal! How can this be possible!_

 _You cannot feel now. Your other senses are soon to follow, but you will not die. Your eagerness to heal Aithusa may have saved your life. I know but one way to remove the stain of this dark magic on your soul, but you must not use it until there is absolutely no other way to free yourself from this curse._

 _You would have me suffer longer._

 _You may choose to end this now or you may choose to stay. The choice is still yours, young warlock, as it always is. I fear, it was your desire to leave Camelot that may have stirred destiny's hand. You have more influence than you think, and must be more carefull. When I give you the spell, then you will understand why I must caution you this way._

 _I cannot do magic Kilgharrah the spell will be useless. Even if I sought help from the druids, I could not teach them without speaking the words_

 _You cannot do magic, no. But this spell will come from the very origins of your soul and darkness has no place there, not in your heart. You are a pure soul, and no dark magic, no matter how great, will stop you from freeing yourself of your torment. The anger you have displayed is proof that it is possible. Head this warning, you might not be able to take it back if you choose to follow that path. But if your soul remains pure, you will be able to continue to protect your king. Otherwise, the darkness may consume you and you may lay ruin to Camelot for the pain they have caused. Either way, your magic will be returned to you, but It will be a very thin line in the end to walk bordering on rage and oblivion._

 _Wouldn't it be better to do it now before I get worse?_

 _Perhaps, but that is for you to decide._

He stepped back from embracing his old friend and watched as he gathered his breath and blew a soft mist over him. The familiar tingle of Kilgarrah's magic rushed through his tear filled eyes as he choked from the sweet sensation the magic stired in him before it vanished.

And then he knew.

He knew he would have to find another way, or wait until he no longer had any concept of the world around him. Only then, would he use the knowledge Kilgharrah had given him.

* * *

Arthur watched agitated as his friend laid his head on the old dragon. They stood still for a long time, neither speaking nor moving. But he had the feeling they were still conversing in some way that he could not hear. He prayed that they had a solution. He glanced at the white dragon next to him. Surprised that it had remained around him, keeping him warm as well. He watched as the older dragon blew a fine mist at Merlin. _Was that it? Please let that be it._ Merlin finally turned away from the dragon, glanced at him with a grimace and started to walk towards him. He turned around suddenly to face the dragon when he had been halfway back.

"If I should go through with it, will I still be able to help Aithusa?"

"Young warlock, should you make that choice, you will be more powerful than I have ever known. You will be able to wield Magic in a way that has not been done since this world was created."

"how—how long with this last? This feeling?"

"Long enough for you to rest once more, and it should make the curse less...disorienting. That was all I could do. The rest, Merlin, is up to you. We will wait for your call and should it be needed, will come to Camelot's aide."

"You can't make Aithusa leave."

"Young Warlock. It is your destiny to help Arthur, Merlin, which you cannot do if you are not speaking. My own has been to make you aware of it and to help guide you. Have you ever wondered, what part Aithusa has to play? We are all creatures of fire, yes, but dragons are creatures of magic AND destiny. None of us can escape the call, not even you. We each have our purpose."

Shocked he turned his head to his friend, the mischief returning to his eyes as he glanced from Arthur to Merlin. Kilgharrah bowed his head before taking off into the sky. He locked eyes with Aithusa who gave a cry and bounded towards him. The dragon nuzzled against him in an embrace, and he held him there.

"You sneak."

He murmmured softly, to which the dragon snorted and dug his talons into the snow. A faded image flashed into his mind, a blury form like a castle of white and grey looming on edge of his mind before Aithusa's magic pushed harder and a clear image of a bursting cloud flooded his vision, the feel of rushing wind and sun, of brotherhood.

"I know. You'll be back."

Aithusa nuzzled him one last time, before he kicked off the ground to follow the older dragon.

"Tread carefully, Pendragon. For I will hold you to your word. And Merlin, if you should fail, you will die. May that thought comfort you."

They watched as the dragons few off into the night and Merlin turned to Arthur shivering.

"I don't see how that's a very comforting thought," Merlin muttered

"How was that helpful? He never even told us which mountain we need to find."

"I know you're a king and all with your fancy clothes but I'm freezing and its still snowing out so any chance we can talk about this later and just go home?" He was so chipper when he spoke Arthur had to wonder if he was lying but for the shiver that went through his friend. He blinked, caught off guard at the sudden change of plans.

"Just...just like...wait, shouldn't we tell the knights?" He asked as he massaged his temple, the start of a headache blooming. It all just kept changing so fast.

"They will figure it out. Should I change my mind?"

"NO… no…er…let's go then? To the castle?"

He asked uncertain, but if he had a change to bring him home just like he promised Gwen, he would take it.

Merlin turned to the mouth of the cave. He let his eyes roam until he found Iseldir in the crowd and smiled.

 _It seems the prophecy is on its way to fulfillment._ He thought to the druid. _  
_

 _Indeed it is. You sound whole again, Emrys._

 _Perhaps soon. I will call on you at the castle. If Kilgharrah is right, you will need better shelter if you want to survive the winter. All of us will. Send Gaius and the knights with us?_

 _Of course, Emrys. It will be done, and we will wait for your call._

His concentration broke when he felt a warm cloak being drapped around his shoulders. Arthur's hand lingered on his shoulder before it dropped to his side and he waited uncertainly for Merlin to start the return to Camelot. He could see the questions brewing behind Arthur's eyes, but let them stew. It was not yet time for him to know. Instead, he focused on returning to the mouth of the cave were the horses were tied. Arthur followed him wordlessly, but he needed to break the silence, to say something. He had not fully forgiven Arthur yet, but this was bigger than him now, bigger than both of them. It was his destiny, and before when he served only Arthur, now it was more and he would not, could not turn away from it. His own father may have run from the purge, Gaius may have turned a blind eye to so many burning but putting his safety above others had never been in his blood. But, he still could not think of anything to say to the man he once gave his complete loyalty too. Some part of him wanted their friendship back, what they had before Arthur became King. He could see it in his mind clearly, the Prince Arthur and the King. But the Prince was dead, he would not ever come back.

Yet, everyone always told him he had forgiveness down to a fault, so he took a breath and tried a new route. The Prince was dead, but the King was not. If he could put Prince Arthur to rest, say goodbye to his closest friend somehow, find closure, then the grieving would stop. Then, with his Prince put to rest, he could focus on the new King. A King who had treated him horribly but was trying desperately to change. He would need guidance, that Merlin knew, if he was going to change the rules on magic in a way that would be sucessful and safe for his people.

And that, that was Merlin's destiny.

To guide the King.

To protect the Prince and to guild the King.

But everything else that he did, that would be for him, for his brothers, and for his people.

There was no going back. No returning to washing socks and hustling on hunts. It all had to be different. Because anything else, even with new laws and changes and promises, would not be enough. He could come to like this King. Perhaps, he might even gain his complete loyalty and trust one day. He might even call him a friend. But not yet. Now, he was an enemy, a torturer, trying to change. And Merlin, may the gods help him, would never deny anyone a chance at redemption. Not if they truly fought tooth and nail to become a better man.

Damn him.

But, he still did not know what to say. He did not know this King, not beyond the anger,the tricks and the cold. So, he settled for one word because it seemed better than nothing.

"Prat." He muttered over his shoulder, but the slight glance cost him. He slipped on a small patch of ice, and he went crashing down into the snow taking Arthur with him.

"You idiot!" Arthur hissed without any real malace, and for a moment they just sat in the snow, the cheeks of their bottoms growing damp from the snow . They looked from the ground to glance at one another, and it was strange. Because even though he tried to block it out, it was still Prince Arthur sitting on his ass in snow and slush from the dragon before him. Arthur stood on shaking feet, and held out a hand to help Merlin to his feet. He stared at the offered hand for a moment, unsure what he was offering until a long sigh left Arthur's chest and he lifted his head to study his face.

"I'm not...you don't trust me, but I trust you, Merlin. When we return to Camelot, things will be different. Everything will be different."

His breath caught in his throat and he clasped his hand in Arthur's without hessitation. A look of relief crossed Arthur's face, and he saw him relax for a moment before he was about to pull Merlin up. That was exactly what he had been hoping for. He gave a sharp tug with all his strength, which might have been weak but it was just enough to send Arthur tipping forward back into the snow. He sputtered and gasped, spitting ice from his mouth as Merlin helped himself to his feet and stared down at him grinning.

And then they laughed as Merlin slipped right back down in the snow and slush. They kept laughing and gasping and leaking tears and leaning against each other in the cold air, hands fisted in eachothers clothes for balance or for something else entirely, they did not know.

Because Arthur knew that they still did not have a solution and because Merlin knew that they did.


	22. Chapter 22

_warnings: none ( But perhaps that it is still unbetaed which leads to a few error! Sorry everyone!)_

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

"Are you recovered enough to ride or do I have to drag you all the way back to Camelot?"

Arthur implored as he glanced back to watch Merlin trod over the snow and follow him to the horses. He turned back to his stead who look up at him impatiently, eager for the warmth and comfort of the stall back home. He almost asked again before Merlin answered him.

"If I lose my sight again, it won't matter. The horse will know the way back home."

He nodded in agreement, but Merlin stayed close to his side and made no move to call over his own stead.

"But if I lose sense of the world again, I may drive her into the snow or fall over or something else not so coordinated that would end in an injured horse. Gaius led us out of Camelot in a carriage because he didn't trust my ability to ride."

Arthur studied his expression for a moment, the weary expression and the way he would not meet his eyes as if afraid of what he would find there. He did not want to strain his horse by riding double over the terrain, but an image of Merlin terrified and confused, driving his horse away from Arthur and safety flashed before him. If he once more saw Arthur as a hollow, would he be forced to chase him frightened through the woods? He turned his back to Merlin and urged his cold fingers to slip the saddle from his horse's back. Merlin worked around him, and with practiced care had the saddle removed and set on a large stone as Arthur swung onto his horse.

Once settled, he offered his hand and pulled Merlin up to rest in front of him. Merlin leaned forward to whisper to his horse and allow Arthur to resettle before leaning back. They both ignored the curious gazes from the knights and druids as the horse started to leave the mouth of the cave. Merlin glanced back at Arthur, and their gaze caught before he turned forward. An awkward silence settled between them but as they traveled down the hill it faded out of memory. Before long, Arthur felt Merlin sink back against his chest, his head rolling to rest against his shoulder as his shallow breath tickled the hair around his ear. He passed the trip back into the city in pensive silence until Merlin's raspy voice cut through the quiet, and he jolted in surprise.

"Are we there yet?"

Merlin asked from his position leaned up against Arthur with closed lids.

"Clearly not." He mocked lightly. "I thought you were asleep."

He felt him shake his head against him and swallow.

"I can't. It's started burning again because of the spell. I can just feel everything again if I focus and close my eyes so I wanted to see it. They have the loudest whispers I've ever heard but they're fading into black again."

"Your speaking nonsense again, Merlin."

He swallowed again.

"I just need to sleep. It makes it harder to tell if I'm awake or asleep. I can't tell. "

A churning started in Arthur's gut. He reached over to put his hand over Merlin's eyes and his fingers met something wet and viscous pooling in the corners. He cursed and blinked away the start of frustrating tears from his own. The bleeding had started again.

"We are nearly at the castle." He told him, for he had nothing else to offer. But the statement only unnerved his friend and his breath hitched. He might have passed it off as a wave of pain, but he could feel the concealed panic in the tight muscles of Merlin's neck and the slight shivers in his arm.

"You have my protection, Merlin. And no doubt, the druids can give you something for the pain."

Merlin nodded and mumbled something indecipherable to Arthur. The sound faded over the whipping noise of the wind and the noise of the town as they drew closer and entered the city. Merlin's eyes caught the tail of a hawk circling overhead as his vision started to blur.

Merlin watched the town guard rush ahead to announce their arrival and repressed the urge to flee. The streets were almost barren, and even the windows of houses were covered with thick boards to trap in heat. He could see sadness bleeding from the plants and walls around him and shivered. He turned back to watch Arthur when he felt the King relax from the ride as several servants came to attend him upon his arrival. He closed his eyes and could just make out the essence of Gwen and several others, rushing from the top of the steps to meet him as Arthur put his hands on his shoulders to push him away and awake.

"Merlin. Open your eyes. We are at the citadel, and Gwen is coming to meet us. We need to get out of the wind before it freezes the horses."

He twitched against Arthur's neck and groaned. The fur on his collar tickled his neck, and he knew he should be cold but the fire had been growing in him since the descent from the cave and it was almost unbearable.

"It's burning." He moaned and felt Arthur's cool hand cover his eyes again. He listened to him softly curse the heavens once more before he tugged him away from his body.

"It's the cold." Arthur lied. "We have to get inside."

He knew the vial caused the pain and haze, but the promise of relief in a warm room gave him false energy. After all, it might be true. It just might be.

"Okay."

He murmured and reached forward to lean against the horse's mane so Arthur could get down. He dismounted swiftly and Merlin felt a tug on his wrist to coax him off the horse.

"Can you focus enough to get down?"

His eyes widened, mind blank as he tried to follow after Arthur but his legs would not move the way he wanted them too.

"Merlin?"

He heard Arthur mutter impatiently.

"Arthur?" He asked looking up at the dark clouds above. He wanted to obey, but how could he get there if he possessed no wings? He heard Arthur sigh as he reached up to maneuver him from the horse. Servants moved to help him, but Arthur ignored them, hoisted Merlin from the horse and held him until he steadied on his feet.

It took longer than Arthur would have liked for Merlin to gain his balance, and he noticed a white film had once more started to cover his eyes. Tugging on his sleeve, he used it to clean his eyes of blood and gain his attention.

"Do I have to carry you through the city like a girl, or are you well enough to walk?" Even as he asked, he felt Merlin gripping his shoulders for balance and in seconds he lifted him up onto his back. He took a breath to steady his nerves over how helpless the independent servant acted before he bounded up the steps to Gwen and to his annoyance, several of the other ladies in waiting, Prince Philip and his cousin. Merlin might not be aware of the audience gathered to greet them, but Arthur wished more than ever that he had not strived to make so many connections that winter.

"'msorry." Merlin slurred into his hair as he tightened his arms around Arthur's neck and buried his face against his hair.

"It's still whispering, but now the fire won't go away. I would fly down there if I could, but I don't think you could keep me there for long."

He turned his head to see him better, paused in his movements in attempt to understand. Was the pain bad enough that he should run?

"Whatdoes tha—"

"Merlin!" Gwen cried happily as she rushed forward through the small crowd of nobles gathered to meet them. She stopped before him, a large grin on her face. "Arthur, you brought him back!"

She stopped to give him a kiss, and resting her hands just on Arthur's shoulders, she kissed Merlin lightly on the cheek.

"Gwen!" Merlin exclaimed after she leaned back to see him better. One of his hands fluttered to touch her cheek as a smile lit up on his face. "You're you again, too! But something..." Merlin trailed off to concentrate on her energy. It was only a small imprint of her that Kilgharrah's spell allowed him to see while she whispered to him, but it was enough to send his spirit into ecstasy being surrounded by his friends.

"Oh, Merlin." She muttered as she turned to kiss his hand which stayed rested on her check and caught it between her fingers. "I am so sorry." She whispered and then he felt it. A small spark of something blooming and sparkling.

"But…" He muttered in confusion before a large grin broke out on his face as his fingertips brushed over her left eye. Now he knew for sure, the beginnings of magic, and his heart swelled for her. "You better tell Arthur. Otherwise, he is going to think you are enchanted too." He said with a mischievous smile, unaware of the terror it caused her or too overjoyed to see her again to care.

Arthur's gaze shot up to bore into her and she suppressed a tremble as she turned from Merlin's hazed eyes to her husband's angry ones.

"What." He asked her with a barely concealed growl.

"Arthur, I…" She began, but Merlin turned her gaze back to her and spoke in a strange clear voice.

"Gentle heart, be wary. For you possess skill, not power, and what you seek cannot be attained so soon. Nor is it your destiny to return magic to the land of Camelot. If you wish to avoid future treachery, keep to your role. You may do a lot of good this way, but to resist will better suit your needs."

"Merlin, what?" Gwen whispered as she took a small step back. She looked at Arthur, an embarrassed smile on her face as she tried to make light of his accusation. "What is he saying?"

"My Lord?" One of the nobles called to them uncertain, likely eager to head into the warmth of the citadel hall once he entered and unaware of the tension. They could hear the nobles whispering in the background, confused and worried at the arrival of the visitor. It seemed, none of them recognized the servant that had faded into the background, none but a few who knew better than to questions Arthur's company for they each strained to get a better look at the honored guest who the King, himself, would carry on his own back. Arthur turned back to her with a grimace. It would do no good to confront her now.

"We will discuss this later."

She swallowed but nodded.

"Yes, we will. Where are the others?" Gwen asked with discomfort, eager to change the subject. Merlin was watching the crowd with rapt attention now, eyes appearing almost out of focus.

"Still where we found him. The knights—"

"They draw near to Avalon even now." He whispered into Arthur's ear as his eyes fixed on the clouds. "The time has come for the people to become one. Soon th-"

"Shut up, Merlin. The knights and Gaius will likely arrive just before sundown if they left after we did."

Gwen raised an eyebrow at him and looked at Merlin as if studying him for the first time since he returned. His looked gaunt since she last saw him. His eyes stared almost unseeing at the clouds and every so often she noticed one of his limbs twitched as if to move, but would then settle limply against Arthur.

"Is he—?"

"No, it didn't work. It must be the lack of sleep and maybe the pain but he was talking this way when I first found him. Do you know what Gaius was going to give him for pain? The dragon worked a spell on me that is supposed to help him and then the other did something else to him, but we have a quest! As soon as we get him taken care of, probably rest up for the night to be ready for the morning and then Guinevere, everything is going to be okay again."

He had such a grin on his face when he spoke that Gwen and the people witnessing it smiled, but it was a kind of manic relief. One that might arise at the end of a long battle when the fort is held at last and an ally's army just appears over the horizon. It had her forget how much it appeared Merlin had deteriorated in just the short time he was away but for a moment and the accusation against her to allow relief.

"Together, it is as good as won. I have never failed a quest with Merlin at my side. Never. Even when he was on his deathbed we were able to-You there," Arthur called out as he turned to a stable boy leading the horses away. "Tell the servants to prepare Merlin a bedchamber. And have them lead us there to meet you. He needs care and sleep."

Their eyes widened and flickered uncertain from Merlin to Arthur before brilliant smiles burst onto their faces. He stifled the desire to throw something after them as they started to scamper away, and called after them before they reached the castle doors.

"Make sure it has the largest fireplace available."

They started turning away again before he stopped them again.

"And preferably with a window so he doesn't complain about being bedridden."

They only got two steps before he called out to them again because by the gods Merlin was home. He was not going to mess this up even more.

"Don't take anything back from the people being made warm in the citadel, just use ones from my own bedchambers if you need to."

"Arthur! Let them go prepare the room! I am sure they will prepare it with the utmost care."

"Oh ye'sm o'co'rse we will." The servants cried indignantly, but Arthur ignored them.

"And he should have more belongings arriving with my knights soon. Make sure you meet them and bring them to or—"

"Arthur! They know how to welcome a guest to the castle."

"This isn't a guest, Gwen. It's Merlin! He came back!"

Even as he spoke, the joy of his words came rushing forward. He had Merlin. He had a quest. Soon, they would have a cure.

"Well, they know how to tend to our people then."

"Not if they remember my example, what if they think this is some joke! A month ago I might have—"

"I will see to the servants myself then. Would that satisfy you?"

He grinned and pulled her in to kiss her cheek. And even if she had somehow worked magic when he was gone, if Merlin was cured, he might not even care to question her later. After all, what was one more sorcerer if Merlin was to have his magic back?

"Excellent. I will stop in with the druids to acquire a drought for him. Are they still tending to the sick?"

"Yes, but they moved to separate quarters as more space was needed, something else we need to discuss with urgency once this is settled. One of the servants can show you the way."

The nobles shifted nervously, each leaning to get a closer look at the man who was attracting such special attention from the King and was recognized by mere servants, but they could not place him. They watched the King rush to the castle doors with Gwen at his side. Her hand gripped Merlin's shoulder and Arthur's arm as they hurried into the castle. Had they somehow overlooked a Pendragon relative in the sea of nobility they were required to remember? It would not be the only thing Uther had hidden before. Philip's cousin turned to him and almost laughed at the stricken expression on his face.

"Cousin, you know him?"

"Know him? My word, nance, do you not?"

"I dare say I have never seen him before during all my stay. Who is he? Was he at battle?"

"He is the physician's assistant." One of her ladies whispered. "I called upon him whince I first arrived as the travel always causes me to fall ill. He struck me as a very simply lad. I had not realized he had such favor with the king. He must have caught something tending to the lower towns. I heard he works often throughout the night to heal them, very admirable of him. He is quite handsome for it."

"The physician's assistant? My word. Emily, that man is the king's manservant."

"A manservant? You jest cousin. Very distastefully too if I may say so. He may dress too modestly for my taste but the king would not appoint a mere peasant to study with the court physician, even if it is the King's manservant. He only got that position because he saved the King's life I heard. Trustworthy, I suppose but to work in the modern sciences? Too scholarly I should think, best to stick with castle business."

"I heard that he plans to make the servant a Barron. Why else would he have had guards posted at his room not a week ago? He was likely worried the other servants would kill him out of jealousy."

Philip rolled his eyes and hurried away from the gossiping nobles. He had heard rumors, but everything different. Whispers of a new dragon lord hidden away and that the dragon set loose in the lower town had not only been captured but then put on a tight leash by orders of the king. He had seen how the dragon had been seconds away from devouring the King, but something had caused it to pull away and enter the castle. And he was willing to bet his life that the servant had something to do with it.

Was it possible, the time of Avalon had come?

* * *

Arthur and Gwen split in the great hall after she told him where the druids rested. She watched him go, troubled to see him disregard propriety as he carried Merlin throughout the halls but also pleased to see it happen. She hurried off to follow the flurry of activity from the servant to lightly oversee their operation as the head maiden and other servants already had started overseeing the arrangements perfectly. She watched them work, fussing over minor details and bringing in some furs that had been stored away after Uther's passing.

"Is Merlin to have his own attendant, your highness?"

Gwen turned to one of the maids in surprise. The query caught her off guard, but she recovered quickly. Arthur might not have given Merlin the position, but he had promised to make Merlin his advisor, and no doubt a seat at the roundtable would follow. Pair that with how they were treating his return to the castle and it was as if a member of the royal family had suddenly returned home.

"He is very sick, Mary. For now, it would be best if the physician looked after him."

"Yes, your majesty. Of course."

Another woman's voice rang out in the doorway.

"My lady, might I be of assistance?" Mirna, one of the druids staying at the castle, asked. She wore a simple brown dress with her sleeves rolled and stained with green. Gwen's attention waivered as a servant rushed in with a washbowl and rag to dust the walls and furniture after it was uncovered. She felt Mirna's gaze on her, and beckoned her over so that they could talk quietly as she watched the servants work. Perhaps, Merlin should have threatened to quit long ago. She had never questioned his position at Arthur's side when her brother was knighted and then when she became queen. Somehow through it all, status had left him behind them despite how often they spoke of equality. It seemed to her, that fate had a cruel hand. Only when he was almost lost to them, did they seek to provide him with comforts that might be meaningless to him now.

But some of his senses must have returned to him, for he was able to see the spark of magic that she used.

 _If you wish to avoid future treachery, keep to your role. You may do a lot of good this way, but to resist will better suit your needs._

What could he have meant? She knew Arthur would do anything to help his people, why should she act any differently?

"Perhaps, it was wrong of me to seek your help without first speaking to my husband. But without Merlin to tend to them, my people have started dying. Did I make the wrong choice?"

"I think, you know your husband better than I do, my lady. And that your judgment of right and wrong, in the time I have stayed here, has been just."

Gwen sighed and watched a servant bring in a fresh bouquet of dogwood and holly to place near the window. She felt dirty, and could not shake the feeling.

"I still have your confidence."

"Of course my lady. We each gave you our oath."

She smiled before interrupting several servants to fuss over the placement of the items in the room. Mirna stayed in the doorway for a moment before she bowed to ask for dismissal.

"I believe Emrys is with my husband now. I will go tend to his need at your leave."

"Of course, Mirna. And please, help him any way you can."

She held her gaze knowingly, and the druid smiled back.

"I will always do whatever I can to help my King."

Gwen signed and failed to stop herself from smoothing over the blankets. She wanted to go help tend to Merlin, but there would be all night to see to his needs, and if she went to see him now, it would be hard to hide her familiarity to the druids now. She wanted to talk to Arthur before he discovered anything on his own. He might be acting justly with Merlin now, but he was still suffering the effects of Arthur's judgment. And in a small selfish way, now that he returned, she had hoped to speak with Merlin first. Maybe then, she would not be so frightened.

* * *

One of the servants directed Arthur to a chamber near the physician's quarters where he found Fearghus waiting for him at the door.

"My lords, I have prepared a space for you. This way."

The room was crowded. It had been a spare bedroom for the physician's guest or family in the past, but had been converted into an inn for the sick. At least twelve people lay crammed on beds in the small space while others rested on straw mats set up on the floor near a large roaring fire. The druids or several of the Mirror keepers hurried about the room speaking softly to the alert patients or rubbing a thick green past over some in a deep sleep. They stopped to bow to him at his arrival before fixing their attention back to their patients as Fearghus led him to an open bed near the fire. He loosened his hold on Merlin so that he could lay him on the bed, but Merlin refused to let go of the fabric on Arthur's shoulder. He wrestled weakly with the man, not wanting to deny him anything but unwilling to carry him forever, before Merlin pulled him abruptly towards him, their noses inches apart with a glassy look in his eyes.

"Look." He tried to jerk back at the unnatural sound in Merlin's voice but his iron grip held him close. "See what the earth takes from them. Your veil is gone, but do not look away." His eyes dropped closed, strength abated as he collapsed forward into Arthur's arms. It all felt surreal and, Arthur drifted in thought, unsure what to make of what the druids had termed madness now that he saw it for himself.

"What did you make of that?"

He asked the druid, who gazed pensively at the pair before he reached forward to settle Merlin away from Arthur and back onto the bed.

"I have begun preparing a tonic for the pain. " Fearghus told him as he shifted Merlin's limbs to a comfortable position. "I heard he responded to it well, and it will give him a few moments of peace as he sleeps. I should like to check his limbs and yours for blue."

He watched as fearghus started to palpitate his lifeless limbs. He removed his shoes, checking each toe with careful consideration and rubbed a salve onto his skin. He watched him work.

"How did you know we were coming?" He asked him after some thought.

"Their whispers carried their voices through me." Merlin spoke up from his position laying on the makeshift bed. "Soon, even they will stop as the last drop freezes." His eyes opened, and he turned his gaze to a small window near the back of the room. "Arthur, we must reach the mountain before then."

Arthur nodded. Considering his friend's words as a confirmation. They would rest, and prepare tonight. In the morning, they could set out and find the mountain. If he could get a name or some detail from the servant before he slept, he could search their maps for the mountain and be ready at sunrise.

"Did the dragon mention a name, or anything that will tell us where it is?" He asked as the druid continued his ministrations.

"In the heart of the mountain is where salvation for Camelot lies, in the deepest reaches of the earth."

He fought another wave of frustration as Merlin nodded, as if he had told him exactly where to go. It might have been comical if the information was less vital.

"If you were to lead, could we follow you there?"

Merlin's eyebrow quirked, and it felt to Arthur as if he were speaking with an old man twice his age or even older as he leaned up to pear at Arthur from the bed.

"It is your destiny to lead, Once and Future King. I am merely here to help guide you."

"Are you…so you know where it is? You can guide us there?"

"We must leave for the mountain heart soon, or more people will die."

"Merlin you can't just," he started angrily before evening his temper. "Merlin, tell me how to find the mountain heart. I need to know if we are going to go there and have your magic restored."

"We have spoken to the ember of fire. Now we must travel to remove the darkness by entering the hottest corner of the mountain."

"Gods, Merlin. You really did go mad." He gasped agitated as doubt started to sink in. Was he listening to the ravings of a crazed man now and there was no quest? Frightened, he turned to the druid who was placing the salve on a side table to bark a command. "Do you have something that will knock him out so we don't have to listen to him until morning? He just repeats the same thing over and over. He clearly needs rest."

Fearghus looked up, from this frozen position of watching Merlin and crinkled his brow.

"I do not thi—"

"YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY WORDS Arthur Pratdragon or all of Camelot will suffer. You made me a promise, and you are bound by your oath."

Arthur jerked back at the outburst, but leaned forward, fear vanished in the face of the accusation. Newly exhausted, he rested his hand on Merlin's knee.

"And I promise, the quest will still be there in the morning. You're sick, Merlin. You're not thinking clearly. Go to sleep. I'm sorry. We will talk more in the morning. " The command was laced with tenderness which surprised the druid so much he handed him Merlin's tonic as he still kept Arthur in a tight grip.

He watched them silently as it was brought up to Merlin's lips. Just as Merlin locked eyes with the object coming towards him, he jerked back, hand shooting out to knock the vial out of Arthur's hand. It rolled over the floorboards, spilling the medicine uselessly over the floor. They both held their breath, watching it disappear into the cracks in the stone. He snapped to the druid who watched the exchange in shock.

"What the hell was that?"

He growled to the druid who looked from one to the other startled.

"It…it was his medicine, my Lord, for the pain."

"Then why the hell did he toss aside the vial." He asked, gesturing angrily to the spoiled vial and stepped between the druid and Merlin.

"Because" the voice of Gaius rang into the room causing him to whirl around. "the last time he drank something you gave him, he and the whole world were cursed. Or did you forget that small detail, my Lord?"

Arthur's face blanched as he contemplated Gaius's words. Gaius's face looked flushed, as if he ran up to the door with urgency. His lips were parted and took in large lungfuls of air. Gwen hung back behind him as if uncertain to enter the room before entering to stand

"I didn't thin—"

"No, I don't suppose you did!" Gaius snapped, as he bent over to examine the vial, nodded his approval and reached into his own robes for a new potion which he poured into a small bowl with a spoon.

"And to just leave with Merlin on horseback like you did in his condition!? What if something had happened? Heaven above, what if for a moment he forgot how to breathe! Choked on his own breath! And look at him! Look at how pale he is! Did you even make sure he was dressed properly before you gallivanted him around the city like some trophy!"

Merlin looked just as affronted as Arthur felt, and he watched him with a confused look in his eyes.

"I'm not an invalid, and I told Arthur I would return here." Merlin scowled as a shiver rushed through him. Gaius's frantic ranting had awoken him from whatever trace had fallen over him, and he reached out to take the bowl from Gaius to down in one swing.

"And you think, in your current state, that was wise!?"

"Gaius." Arthur growled.

"Arthur" Merlin growled back at him as if daring Arthur to speak one word against his mentor, and Arthur's brows shot into his hairline at the cold mockery in his voice.

"Merlin!" Gaius snapped, perhaps out of habit to curb Merlin's attitude towards the king. Merlin looked at him shocked at his outburst before everything Kilgharrah told him rushed back and a pained look cross his face.

A worried question entered his eyes ,and he felt guilty for leaving the man behind. But, at the time, he thought that if he waited even a moment, he would neglect the call of his destiny and leave forever. And now that he was here, he knew Gaius was the one person he could not keep the spell a secret from, not for long. He must have read something in his features, something that spoke of a conversation soon for he shook his head pensively and sighed.

"Well your pain medicine must be working, if you feel well enough to disrespect the king but your grip on reality at the moment is anything but admirable."

"I keep fading in and out. Kilgharrah's spell is only temporary" Merlin answered honestly. He looked back into Arthur's eyes. He felt a twinge of guilt but pushed it aside. "Thank you" He said to the druid who had taken up tending to a patient near him. He nodded back to Merlin as he worked and smiled.

"I am delighted to have been of service. I only wish I could do more."

"We should get you to bed." Gaius muttered, as his hand ghosted over Merlin's shoulder to coax him to raise. "Although, I haven't seen the state of our chambers. Perhaps here might be—"

"I had the servants prepare a room for him." Arthur said with haste. "He can stay there."

Gaius rose his brow as he continued to help Merlin stand whose attention was solely on the task. Half way through his way up, he froze in his arms and looked back around the room at the patients laying in beds and straw mats on the floor around them. Arthur hummed impatiently and moved forward to help him stand. He jerk Merlin up, but upon seeing how unbalanced Merlin became, kept a hand on his elbow to steady him.

He grimaced, and Gaius thought he almost looked apologetic as he spoke.

"The sooner you rest, the sooner we can start on this quest."

Merlin nodded, and allowed himself to be lead to the door as Gaius walked in from of them. He stopped abruptly and looked back at the druids in the back tending to the sick. Arthur turned and watched as they rubbed herbs over blue fingers. Arthur's grip tightened on Merlin's arm to stop him from walking closer to them.

"They have winter sickness. Are you going to help them?"

Merlin quarried to the druids and then looked forward to Gaius who had paused at the door with a guarded expression.

"We will do what we can, in your stead." Fearghus replied.

Merlin took a few steps back into the room away from the doorframe as he threaded through Arthur's fingers.

"Merlin" Gaius scolded softly, almost a plead but he ignored him as he crouched next to one of the patients, a sick woman who laid shivering. The woman druid tending to her looked up, an unhappy expression on her face as she rubbed an ointment over the woman's fingers. He placed a tentative hand on the sick woman's forehead and listened to her breathing, his ear up to her mouth. Arthur watched him, fascinated as he took her hand gently in his own, and examined them. Sir Charle's words on Merlin as a physician's assistant came back to him, and he realized this was yet another part of his friend that he had missed. Not through secrecy, but from disinterest.

"She is going to lose them, if you don't act soon." He laid her hand down with tenderness and turned to the king with a new confidence that was unusual in the servant. Before, he always shied away from diagnosis or anything medical, relying on Gaius's knowledge and backup for the simplest of colds. And even then, he always sounded unsure. There was none of that now. It seemed the month of personal practice had served him well. Gaius felt a swell of pride alight within him as Merlin spoke with confidence.

"We should go. We are interfering with their treatment."

He gripped Arthur's arm this time for balance in case it should leave him and started to push them back through the doorframe. Arthur obliged, eager to see to his friend's rest and his own bed filled him with longing. From the sounds, his people would be well cared for.

"Emrys."

One of the druids called out to them and Merlin halted to glance back.

"Please understand. We are doing all we can."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Arthur asked, curious and worried for his people. "It sounds like with haste she will be properly healed. Do not let us delay you any longer."

When they turned to look at the druids, despair filled him at their hopeless expression.

"Under the care of a physician such as Emrys, I have no doubt that she would make a full recovery. But your vitality is not something we possess. It was unique to you, Emrys. We cannot save them all. "

Their throats turned dry and Arthur glanced at them shocked. He turned back to Gaius, only to see he also looked at the people with an apologetic expression. Why was he not contradicting them?

"That's ridiculous." He blurted out to his mentor. "I followed your remedy, Gaius. Several uses of that on their own time and a dip into the other tonic for health and they will be perfectly healed. You just need his cure." He turned back to the druids. "He developed it himself using the modern sciences. If you have several servants or maids help you with the application as Gaius did it should be no trouble at all. Arthur, we should get his books. He has it all written down there, and we can help with the—"

"Merlin my boy! What are you talking about?"

"Moments ago, you couldn't even walk straight" Arthur blurted.

"But Kilgharrah's spell is still working! So better act quickly before that happens again."

"you—" He cut off, glancing from the people in the room with a worried expression as another skinny child was carried into the room on a young man's shoulders.

"Please, help him! I can't get him to wake up!" The man called with urgency.

He took a step back as a druid rushed forward to help the child to the bed Merlin had just occupied. Blue skin tinged his lips, and Merlin tried even faster to usher Arthur out the door. Gwen caught his implications, and moved to help.

"They have to work! Now, or he won't make it!" He tried to manhandle Arthur from the door, snagging the wrist of the man who brought the child. "They need space! We have to leave!"

"Emrys," One of the druids called out to him. "I'm sorry. You…you have a gift. If you know a simpler way, we would ask for your assistance."

Merlin's head turned back to Gaius with a desperate and he begged.

"Gaius! You can stay and help them! They just need your—"

"Merlin, there is no cure." He cut him off with a sharp note. "The theories I developed for frostbite never did more than the current ones at hand. There is nothing short of amputation that might save some of these people now."

Merlin's blood ran cold, as he looked from Gaius to the druids.

"How can that be?" He heard Gwen mutter behind him, and shook his head.

"But what about…no there was a procedure from your old texts. Betony, hyssop, yarrow, dittany and pennyroyal. I remember it! If you combine the herbs as a luke-warm water bath for the patient, the blue in their limbs vanishes, and they are left with severe chills. An ointment of essence of dittany, rosemary and yarrow when applied topically to the affected skin increases the circulation and ends the chills if applied for the next three days."

"Merlin…" Much to everyone in the room's exasperation, Gaius ignored Merlin's words in favor of examining his ward once again. He placed his fingers lightly on Merlin's cheekbone and tilted it left to right to assess his condition.

"If you would just—"

He shoved his mentor's hands away, visibly agitated.

"Gaius! Did you hear what I just said? The druids cannot heal all these people unless we teach them your cure."

"Merlin, these remedies….it worked?"

A swimming sensation started in his stomach as Gaius started to look from Merlin to the other people in the room.

"What did you do? It is very important that you remember every last detail, Merlin. Because those remedies never did more than other I have tried so you did something different. Most of the patients still never awoke. Did you perform magic?"

"No! I prepared the bath just as suggested, used the salve and sent them on their way." He exclaimed.

"when you infused the herbs, did you do it in the bathwater or in a pot on the fire."

"Does that reall—"

"It might, Merlin! Remember even the smallest detain may make a difference in treatment."

He looked around the room, bewildered but encouraged. He caught eye of the man whose child had just been brought in, hopeful and determined and focused on his memories.

"I—I used your old tea kettle, about a handful of each, maybe less because I was worried about running out and having no time to gather more…wait no…no I was going to but I didn't, There was no wood. I had no wood for the fire so I sent the lady's servant to fetch the wood while I boiled them in the water and then cooled it down."

"That should have about the same affect, I would think. Did you say anything while you did that? Did you use a spell?"

"No spell I didn't do to heat up Arthur's bathwater."

"And the salve?"

"Nothing! I just did exactly what you said."

Gaius looked pensively at the remedy, before looking back up to Merlin. He took a small jar from his robes and opened the bottle. It was a white cream, which he lathered on his fingertips and started to apply just underneath Merlin's eyes. Merlin flinched in suprise, but mainly let him work as he tended to him.

"I wonder." He mumbled as the druids and several servants started to prepare a small space for the medical bath Merlin suggested. "Did you…how tired where you when you tended these patients?" Gaius's hands moved rhythmically, and Merlin found his eyes starting to drop as the burst of adrenaline wore off in the presence of his mentor's company. Just from the corner of his vision, he caught Leon and Gwaine carry in a young man, one of the stable hands—gods, he knew him, he use to work with him almost every day—and lay him on the bed with the blue child before going to stand near Arthur.

"I don't know. Probably pretty tired." He mumbled trying to fight against the fog moving into his mind. "I think I cared for them after Aithusa so…definitely really tired."

"I would not be unrealistic to expect that you might have casted a spell while tending to them."

"Gaius, I think I would know if I performed a spell."

"But from what I gathered, your magic was exhausting itself trying to heal Aithusa when you were together. Perhaps, a similar case happened here."

"It might be possible." A druid spoke from her spot by the fire as she mixed a pot over the fire to infusing it with herbs. "We believe there is no limit to what Emrys can do. He might have learned a spell for cold, and unknowingly used it. Did you sing while they bathed perhaps?"

"I don't know." Merlin growled, exasperated. How am I supposed to—"

"He does."

They snapped around to Arthur who had spoken with perfect clarity.

"What?" Merlin barked, embarrassed and now leaning heavily on the table behind him. At Gaius's coaxing, one of the druids brought over a stool and he sank into it.

"You do!" Arthur muttered, looking at him. "When I'm bathing, sometimes you sing."

"Might we ask the patients you helped? They might remember?" The druid suggested and Arthur nodded.

"We can call on them. It might be alarming, but I am sure I can think of a good reason for it." Gwen spoke from her spot near one of the sick children.

"Merlin, would you remember what it was you said if they knew a few words?" Arthur asked.

"I don't know. I might but…"

"But what?"

Merlin's head was spinning. He was running for his life, and now he was back in Camelot. He was looking after his own soul, and now he was worrying over the souls of many. He had only abandoned responsibility for a short time, not even two days ago he fled for his life, but already the implication of the act weighted heavy on his soul. So many people needed him, so many people suffered without his help, how could he even have thought to walk away? Fate might be cruel, that he would have to ignore his own pain and suffering to help others, but he could not escape it. If he did not help these people, who would? He did not have the character to walk away, nor would he want it even if it tortured him to stay.

He glanced at the people, at Arthur, at the druids and took a long stuttered breath. _Let him see. Just let him see._

"Arthur…you do realize at that point, the cure would require a spell, right? It would be the words to a spell."

Arthur's eyes widened. "Oh" He said, stunned with his mouth partly open. He knew quite a bit about modern medicine from speaking with Gaius and observing him, but there was much he did not know. In the moment of finding a cure for his people, it slipped from his grasp. Magic was still illegal, but perhaps for healing an exception could be made. He looked around at the people in the room and turned back to Gaius.

"What chance do they have otherwise?"

Gaius sucked in a breath and glanced at one of the women sleeping next to them.

"Hard to say, sire. I have not fully examined any of them. But, in my experience, if any of them look like that young boy over there, if he does last the night, it will not be with the use of his fingers. They have blackened already."

He resisted the urge to sigh and took a moment to glance around the room. Twelve. He counted twelve patients.

"How many other people have started to exhibit signs of this winter sickness?" Arthur asked.

"I do not believe the people realize its dangers. People's skin tinges blue all the time and once they warm up it is none worse the wear. But, we haven't had a winter this bad for many years, if ever. Most of the people you see here have been brought in because they would not wake. It would be easier to tell if we warned them."

He ran a hand through his hair, exasperated.

"We have already advised them to stay inside."

"People have to eat, My King." He turned to Merlin, who leaned back against the stone wall. "You know they can't just stay inside. They have jobs to do, masters to follow, livestock to feed. They can't just stay inside. The darkness falls even now, and you cannot stop it without me. So what will you do?"

At that moment, every eye in the room fixed on Merlin. Arthur saw, with unsettling clarity, the murky haze had settled back over his eyes but they were golden. And, he took a step back. Gaius, to his surprise, bowed his head in almost reverence. The druids, although unsure, sensed the change and reverently bowed their heads. And for a moment, Arthur wondered if it was all just some horrible trick. The pain Merlin had experienced, the druid's ritual to help him and their presence in Camelot. The small but growing trickle of magic into his kingdom like a small leak in a damn soon to burst into a river that had swept him away like a stray twig. A small seed placed by a dragon long ago who desired revenge and by a people who had been hunted down and burned by his father. Perhaps not peaceful, only patient. Patient and slowly working towards the upheaval of his kingdom by their druid king.

But even with the cold, stone vacant look on Merlin's face, there was no traitor before him. Only Merlin, the fearless boy who first picked up a sword and challenged him in the castle courtyard. They boy who threated to take him apart with one blow. The man who always fought to do what was right, even when he failed.

" _Mark my words, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, if this is not undone, Camelot will fall to ruin and madness. If you fail to right the wrongs you have done, the course of destiny will be altered forever. For, I am Magic, and Magic is me. Without it, Albion will be lost and all will fall into darkness._ "

 _"Head my words, my King. Your Kingdom lies is peril, but through the flames will come the age of peace. The time of your destiny has come. We must go."_

 _"Only at the mountain heart will magic be restored and the curse that has befallen these lands will be lifted. For I am magic, and magic is me. Without it, all will be lost forever."_

 _"Will you accept this quest?"_

It was a trial.

The first trial in what might be a long series of tests.

He would not fail him.

"Gwen, see if Lady Penelope or any of the shepherds recall what Merlin said or did to cure them."

He glanced from Merlin to the druid's, each one watching him.

"Fearghus, you have my permission to do what it takes to see these people and any others struck with winter sickness back to full health providing it follows Merlin's remedy. Your people may help you, but mine, "he looked directly at Gwen when he spoke, as if testing her to speak against him. "Will do no more than our current laws will allow. I will not have anarchy among my people."

Her brows twitched down, but she wasted no time, turning to send a servant to follow his orders and start an audience with the people. He took a few steps towards Merlin so he could look directly into his glassy eyes. He grasped his hand, callused and rough, and rubbed his fingers over a twisted knot on his thumb. He felt a surge of power rush through him again from the dragon's spell as his eyes burned. This time he did not pull away, nor did he try to hide the strange spell that had been cast on him. In a way, he was starting to understand it. The taste of fear of the magic, the strange sensation as it light up inside him without his consent. It was frightening, it was different, but it was not evil.

The druid's watched from behind as Merlin blinked several times as if coming out of a daze. One of his palms came to rub his temple. Whispering broke out among the druids and Gwen moved forward. A gentle smile graced Merlin's face, and he looked around as if in wonder.

'Arthur, wh—" Gwen began in astonishment but Merlin cut her off.

"It happened again?" Merlin asked tiredly as he came back to himself.

"Just for a moment." They heard Arthur mutter to him. "But, I don't think it was madness. I just… I don't understand. If this is Aithusa's magic, why won't he just stay at your side and cast the spell himself always if it helps you. Why make me—"

"Did Gaius help the people?"

Merlin asked dismissively. He almost felt guilty. He knew how frustrated Arthur felt. He knew how much the King needed to talk through his experiences and reason through the madness. Despite this, he failed to stir any kind of compassion or desire to hear Arthur speak.

"Merlin. I asked if—"

"I don't know. It seems to help for a little bit, but if Aithusa could have cast this spell himself, then he would have done it. It must have to come through you. And it doesn't matter. It is only a temporary fix. Only the—"

"Mountain heart will save you. Yes, so you said." Arthur muttered with a roll of his eyes, but Merlin paused.

"No. You said that. I never did."

They locked eyes and silence filled the space between them. Arthur felt ice start to form in the pit of his stomach.

"Merlin. You said that. Multiple times. You just did, here in this room."

"Arthur, you said it yourself that I was mad when you found me. I don't think it was any more than that."

"Merlin you can't seriously believe th—"

"Enough!" Gaius exclaimed, startling them both. "Merlin, Sire, He needs to rest."

A silence stretched between them. Gaius held out his hand by the door, and after a moment, Merlin stretched out his hand to grip his forearm. Leaning on his mentor for support, Arthur watched as Merlin stumbled from the room. He watched them leave, a hole forming in the pit of his stomach as they left. But, he did not leave. He knew Gaius and his servants would take them to the room he had prepared for Merlin, and he knew Merlin would be well cared for. Instead, he turned back to the druids, glanced over his people, took a small bowl from a druid and started to rub small circles on the small feet of a young child.


	23. Chapter 23

_**A/N** : I finished this pretty quickly, so here is another chapter! Thank you to everyone still supporting this story! It was great to know some people were still following/enjoying the new chapters! I had my doubts and was pretty displeased with the last chapter(22). I had spent so many hours rewritting it and changing things that I just ended up settling with something, although it still dissatisfied me. I felt better about this one, so editing it went a lot smoother. _

_Warnings: none_

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

The spell Arthur cast from the remnants of Aithusa's magic helped make the trip to his new chambers easier. Merlin still gripped Gaius tight to avoid stumbling, and he barely heard Gaius catch the arm of a maid for directions to their new temporary quarters through his concentration. He watched their feet, careful of each step although the extra attention was not exactly necessary. He did not want to lose himself on the way to bed. Several servants greeted him upon arrival, and he looked up to gaze about the room as Gaius left him near the bed next to a large wooden chair should he need something to balance upon. He watched Gaius shoo away the servants before he started to draw back the covers of the large bed while Merlin looked around.

He did not recognize the room. A small window faced the back wall and a large fire roared in the stone fireplace which helped chase the chill from the air. Two wooden rocking chairs were placed in front of it on top of a thin black cattle fur. A leather chest between them held an arrangement of dogwood and holly in a white ornamental vase next to a covered jar no doubt filled with dried fruits from the honey that sat next to it. Thick golden curtains with red trim hung from the bed frame. Several gray and white furs covered the cream-colored blankets. He could see many of the gifts the druids had given him adorning the room, and several maids worked to place items into large wooden wardrobes and drawers before leaving the room at Gaius's insistence.

"Come, my boy. Time to rest." Gaius called as he pulled him forward onto the bed and tucked the thick furs over him as he fussed. Merlin complied, feeling much like a weak kitten and unable to muster the strength to do much about it. He could feel his eyes drooping shut. Although the potion did little to abate the burning in his blood, his weariness overcame the pain now that the warmth of the bed engulfed him. Gaius's presence as he rested beside his bed in a thick wooden chair comforted him further, and he drifted off to sleep.

As Gaius settled in the chair next to Merlin, he was pleased to see Merlin sleep but nervous about the grandness of the room. It belonged to the nobility of the crown if he remembered right and was only ever used for the second or third prince of the family. On whose orders had the room been uncovered, if it had been anyone's orders at all? But the fire was warm, and even when they had stopped to camp with the druids, the cold of the winter air had not been chased from his bones that had settled there since he first awoke in Alex's lands at Merlin's cry for help. But here, with a fur draped over his lap and his ward at his side resting comfortably in bed, he drifted to an uneasy, deep sleep.

* * *

Once Arthur finished bathing the small child he started tending, he placed the herb soaked towel to the side and felt a hand grip his shoulder. He knew the grip, reached back to place his hand over Gwen's and squeezed gently.

"There are bound to be more in the lower towns who are afflicted." He said as she placed her other hand on his shoulder and squeezed back. "Heaven knows how many more there are that we don't know about."

She bit her lip, and he stopped himself from leaning back into her. If they had been in private he would have succumbed to the urge, but he held himself up despite the weariness and cleaned his herb stained fingers on a cloth one of the druids had left for him. He was unaccustomed to working with the ill and wounded. It fell to Merlin to patch up the knights after battles or accidents. If they could, they tended to their own injuries. He could count on his hands the number of times he had helped with general medical efforts, and most of them involved helping Merlin. None of them involved caring for the sick outside of his own father which had been out of obligation and mostly done by Gaius. It felt different, to help in this way. There was a humbleness to the work it required that was different from others to have their care on such a basic level left in his hands.

He let his thoughts slide back over to his wife. He felt a fierce sting of betrayal in his gut the more he thought about her as he recognized the tell-tale signs of her unusual behavior now, and it all came back to magic. He could easily see where it had been overlooked. When he had been focused on Merlin and the curse after he promised to return Merlin to the castle, she had been forced to focus on the people. In that time, between the discovery of Merlin's magic, the druids in Camelot and the quickly declining temperatures, the druids must have persuaded her that magic was necessary to help their people

 _We cannot save them all._ He had said, which meant they could save a few if they had the means, which was limited to only a few druids. That also meant one more sorcerer to cast the spells might save one or several more people from losing their limbs or their life. And his wife, beautiful, just and compassionate had a knack for doing what was best for his people. Perhaps, in the chaos Merlin had created, she believed magic was best. He held back a large sign at a returning headache and gripped her hand tightly, not too much pressure but enough to show tension in his body. He wondered if she was frightened of him. If she thought Merlin's fate might become her own, but she had not backed down from his promise to talk, just like when he had caught her with Lancelot several years ago, she had not backed away from her betrayal. Perhaps, this time when someone told him the truth about magic, he would be willing to listen.

"We can send others to check on the people in the lower towns, and assign people to help from there." He muttered to her. "If Lady Penelope or one of the sheep farmers remembers part of the spell, we will have to wake Merlin, but…" He trailed off, reluctant to finish and Gwen's hand twitched under the intensity of his grip, but he did not let go.

"You can't mean to just let him sleep if we can save more of our people."

He thought of Merlin curled up against Aithusa, sleeping deeply through the storms and rustlings of the knight and shook his head.

"He was losing his senses again. I could tell on the way back and Gwen, he won't wake up if that is the case. He will just…keep sleeping until he wakes up. I don't think the pain will let him sleep too long."

He felt her lean into him for balance and he wondered how late in the night it was, how long before the sun rose. They stayed still for a moment before he broke the silence.

"Will you come to bed?"

He asked her, and her hands moved to the base of his neck. He could feel her fingertips twitch against his skin, and he suppressed a shiver.

"Your Highness, before you retire, might we speak with you?"

They turned towards Fearghus, who had stepped forward and beckoned to a small alcove away from the others where Mirna was waiting. Still gripping the hand of his wife, Arthur shifted so her hand rested just above his elbow, and she obediently followed him to the alcov., fingers twitchingslightly.

"Is there something you require?" He asked. It struck him then that the druids, unless Gwen had already arranged something with them, were helping his people purely out of compassion. Or perhaps, that was what they wished to discuss.

"I did not wish to agitate you, but I believe we can explain the madness as you called it."

His brows rose, and he leaned forward in interest.

"Go on." He nodded.

Mirna leaned closer towards him as she spoke. "It was strong and lasted for a moment, but we, all of us here, felt the magic of Emrys. As you know, his magic has been depleted, and he cannot call on the earth to restore it."

Arthur shifted, more alert and agitated –this is a conversation for Gaius—he thought but he nodded and tried to make sense of the implications with the limited knowledge he had on warlocks.

"So there is a chance that his magic is returning all on its own." He surmised, but she frowned.

"I do not believe so." Fearghus said.

"We believe," Mirna suggested, "it is the remnants of his magic, much like the enchantments Emrys left upon Camelot."

"What enchantments?" Gwen blurted out in suprise.

Mirna smiled and gestured to the room.

"Emrys has left pieces of his magic over Camelot. Arthur's sword, for example, was forged with his magic and the metal retains traces of him. Your armor and other artifacts that have been touched by him, also have a trace. They are fading, but I can still sense their faint traces. However, what I felt before was nothing like that, and others would not have been able to pick up on the traces he left behind as that is a unique skill I possess. The magic we felt from him was new."

"So he can still do magic?" Arthur asked suprised.

Mirna shook her head.

"If Emrys casted a spell, an enchantment on himself before he lost his power when the spell stirs to effect it could have the same effect. It might be the reason for his strange fits of madness as you deem it. Whatever he wanted to accomplish, if it was already cast before his power was lost, it might still be in effect and be the cause of much more."

Gwen dropped her arm from Arthur and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I thought" She began slowly, "to stop an enchantment, you must kill the enchanter or the object the spell is attached to, then the spell will fall. Does that mean he enchanted an object somewhere?"

Mirna smiled. But Arthur frowned, he knew that from Gaius, but where had Gwen?

"If Emrys was a normal sorcerer, the enchantment would have been severed as soon as his tie to magic was cut with Ammilie's box, but he is a warlock so we are uncertain of its effects. We infer, his spell might have been strong enough to act on its own to accomplish its goal, act on impulse, as he knew he would not be able to regulate the spell in any way once his magic was lost."

Arthur crossed his arms, thinking over the implications.

"So whatever those spells of madness are, they are from Merlin trying to heal himself?" It sounded good. A spell to lead his friends or those willing to help him to a cure. It would be too good to be true.

"It can be assumed that was part of his purpose for casting the spell, yes. But, that is not all." Fearghus said. "The nights are unnaturally cold when before the storm had started to abate. Now, they only grow worse. It is late in the season, sire. You know the snow should have started to abate by now, not grow worse. It should not be this sever, not in this part of the world."

A spark of defense rose in him. But if Merlin had cast a powerful spell to guild Arthur to a cure, what else might he have cast. If his magic was healing the sick and reaching out to a dragon all throughout the winter without him knowing, what else had he reached out too without awareness? And after he drank the vial, he had been frightened, before that he had been begging for death and deliverance. But Arthur had not listened. Three times, his magic burst forth in an attempt to protect himself from the vial but the most strange was after the vial, the curse of Camelot's fate. That darkness would fall. He had taken it for mad ramblings, a warning by Emrys for the negative effects of the vial or what would happen in a world without magic but what if it had been more sinister, more deliberate? What if it had been a curse?

" _Mark my words, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, if this is not undone, Camelot will fall to ruin and madness. If you fail to right the wrongs you have done, the course of destiny will be altered forever. For, I am Magic, and Magic is me. Without it, Albion will be lost and all will fall into darkness._ "

And He had been angry. More than angry, he had been furious, vindictive and heavy in his judgment. He named Arthur a tyrant. A hypocrite king who could not see the sufferings of his own people. He had denied Arthur's role as king and had threatened to bring about the ruin of his city if any harm came to him. He went from believing in Arthur to not, from yelling at his king to yelling at an enemy, from cursing his name reign as a devil king to proclaiming his loyalty to the real Arthur who would soon come to rescue him from his horrid fate. What if, in the chaos and madness, just before his magic ran out, it had listened to his array of madness, lashed out to attempt not only to heal and guild so that his real king could save him, could bring him home, but to curse everything that tried to take it away from him, to punish the fake king that dared to steal his magic and bring his kingdom to ruin and pretend to be his friends. What if, the new winter was not so natural at all?

"You think Merlin is the cause of the winter sickness."

"No," Mirna said, but she had a wry smile on her face that made him feel ill at ease as she looked upon him. "We mean to say, trying to stifle the embodiment of magic itself cannot be without consequences. The world must have balance. You took something fundamental from the world and tried to destroy it. Emry's magic is strong, and his control and understanding of it have only grown as he grows older. But, if the tales we here are correct, he casts many spells with a disregard for the order of things, without incantations and without procedures. Where we require words and ingredients, he needs only a thought. It is his blessing, but also his curse. It leaves his magic limitless and leaking. Normally, this could only benefit you and the people around him, but then—don't you see—you became the threat to destiny. So in order to ensure the prophecy was fulfilled, he must have felt the need to cause something drastic. A great shift happened in the balance of the world so he cast something to shift it back."

"Why—why wouldn't the druids have mentioned this before?"

"If the spell was partially meant for you, it might not have stirred until you arrived. Our brothers and sisters might not have felt it then. But yesterday, even from far away, we felt the power of Emrys. And again, we felt it today in our presence. But, now we know it is not from him directly, so it must be from before he lost his magic."

"If Emrys is so powerful, why did such a simple vial work to strip him of everything?" He asked and the druids smiled sadly at the despair in his tone.

"Because no one but the once and future king might cause such a demise as only he might convince Emrys to go against his very nature. Powerful, though he is, Emrys is still human. Just as you are. We are all prone to mistakes, there is no doubt he sensed the great evil from it. Perhaps, he was simply too tired to fight you, his other half."

He massaged his eyes, willing them to stay focused.

"Why aren't you telling him this?" He asked, suddenly bewildered and frustrated.

"We believe it would be detrimental to his health and spirit. Emrys may be a powerful warlock, but Merlin— as we have come to understand him—is but a young man who loves you and this city dearly."

"He has no idea then, of the spell. Just like the healings, he has no bloody idea." The familiar anger swelled up within him, and he could not help the thought. Because now, once again he had proof that even at a fundamental level, magic caused evil without evil intent. "His magic is dangerous."

"No, Arthur." Gwen countered. He held his tongue to stop a slew of venom from his lips as hers pressed into a thin line.

"No." She said again, louder and deliberately to make sure he understood her. He could see the passion alight within her and it made his skin crawl when she spoke again. "What is dangerous is how long we have been living in ignorance. I learned so much about Merlin from the druids, many tales of how he worked to protect Camelot. Arthur, do you have any idea how many times Merlin has saved Camelot from people looking for revenge or the throne? And he did all of that alone! My own father was…" she choked, unable to continue before she composed herself and carried on. "He had no one before our reign to turn to, but at least he had our friendship, at least we were all together. But after that he just…then he had Gaius and then he had no one, Arthur."

"That does nothing to change that he—"

"Let me finish!"

He clamped his mouth, stunned to silence.

"Arthur, if he did curse Camelot that changes nothing. You gave me and Merlin your word that you would see his magic restored. You told me you would bring him home, that you would set this right. "

"His curse, _his magic_ may start killing hundreds of our people! How is that—"

"His curse that he has no idea he even cast. Merlin would never do something like that! And his spell, from the sounds of it, will also be what saves them."

"And if it doesn't work? What then? Restore his magic, hope he can remove the curse and then hope he doesn't curse all of Camelot to turn to ash by accident if his mental state goes off the deep end one day? This isn't just about Merlin!"

"How many other people are like him, Arthur? How many others have magic who cannot control it outright?"

"You heard it yourself, it is unique to him. He—"

"That is not entirely true," Fearghus interjected stoically. "While his magic is unique, his experience of control is not. Many gifted magic users and seers also experience frightening bursts of magic if they do not follow their training. It is an experience all people born with a strong affinity for magic share."

"There you see! No matter what, whether it is Merlin or someone else, there will always be someone who needs help understanding their gift. Are we to kill every sorcerer on the basis of a lack of self-control? What if that is what happened to Morgana? It isn't right Arthur! Don't you see? You cannot get rid of magic! No matter what you do, it is always going to be in this kingdom. Merlin has helped us for years by using his magic to defend us against our enemies, and they have spent years using magic in Camelot to see it destroyed. Even under your father, people were tried for sorcery all the time and sometimes people would just disappear! Even under his reign, there was magic in the kingdom just no one talked about it because they were frightened. There will always be someone to fight, some evil to chase. It doesn't have to be our own people. You are a just King. You know what is right."

Only the presence of the druids and his own growing weariness stopped him from answering her. She was so sure of magic, so quick to fight for the cause now that she had found it. And how could he have expected less from the women who had won his heart? She had always been quick to help others when they needed, to fight for a just cause no matter the cost. He forced himself to look away from her, stifle his anger and focused on Fearghus.

"This spell, if it is a curse, how would we lift it."

The druids looked at one another and shook their heads. It was amazing, how at the start of the day the future held such promise, a quest started, a friendship renewed and a promise to upkeep. But now it was filled with madness and a bleak grip of the future. It was filled with more betrayal and another curse to overcome.

"You must restore the balance, but to do that, I believe few would know how but Emrys. He will lead you in good time."

Arthur nodded and surveyed the people. He did not believe the druid's words, but he had nothing more to say. He watched one of the knights carrying in an old woman to join the sick.

"Is there anything else you require?" He asked as one of the druids came forward to help her.

"No, my Lord," Fearghus replied. "But our people are tired, and more are being found with the sickness. If you would permit more of us to come, we might better assist the sick."

It was a sound reason, but it would invite more people of magic to the city. It was too cold to send one of his knights out now. Perhaps, in the morning his thoughts would be clearer. There was never enough time.

"No word can be sent until the dawn breaks. The air is too sharp. I will send some of my people to assist you as they can. But, I must retire. Thank you, for helping my people. Camelot is in your debt."

He turned from the room and listened as his boots made loud penetrating rhythmic sounds bounce from the walls followed by the softer clang of Gwen's shoes as she hurried after him due to his abrupt departure. He had expected her to stay behind, but then they had both been running themselves to the bone. It was good that she retired, he thought. The kingdom needed to see its king and queen in good shape, especially if they needed to keep up appearances. He made to turn into his chambers, but revulsion at the request he made to Gwen stopped him and he diverted a few steps down the hall. Before he got too far, he heard Gwen call after him.

"Shall I wait for you?"

He paused as he tried to stop the crawling of his skin. She had defended the return of magic, not just to Merlin but to Camelot, to the entire city. In his absence, she might have even broken the law herself.

It wouldn't be right, to go to her like this.

Not when he was still conflicted, still angry.

Not when he knew his aggression had the potential become something twisted.

Something dark.

"No."

He whispered. His head turned to her just a fraction before he disappeared out of her sight.

* * *

Merlin's room was just a corridor away from his own, one normally reserved for family, the secord or third prince if the royal family was lucky enough to have many children. It had never been used in his reign and he found it fitting that the servants had placed Merlin there, even if it had been without his expressed permission. He was proud of their placement. But, in a small way, it brought home just how pathetic his show of ignoring Merlin over the winter had truly been. He might have fooled his guests, but there was no fooling his people.

He crept in slowly. A figure was leaning over the fire, and for a moment his heart jumped that Merlin might be up tending to it before the shorter man straightened to add more wood and stroke the fire. Upon noticing Arthur, he excused himself from the room. It had just been another servant, nothing more.

He glanced at the bed and noticed Gaius leaned back in a chair beside it, head back and snoring loudly over the crackling fire. A fur covered his shoulders and legs and although it looked uncomfortable, he did not stir. He turned to glance at Merlin, and to his surprise, the man was awake and watching him warily.

"You're supposed to be resting."

He said softly as he came up to the other side of Merlin's bed. He carried up a chair without noise so that he might lean closer to whisper and settled in it.

"I am."

Arthur nodded, and for an awkward moment, they just looked at one another, a remnant of their companionable silence that used to follow them before Arthur made a mess of things. After some time, Merlin sighed.

"You know, if you wanted someone to stare at, I am sure Gwen would be a much more willing suitor."

He rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Merlin."

"Aw, kicked out of the marriage bed then?" Merlin whispered with a small grin. It was meant to be a tease, but he was just so damn tired. He put his head in his hands and drew his fingers over his eyes to rub his temples.

"No. I left her alone."

Merlin raised a brow, shocked at the divulgence of their domestic dispute. Despite his discomfort, Arthur kept talking.

"She thinks that no matter what, Camelot will never be free of magic. That the laws should not be as they are now. In front of the druids, she spoke out indirectly against the law on magic."

Merlin's eyes widened, and he grimaced at a sudden snap of pain that pulled his attention back to his body's position. His movements were painfully slow, so much so as he moved to adjust his leg which had somehow twisted under him, Arthur found himself rising to help him wordlessly. He flinched back in surprise when the King turned back the blankets and settled him comfortably.

"Don't be such a baby." He murmured to abate the awkward gesture. Merlin grimaced as Arthur settled the furs back on his bed before his hands dropped to thread between his knees.

"She's accepted magic. She might have even used it. Merlin, almost no time has passed since she discovered your magic and everything about it, but already her stance on magic changed completely. What if she always felt this way? Or was she already practicing sorcery? Has she just been lying about it from the start or did she just decide your magic was worth changing the whole of Camelot?"

"Gwen…would not lie to you, Arthur. Whatever she told you in the past, it was likely the truth at the time."

"Yes. Well, unlike you." He scoffed at Merlin's easy dismissal of what seemed to him as a betrayal.

"Unlike me." Merlin acknowledged, but he spoke without guilt. He was resigned to the fact, and it pulled Arthur out of his musing. Perhaps before, he might have shown guilt but it had no place in moving forward. "But, I would still never betray you. Not like Morgana, not like Agravain. I'm not them, Arthur."

Something changed between them, another stone laid down on the new foundation. They were rebuilding, and that was suddenly enough.

"I know," Arthur whispered looking down at his hands before he looked up. "She accepted everything so easily. I can't…"

"She was always smarter than you." He said with a sudden grin, and Arthur smirked. It faded fast as he leaned back to think. "She betrayed me once. This could be—"

"She didn't" Merlin muttered. Arthur's face crinkled in distress. He looked at him with wide hopeful eyes because despite all the past lies he did not think Merlin would lie to him now.

"Morgana raised Lancelot as a shade with the hope Gwen would betray you but she stayed faithful. When things failed to go Morgana's way she placed an enchanted bracelet on her, a love spell. It manipulated her to go to Lancelot and betray you. She must have realized it after you caught her and because of the strength of her love was able to remove the enchanted bracelet herself. So you see, she never really betrayed you."

The truth clicked in his mind, the hurt he had locked away vanished, and the implications of everything he had done to her when she had merely fallen victim to sorcery sent him swimming. It was also, another testament to the evil and chaos that magic spread, and he found it hard to reconcile once again with everything he was aiming to do.

"Unlike you," Merlin said with clear conviction which again drifted him out of his thoughts. "You betrayed me, Arthur."

Something in Arthur sparked, a door he had been avoiding opened and he nodded.

"Yes." He said, forcing himself not to look away. "Unlike me."

A strange calm descended over them as if just admitting the words brought with them a sense of healing. Although both their wrongs did not justify their actions, in the end, they had both willingly placed themselves down to the same level. And with that, another small brick clicked in place. Merlin sunk back into the bed as if with the admission of those words, he was finally able to rest in his presence. His trailed up to trace the patterns on the embroidered canopy above him.

"Was it hard to come back?"

Arthur asked suddenly as he thought of the way Merlin tensed on the way into the castle. Merlin tracked the fringe of the canopy with his gaze back down to Arthur's hands. It had been an uncontrollable fear, but he knew at least on a fundamental level no one in Camelot would willingly harm him. The worst might have been leaving Aithusa behind, but it wasn't. Although he missed the dragon at his side, he knew they would reunite soon. Spending years dealing with problems on his own made it easy to be patient when thinking of their future reunion. And, he had a new relationship to build anyway. He could not hide behind his anger or seek the wings of his kin if he was not there. He needed to spread his own, no more crawling into caves and sinking into dark corners like a snake. It was time to take to the sky.

"No. Not when I could start to think clearly. It gets muddled without my magic. I spend too much time guessing at what is real and chasing my own tail trying to make sense of everything. "

Arthur nodded, trying to imagine the sensation.

"So, how is that different from normal?"

This time Merlin rolled his eyes at the light tease, but his smile lasted longer.

"You should have Gaius give you a lesson on magic or some books… watch the druids work."

He twitched back. The sudden request surprised him, and he narrowed his eyes.

"I just think," Merlin whispered, and Arthur strained to hear him in the quiet of the room over the fire and Gaius's snores. "It might help you make sense of everything, to understand the dark from the light. Then you're not listening to anyone's account or relying on any one man's word. You can make up your own mind what you think."

To his surprise, he found himself nodding and he leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

"I have done some reading, when I returned last, remember?"

And he had, more than he cared to admit. What he learned had astonished him, for at the heart of many books were simple spells. It was a different way of life, one that came before his father's reign and for a time even during it, a long-standing culture of magic that ran back for centuries.

"And I watched the druids, the spells they cast and the good it did for their camp. It was useful, simple in nature. It would benefit Camelot in many ways."

Merlin glanced at him curiously as if trying to figure him out before he gave up.

"Then what are you still holding on to? Why stay angry? Why fight against it at every turn or bump?"

He laughed deprecatingly at himself and tilted his head back, a mocking smile on his lips as he realized the answer.

"My own stubbornness, Merlin." And his mocking smile turned into something genuine as he admitted it to himself and a sense of relief rushed through him. Everything he had learned over the past few weeks did more than settle, it reconciled with his very soul. "My own damn pride."

The look Merlin was giving him was one of wariness, as if he took Arthur's statement as a challenge on magic and a rejection, and not what it really was, a confession. He realized, in the darkroom, with Gaius snoring softly in a hard wooden chair, Merlin laying cursed on a bed that might have been for his brother if he ever had one, his knights organizing the search for winter sickness in the city despite their worry over Merlin, and his wife back in her quarters alone unless she had returned to help their people after his rejection to starve the hurt, that from the moment he had forced the vial down Merlin's throat, he had been fighting with himself from the start.

He wanted magic returned to Camelot.

He wanted that, to restore Camelot to beauty and to finally after all these years, to have peace for all of his people. Not just for Merlin, but for himself and for his people.

"You should get some more sleep, or we might as well discuss plans for tomorrow. " He said a little too loudly which had them both glancing to Gaius anxiously before another loud snore passed his lips, and they relaxed.

"You could tell me about all the visiting nobles," Merlin whispered, suddenly unwilling to be without him and Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Why would you possibly want to know about them?" He hissed back, but Merlin implored him with wide eyes.

"To make up for what I missed. I learned a lot from other servants, but you were really secretive about…well, everything. I want to know what I missed."

It was partially a political move, he told himself. If he wanted to get back on Arthur's good side, he needed to know everything like he use to. But, the other part of him, the one that had missed his friend terribly and had been hurt by his rejection, just wanted to know. It had been an insatiable curiosity, the life of Arthur Pendragon. Where he had once been at the center of it, when he was suddenly cast aside he had scrambled for every whisper or gossip whether true or false about his friend until he became so weary of it all he just stopped.

If nothing more, he still just wanted to know. Instead of arguing or mocking his curiosity, Arthur leaned forward in his chair and started to talk. He spoke about Prince Philip a lot, how his father wanted to make him a better man and his sisters were sent to accompany him, but more so in hopes that they would keep him in line. He talked about how Duke Meredik really only came to secure a marriage between their son and the newborn Lady Amelia of Byron once she was old enough and to ensure her parents that their daughter would be living comfortably as his wife. The Lord and Lady of Netherfield had come to honor him in court as was often custom for them to do from time to time while the Lady Emilie had come on the pretense of amusement, but he had not been able to determine which of the knight was her secret lover and the real reason she returned to Camelot.

They were mundane facts, castle business, politics, relationships between one family to another. But, Merlin wanted to hear them all. Even when sleep started to claim them both, Arthur watched him struggle to stay awake, and he found himself hoping he did. He had not spoken like this to anyone in a long while. A familiar banter passed between them when he recounted trying to entertain the ladies and handling the knights and the new squires whose family sent them with the hope of becoming knights. It was a different kind of comradery than the one he shared with his knights, and he wished he never knew how much he missed it.

When their eyes finally slipped closed, in sync with the break in the conversation, the sun had just started to spew rays of light into the horizon that broke through the night of day. A sourceless wind rustled through the room, stirred the curtains on Merlin's bed and rustled through Arthur's hair.

When he was awoken an hour later by Gwen running her fingers through his golden hair, although he hardly slept, he felt better than he had in months. He caught her hand before she could move it away and kissed it. He turned guilty eyes up to her and was met with only compassion.

"It's okay, Arthur." She whispered quietly so as not to wake the other occupants in the room.

He rested the back of her hand against his forehead and sighed. "It will be." He whispered and kissed her hand once more as he massaged her fingers.

"The knights were able to collect various words from the people Merlin helped. Between all of them, they remembered most of the song. Most of the druids are resting, when he wakes we should try and go over the spell with Merlin if you would allow it."

The good news gave him relief, and he smiled.

"They should take refuge here, the druids. They are also our people." He murmured to himself, thinking of Merlin's words and their offer to help with the healing of the sick.

"Yes, Arthur; yes they are."

Her gaze was filled with such longing that he leaned over and kissed her, full and hungry. He lingered there just for a moment before he leaned back to stand and step from the room. She followed him, tired but with pride, something he knew she had not been with him for a long time.

He thought of the druid's implications, of how the sickness might be tied to a curse, but instead of anger it just made his heartache. Merlin had already suffered so much, to know he was the cause of so much suffering would be unbearable to him. In some small corner of his mind, it occurred to him that perhaps, many of Merlin's lies and omissions were created this way. Withholding the truth to spare, at least on some level, a degree of pain. Instead of waiting to speak with Merlin about the possible curse he might have cast, he followed Gwen out of the room to breakfast, to oversee the care of his people, and to set about retrieving the druids from Camelot.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Merlin twitched as the wind returned to stir the curtains around him. His lips parted and his soft, murmured voice was swept up and carried through the cracks in the horned window even as he slept.

 _Come._

 _Return to the land of Albion._

 _Your King is calling you home.  
_


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: Longest chapter so far(and probably in general)! Thank you to everyone who reviewed!_

 _Warnings: some dark imagery/themes  
_

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The first thing Merlin realized when he awoke was that he no longer felt the softness of the furs around him, and even as he rustled about on the bed, he could not detect the soft sound of fabric moving on fabric nor the creaking wood of the bed. He did notice Gwaine seated by the fire with his back turned to him and his chair positioned so that he could watch the door. His sword rested lightly by his side with his hand settled near the hilt. He debated calling out to his friend for a moment. The strange hollow feeling about him had returned but despite his friend's lack of signature, he knew better by now than to call him a monster. It took several moments before he mustered the courage to clear his throat. When he did, Gwaine turned around in startled surprise and grinned.

"The mighty king of the druids is finally awake!" He grinned as he stood from his chair, and fastened his sword back into his holster. The noise sounded muffled, but Kilgharrah had warned him the spell would fade quickly. Already the pain had been replaced with a gnawing emptiness inside his blood. He counted it lucky he could speak at all.

Gwaine moved to stand next to his bed and offered him a hand. He accepted it, and let Gwaine pull him up to a sit. Once he regained his balance, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and groaned as a wave of vertigo assaulted.

"Gwaine?"

He muttered, and the knight made a grunt of affirmation.

"The one and only, mate."

He opened his mouth to speak, but a sudden desire to run burst forth in him and crippled his tongue. He hunched forward, overwhelmed. The feeling only intensified, and he jumped to his feet, prevented from stumbling towards the door only by Gwaine as he reached out to hold him in place.

"Woah there, Merlin! At least change your clothes before rushing out!"

Merlin tried to shake off his hollow touch, but the desire to flee filled him to the point of bursting. He gripped the creature's—no, Gwaine's— forearm tightly. After all, he was strength, and he would need him to move forward as his own vanished. Gwaine reached up to clear the blood leaking from his eyes, and Merlin straightened his hold on his friend's arm.

"Gwaine, we need to find Arthur."

Gwaine studied him for a moment, confused, but he gave a small nod and turned around to toss some clothes from the side table to Merlin. Without paying them much mind, he allowed Gwaine to help him into the fabric and fasten his rich blue cloak around his shoulders as he struggled into his boots.

Another burst of desire to find Arthur rushed through him, and he started to pull Gwaine out through the open door as he forced his left foot down into his boot. He made several attempts to scratch his eyes as he went, both of which were stopped by Gwaine's hands.

"I'd follow you to hell's gates, but Merlin, what's going on?"

He looked up at him, stumped by his question and shook his head.

"We should have left by now." He whispered on an arid moan. "I told Arthur that wasn't true, but I wasn't seeing clearly. It is the only way." He stumbled. His grip tightened to the point of bruising on Gwaine's arm, and he let out a panicked hiss as his vision blurred in and out of comprehension down the castle corridor. "Strength, guide me. I can't see."

"You got it." He murmured.

Compelled forward, Gwaine griped his arm, and they rushed forward to the main hall. They stumbled inside the crowded hall and drew the attention of the people as they rushed through the doorway meant for the Lords and Ladies of the city. From Merlin's faded vision, he could see the hall was packed with people. It confused him until many of them turned to bow at his entrance, and he realized the city was filled with druids.

He ignored them all, vague shadows of hollow people and searched them for the one living being in the room. He felt a wind at his back guide him and pulled Gwaine forward like a crutch. He saw the back of Arthur first, in conversation with one of his nobles and the old wizened druid who had once praised him in the forest for all that he was. He saw him turn, his mouth moved in familiar patterns but the deafening silence had surrounded him again, and his eyes were stinging and blurring the scene.

It annoyed him, to see his king surrounded by all these pointless shades and in the disorienting crowd, it was hard to remember that every single one of them was a living human being. Kilgharrah's advise echoed into his mind, and he felt the familiar sparks of anger at his abandonment flare—because Arthur had left him alone again damn it, brothers did not leave one another behind—before he reached out to claw into Arthur's arm so he would not leave him again, half a coin and useless.

A sinking rock of despair blossomed in him dragging him deep into the corners of the earth as he realized fully what was happening to him again.

It was too late.

"Arthur," he choked out as a cough of fire crept up in his chest when the king suddenly filled his vision. He saw him shouting, gesturing madly to the side of the room yet heard nothing but a great vast emptiness and the sudden roaring of the wind. The shapes of the people around them started to fade into a faceless mass as arms blended into walls and windows became doorways to the sky.

"We delayed for too long Arthur." He screamed soundlessly into the growing emptiness that started to swallow him. "We waited too long." He muttered frantically through the chaos because somehow he knew they would never make it in time, and it was just their luck really, that the one time they needed to be quick and prompt they would fail. But who could have known that fate would move so quick and sudden, like a horrid crashing wave that pushed and pulled leaving them forever on the banks of salvation but unable to reach the shore?

Their growing reunion had made them so comfortable in one another's presence that it distracted them. So focused on rebuilding what they had lost, repairing a relationship they each had longed ardently to have returned, on their own hurts and pains the world had cast them that they had disregarded the insistent urging of magic and destiny. It had now come to a quick and abrupt end.

For once, Kilgharrah's advice, that he might decide now or in the future to complete the freeing of his soul seemed pathetically inadequate because if the alternative was swimming in the darkness that was now surrounding him, he did not have the strength to surrender.

The earth swayed as Gwaine and Arthur hoisted him to his feet and rushed through the hall to the entrance of the citadel. The faceless mass swirled away from the door that opened to a blizzard of white ice. It crowded into the room like a living beast before the wooden doors were slammed and locked shut.

"The mountain heart, Arthur!" He found himself screaming over and over, but he hardly knew what it meant over the darkness. They were going nowhere. The anger started again, bright and burning when they no longer listened to him as they pulled him away from the entrance to the door. Then suddenly, as if a large metal tomb had smashed upon him, every sensation vanished. He saw no one, felt nothing, heard nothing and started to drift in a vast eternal darkness.

* * *

From around Merlin, in the chaos that had erupted in the throne room, Arthur and Gwaine caught his body as it went slack and motionless in the crowd. His gaze was trapped forward as what had once looked clouded now was a solid sheet of silver, as if his eyes had been carved out of shined metal.

A whisper stirred in the wind, ethereal and indecipherable, a language older than time but Arthur recognized the voice. The snow from the blizzard outside covered the floor and from the cracks in the door of the citadel, fine white ice started to snake up to where they laid. Gwaine hoisted Merlin and tossed his lifeless body over his back. He took one glance at Arthur and shoved him into a run.

The mass of people in the throne room panicked and rushed towards the exits of the room as they ran shrieking and screaming. He heard their voices fading one by one. Arthur moved to turn and help his people but somehow Gwaine's sword was at his back. His Knight screamed at him over the noise, yelling at him to move forward for if he stopped for just one more second he would get swallowed by the wave of nature that had come to reclaim their life.

The glance was enough, and he beheld the faces of his people and druids, features wide-eyed in terror, some with hands outstretched in the hopes of using magic to avoid the curse, perfectly frozen in ice. He had no time to see if Gwen was one of them, if Gaius had been in the room or if any of the other knights had been swallowed up.

The tendrils of ice crashed after them through the castle as they ran. Arthur headed for the only place he could think of and the last he wished to enter, the hidden vault. The twists and turns took ages, but finally, the door came into view. He rushed through it after he forced the key into the lock and left it in the door. They stumbled into the small magic vault, and he snatched Gwaine's arm and Merlin's back to shove them through the mirror before Gwaine could realize it was not a mirror he would be crashing into but a doorway. He turned around to watch the ice that followed them because if it did not work they were dead. A thick slab of ice formed over the mirror, but it stopped around the golden frame, unable to cross through the portal the mirror created and covered them in darkness.

They were safe.

* * *

"Arthur"

A voice whispered from behind him, and he turned from the blackened doorway to see a circle of blue light illuminating the room at the end of the corridor. Gwaine held back until Arthur walked forward.

As he reached the vaguely familiar room, the heavy books and chain covered boxes littered the room like he left it when he first entered, all but for a glowing blue orb which illuminated the dark room and corridor. He felt the talisman the druids had created for him grow hot against his skin and glanced around the room. He eyed Gwaine, but the man gave no indication that he sensed the dark magic or was influenced by it.

"What the hell?"

Gwaine asked as he turned to Arthur who gazed at the orb with curiosity. "This is where you found that blasted vial. Isn't it?" He asked with a growl, which Arthur responded to with a glare of his own. He stepped closer to the orb. Gwaine caught him before he could take another step, but his eyes never moved from the orb.

"Merlin?"

Arthur called, and Gwaine's attention dropped to the man over his back.

"He hasn't moved, but that doesn't mean it's not from him."

"Merlin," Arthur called again, stronger and louder to directly address the blue light.

"Arthur," The voice whispered. It sounded almost like Merlin as if it was his voice at all stages of life mended together, old and young. It pulsed, as if alive and floated to a door left of the corridor. It stopped in the center of the wooden frame. Arthur followed it and placed his hand on the doorknob.

"The last time you followed blindly, you destroyed Camelot," Gwaine said as he eyed the orb and the door.

"It wasn't Merlin guiding me that time." He said as he opened the door. The orb zipped past him like a frightened bee to stop at the end of the hall near large tapestry. They took hesitant steps forward as they passed barred and chained doors. Once they reached the tapestry, a thick red cloth covered in runic symbols around Camelot's crest, the light pulsed once and zipped through the fabric leaving them in semi-darkness.

"Arthur" They heard it whisper, but it sounded as if it was far away. Gwaine shuffled behind him with a grunting noise as he repositioned Merlin to stretch, and Arthur pushed back the tapestry. They shared another glance before he stepped forward. He stumbled as his feet missed the first step. "Wait!" He cried to Gwaine as he caught his balance. "There are stairs."

"Don't twist your panties, princess. I won't drop our prince here." He mocked, but he stepped carefully with a firm grip on Merlin as they descended down a narrow, winding staircase. They could only detect the faint traces of light from the orb as they walked until they reached a dark, stone cavern. It was empty but for faint traces of ash and broken glass that littered the room but massive in size. A burnt tapestry hung near the back of the room, but it was too destroyed to make out any semblance of design.

"I'm all for chasing random giant fireflies, but shouldn't we stop to check on Merlin?"

Gwaine grumbled.

"Gwaine. Arthur." The orb whispered before it pulsed three times in rapid succession and bounced slowly to the ash covered cloth. A dark stone covered in ash rested on the floor before it. Arthur leaned down to pick it up. It felt heavy and cold in his hands as he cleaned the dust from the surface to reveal a clear crystal

"There are more of them," Gwaine said as he kicked another ash covered crystal towards Arthur and took in the scattered and broken remains of them around the room. "What are they?"

He asked and looked at the orb.

"I don't know," Arthur replied as he looked up to glance around the room. "What do we do now, Merlin?" He asked. The blue orb pulsed once, split into several pieces and vanished into the crystals. They pulsed once and faded to black, leaving them in complete darkness.

The cave around them rumbled. They could hear a scraping sound as if metal brushed against stone. A blast of air struck them and Gwaine gave a shout, panic high on his voice.

"Merlin? MERLIN!"

Arthur stumbled towards his voice in the black until he fisted his hands in Gwaine's cloak where Merlin should have been. He was gone. They stumbled around the dark room, searching and crying out but they found nothing. After a while of futile searching, they stilled and only the quiet of their breath was heard beneath the stone castle that towered above them.

"He was right there. He was right there. I had him! I had him, Arthur! Then, he was just...gone."

* * *

Merlin's soul fought against the impenetrable black as it struggled to grasp something to anchor it. Out of the black, he could hear Arthur's promises of salvation whispered to him and although he tried to believe he would find a way out of the darkness to rescue him, he just as equally believed that the king would leave him in the black abyss forever.

It was not unlike the beginning of the winter, the knowing emptiness, the black loneliness of despair. He felt the only difference was instead of running about like a puppet going about his duties, someone had placed him into a large black box as if he was no longer needed. It was hard to look beyond the black as if it was all he had ever known until a deep yearning struck him.

 _Emrys_

He heard a voice whisper. It was soft, feminine. Although he had never heard the voice before, the darkness in his chest vanished and was replaced with a soft burning.

A spark flickered in the darkness, but it faded quickly.

 _Emrys_

He heard it whisper again, and it sounded familiar this time.

Another spark flickered.

 _Fly with me, Emrys_

He heard it whisper, and he felt the sparks start to fall more rapidly in the darkness. An image of Aithusa struck through his mind as a small hatchling breaking through the egg at the call of his power. Love overwhelmed his senses and reminded him that releasing his mind into the black meant never fulfilling his promise to heal Aithusa. His dragon, his brother would always be disfigured, deformed, vulnerable to attack from the weakness in his scales and without the care of a dragonlord forever.

 _Emrys, fly with me._

The voice cried out again, and he fumbled through the dark for the source of the sparks fluttering in the darkness. He caught one in his outstretched hand, and it awoke a new burning in his chest. He could see Kilgharrah, angry and striking as he faced down the Once and Future King who had infected him instead of first giving him the support he needed. Another spark burned into the skin on his forearm and he saw the druids, hidden away for many years in fear while he battled alone without aide. Another burn on the palm of his hand brought his estrangement to Gwen with the fall of the winter, and another the undying pity of the servants of the castle. No one had known how to take his estrangement from the king and it had left him somewhat abandoned, half the staff wondering if he had done something unforgivable and the other half inclined to avoid him least they also win the King's disfavor. Another brought the Knights of Atlantia, the humiliation he suffered throughout the month. Then another the knights of the round table who greeted him with little more than a nod if at all.

One of the sparks struck his cheek, and he saw Gaius leaving him on the steps of the citadel. A burning desire to go with his mentor had alighted in him despite his destiny that day. It had been a clear, crisp morning. The leaves of the trees had finally fallen to the wet ground which was covered in a thin layer of frost, the first of the winter season. Although he needed to stay with Arthur for his destiny, for some reason, his mentor had been urging him to come to Lord Alex's lands.

"The change of scenery will be good for a young man like you. You're not getting any younger you know." He had teased, but it had only started the first sparks of Merlin's anger, especially when Arthur gave him leave to travel with Gaius as if he expected him to leave the city defenseless. Visits to neighboring kingdoms were for people who did not have a destiny or a kingdom to protect. They were for knights and peasants who had a job during the day that ended when they returned home.

It was for people not like him:

People who were allowed to have loved ones live, and families to grow, who were allowed to take orphans in and daughters on long walks and celebrate the change of the seasons with a large mug of golden mead. They were allowed to be just physician assistants or stable boys or seamstresses and were respected for their good work.

It had never bothered him, that none of this was something he could have. None of it had because it would be attainable when his destiny was complete. But when he stood on the stone steps watching Gaius wave one final time before he disappeared over the horizon after he had made him promise to call him for even the simplest of needs, it occurred to him that Gaius was right.

He was not getting any younger and many years had passed since he had first arrived in Camelot. Although he had made a place for himself in the city as Arthur's secret protector, come the crowning of the King and the Queen, with the few months that had passed during Arthur's reign, the knighting of his friends and the creation of the roundtable, between all the talk of equality and greatness, he was still, once again, alone in a castle that would burn him. The smell of smoke that permanently emanated from the castle streets was pungent, and he had taken a deep breath to calm the unease in his stomach.

Before he returned to the castle, his attention caught on a young woman carrying a basket of bread. A little girl was lightly swinging her other hand, her soft black curls bouncing in the wind. She called to a set of stonemasons working on repairs for a damaged wall. One turned and greeted her with a beaming smile.

 _Her beloved_ , he had thought.

They called back and forth to one another. Before the woman and her daughter waved in farewell, they blew kisses to the man and walked down the corridor with smiles big on their faces. His heart had yearned.

What would he do when Gaius was gone and no one was left who knew his secret? Would magic be free then, or would it never be? But he had not let himself give in to doubt, so he had shoved the feeling down.

When he finally left the open air to dart into the castle to serve his king, Arthur had seen him coming from the end of a long corridor at the roundtable where Merlin knew he was discussing the arrival of a prince and nobles from other lands. Arthur had caught his eye for just a moment as he meandered up the hall. With a nod of his head to someone hidden from his view, the door had been shut and locked. It had left him standing in the middle of the hallway alone.

 _Emmmryyys_

The voice hissed into his mind, and the burning in his chest intensified.

A window in an alcove of the hallway had been open that day, and he had glanced outside it for some time with a strong desire to burst through the castle doors and chase Gaius to Lord Alex's lands for a much-needed break from destiny and Arthur who despite everything had yet to see him fully.

Instead, filled with his passion for loyalty, he returned to Arthur's quarters and strategized how to question him about the meeting later. He had been trying for weeks to broach the topic of magic in the new reign but more often it died on his tongue or soured the mood of the room so bad, he worried if Arthur might once again threaten to send him from his side as he had with Gwen's betrayal. It kept him in slight fear of mentioning even the faintest inference of magic. He had felt trapped and stifled for years, but the golden glow from his king kept him from leaping to the open air to leave his friend for a better life.

 _Merlin_

He heard Kilgharrah's voice call in his mind, but the name rested uneasily in his mind.

 _Emrys_

Kilgharrah called again, and this time, his dreams flooded back to him. Visions of the sky, the clouds at his fingertips, wind rushing against his skin and the vapor of the clouds flooding into his nostrils, the rays of the sun at his back and the view of the high clouds rising up from the break above the horizon like castles in the sky.

He had been dreaming of the sky for months, but it had never formed so clearly in his mind short of the visions sent from Aithusa.

 _Fly with us, hatchling._

He heard the deep rumbling voice from Kilgharrah call again and through the sparks and the darkness, he felt it, a deep burning that grew strong in his heart.

 _We are all creatures of fire_ Kilgharrah's words echoed in his memory _creatures of magic AND destiny._

Then, he felt a tug. It was sharp and firm on his soul.

Just like before, suddenly, he knew.

There were no two doors to choose from, no hallway to move towards the light or the dark, no staircase leading up to the heavens or down to the underwood, but he knew.

He could break free or remain in the darkness. He could ignite the flames he had first felt when he accused Arthur of no longer being the once and future king, or he could slip into the darkness and drift forever in the black. He could bridge his soul's connection to his kin, embrace the fire within his soul, and restore the glory of Emrys or he could slip away into the black, wait and hope for Arthur to cure him, remain a loyal servant to his king and protect Camelot from any damage that might occur if he could not hold back the anger he would have to embrace within him.

He could feel the sparks start to snuff out one by one. They grew less frequent, and he felt himself drift once more as he started to surrender himself to the black, to wait for his king to rescue him from the darkness. Before the last spark went out, the once soft voice ululated through the darkness.

 _EMRYS! EMRYS! YOU PROMISED ME! YOU PROMISED ME, EMRYS!_

It cried over and over again.

The vision of the sky assaulted his senses, the roaring wind, the crisp air, the crackling thunder. Above all,

Aithusa

bright white and brilliant

rushing through the clouds as clean and perfect as the day he was born.

His brother of magic

His brother of fire

His Kin

 _You promised me_

The voice wailed. Without another thought, he looked to the single spark hovering in the air and forced it into a fiery blaze. Above all else, Aithusa's plead and his still unfulfilled destiny, another revelation that had been growing in him since his abandonment took shape over the winter and burned within him.

He wanted to live, and his life was about more than just sacrifice.

And not just live, he deserved to enjoy the little things of life, to laugh in the sun-kissed air and to dance around fires during celebrations of the new seasons. Because it was not just Arthur's life that was sacred, even though he was the king. It was all life. It was his life. There would be more Kings as the years went on. There would be more battles and more times of peace and endless days of summer. He had eternity before him at his feet, and he would not condemn himself to spend it in darkness.

Flames from all corners of his vision burned through the black to create a single wall of fire. Instead of snuffing out in the darkness, it engulfed him. He felt it curl up his skin and lick at his body. The flames burned into his eyes and his mouth. They flooded through his veins like a roaring river. He felt like screaming, but the flames swirled down his throat and coated the inside of his intestines with a molted blaze. The burning lasted only for a brief moment before a golden haze settled around him.

Then he was everywhere and nowhere. He was as old as time and as young as a child resting in his mother's womb, as hot as the fire that burned within him, but as cold as the mountain tops of snow. A great laugh erupted from his chest as his heart swelled with the brightness of color and sound. A wealth of knowledge rushed through his bones, as inherent to him as breathing, and he wondered how it was he had never noticed the way his form shifted in an out of time, a shape unlike any other. How, as magic incarnate, he was not confined to any physical form on earth.

He could hear the call of his kin in the distance, feel their hearts reaching out to him through the fire blaze and his body contorted to match their sounds. He could feel the ripple of magic rush through his body and the energy that solidified their connection. He burst forth from the darkness and left the taint of dark magic and disease behind in his old form.

As his new body stretched in the dark stone cavern, he circled strength and courage in the center of his massive form and felt a tug on his soul. His dragon fire urged him to light the flames in his chest and waste the men who had ripped him from his former life, but the inherent part of his soul that seeks to protect all life stifled his dragon rage.

He turned his attention to his brothers who called to him outside the cave and smelt the faint traces of Kilgharrah's sent over the stone walls. Leaning back on his hind legs, he burst through the burnt tapestry hanging from the cavern which led down into the cave he knew his brother had been held prisoner. A desire to burn and destroy anyone and everything which had dared to harm his brothers crippled him, but once again he overcame the desire and moved forward. He scurried on scaled legs, the movement coming to him easy and familiar to the mouth of the cavern that opened up to the sky. His eyes flew wide at the scent of the open air, and he took to the sky like its king.

He followed the roars of his kin over the cursed city of Camelot and above its walls let out a mighty roar. He alighted on the top of the citadel and curled his tail around the castle. He could see the magic flowing through the city, alive and angry as it seeped from everything in Camelot and worked to spread to the corners of the earth.

 _No_

He thought as he looked upon the people frozen in ice surrounding the citadel. He looked beyond the stone and could see his people trapped inside. Part of his heart yearned for them, could feel their energy as they struggled to call upon him with spells but the curse kept him from coming to their aide.

He looked up as the golden and white bodies of Kilgharrah and Aithusa came into focus far before his human eyes might have spotted them, and he took to the sky once more. The wind rushed around him and through his wings, the vapor of the clouds tickled his mouth and the condensation swirled to steam from his hot flesh. They circled around each other in the air, grins wide and elated.

He could feel the distortion in his Aithusa's soul as clear as his own and with a deep breath, he unleashed the first roar of flames from his chest. A golden mist rushed from his nose to cover his kin.

Aithusa withered and cried from the blaze. His skin started to molt and fall to the ground below like snake's skin as he beat his wings and hovered in the air. Merlin lunged towards him. His claws gripped gently around the dragon's neck and tore away the last of the shedding skin. He nuzzled his head against his kin and moved away to behold his brother's beauty. His back curved perfectly in the glowing light, each scale fell into perfect order and covered every inch of his skin in perfect alignment. He could feel his magic, pure and uncorrupted by Morgana's stain of dark magic. His heart soared. They each took a wide breath and unleashed great waves of fire towards the sun.

 _The King is searching for you, Emrys._ He heard Kilgharrah call in his mind. _You must still make it to the mountain if you wish to break the curse._

He turned his attention from his brother, jubilant at seeing him restored but the battle was not over yet.

 _What about the people of Camelot?_ He asked as he looked down at the frozen city below.

 _There is time to save them. The darkness has not fallen, but it grows closer. You must restore your true form and return magic to the lands if you wish to free them._ Kilgharrah said.

 _Go, Merlin!_ Aithusa cried out to him and his heart swelled in jubilee at the sound of his voice. _You and Arthur must break the curse together. We can hold the darkness at bay if you need more time but only for a while after last light. I will meet you at the mountain heart._

He fought against his own desire to stay at their side, to claim the city as his own in a roaring wasteland of fire, and turned back towards the castle of Camelot. Swooping down to the caves below, he rushed through stone and dark tunnels until he reached the caverns were he had first left Arthur and Gwaine behind. He could hear them arguing, but their voices lowered to a hushed whisper as he crept closer.

He snaked his neck through the tapestry into the large stone cavern.

"Arthur, Gwaine." He called and was surprised by how normal his voice sounded.

"Merlin!" They each shouted as they turned clumsily towards his voice in the darkness.

"What happened?" Arthur demanded, sick with worry. "Are you alright? Where are you?" He called as he stumbled towards the sound of his voice. Merlin's eyes widen, all at once afraid how Arthur would react to see him in this form.

"STOP! Don't come any closer." He cried, and they both halted as he slithered into the room away from them. He watched Arthur's head tilt to the side to listen as his scales scratched against the stone and his talons scrapped the stone floor.

"Merlin…" Arthur called with a growl. He took a step towards his voice, and Merlin almost sank to the floor as a low growl rumbled in his throat. Arthur and Gwaine froze, shock evident on both of their faces. Instead of the noise deterring him, a pensive expression crossed Arthur's face and he took another step closer to the voice. He held his hands out in front of him, lest he met a wall in the darkness.

"I'm alright." He called as he moved towards the stone staircase. He could lead them up and out of the vault, but he soon realized as a dragon there was no way for him to fit in the small, narrow stairs to lead them out as he might have in human form. He heard a stone scrape against the floor and looked up to see Arthur, who had been making his way towards Merlin, stood several feet from him. He scrambled back, the old fear returning and hissed a deep and guttural sound. "Arthur, stay back."

But once Arthur heard the gruff sound of Merlin's voice, he only corrected his gait and moved forward with more confidence.

He almost tripped over the uneven floor and caught himself as Merlin shrunk into the cavern wall behind him, breath heavy, pupils blown with fear and choking down the itching urge in his belly to unleash a roar of fire. When Arthur was about to reach him, he let out a loud smoky growl. It bounced off the walls of the cavern and rattled the stone. Arthur stumbled for balance, lost his footing, and smashed right into Merlin's snout. He gasped but used it to gain his balance. Once he was standing upright, he ran his fingers over the smooth scales, and Merlin held his breath until it left him in a large sigh. He could feel the brightness of Arthur in the touch, the golden glow of his soul that he had missed. Arthur, bewildered, explored every aspect of Merlin's head in the darkness from his two nostrils to the horns protruding from his skull above.

"Merlin, h...how? You mean…when you said…" It might have been comical if every fiber of his being was not hanging on his every word, terrified to know the king's reaction even as he floundered about for words.

"Our kind, you….you said…you mean…you meant….You've been a dragon this whole time!" He cried out, and Merlin, although it might not have been the best reaction, laughed. It started as a low rumble in his chest before he moved his head from Arthur's grip and let out a deep rumble, shaking the small stones around him.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried, obviously annoyed and somehow through the craziness of the situation, embarrassed. He glanced an old candelabra hanging from the ceiling and let out a small puff of fire to light the candles and remove his King from the embrace of darkness.

"Of course not you dollop-head. I needed to guide you to the mountain heart, and the only way to do that was to change into something that can actually guide you."

The light filled the cavern. "Blimey mate!" He heard Gwaine swear, and lowered his head so that his bright blue eyes might look into Arthur's. Despite the situation, the corner of his eyes turned up in mirth and happiness for not once did Arthur tremble with fear. Arthur's jaw dropped open, confusion written over his face, but he rested a hand lightly upon Merlin's snout as if afraid he would disappear once more into the darkness.

"You knew this was going to happen!" Arthur accused, and Merlin looked guiltily at the floor.

"I didn't. I only knew that when the curse took over, I would be able to unleash the dragon fire resting in my soul. I didn't exactly know what that meant. Kilgharrah was as cryptic as ever when he told me how to reach it."

Arthur frowned as he took in Merlin's long slender body.

"So you know where it is finally? The mountain heart?"

Merlin grinned sheepishly.

"It was the magic part of me that knew where to go. That's why I would sometimes deny it. When my spell left me, I didn't really understand what was going on. I can feel it now though. We have until dark to save Camelot."

Arthur nodded, a determined look on his face and Merlin jolted with shock as he felt Gwaine lift his tail curiously.

"Gwaine!" He growled and the knight shrugged before trailing down to stand near his head after looking over every inch of the dark dragon before him.

"So mountain heart, great. How do we get past the swirling ice storm of death, then?"

Gwaine asked with a raised brow, and Merlin looked to the entrance of the cave.

"I think if you stay near me, my magic should be able to protect you. There are two places we need to go." His eyes bore into Arthur's and a hush fell over the cave. "Arthur, the final step to break this curse has to come from you."

Arthur nodded.

"What must I do?" He asked willing and ready to do whatever it was Merlin should request.

"When the vial took away my magic, the earth tried to restore it but Ammelie's curse, the vial, although it was destroyed, was still devouring the magic in my blood. It put the elements into chaos trying to restore the balance of the world but every time it restored even a trace of my magic the curse would steal it away. In order for me to restore the earth to its natural balance, you need to give me permission to restore magic to the lands and to the heart of Camelot. You are the Once and Future King, so these lands belong to you."

"That's it?" He asked, relieved. Merlin frowned.

"Arthur, that means if you go back on your word, if you do not allow magic to thrive in the kingdom during your reign and promote it among your people, then I am bound by your oath to send the world back into a darkened wasteland. I don't know what would happen then."

His throat ran dry.

"Not to interrupt, I'm sure Princess will make do on his word, but Merlin since when did you start to play god?"

"I'm bound by destiny, Gwaine. I can't escape fate, especially not now that my ties to humanity are shattered."

"It was never a curse then, this weather? You would never do something like that even in your sleep." Arthur asked and Merlin's mouth curved in what might resemble a smile.

"It is in a way, but I didn't cast it. Even half-mad, I would never do anything to harm you or Camelot."

Arthur nodded. "It's what the druids thought had happened"

Merlin grinned. "I think a lot has happened that they don't understand. The knowledge of the Dragonlords was lost to them during the purge anyway. We have our own kind of magic."

A rumble coursed through the cave, and he curled around Arthur and Gwaine as he sunk low to the ground.

"We are running out of time. Gwaine, the crystals, we need to return them to the mountain heart. "

His eyes flashed gold and the ash-covered crystals started to glow once more with a soft blue light. They hovered over to Gwaine, who plucked them out of the air and dropped them in a leather pouch at his side.

"What are they?" Gwaine asked curiously as he placed the last one in his pouch. Once finished, He stepped up to Merlin's back and threw a leg over the dragon's body to mount him without hesitation.

"Crystals from the birthplace of magic. We need to return them to where they belong before they can be restored."

Where Gwaine jumped at the chance to ride the dragon, Arthur hesitated. After everything, that Merlin would carry the man who had brought him pain and caused ruin to the city on his own back to save it when he might just as easily flee to lands across the sea seemed too much. Sensing his hesitation, Merlin urged him on.

"Hurry, Arthur! We need to make it to the valley of the fallen kings. And there are more crystals scattered across the lands that you must gather."

He nodded, placed his hands just below Merlin's wings and hopped on his back.

"Hold on" Merlin called as he rushed through the tapestry to the cavern's exit, the gust of wind in his wake extinguishing the candles. Gwaine cried out behind him as he ducked through the stone walls of the cave.

"Hold on!" He cried again, terrified he could drop them before he burst through the stone cave, spread his wings and ascended over the icy city. Gwaine gave a shout of joy behind him, exhilarated to be so high above the city and Arthur just clung tighter around him.

"Gods, the city is barren" He moaned over Gwaine's joyful shouts as he caught sight of his frozen people below.

"Don't be a killjoy, princess!" Gwaine cried. "Camelot will be back to her normal self in no time. And Merlin, this is so much better than meeting your dragon!"

Merlin let out a laugh as he rose just under the clouds, amazed at the blind faith Gwaine had in him. He nodded to Aithusa and Kilgharrah as he passed the walls of the city who rested just on the castle walls.

"What are they doing in the city, Merlin?" Arthur screamed above the wind as Merlin started to make an abrupt descent to a small clearing in the woods.

"Keeping it safe for as long as they can. They can spare us a few hours after dark, but just barely. "

Gwaine gave another joyful shout as he descended to the ground near a small log cabin surrounded by trees.

"There is a crystal somewhere hidden here." He said as Gwaine swung off his back and stepped towards the house. He had bounded up almost halfway to the hut when he turned back to see Arthur just slipped from Merlin's back and stumble to a nearby tree. Gwaine and Merlin let out a barking laugh as the king started to retch. He whipped his mouth on the back of his hand and stumbled to meet up with Gwaine.

"Have a little problem with heights, princess?" He cackled with a grin.

"Another word and when all this is done, I'll have you thrown in the dungeon just for your lip."

Gwaine snorted. "After you, your highness."

He gestured. When they reached the door of the cottage, they both stopped to look back at Merlin.

"I don't suppose you have any idea where it is?" Gwaine asked.

Merlin raised his head but did not answer them. They each rolled their eyes.

The door was covered with a thin sheet of ice like the rest of the ground. Using the hilt of his sword, Arthur broke it free and swung the door open. The ice coating the dirt ground of the simple hut crunched under their feet. The furniture was upturned and disarrayed but abandoned. It was a tedious task to break through the ice and search through the cabinets and the holes in the walls. They found the crystal behind a loose brick in the fireplace. The shard had been bundled with a few scrolls of spells and a satchel of herbs that crumbled to dust when touched.

"That was easy enough," Gwaine remarked as he added the crystal to his bag and watched as they each started to glow a little brighter than before as he snapped his bag shut. They hurried out the door and stopped to watch Merlin from their spot under the roof of the house.

His black form was terrifying in the full light, and might easily dwarf Aithusa's size. Four massive horns protruded from the top of his head among the various spikelike scales which stood out and trailed down to the shoulder blade of his wings. His talons might easily crush the towers of Camelot in one claw, and curved sharp and terrifying into the dirt below him. Several long spikes protruded from his tail and traveled up his spine just below his knees. Instead of the smooth scales of Aithusa they had seen, his were sharp tipped and terrifying. As if, just running your hand over his flank might shred it into ribbons. Fighting the great dragon, Arthur mused, would be child's play compared to the beast before them.

Merlin turned his head when he heard them. They watched as he sent a shiver down his body which settled his scales smooth against his skin. They gave each other a nervous glance.

"You found it."

They heard him say, and they each started forward again, broken from their daze at the sound of his voice. Gwaine nodded.

"On to the next." Gwaine cried as he swung back onto Merlin. Arthur looked at the dragon with dread.

"Come on, Princess. You'll get the hang of it."

He glanced at his knight, annoyed but also bursting with gratitude. How dark or hopeless would the journey seem without him there to lift their spirits and give them strength?

"I doubt it." He muttered as he joined Gwaine so Merlin could take off from the ground.

They made several other stops throughout the kingdom, in abandoned castles and the houses of lords and ladies where they found them hidden away in locked chests and behind bookshelf doors. An old, abandoned well where someone had tossed it into the deep water had taken the longest. He almost thought it would bring their failure as instead of the crystal, they pulled body after body out of the dark, swirling waters. None of them had been older than three years of age.

The Isle of the blessed had harbored the crystals deep in a stone alter which had to be shattered into millions of pieces to retrieve the stones. Their only clue had been an old tapestry hanging in the corridor which had caught Gwaine's eye only because the woman standing on either side of the altar had been naked with only strokes of the wind covering her modesty. When they had returned for Merlin's help in smashing the stone, he had refused, taken flight and kept in the sky until the task was done no matter how much they screamed at him or how fast the sun started to dip under the horizon.

It was strange to have him on their quest. He was Merlin but somehow was not. He never helped them more than to guide them to the correct spot. He would settle back and watch with his ears alert, scales raised for battle or circle the sky above them. He guided them, encouraged them to reach their ends, but he did not walk with them, he did not help carry their burdens, and he did not come to their aide. He settled apart from them, gaze always fixed on the sky until they returned and would fly them to their next destination. It had Arthur all the more anxious to end the curse and restore his human body, however that might be accomplished.

After retrieving a shard from an old skeleton's necklace, Gwaine carried the crystal in his left hand as he walked back with Arthur to where Merlin waited for them at the edge of a snow covered field.

"How many more of these are there? " He demanded as he opened his satchel and placed the crystal in with the others which had begun to give a strong glow. Right as he dropped it into the bag, it pulsed. "Arthur, Arthur, look!"

He called, prompting the king to draw to him. It was easy to see in the twilight, and they pulsed with a soft beat, almost like it followed the beating of a heart.

"Have they done that before?"

"Merlin?" Gwaine asked the dragon.

"The last crystal," He said as he turned his gaze to the leather bag. He flattened his scales and lowered his body to the ground. "Come."

Arthur paled, but with the fading sun, there was no time to waste. They mounted their friend, who immediately took off to head for the valley of forgotten kings. Gwaine and Arthur held fast to him as he flew.

Merlin fought the growing urge to throw them from his back, but the crying of the earth reached him fully now. It was disturbing, how it sucked the essence of every living thing as it tried and failed to restore the balance. The earth could be quite cruel he mused as he passed a herd of frozen cattle above. When the hill which housed the crystal caves came into view, he circled several times above it. Whatever was about to happen would once again take everything he had.

"Everything okay there, Merlin?"

He heard Gwaine call above the wind when he started to circle around the hill a third time. He altered his course and descended to the cavern below. Darkness had settled over the land, only a single ray of sun broke the night sky which had already vanished below the horizon. The cold had covered even the creatures near the cave and despite the warmth from his scales Arthur and Gwaine had started to shiver. They slipped off him and glanced into the entrance of the dull cave. Gwaine stepped forward without prompting and disappeared into the cavern. It was dark on the inside, and when he dropped the crystals in a pile with similar stones their glow faded into darkness. It left a hollow feeling in his chest, but he emerged from the cave with a thumbs up and a grin.

"What now?" Arthur asked looking into the cave.

"It is time, but we must rely on our own strength now," Merlin replied as he lowered his body once more to the ground. As if he understood, Gwaine stepped back to remain near the entrance of the cave. Arthur looked back at his knight before he mounted Merlin's back once more. As Merlin ascended to the sky leaving Gwaine behind, he watched the tendrils of ice wrap around his faithful knight and leave him frozen. As he faded from view, it looked as if he had been carved from the crystals of the cave, placed there to protect it from all those who wished to steal what belonged to the earth.

* * *

As they traveled through the sky, Merlin savored the wind rushing between his wings and nostrils. He pushed his wings harder, a spell glowing in his eyes as he started to hear the sound of the sea. He glanced to the waves crashed against the forming ice on the banks of the beaches as the earth stole magic even out of the deepest recesses of the earth. He felt a presence above him and made out Aithusa's form in the clouds above. He slowed just a fraction to allow the dragon to fall into line beside him. Even with the calamity that had fallen, a rush of exhilaration distracted him from his fear for Albion as they flew together side by side for the first time and weaved in and out of the clouds.

He flew faster as the last ray of light faded from the darkened sky and not even the moon remained to shed light. The stars were hidden under a clouded sky as the wind swirled dangerously around his burden. The banks of the shore disappeared completely from view.

Just as the shore disappeared, the shape of a fogged mountain came into view. Smoke rose from its darkened peak and the closer they drew, the more his companion started to cough and gag from the smoke. He breathed in the ash deeply, let it revitalize his senses and clear his mind. It called to the fire in his soul, and he beat his wings faster. Aithusa let out a joyful cry as they drew closer and closer to the mountain before it loomed just below their belly. They circled the crater of its massive peak as liquid fire cracked and burped from the hole in the earth and descended in a single swoop around its edge. Merlin's talons sunk into the black stone beneath him and when Arthur looked down it appeared as if he had been carved from the black rock itself.

"Where are we?" He shouted above the crackling of flames in the center of the mountain which let out a puff of smoke and cracked as if alive. Fire shot from its center into the sky like a great wave, and he shivered against Merlin to protect his body from the sweltering heat. Aithusa alighted on the other side of the crater, his white body contrasting sharply with the black rock spitting fire. From the distance, he blew a fine layer of golden mist onto Arthur's body, and the heat of the flames lessened. He stumbled from Merlin's back, and the dragon turned to face him amid the backdrop of roaring flames and smoldering heat so hot he could see it rise into the night air amid the smoke. They stood together, man and beast against the mountaintop.

"Arthur" Merlin spoke, but it was not the voice he knew. It was old and young, ethereal and powerful. "The Once and Future King."

Arthur swallowed, unsure how to respond.

"So, I am."

He said, and the dragon smiled.

"Then, you finally know who you are." And if possible, in the frightening inky black form, he looked at him with sudden tenderness. "But do you know me?" He asked. And the breath caught in his throat, because there were a lot of answers to that question, but which one was the right one?

"You are magic."

Merlin smiled wider, and Arthur released a breath he had been holding.

"And what does that mean to you?"

He asked, and Arthur looked around in exasperation. He looked to Aithusa who rested on the edge of the mountain, bathing in the rising smoke. He looked down at the waters below the mountain which crashed into the side rock and spiraled up into a hot hissing steam. He looked down at his hands, calloused and rough from the years of battle and toil he had endured.

How could he sum up everything that they were in just one word? Because to Arthur, he was not just some bizarre embodiment of magic. He was Emrys. He was Merlin. He was a friend at the best and at the worst of times. He was someone to trust, to look to for advice. He was a source of compassion, humor and kindness. He was someone to protect, and someone to fall back on. He was a reason to fight and a part of his life he could not be without.

"My other half."

He blurted out all at once.

"Merlin, you're my other half."

And the dragon's grin stretched so far he could see the rows of razor sharp teeth which would shred him apart with one bite as his eyes started to glow.

"Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, you have come here seeking the return of magic to your kingdom from the aid of the dragons. If I help you, will you allow the return of magic into your kingdom and lands, cease your persecution of our kind, and restore the golden age of Albion as was written in your destiny?"

"You have my word."

"Then spill your lifeblood into the fire and give us your oath. Thus, the very core of the earth will hear you and know you speak the truth. And do not lie, for if a single fiber of your being does not embrace that which gave you life, it will reject you and you will know the true meaning of a cleansing purge of fire."

Merlin shook his head, and one of his long black scales fell to the ground at Arthur's feet. He reached down and cradled it in his hand. It was sharp and warm to the touch, and he drew it over the center of his right palm. He squeezed it into a fist and let the blood drop down into the crater of fire in the center of the mountain.

"I, Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot and the Once and Future King, vow to return magic to Camelot and fulfill my destiny with Emrys at my side. You have my oath." He looked up from the swirling liquid fire below and instead of a dragon, Merlin stood before him dressed in his blue robe and golden eyes that twinkled against the fiery mountain like the stars. A golden crown rested on his head like threaded branches, and from them rose symbols of the four elements of the earth.

"You did it, Arthur!"

He said with an elated grin, and he sounded just as Arthur remembered.

"You did it!"

His happiness was so acute Arthur returned the wild smile.

And then, over the humming of the earth and the smoke, heat exploded out of the mountain like a wave. Aithusa took flight and came upon him before he could run around the crater towards Merlin. Its massive tail knocked him off his feet, and he felt hard bony talons wrap around his waist and hoist him into the air away from the mountain. He started screaming over the sickness because if riding on Merlin's back was bad it was nothing compared to riding in the claws of Aithusa. He watched in paralyzing horror as liquid fire exploded from the mountaintop around Merlin to cover the sides of the mountain, and he saw him fall.


End file.
